[Continued from “Why I Don’t Believe that Heterosexuality is the Default – Part I“]
With regard to behaviour, one of the hardest-to-define words out there is ‘sex’. Nevermind that people refuse to use the word in its proper indication to refer to biological female and biological male (preferring the more loaded and completely incorrect ‘gender’ instead). Yes, as it pertains to behaviour, no one really seems able to determine what constitutes ‘sex’, and as such, it is an international obsession and one of the most destructive and distracting preoccupations on the planet.
In general, we let men define everything. Sex is what men say it is. And everything men say and do is designed to serve themselves. And naturally, as a result, women are abused and men walk the planet able to do as they please. So, with few exceptions (i.e., the gay/lesbian community), men universally define sex as dick in cunt. It is one of the most dangerous and erroneous definitions ever designed by men in the history of their putrid reign, and every ill experienced on and by this planet results from it. The enslavement of half the population is only one consequence and that is what will be considered here (although if you want to get an idea of what the male definition of sex and enforced heterosexuality has wrought, see this post). But the effects on women specifically are manifold and impossible to describe in a single post here. As a taste, we see women sexually abused while men deny that ‘sex’ occurred (remember the sexual assault of Monica Lewinsky by former President Bill Clinton, and his insistence he “never had sex with that woman”). Although specifically defined by men, there is also an ungraspable quality to sex that allows men to slither through the needlessly murky areas of sexual assault. Rape and ‘sex’ are indistinguishable and determining whether a crime occurred becomes a matter of ‘he said, she said’ (with ‘he said’ always winning the day). Further, a man can rape your mouth, and not only was it not ‘sex’ (since your cunt wasn’t involved), but it is very hard to pin a sexual assault charge on men thanks to slippery definitions. And as for lesbians, they only have ‘sex’ if it occurs between two smokin’ hot women and they do it on camera for the consumption of men. So, sex is at the same time specifically and nebulously defined, but what is key is that the definition is completely within the control of men. And women pay for it. Always.
It also follows that because men are the ones allowed to define everything, including sex, they are also allowed to define and enforce sexuality. Having mandatory sexuality – also known as hard-wired attraction or preparedness for sexual activity – serves men. As I wrote about in the last post, men have enforced attraction between males and females despite this ‘heterosexuality’ not being a natural thing. It’s not natural or a forgone conclusion because men are attracted to pretty much everything, and women – well, we’ll get to that. Men are omnisexual – they’ll fuck anything – but heterosexuality serves the very important purpose of enslaving women and providing further free services and support (besides fucking) for men. Heterosexual, male-defined sex does very little for women other than to put them in harm’s way. As I said, if a vacuum could clean the floor, make sandwiches AND give blowjobs, men would be vacuumosexual.
In short, enforced heterosexuality is unnatural and contrived in order to suppress and subordinate half the population (females) in service to the other (males). This is easy to see but difficult to accept if you are trapped on the inside.
So let’s consider homosexuality. The vast majority of people, thanks to their programming via the straight mandate, view homosexuality as unnatural. And of the others, there is a variety of view points. Some think all sexuality is wired, so some people are born hetero and some are born homo. Others believe that it is a choice. Others still might see some mix of influences and may see sexuality as fluid through the lifespan. But there is one thing that all groups have in common – they believe sexuality is natural, necessary and a human right. If you happen to be a person who isn’t interested in pursuing any sort of sexuality (i.e., ‘asexual’), you are castigated by every one of these groups. Asexuality is not allowed and is deemed unnatural.
It is my contention that sexuality is completely contrived and agenda- and entitlement-driven. I think that all defined sexualities are choices and fuelled by pressure to be sexual beings and by falsely equating or linking love and sexual activity or sex drive. Even homosexuals (fags AND lesbians) are affected by heterosexual male thinking and believe that love is dependent upon fucking. If there is no sex or if the sex dissipates in a relationship, then the relationship is in trouble. No sex = no love = no relationship. Relationships only exist if there is a defined sexuality. And it is because of this that I believe that homosexuality is also enforced (i.e., if you are not straight then you MUST be gay). If you don’t choose a sexuality, then you will never find love or be loved. Queer nonsense doesn’t solve this problem, by the way.
Attraction and Sex Drive
I can imagine that even lesbians are reading this and having knee-jerk reactions. How dare I deny their sexuality? How dare I disparage sex? How dare I suggest that they are confused about what love means or what their relationships are based on? All I can say is keep yer shorts on. Or don’t. Who cares? I’m not saying that attraction doesn’t exist. And I’m not denying the existence of sex drives. I’m just saying that they both have been misinterpreted and too much importance has been placed on them. Our entire society (no matter where you are in the world) rests precariously on the inflated importance and misinterpretation of the sex drive. It’s pretty crazy, although no more crazy than anything else males come up with and build fragile empires upon.
Like all abused drives, the sex drive has created a lot of problems in the world. Think about hunger pangs. All humans have hunger pangs when they require food. But over time, this drive has been abused and misinterpreted. Many people even think they are experiencing hunger pangs when something else is going on entirely (e.g., conditioned responses to positive and negative stress, depression, etc). I can tell you with certainty and from my own experience that I have spent most of my life eating when I’m not truly hungry, eating when I thought I was hungry but wasn’t truly, and eating things that my body does not need. And almost all people function this way and have lost the ability to understand what their body is demanding from them exactly. Few people can recognize when their body needs a pear or more water even though some signs or symptoms of deficiencies are actually quite clear. If I get frequent charlie horses, for example, I know I *probably* need to drink more water or eat a banana. You can easily train yourself to listen to your body and know what it needs to prevent illness or death. But for the most part, people put food in their faces for many other reasons than true hunger and bodily need.
The same thing goes with the sex drive – although remember, sex is not a life or death necessity like food, water and sleep are. But sex is a source of power for human males, so they have deliberately distorted what the sex drive means. And so the entire world functions on catering to what males insist they need. Marriage, female subordination in all areas of life, human trafficking, prostitution, widespread rape and its dismissal, torture, and more – all of these result from the misinterpretation of what the sex drive is.
The male sex drive is a desire for power and control and everything they do and think goes towards this purpose no matter who gets hurt (women). Men have turned their sex drives into reasons for controlling women. And because it is a ‘drive’, it is uncontrollable and ‘natural’, and therefore they don’t need to take responsibility for what it makes them do.
In women, the sex drive is not a cry for impregnation. It is an indicator that she is ovulating, but it is decidedly not a demand for dick. As has been discussed here and by others elsewhere, a woman doesn’t need a dick or intercourse to achieve pregnancy. We have the scientific means to allow two women to procreate, and if you want to risk having a male baby (biggest mistake of your life, imo), you just need to obtain male goo and stick it in or around you twat. And by the way, many women don’t have an inbuilt desire for children. It is not wired. It is socialized. The sex drive is not a wired demand for babies, and women are not wired to want children. The sex drive, rather, is more like a thermometer. If the thermometer tells you it’s hot outside, it doesn’t mean you have to go swimming. In fact, you don’t have to even learn to swim at all. What you do with the temperature reading is up to you. You can simply sit and read a book under a fan and drink a glass of cold water, if you wish.
If you pay attention to your demanding sex drive, here’s the thing. In BOTH men AND women, two minutes of simple masturbation will satisfy its demands, which tells me that the sex drive is not dependent upon male-defined heterosexual sex. It is curious, don’t you think? If one can jerk off and quell the cries of this powerful bodily demand, then there really is no need for any sort of enforced sexuality or structures such as marriage or family. (Notice that religious people of all flavours demonize masturbation because it frees women from rape and marriage and unwanted pregnancy…)
That’s not to say people should not engage in sexual activity, but it demands a recall on enforced, mandatory sexuality and a complete restructuring of society to free women from selfish male demands. If jerking off is not satisfying your sex drive, I would suspect there is something else going on and that you are looking for power and control rather than just release. This is part of the misinterpretation of the purpose and meaning of the sex drive. And in men, it is about entitlement and violence in addition to misinterpretation. Sex isn’t a human right. Neither is it necessary to anyone’s ability to stay alive. Men want you to believe it is because they all know that their is no purpose for their existence. They aren’t necessary and so the lies, the religions, the brainwashing, have been enforced to convince women that their slavery is ordained or natural, and resistance is futile.
Oh and one last thing, drives can be controlled and conditioned. You can both increase and decrease the frequency and intensity of your drives through very simple means, which I won’t get into here as it isn’t the purpose this post. Suffice it to say, we are not slaves to our drives, although we should probably pay attention to the needs of hunger, thirst and sleep – those are the only drives that serve a survival purpose. No one dies without sex, and that’s a fact.
The Homo-Hetero War
It isn’t a surprise to me that there are more ‘straight’ women than lesbians. As I said, I don’t believe that either one is wired or natural. We are brainwashed to believe we must be ‘sexual beings’ – liberal bullshit with roots in religion, of course. I do believe that lesbianism is much better for women than straight slavery, on the whole. Relationships are not easy things of course, and all relationships will encounter problems, and even lesbians have internalized the power imbalances that male-dominated society brainwashes us with. Women do abuse women. But between two women, there is no rape (remember, only men can rape women), little chance of disease, no risk of pregnancy, etc. On the whole, safer, and I’d rather women choose lesbianism over slavery to males.
Why don’t more women go this route? I’d argue that it is because of this enforced sexuality and conflation of love and sex thing. Women believe they have two options in life, for the most part. They get deep-dicked (raped) or they eat pussy. It is always about genitals no matter whether you are talking to the hets or the homos. There is no such thing as a relationship without genitals being involved.
Girls grow up with the constant message that vaginas are shameful, weird, ugly, gross, smelly, etc. No matter how you look at it, pussy is bad. They also learn that it is a commodity. Their vaginas are barely tolerable on the whole, but men, for some reason, want to put their dicks in them. Most men won’t eat pussy, but they’ll fuck it. So girls see that their horrible vaginas have some kind of hard-to-discern value, but in general, they are supposed to feel ashamed of and horrified by them.
So when it comes to sexuality, why the hell would a girl or woman want to be a lesbian as it is defined today (i.e., pussy-eating)? Since relationships are about genitals, that means that she is going to have to be in constant contact with another woman’s cunt – that hated, disgusting body part that she has been taught to view with revulsion from day one. Girls will, for the most part, when faced with these two false, but forced, options, a) choose to be raped daily by men, b) have their bodies put in danger from disease-carrying, pregnancy-inducing semen, and c) suck and gag on a male body part that is certainly no less disgusting, but infinitely more dangerous, than a female body part, and d) smell, taste and swallow one of the most disgusting substances on earth – semen. Of course, she is going to choose cock!!! Rape, disease, risk of death, constant yeast infections, urinary tract infections, body-destroying birth control pills, allergies to latex, and the constant risk of life-altering and destroying pregnancy are preferable to eating pussy. Jesus fucking christ. Does that even make sense to you???
But that is how it is. Not only are vaginas evil and horrific, but contact with vaginas is mandatory if you want to have a relationship with a woman. Forced sexuality means forced contact with genitals. If genitals and mandatory fucking and sexuality were taken out of the mix, I think we’d see a lot more lesbians. Perhaps the word (and the world for that matter) would change. As it is, I (and likely everyone else on the planet) associate lesbians with mandatory fucking/sexuality, although most people don’t consider the fucking to be ‘real sex’ since there is no dick involved (male language control at work).
However, it doesn’t have to be that way. There is nothing wrong with sex in a relationship per se, but I don’t understand how love of a woman is dependent upon loving pussy or even having sex. That is male thinking. I have heard many women say, they would have a relationship with a woman, but they can’t get past the genital contact. It is so sad to me, but it makes sense from a ‘preserving the straight mandate’ scheme. Program hatred of the vagina into all women, and loving a woman inevitably means loving a hated thing. Basic, but effective, brainwashing, in other words.
And by the way, I’m not saying vaginas are gross or wrong. I’m saying that they are given undue importance and become deal-breakers for important life choices that can make the difference between slavery and freedom/safety. I don’t believe we have to ‘love’ our genitals. That is as stupid as saying I have to love my elbow. But we do need to take away the negative associations – that too is as stupid as saying I hate my elbow. Why can’t a body part just be neutral? Well, as long as relationships are associated with genital contact, and love with sex, they won’t be neutral. For women.
The Third Option
As I said, whether hetero or homo, both groups see asexuals as threats. To straights, anyone who doesn’t follow the female slavery model is a threat. Lesbians think they are the most hated group on the planet, but that is not exactly true. They are definitely one of the most hated groups – after all, they threaten the fragile male ego and the fragile male system of female slavery by rejecting the penis. They also remind ‘straight’ women of their sad state as slaves and so incur straight female envy, jealousy, and their requisite wrath. Male power depends on women’s compliance. This is an easy, easy cause-effect reality to discern. Asexuals are much more hated than lesbians and in fact, many lesbians don’t trust asexuals. To be asexual is to reject mandatory, enforced sexuality. The straights see it as a threat to their power, and insecure lesbians see asexual women as a threat to woman-love. It’s as if to say, that rejecting the vagina is woman-hate. Nothing could be further from the truth, and it is proof that even lesbianism is tainted by straight male thinking. To be asexual is to remove sex from love and relationships. I would suggest that it is a stronger and purer way to love. And of course, you can do what you wish. I mean, really, nothing is going to change in this world, so love whom and how you please. If you want to fuck, then fuck. No one can tell you what to do. I just suggest examining your relationship(s) and why you’re in them. Would they fall apart if you stopped fucking?
A Safer, Purer Woman-Love
My contrived sexuality has gone through stages in my 44 years. I think, as a teenager, things were unexamined. I mean, really, all religions (and sexuality is like a religion) depend upon ignorance and prey upon the young and the vulnerable. All ideologies target the weak, naive and desperate so as to better take hold and implant ridiculous ideas. And so most of us grow up thinking we are straight, even with evidence to the contrary.
In my early twenties, I realized that most of my dreams were about women, and in grad school I developed a crush on a very out and proud lesbian from New Zealand. My closest friend was a lesbian, my posse consisted of all the gays and lesbians in my department, and I roomed with lesbians from another department. It was the best time of my life – I felt a little freer then than I ever have felt before and since. And that time was was a bit of a revelation for me, and I remember thinking: “Don’t all women fantasize about women?” I spent years after that vacillating between lesbian and bisexual designations. So stupid, really. What I now realize is that there was something deeper going on, and I’ve since shed all pretenses that I am a ‘sexual being’. I feel I live outside sexuality now – which is no easy thing given where I have been living for the last handful of years. A considerable number of young Chinese women tell me they don’t want to get married, and I try to help the ones who admit that they think they are lesbians. Unfortunately, they live in a culture with a shortage of rapeable women and there is enormous pressure to get these girls married and knocked up.
But I digress. What was really going on on a deeper level through my adulthood was that I did love women, but it wasn’t a sexual thing, except on the surface perhaps. Yes, there was a rather strong sex drive. But underneath was this: Every once in a while, I would meet a woman I rather admired. There was a connection. I fantasized about having a close, supportive, loving bond. I didn’t know it at the time in a way I could articulate, but I have since realized that I could imagine having a close relationship with a woman – a life partnership, if you will – that had nothing to do with her vagina or mauling her tits. I imagined sharing space and support with someone I felt kinship with and that wasn’t tainted by sexual expectation. The relationship wouldn’t fall apart because someone didn’t want to have sex anymore. Some of the women I fell for were lesbians, some were straight. But the problem with all was that all were tied up in the notion that relationships were about sex. Interestingly, I briefly dated a woman at a time when I was very invested in exploring sex with women who was wise beyond her years and who had already realized this fundamental truth. She wasn’t looking for sex, but for a deeper relationship with a woman, so I lost interest quickly. It wasn’t my time, and I was slow to shed my heterosexual brainwashing. I can understand now what she probably felt at the time. Every one of my ‘girl crushes’ since that time has ended the same way. The lesbians are looking for people to fuck. And the straight women end up falling in with an abusive, parasitic male and our friendship and bond weakened and eventually failed. It has always been and continues to be devastating.
Despite what some women say, it is not possible to have a relationship with a male devoid of sex or exploitation in some form. Men are ‘loyal’ if they are getting something from you that is not necessarily to your advantage. They deplete you and they believe it is their right to do so.
I think it is possible to have a long and strong bond with a woman (without the interference of predatory males) that isn’t based on sex. An asexual woman-love, if you will. But in this sex- and money-crazed world, I think it is difficult to achieve. I am still looking. Not hopeful, but still looking.
Part III of this discussion on sexuality: What about Women? Forced Sexuality – Part III
Live in denial if you dare – dog knows it’s easier that way, sweetums – but there is a fundamental truth that any ER room doc/nurse, paramedic, coroner, veterinarian, sports team compadre, prostitute or porn producer can agree on.
Men will fuck pretty much anything and can get off on pretty much anything.
We believe that men are ‘designed’ or ‘wired’ to seek out poontang – that men are heterosexual beings. And men have designed a whole system of lies and propaganda that props up this nonsense and keeps everyone (most importantly, women) buying into it. But, I actually don’t believe that men are fundamentally sexually wired to respond to women (or that women are wired to respond to men). You see, men are sexually ‘wired’ to respond to pretty much anything and everything. They can get hard over anything. Anything can get them off. Females, males, babies/children, animals, soft food, holes in walls, tubes – really, any animate or inanimate object that looks like it can accommodate or can be made to accommodate a dick, is sexual fodder for the human male. Men are omnisexual, rather than heterosexual. The privileged position that all men hold allows them to define sexuality and to act on whatever impulses pop into their brains or pants. They choose to call their omnisexuality ‘heterosexuality’, however. And this heterosexuality myth serves two very important purposes. Service and control.
It is not even the fact that women are the creators and stewards of human life that drives the ‘straight mandate’. You don’t need a whole system of heterosexuality- hell, you don’t even need a single dick to enter a single vagina EVER – to keep the human race going, so that is not the purpose of the lie. No, here it is. First, women are the only objects that can also be forced (often for free and in exchange for empty promises) to perform other duties in addition to serving as cum-receptacles. If any other fuckable object could service a cock as well as provide food, cleaning services, emotional support, ideas and labour to steal, and an undeserved, 24/7 round of applause, then we would not have heterosexuality. We’d have ‘vacuumsexuality’ or ‘felinosexuality’ or ‘beerbottlosexuality’. In other words, if a vacuum cleaner could provide the free services that women can and do (e.g., suck dick AND provide dinner and regular coddling for hurt male fee-fees), women would be free from it all and could actually do things with their lives away from the shaming and violence that are mandatory parts of heterosexuality for women. And second, heterosexuality serves to keep the violent male agenda in place. When women have the male agenda imposed on them, they have no time or energy to develop and live out their own agendas. And male and female agendas are fundamentally different. Women tend to be focused on peace, compromise, equality and creation. Males tend to be focused on violence, hierarchy, power, and destruction. If men could make do with vacuum cleaners and leave women alone, the world would change fundamentally to reflect female freedom. If you don’t have mandatory heterosexuality, women are free of male control and life proceeds very, very, very differently.
In short, if not for the hetero service perks and the high obtained from control of and power over women, I think men wouldn’t bother with women at all. And most women, if given the truth from birth – instead of the lie of heterosexuality – would see competition with a cat anus or a sock as demeaning and derailing of their true purpose (which has never been ‘to serve men’).
I’ve put together a small collage of some of the more common things that men put their dicks in other than women and children (or for the fags, men and children). In reality, almost anything could be included. Men spend a lot of time thinking about how to get off. To women, unless you’ve been poisoned by years of male thinking through abuse or other close proximity, looking at an object doesn’t immediately conjure thoughts of masturbation. We are usually too busy trying to solve real problems – almost 100% of which come to us from men. But, male imagination knows no bounds when it comes to getting themselves serviced, so anything – seriously, ANYTHING – can become a masturbatory device aside from pussy. If only men could turn their imaginations to helping the world instead of themselves and their weiners…
I don’t have a big problem with dudes fucking inanimate objects as long as it doesn’t take up health services if they end up hurting themselves. They probably don’t go far enough, to be honest. If more of them died while doing dangerous shit, that would probably be a good thing for the entire world. Anyhow, the thing I’m most concerned with is a) enforced heterosexuality and b) letting people (especially males) obsessed with getting off at all cost be in charge of important things. I think men can do just fine with their objects (and other men! I’m fully in support of dude-on-dude action), and should leave women alone. Women can run things, and men can spend all their time out of our sight getting off with every household item they can find. Men don’t need us to get off. And we certainly don’t need them for anything. Not for anything at all.
I started my Whores: How the Chinese See White Women collection after one day “standing in the check-out line in my neighbourhood grocery store and coming face-to-face with a white, presumably nude, woman smiling at me on a box of Chinese condoms.” Since then, I’ve written and photographed plenty on this topic. Just the other day, I lamented the loss of communist ‘woman power’ images, which depicted women in respectable roles in which they are clothed and actually doing something positive and commendable. Since communism lost steam and began opening up to the decaying West and its multiracial horde of rapists, the woman-as-power images have all but disappeared, only to be replaced by exploitative, two-dimensional, rape/sex images, especially of white women. Western men have exported their white-woman-as-fuckholes mentality all over the world, and the world has responded with “Hell yeah! We can get behind her, um, that, um… Yeah!”
I am not always fortunate to have a camera with me when I’m out and about, especially if I am just popping out to buy something. I hate to even have a cell phone with me. So I often miss out on really super-fantastic captures of gross displays of racist misogyny, and as it always seems to go with me, if you miss it the first time, you likely won’t run into it again.
But today, I lucked out!!! I finished a long day of final oral language examinations, and I stopped by my local grocery story – the one I wrote about before where ALL the posters lining the three-storey building, EXCEPT the one of the nearly naked white woman, were respectful – to pick up some olive oil. AND!!! as I was standing in line at the cash, I looked up and came face-to-face with the ever-present condom pile (in China, condoms are required to be placed at the check-out counters to remind men to fuck) and saw a new package with a different white woman beckoning me to fuck her. Unlike the woman on the other package I saw, this one wasn’t *possibly* naked, just be-lingeried. The packaging is all Chinese, but this brand as well as the one I talk about below, fall under the parent company Ansell, which is Australian. But I wonder… given that the target market is Chinese, would it not make more sense to put a Chinese ho’ on the packaging…? All marketing is done the way it is done for a reason… We all know this.
By the way, I’m still waiting to see a black woman on one of these ubiquitous mandatory fuckage reminders. I’ve been in China for years, but I’ve yet to see any women other than whites, and occasionally, Chinese, publicly, commercially, sexually exploited for the sake of male pleasure and entitlement. We live in a world where the universal marketing/business symbol of sex and rape is the oh-so-privileged, white whore.
I write these posts to intentionally disturb your ingrained politically correct beliefs and trendy, knee-jerk, liberal responses. No woman is privileged over another. No woman oppresses another. Not even the ‘rich white women’ everyone loves to hate and blame for everything. Every sub-group of women in the world has shit thrown at them by men of all races, and then is further shat upon when women outside the sub-group tell her how good she has it. When you accuse a woman of privilege, you other her. You negate the shit she experiences – shit which you may or may not even be able to fathom – in order to highlight your own crappy life. It is much more productive to join with women against the real oppressors: men. Even men of your sub-group/interest. Personally, I don’t want to see black or Latina or Asian or aboriginal women equally exploited on condom packages. I want to see NO WOMEN on condom packages or sexually exploited in any way whatsoever. Muse on the concept of female solidarity against male exploitation. And then do whatever the fuck you want. Keep pooping on women you can’t / don’t / won’t relate to. It feels almost as good as fantasizing while wearing a Chinese condom, I’ll bet.
Oh, and for shits and giggles, get a load of the name of this other brand of (Australian) condoms sold in China (see below). Note that if you buy the white-woman-whore condoms, you get 24 per pack. These ones only cum in 6 or 10.
I spend a lot of time – too much time – wondering why, as a society or even a global community, we aren’t further ahead than we are. I wonder why we still don’t have basic human rights for the majority of people in the world. I wonder why we still have so much war and violence. I wonder why religion still has a stronghold despite the development of real tools of knowledge development. I wonder why there is still so much opposition to the simplest social and technological advances.
And I find that it really boils down to one major roadblock. Men.
Under a male system based on dominance, which all societies are, we can’t truly advance. Any real advances are made at a snail’s pace. You see, you can’t truly advance when the underlying motivation is greed, power, sex and dominance, rather than peace, unselfishness, and the betterment of ALL people. The former tends to fuel the male quest for ‘advancement’.
If I want a reminder of why things are the way they are, I just sit down and have a conversation with a man or group of men. I’m often disappointed, disgusted, unhopeful about the future, or some combination. There is a reason I have fewer and fewer male friends as I get older. They tell me nothing new, make me feel sick, and waste my very precious time.
So I figured I’d dip into my deep vat of slime in the form of conversations with men I’ve known, and record them here for… posterity? A personal warning? A reminder of why I mostly dislike talking to men?
Rewind to 2011: an outdoor table at a small Muslim noodle shop in Haikou, the capital of Hainan province in China. I was having lunch with a middle-aged Spanish dude from my Chinese class.
For some reason, dude was pontificating. Don’t they always? He had gone through some blah blah blah about the sweet young Chinese thing he was fucking, and then moved on to the pontification – he was seriously trying on an air of wisdom and depth, and failing miserably. He said: every time I ask an older person what they regret most, they always say the same thing. They wish they’d had more sex.
Sigh. Of course they did. I’ll bet you money he always asks men, and men are typically obsessed with their virility, their legacy, and their conquests. If his poll were true – and it either was, or he selected the answers he liked best in order to affirm his own personal reckless abuse of women – it is a sad thing indeed.
I like to ask people ‘deep’ or introspective questions too. Women tend to say things like: I wish I’d not gotten married. I wish I’d not had children. I wish I’d had the confidence to [insert career-related action]. I wish I’d done more to change the world.
When men look back on their lives and wish they’d done more fucking, I know why our world sucks so much. Power and pleasure, rather than true selfless impact, is what fuels the privileged class. And it’s why we’ll never truly advance as a society.
Before I launch into my spiel, I’ll say one thing so everyone knows I’m an equal opportunity blame doler when it comes to pointing out shitty male behaviour. No country or culture is off the hook. Of course, the majority of people often claim moral superiority for their own country or culture and spend a lot of time pointing out the faults of other countries and cultures. And of those others, those upon whom the most blame is heaped are generally women. Women are always to blame for the way misogyny manifests in their country or culture. It’s easy to blame the powerless for the misdeeds of the powerful. So, in short:
- every country and culture hates women,
- the hate manifests in different ways,
- people are generally unable to own the bullshit that happens in their own backyard, preferring to point fingers at other backyards, and
- women are forced to take responsibility for the shitty things men do in said backyards.
Okay, that out of the way, let me move on to what I wanted to talk about.
For a long time now, I’ve lived in a different backyard. It is one that no matter how long I stay in or assimilate into, I will never be allowed to belong to. Monoracial countries are like that. And this particular monoracial country is China. I teach university in China – undergrads, Masters and PhD students. China is a rough place to be in a lot of ways. It has a poor track record in the human rights department. The locals are abused, and foreign workers have severely limited rights and often must put up with very strange and abusive treatment (I’ll save for another post my experience being chained into my college staff building at night.) The people are very racist, xenophobic, traditional, and oh yeah, they hate women. But as mentioned above, they don’t really see any of this, and similar to Americans, most can’t figure out why the world hates them.
And so we get to Americans. China has a love-hate relationship with the US. Personally, I think it’s a ‘study your enemy’ type of thing. There are things they envy about the US (e.g., capitalism), there are things they absolutely hate (e.g., gun violence) and there is a shit-ton of stuff they don’t understand and have developed stereotypes and half-truths about. Even the highly educated believe that what they see in American film and television is true. It is very much like Western people believing that all Chinese know kung fu and play the cello.
One of the things that has become disturbingly and increasingly more popular as a question or topic of discussion among the undergraduates as well as the post-graduate students is what they see as the American obsession with sex. I often get asked why this is so. I also get woman-blaming questions that boil down to ‘Why are Western women such slutty whores???’ and a lot of the male students want to hug, kiss or touch me, because of course, white women are increasingly seen around the world as communal property that will pretty much fuck anyone. We WANT everyone to touch us. Thanks American television and misogyny and dangerous/misguided Third Wave Feminism. Please note that white men are not treated this way. And different racial groups are treated in different ways. You can’t take models that apply in the West and have them work in the same way in other places. And I absolutely don’t want to minimize shitty treatment of non-Chinese women of other races here in China. However, having spoken with several non-white and non-Chinese females living in China, they aren’t treated as badly as white women. They are feared as I am, but not a single one of them has been sexually assaulted or physically assaulted as I have been very frequently. Being an outsider with a different skin colour is bad for all of us women, but being a white female makes you a public whore.
I address the subject of Western entertainment carefully. I definitely want to talk about what is happening and make sure that people do some deep thinking about these very important issues. I also like to introduce radical feminism anywhere and everywhere I can. I do see tiny feminist stirrings in a few of the young women I teach. I like to nurture that kind of human rights thinking.
I begin by telling people that hatred of women exists in every country and culture – educated Chinese are beginning to acknowledge and feel shame over the fact that as a culture they have selectively and deliberately aborted female fetuses and killed baby girls – so they can kind of get what I’m saying.
But woman-hate manifests in different ways, I tell them. It is all based on sex. I tell them that in the US, there are some similarities. For example, as in China, Americans fetishize female ‘purity’. But in the US, while baby girls might not be left to die somewhere en masse, society is inundated with pornography. (Pornography is illegal in China – in the US it is fucking ‘free speech’ and ‘art’.) Boys are taught that women exist only for sex and that sex is owed to boys. Rape is sexy shit, and secretly, girls love it. Girls are taught that they must remain pure, but at the same time, they must be as fuckable as possible. It is confusing and dehumanizing. And what you see in mainstream media – news, TV, and film – is evidence of this fuckability mandate. The burgeoning porn and violent porn industry is becoming the number one American export. Something to be proud of. And worldwide, men of all colours troll for porn. Porn is the majority of traffic-driving on the internet. Hell, my most popular post – about my rape by an Arab Muslim – is accessed by men of colour, primarily from Pakistan and other Muslim nations, using violent search terms involving white women getting raped.
Anyhow, I use simpler words, but I get this message across to my Chinese students. I want them to see the truth that unites what happens in their country with what happens in the US and everywhere else. That truth being ‘woman hate’.
I also challenge their ideas about television and film. Most of my students tell me that they learn about American culture (meaning ‘all Western culture’) from what they watch. Most can’t afford to travel, so they learn from whatever materials they can get their hands on. So most educated Chinese take what they see on TV and in movies literally. Everyone is rich and beautiful and fucking is the most important thing in life. So I ask them, “Do you believe everything you see in Chinese TV and film? Does everyone do Kung Fu in China like Jackie Chan (Chan Kong-sang)?” They say, “Of course not! That’s crazy!” Then I ask, “Then why would you believe everything you see in American TV and film? Just like Chinese media, it is just entertainment.” That stops them. They think about it. And they realize that TV and film are not educational materials.
I hate being put in a position where I have to defend American culture – especially as a non-American, and especially as a feminist. Some things, I’m happy to talk about. I did post-graduate education in the US and many of my most excellent human-rightsy, hippie friends are American. I have good memories of living there, and I love many things about being there. I’ll talk about volunteer work and hippies and human rights protests. These are positive things about the US. The entertainment world is NOT one of those things, however, and I think it’s only getting worse. Having seen and experienced the impact in developing countries of the mainstream shit that is churned out in the US, and having been at the receiving end of ‘white chicks are rapeable sluts’ in Western and developing countries (which I think is a very serious outcome of what is going on in popular culture), I worry. I worry a lot. And I truly hope these American ‘values’ about white women are not adopted and promulgated elsewhere. I think it is too late, based on my personal experiences, however.
The only thing I can do is make sure dialogue occurs and try to get people to think on a deeper level about what misogyny is and the power it has to destroy all cultures.