Not a Feminist Ally If…

Feminism. The poor term has been battered time and again, and it is still standing. It started off as a less powerful replacement for the clear and proud Women’s Liberation Movement. It has, more than once, fallen out of favour and acquired an unsavoury taste. It seems to have gained in popularity more recently, but perhaps not in a good way. Everyone and their dog seems to be either calling themselves a ‘feminist’ or saying “I’m not a feminist, but…” or pairing the word with choice hate speech against women. I truly think no one really knows what it means anymore and frequently doesn’t resemble anything that was practised by the warrior feminists of yore.

Perhaps the most disturbing resurgence has been among male-identified women and worse, men – straight men, gay men, and men in dresses (trans). This latest trend has rendered the label either practically meaningless or inseparable from Cock Supremacy. Yes, in the mainstream, feminism has become the quest for men to retain their privileges with enthusiastic yessing from liberated women. And the few who live by true feminist principles (radical feminists, especially lesbians) have become the absolute bottom of the human heap. Evil personified.

If you – especially if you’re a man – are strutting around calling yourself a ‘feminist’, then consider the following statements below. Some of these are more obvious than others. Some are complete ‘no-brainers’. But their inclusion is necessary because you wouldn’t believe how many men feel they have a right to weigh in on and be included in every single thing women do – especially when these things concern women alone. And there are plenty of women who put men first in feminism. Chances are, most men who read this list will not be able to see themselves and their behaviour within. This is standard narcissism observable in most men, partially resulting from biological tendencies and partially from socialization as oppressors. Willful disconnect from women’s reality, a free pass to attack women (often victims, the ignorant, and frequently radfems) under the guise of ‘activist feminism’ and perhaps a desperate, immature need to score activist/liberal points (and lays) from self-appointed, unashamed, feminist *sluts*, are the main motivators for adherence to the latest and most liberal feminist current. Personally, I don’t believe in such a creature as the ‘male feminist’. With skepticism based on years of experience, I might allow the title: ‘feminist ally’, which I’ll use below, but I attach parameters/conditions to this very special status. Look for yourself in the list. I might have to turn this whole thing into a Super Fun Quiz™ at some point. But for now, it’s just a list, and as it’s just off the top of my head, I’m sure I’m missing crucial things.

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If your support of women’s status as humans depends solely upon my ‘attitude’ (how I respond to you, my willingness to tolerate you, and how nice and accommodating I am to you), then you are not a feminist ally.

If you think someone a) stating a fact you don’t like, b) disagreeing with you, or c) looking at you in a way you don’t like is worse than being raped, you are not a feminist ally.

If you are using derogatory words (cis, fish, TERF, etc) or well-worn slurs (b****, c***, w****, s***, etc.) to refer to women, you are not a feminist ally.

If I say ‘no’ to you and you don’t let it go then and there, you are not a feminist ally.

If you spend more time vocalizing (even if you manage not to mansplain) on feminist blogs and in women’s spaces than you do raising righteous hell among men, you are not a feminist ally.

If your support of women’s status does not include criminalizing, with the aim to abolish, the demand for pornography and prostitution, you are not a feminist ally.

If you are still having penile-penetrative sex with women, you are not a feminist ally.

If you think sex (especially intercourse) is a fundamental human right, you are not a feminist ally.

If you are not standing up against trans people’s hate speech and hate crimes against women, and instead support their takeover and further subordination of ACTUAL women, you are not a feminist ally.

If you can’t understand what the big deal is about protecting women-only spaces, you are not a feminist ally.

If you find your feminist voice in loudly holding women responsible for racism (and other isms), you are not a feminist ally.

If you get offended or pissy or outright angry if a woman reacts to your presence or words with fear/aversion, you are not a feminist ally.

If you think feminism has at its core anything other than the liberation of women from the oppression of men, you are not a feminist ally.

If you respond to women’s free speech with death or rape threats or slurs, you are not a feminist ally.

If you see no problem with a born male (regardless of how he ‘identifies’ now) leading feminist organizations, lesbian groups, or women’s studies classes/departments, you are not a feminist ally.

If you believe the presence of a single male (let alone several males) has no effect on the dynamics of a group of women, you are not a feminist ally.

If you put your identity and feelings above the safety of the entire class of people called women, you are not a feminist ally.

If you are quick to blame women for what men have done to you personally, you are not a feminist ally.

If you cherry-pick ‘scientific’ studies to confirm your point-of-view instead of looking objectively for legitimately acquired facts that run the risk of proving you wrong, you are not a feminist ally.

If you are under the delusion that trans or blacks or any other racial or religious group are more ‘oppressed’ than women, you are not a feminist ally.

If you can’t understand the difference between sex and gender, you are not a feminist ally.

If you can’t see the male trans performance of femininity as being as offensive and horrific as a blackface minstrel show, you are not a feminist ally.

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Call me harsh, but seriously, women have been both strong-armed and shamed / manipulated into making concessions to men without getting anything but grief through the erosion of rights and voice in return. None of the above items concerning basic female rights and freedoms hurts men in any way. Removal of privilege does not equal harm or oppression.

This is part of the Wolves in Women’s Clothing series.

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