Category Archives: Violence
Unlike in English and other languages spoken in Western countries, there is no word for ‘racist’ or ‘racism’ in Chinese. There is a cobbling together of characters to form the following phrasal options:
种族主义者 – which roughly translates to one who righteously serves as lord and master breeder of one’s race/clan. If you plug it into a translator, you get ‘racist’ on the English end. But it is not clear for me whether this has a negative connotation if used to describe someone. Whereas ‘racist’ in Western languages has nothing other than a direct, negative meaning, in Chinese, I would strongly suspect that it doesn’t. Race supremacy is strong in China. It is something to be proud of. They do not like mixing the gene pool, but they often barely tolerate physical proximity to non-Chinese (unless they are sexually assaulting a white female) or mixing outside their cultural circles when they emigrate.
民族主义 – not a single word, but a phrase that refers to the first important principle of the thinking of Dr. Sun Yat Sen (the father of modern communist China). It is kind of like nationalism, but it also can be roughly translated as something like racism – an equation which makes sense in a monoracial, monoculture or country as race and culture are kind of inseparable. Nationalism can exist in multiracial countries, but it isn’t so much race as culture that is being used as the prejudicial segregation or exclusionary criterion.
The lack of a single word to designate ‘racist’ as a negative term also makes sense to me having lived in China for the better part of a decade and learning early on that there isn’t a single shameful or monstrous behaviour or event in Chinese history for which they take responsibility or over which they feel shame/guilt. Seriously, over the years, I’ve had numerous conversations with people of all ages and parts of the country, and there is no shame or guilt for anything. Depravity is swept under the carpet and not talked about, or there is fierce denial. I was once ganged up on by a group of educated Chinese who mansplained and Chinasplained to me that a) the racist-sexist violence I have experienced never happened, and that b) Chinese people aren’t racist – they are shy and curious. Um, yeah…
There is one major exception to the feeling of shame and guilt – it is that which is present in most young people thanks to their parents and that is a crucial part of the brainwashing into the version of mandatory heterosexuality and breeding that you see here today. It is standard procedure to make sure one’s children know that they are a huge burden on their parents. Most young people are wracked with tear-producing guilt (seriously!) about their very existence and know full well that the pound of flesh will be taken when they are older. But that is it. Individuals may have their own specific neuroses, but as a culture, the Chinese have clean hands and consciences. Conversely, though, they are the most impressive faux-victims I’ve ever met (except for men from any and all cultures and ages). In all of the disputes they have with a whole pile of countries, they are the victims. Righto.
It’s mind-boggling to me as a Canadian, to be honest. I’ve had Western shame hammered into me all my life for things I haven’t done, that didn’t happen in my lifetime, that didn’t happen in my country or by my compatriots, and that men from eras past have initiated, maintained, and forced women to participate in via hetero slavery. There is also the shame all women are brainwashed to feel from birth about being female, guilt for being female and having needs, and that lady-shame-and-guilt can often co-mingle with the general Western shame to produce a paralyzing, messy mindfuck of a state. Shame and guilt, for me, are truly second nature and have actually become so psychologically crippling that I’m finally trying to deprogram myself. It’s quite fascinating once you start examining brainwashing mechanisms and how they have turned you into a person who has learned how to negate true, personal victimization experiences because you have been told over and over that everyone absolutely has it worse than you, apparently, and it is your fault somehow, and this manages to diminish your pain and injuries and serious tragedies. It also turns you into a woman who feels she deserves nothing good in life because everything is your fault, and you end up sabotaging opportunities as a way of punishing yourself. Your life ends up being a lot worse than those of so many of the people that supposedly have it worse than you. So, my point is to meet people who don’t have shame and guilt beaten into them for things that have nothing to do with them (and often even for things they are directly responsible for) is truly bizarre.
So, the last two months have been incredibly busy and risky and expensive as I am actively on the look out for somewhere to move and work next year. Somewhere that is not China, and not Asia. I visited four countries to talk to immigrants and local people, find out about job markets, and just get a general ‘vibe’ of the places. It might sound unscientific, but my gut and inbuilt vibe-detector seldom steer me wrong. I can sense, underlying societal misery, nastiness, violence or aggression, happiness, carefreeness, community, civility, etc, etc, usually within a day of being in a place – sometimes within moments. And it is not often that my first impression of a place changes with more experience. Occasionally, there are surprises, but not usually. But I won’t get into that so much here. There really is much more to write about, and some of it will make it into posts. I want to mull on the fact that AGAIN I was assaulted by a Muslim Arab male – luckily, not a rape or an attempted murder like my other experiences (although I could have easily been maimed or killed through his actions – and all of this while his lady-slave looked on apathetically) , but it was still aggressive, racist, sexist, and shit-scary. And I want to talk about it because of course, we are not allowed to talk about Muslim racist-sexist terrorism against white women. We have a serious problem, and nobody wants to address it, name it correctly, and do something about it.
As well, during my time away, I met a few, although not quite enough sadly, excellent people who were thought-provoking. But, it was a hard journey all in all, and although I was dreading to return to China, I actually felt ready to get back to my regular job and have started trying to line up some possible part-time job interviews so I can earn slightly more money, scrimp and save, and get the hell out of here for good.
I got back and what was waiting for me? Well, the brutally hot weather first and foremost. Then there was the aggressive, and sometimes violent, over-crowding conditions on public transit that you only really see in overpopulated places like China or India. But what was it I missed the most?
And I wasn’t disappointed. I got back to my campus where I live. It was 37°C (about 99F), and I was dressed for about 20°C (about 68F). I was exhausted and carrying some moderate-weight gear. I’ve lived at this campus for over 4 years. I am the only white female there. I stand out and not in a good way. I experience a lot of racism every time I step out of my apartment. Neighbours still cringe against the wall if they have to pass me in the stairwell. I cannot go out in anonymity. Ever. So when I got to the gate beside the staff accommodation, all I could think about was stripping down, dumping the gear and guzzling cold water. But no. The guard at the gate wouldn’t let me in. Demanding to know who I was. Yelling. Now, notice that I am a resident there. Frequently, people who DON’T live there enter and walk around our campus, never checked or turned away. Delivery dudes on motorcycles sometimes have to sign in. But generally, if you are Chinese, you are free to do as you please. And none of these Chinese was accosted today either. But I am not Chinese. Not human. I was treated like a criminal instead of a university lecturer, which, although seriously underpaid, still demands some respect in this country.
I ignored that racist fucker – mostly because I was too hot, tired and overburdened to defend myself in the step-and-fetch / dancing monkey way that all Western people are expected to adopt in order to keep the mood light and let the Chinese know they are in charge and can continue to feel superior. I also wasn’t in any mood or state to consider that he could physically attack me and no one would defend me. I just kept moving, and I think it was the fact that he was just not used to that kind of defiance and didn’t know what to do that I got away and headed quickly to my residence without looking back. I don’t know what I’ll have to deal with tomorrow as I go out and come back from a small shopping trip to the market. He might be more prepared to deal with the ‘white devil’ (racial slur used here). I really don’t want to have to deal with violence.
This post consists of some background to my most recent survey on rape, which is still open to participants (click the button below):
The survey was designed to explore people’s understanding of and beliefs about rape. The content of the survey was drawn from collected data and research, a wide range of reported personal experiences, news stories, and myths and propaganda propagated through various entertainment outlets. If you plan to take the survey – and it would be immensely appreciated if you did – please click through before reading further. My personal views are not important to the survey, and I don’t wish them to colour participant responses.
After years of thinking and examination of the number one influence on and limitation to my existence as a girl first, and later, a woman, I have to conclude that any discussion or consideration of rape must begin with a discussion of language. Indeed, any thinking on hierarchy, power dynamics or control mechanisms (which is where rape finds its roots) must take into account the role of language.
Humans vs. All Other Creatures
In considering the differences between humans and other mammals or any creature for that matter, there are some significant differences that set us apart. And note that this is in no way a comment that humans are superior to animals, as I don’t believe that for a second. Each species has its strengths and weaknesses, which makes hierarchy-development a rather stupid and pointless endeavour. In considering humans, language and the capacity for deep and complex self-awareness set them apart from all other living things on earth. Other creatures may have systems of communication and a limited ability to reflect on simple behaviours, but none rivals human capacity. That is not a judgment, just a fact. Dolphins don’t conjugate verbs and chimpanzees don’t chronically and masochistically self-sabotage or even commit suicide over lack of purpose or meaning in life. Non-humans also don’t develop systems of ethics or morality – even misguided, faulty ones. These are uniquely human ‘achievements’ and are only three of many, many examples of the complexities of human language and self-awareness.
Humans are also the only species capable of malice. Now, note that I am not talking about survival instincts. Men and silly women who defend men often argue that male violence is just a reflection of the instinct to survive and is comparable to the killing that any other species does. This is classic male logic designed specifically to try to justify violent male behaviour. Some of my Chinese male university students will state without blinking that we ‘live in a jungle’. Now, I do believe that males are naturally violent. They are wired for it. But as I’ve written before, as humans, we also have self-awareness, and it is this unique and incredible ability that allows humans to override violent impulses. But, as humans are also uniquely malicious creatures, instinct and deliberate cruelty frequently play off each other. No creature other than the human (male) kills for pleasure. And no creature other than the human (male) tortures other living things. There is no evolutionary or ‘survival’ purpose for killing for pleasure or for torturing. I’ve met a lot of men who try to argue with seriously twisted logic that there is a need for these things. This is when I back away, and wish I had a weapon at the ready in order to do like all other creatures do out of instinct – remove a dangerous threat to one’s survival. But, alas, human females are the only creatures on earth who are NOT allowed to defend themselves.
And this is where language enters the scene.
The Role of Language in Power, Control and Hierarchy
The pen is mightier than the sword.
Language is one of human’s oldest tools. Like all tools, it can be a beautiful mechanism or system used to do wonderful things and inspire the best in all of us. But like all tools, it can also be used to destroy everything in its path. In the hands of men, language is frequently used to express male ‘love’ and ‘creativity’, which as most women eventually come to find out, are dangerous things and not at all what female love and creativity are.
As human males have come to realize, weapons alone will not get you sustainable power. Sure, you can overwhelm a perceived enemy, but it is really difficult to maintain that victory for any period of time without a much more powerful weapon. That weapon is language. Language is, in fact, a much more powerful weapon than any ‘sword’. But they work together. Just as it is hard to sustain control with only swords, it is also difficult to gain and keep power with only words. We’ve all heard that common description of successful evil dynamic duos: ‘You have the brawn and I have the brains’ (cue the Pet Shop Boys here…). Well, that is an apt description of the sword and the pen. Employ the brute force, overwhelm the enemy, enact the mindfuckery of the brutalized population that only language can achieve (e.g., “War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.”), and then all future brutality just becomes an accepted part of the system. Those few who see beyond the language mechanisms and refuse to believe have no leg to stand on, and find themselves very much alone and often questioning their own sanity.
Whoever Controls Language Controls the World
As a tool and building block of control and power, it is safe to say that if you aspire to megalomaniac status, you need to master language. I don’t mean that you should learn to speak several languages. I mean you need to learn how to use language to manipulate people and situations, and to obscure facts. You need to weaponize language. You need to see where language has its greatest influence. My Oppressor Triangle discusses a few major centres of influence, but there are other arenas. Language has had its greatest influence in the areas of politics, law, economics, academia, and the health care system (industry). These areas don’t function separately. There is much overlap. The language enacted in the political sphere can and does affect all other spheres of power, for example.
The question becomes: who controls language? And the answer is: men. Men have always controlled language. And they control it as much today as they have in the past. It’s not a race thing, as much as some people might wish it to be so. It is a MALE thing. If you are a big picture thinker, if you think internationally across time and place – and really, you have to be if you are ever to hope of ending oppression – you have to accept the truth that males control language, and as a result, they control everything. If you get bogged down on other group affiliations, you’ll change nothing. Only the truth can set you (and everyone else) free.
How do we know that males control language, and as a result, the world? It’s pretty easy. You have to take an overarching look at lifestyle and living conditions and determine who overwhelmingly benefits and who overwhelmingly is denied choices and freedoms. Look at any country. It is the same no matter which country you look at and no matter which race is being considered. Who is the poorest group? Females. Look at any field of research: who is studied meticulously and who benefits from the research? Males. Look at entertainment in any country. Who makes the most money, and who is hired based on talent rather than physical attributes? Males. Who is human trafficked most often? Females? Whose social justice complaints actually make progress? Males of all races and orientations. Who receives the poorest health care, and the most needless and harmful surgeries? Females. Who has been hurt most by the field of psychiatry? Females. Whose bodies and decisions about bodies are controlled by the state and institutions like religion and marriage? Females. Who is barred from politics, employment, education, and safety on a regular basis? Females.
And more. So much more.
There are data to back up each of these. Easy to find. Google, government web sites, academic journals. I’m not doing that here. This is not an academic journal article. And it is tedious to state and restate everything that has been said by women a million times before. What I find important here is the theory that it is language and the control of language that facilitates control on every other level.
Language and Rape
Men have been raping, torturing and killing women since they realized they could. It has nothing to do with evolution or survival. Any man who tells you that it does is dangerous and you should get away from him before he hurts you.
Male control of language has had its greatest impact on the one thing that has allowed them to maintain control over women. Rape. Without rape, men don’t have a hold over women. Control the language surrounding rape, and you control the crime itself – or whether it is even considered a crime, or who can commit it, or who is responsible, or who can be raped. We know that women have no power, and certainly have no control over language, because rape is so rampant and that they are on the receiving end with little ability to avoid it or seek justice for it.
It is only relatively recently that rape was even considered a crime, and only extremely recently that rape was considered to be a form of torture. In Western cultures, the rape of a women was considered to be a crime against the man who owned her. And it could only be committed by a male who did not own her. She herself, as a rape victim, was deemed dirtied, rendered an embarrassment, and often tossed out like so much garbage from family and community. Even today, rape victims often end up in prostitution or suffering from mental health problems that leave them unable to self-actualize, let alone take care of themselves properly. The propaganda and brainwashing campaign that all societies provide to women to get them to accept rape as reality, as normal, often succeeds in neutralizing female protest to unlivable conditions. Rape is a crucial part of Western entertainment – drama as well as comedy. Many women will suppress their experiences or deny that rape even happened. Rape victims who don’t follow the rules are often punished by society, and frequently by other women who prefer to lash out at other women than to name the real problem.
In non-Western countries, rape has gone through equally horrible control by men. In some countries, raping girl children isn’t considered rape. Elsewhere, rape cannot occur within a marriage or family. In others, rape has only occurred if a woman can get a handful of male witnesses to support her claim. No, women aren’t in control of language at all. Anywhere in the world. I mean, no woman would ever set up the linguistic, social and legal hoops/barriers to proving rape that are currently in place in every corner of the earth. We aren’t that masochistic or stupid of our own free will.
Men Can Be Raped, Toooooooo!
Likely, in response to women calling more attention to rape and violence against women, men retaliated. Men always retaliate. They are allowed. There are always repercussions to women gaining even an ounce of freedom or power. And language is always at the centre of any retaliation. And there is always violence.
So recently, men decided to change the language surrounding rape. They decided that rape no longer meant ‘male forcibly entering a female through her vagina using his dick’. Suddenly, males could be raped! And further, women could be rapists!
These revelations served a very, very important purpose. You see, if you can show that a crime or negative circumstance ALSO affects men, it is no longer a sex-based inequality. Men no longer are forced to be held responsible. Men are no longer predators. They are no longer deficient in some way. If you can show that they suffer tooooo or that women are doing the same evil deeds tooooo, then men no longer will be examined as the sole source of a major problem or epidemic. Once males can name themselves as victims, all focus can be ‘justifiably’ removed from women and recentred on men and boys. All we need is one male victim to negate the suffering of millions of women. And all we need is one female predator to negate the predation of millions of males. That is the male control of language at work. Change one word or one definition, and you can change the lives of millions. Control is regained.
Predictably, women got on board with the rebranding of rape, as they usually do when males find new ways to name themselves as victims, to detract from female victims, and to blame women for something. Women are usually the first ones on board with helping men hurt women. And men are experts at painting themselves as victims and martyrs.
Rape, in the minds of many, now also means a woman ‘forces’ a male to pop a boner and stick it to her. And strangely, rape now also means a dick forcibly entering an anus. But the thing is this, even if the former is forced, it is not rape. It may be a sexual assault, and if so, it needs to have its own label. The latter is NOT RAPE. It actually already has its own label. It is called forcible sodomy. Women are also frequently forcibly sodomized by men, sometimes in addition to being raped. But ignoring and/or broadening existing definitions has achieved its goal. We’ve taken the focus off what men do to women. And sex crimes are no longer seen primarily as the domain of male perps. Congratulations men and the dangerous women who support them.
Letting Victims Define Crimes
I wrote a short piece in the past on the problem of letting perpetrators define their crimes. Interestingly, it is only with male violence against women that this is allowed. As in my example in that previous post demonstrates, it sounds ridiculous say, to allow a thief to define his crime. But we don’t bat an eye when men get to define crimes against female bodies.
Women need to be allowed to define the crimes against them. As it is, so many victims fall through the cracks because currently, men define what happens to women. Men control women’s and girls’ bodies, and that is a serious issue.
There are several problems with how we deal with rape and sexual assault – besides our unwillingness to name men as the primary perpetrators of sex crimes. One is that we don’t have enough clearly defined categories of crimes. We also have too many barriers to victims coming forward. And finally, our punishment system is inadequate and doesn’t take into account that a) crimes against women are hate crimes, and b) men who commit sex crimes are more likely to commit again than any other type of criminal, even after being ‘punished’ (i.e., no man ever, ever, ever rapes once). Personally, I want all rape, sexual assault, torture and murder of women/girls by men punished by death. This has nothing to do with deterrence (which we know doesn’t work), but everything to do with protecting future victims. It does not make sense that victims and potential victims have fewer rights and considerations and access to safety than hate-crime, sex criminals. In other words, only a dead rapist can’t rape again.
Other things to consider:
- Many women don’t report rape if their attacker is seen as ‘at risk’ or ‘vulnerable’. This includes non-white men, immigrant men, homeless men, disabled men, unemployed men, etc. It is a mixture of fear and compassion that drives women to negate their victimhood and protect their attacker.
- The burden of proof should be on the perpetrators, not the victims. Men should have to prove that they did not rape. In no other crime is the burden of proof on the victim. This exists ONLY because rape is a sex-specific hate crime by MEN against WOMEN, where males, who are in control of language, get to define the crimes they commit. Rape is the only crime where all the perps are male and all the victims are female. And men don’t want to take responsibility or stop raping. This needs to change.
- Consent has always been a problematic issue. It is rooted in property disputes. Bodies should not be seen as property. Further, in no place on earth do women come to the table on equal footing with men, and as such, they cannot give free and equal consent in any agreement with a male.
- Orgasms are erroneously seen as evidence of consent thanks to 2-dimensional male thinking on sex. Females are trained from birth into seeing servitude as a duty and a pleasurable activity. Orgasm has nothing to do with acceptance or lack of coercion.
- Many people believe that rape must involve weapons or threat of bodily harm in order to be considered rape. I’d argue that most rape is of the coercive or manipulative variety. I’d bet all of Donald Trump’s money that almost all women have ‘sex’ with the men in their lives (including husbands) because they fear abandonment, rejection, cheating, etc. All women know on some level that male love can turn on a dime if they don’t live up to the constantly changing expectations.
- Male children are born with a weapon – their penises. They learn about how to weaponize their dicks early in life thanks to parents, television/film, porn, and school. I’d argue that if they are using their dicks as weapons, then they need to be treated as dangerous. Sex predators never stop. I don’t have a problem with killing sex predators who are children – innocent child, my ass. And I also have no problem with holding mothers and fathers responsible for the crimes of their boy children. Rape destroys girls’ lives. No girl ever ‘gets over it’. I know I’m nearly alone in wanting boy sex predators eliminated from existence, but you’re deluded if you think predators are ‘born’ in adulthood out of nothing.
- I think statutory rape needs to be rethought. It’s not that I believe that girls are capable of free and equal consent with a boy the same age. No female of any age is ever on equal footing with a male of any age. This one is a hard one for me though. It saddens me that children are fucking. I truly wish girls were kept separate from boys for the duration of their childhoods so as not to have opportunities, educations and futures destroyed by the straight mandate and public school crash course in fuckholery and blowjobery. One final note: Adult males who fuck girl children and teenagers need to be shot. Period.
- ‘Sex workers’ / porn actresses – paid sex is rape as far as I’m concerned. There is a lot of disagreement on this. And people get mighty pissed when a feminist suggests that sex work is abuse, not work. Abused people often lash out and get defensive when they feel attacked (even if they are not being attacked, but rather someone is trying to help them). All I can say is that women would not sell their bodies if men didn’t exist. It is almost always done out of desperation and/or resulting from childhood sex abuse. These are the conditions that make rape easy peasy to dress up as legit in a capitalist, male-serving society.
- Drugs and alcohol are convenient get-out-of-jail cards for men, and eternal damners of women. It is no coincidence that males joke about helping women relax with a drink. ‘No inhibitions’ is just man-speak for ‘no credible defense’ in a rape trial.
This really is a huge issue. So much more could be written. But it is some background to my survey. Again, if you wish to participate and let your thoughts be known, it would be very much appreciated. The link to the survey is below.
Preamble to the Survey
In the past, I designed and offered up a Super-Fun Quiz™ on feminism dilution, which remains open to this day (read the prelim post first and follow the link at the bottom after). It was casually designed, and not intended for serious data analysis. The tool itself was inadequate for design/measurement purposes, and besides, I didn’t vet or validate the quiz first. But it is certainly useful for introspection or further thinking on topics. At least it was for me. And it was from the results of this quiz, that I got to thinking about designing a second, more specific, survey. It became apparent to me that people have some really disturbing or unclear ideas about rape. The quiz wasn’t designed to look at that specifically, but there was one question that addressed one element of the most serious issue facing every single woman on the planet. I mean, really, rape is the single-most important and influential reason our planet is speeding towards death on several levels. Without rape, things would be unimaginably different. Rape affects not only the lives of women, but trickles down to affect every aspect of human life, animal life, and the environment. It is hard for most people to understand that, and see the connection between the primary mechanism of female subjugation and the destruction of the planet, but examination with open eyes and honesty shows that it is true. Anyhow, I wanted to explore ideas about rape.
So, out came my methodologist’s cap, and I’ve set to designing prodding questions on this single topic. It is a survey, rather than a quiz. You won’t be scoring yourself on ‘rape knowledge’. I’m collecting data for further thinking and further writing, that’s all. In the past, I did work professionally in research on serial rape and workplace violent crime, but this survey is not destined for publication other than on my blog.
If you intend to take the survey, the link is below. I’m going to discuss my own views in the next post as I’d prefer your views not to be coloured by my opinions. I’d appreciate your participation. I was thrilled to have had a great turn-out for the last quiz, and to be honest, I’m much more interested in this current survey, so your opinions are of value to me. Please be assured that the survey is anonymous. Polldaddy collates country respondent information, but that’s all that is provided to me.
I swear I have a larger male readership than a female one. My most popular post is the one I wrote about the Muslim rapist, and most of the search terms that bring (men) people to my site involve porn, Arabs, blacks and Muslims raping white women, and similar concepts. Apparently, men love the idea of white women getting what’s coming to them – and they want to see it – because white women are hated more than most, I suppose. This blog has also made it onto a few hate sites set up by men – you know the kind of dinkus I’m talking about – the two-brain-celled rapists who like to call themselves ‘rational’ (LOL!) so that they can dismiss threatening, reality-based feminist writings. Banal, boring, funny if it weren’t backed by very real violence. Men hate women – what’s new? So, to celebrate my male readership, I devote this next post to them and their tiny, whiny male egos and the bottomless jealousy that goes with it. Love you, boys 😉
One day in school, when I was in my early teens, the teacher gave our class some busy work in the form of math problems so as to leave the classroom for some teacherly business. I got to work. What can I say? I love math problems. But of course, boys don’t do well when unsupervised. I firmly believe in sex-segregated education. Girls just don’t ‘devolve’ when the tiniest of opportunities arise. Indeed, my male college students can barely handle sitting, paying attention and learning in a supervised classroom. Based on my extensive experience in multiple countries, I think males aren’t really cut out for education (probably better suited to manual labour, imo). So, anyhow, upon my high school math teacher leaving the room all those years ago, of course one of the douchebags sitting near me whipped out a pack of cards and started building a house. It stole my attention away from what, in my opinion, was much more fun and productive, but mostly because all I could think about doing was letting him make some significant progress only later to lean in and blow the fucking thing down. But I hadn’t yet become a bitch♥ at that point, so I let him be and went back to my math party.
♥ Defined by society at large as ‘a woman who interferes with or even just points out the rules governing male privilege’. Note this is not the only definition of ‘bitch’, and it certainly isn’t mine. That is for another post.
Now, this post isn’t about education or math problems or even nifty things to do with a pack of playing cards. It is about fragile, unnatural, male systems that can easily be blown down if we can see past whatever distractions and roadblocks have been set up to protect them.
In order to have this discussion, I need to talk a bit about the natural and unnatural. Determining what is natural and what is unnatural has always been a confusing thing for us humans. Males define things and force females to believe them. And males have never, despite their insistence, been rational beings. So, for now, fuck the male definitions. I like to use behavioural evidence to suggest reality in many situations. So here, a general rule of thumb can help us discern the difference.
The more human interference that is required to force something to happen or exist, the more unnatural that something is.
And the converse:
The more human interference that is required to prevent something from happening or existing, the more natural that something is.
We need some neutral examples first, before I show myself to be the bitch♥ that I am.
Forcing the Unnatural. Think of dams. Men have destroyed entire geographical areas by building self-serving, short-sighted dam projects. Proponents have called them “the cornerstone in the development and management of water resources development of a river basin“, but really, any male can put a positive spin on even the worst things on the planet. Just listen to them. They mansplain all the time about how destruction = progress. In a more rational (i.e., non-male) world, one would always to do a cost benefit analysis (or more basically, a pros and cons list), and actually pay attention to what a cost is. The pros of a dam are completely human-centric – forced water supply, flood control, irrigation, navigation, sedimentation control, and hydropower – and are designed to serve human gluttony and laziness and the rape agenda of men (specifically, over-breeding and over-population due to enforced heterosexuality). But the negatives of such an unnatural act as creating a dam are not really worth what is gained. Dam projects, especially large ones, destroy local and not so local environments by causing widespread erosion, deepening ground water tables, decimated complex ecosystems, extinction of species, and encouraged migration of predatory humans to areas where high-volume human life is not naturally sustainable. Dams are not natural and they force conditions that are not natural with catastrophic consequences, many of which aren’t immediately seen. But males gleefully call this kind of stuff ‘progress’ and ‘achievement’.
Preventing the Natural. Think of what we call ‘weeds’. Weed is a relative term. Kind of like calling a woman ‘crazy’ when she opposes something men are doing. Unlike women, weeds are insusceptible to the variety of punishment women are given, and require much more effort to control as they can grow quickly and take over an area where humans are trying to grow something unnaturally. So, a weed is basically a normal plant that some human doesn’t want in his or her environment because it interferes with his or her agenda. Cyperus iria, for example, are weeds that Asians don’t want interfering with their rice fields. And dandelions are weeds that North Americans don’t want in their lawns or in their veggie gardens. (Note here that I’m not talking about invasive species that mostly arise due to humans fucking up the environment and opening the door to species that shouldn’t be there in the first place, but that take over once there.) Once a human male decides that something natural is inconvenient or gets in the way of a selfish human need or desire, it is labelled as bad, evil, crazy, etc., and most importantly — unnatural. And it is eradicated. Often the eradication causes further problems (see this post where male solutions are, in fact, ways to create more problems and justify male existence). With weeds, we’ve got a whole host of herbicides that were created and that wreak more havoc than just destroying innocent plants.
Unnatural Systems Are Fragile Systems
One thing you might notice about forcing the unnatural and suppressing the natural is that it is really hard to maintain their constant forced or suppressed state, and there are usually negative repercussions for not allowing nature to do what it is supposed to do. [*Note that what men call ‘natural’ is usually quite the opposite. Again, men define things to serve their agenda.*] Dams need constant maintenance and we are even now still learning about the negative impacts of individual massive dam projects. And weeds? They aren’t happy to stay away. You get rid of them once, and they come right back. Weeding, as a chore, is a constant thing – the bane of a gardener’s life besides natural pests and unpredictable weather.
But let’s think about the natural and unnatural on a level of human control. Men control and poison every level of life in the name of power and their own insecurity. All living things fall under his purview. And one of his favourite things to control is the lives of women. There is much more sadistic pleasure to be had from controlling the life, behaviour and body of a woman than there is from weeding a garden, doncha know.
Here’s the thing about controlling human life, though. All unnatural systems require violence and hard core propaganda to force them to remain in existence. I mean, all forced unnatural systems and all suppressed natural things require a level of violence, but when it comes to human control, there is one variable of complication. Unlike weeds, humans can and do fight back when they are backed into a corner. Humans, especially women, also generally respond well to violence and threats. So in order to force women to do unnatural things or live in unnatural ways, they must be threatened with violence. The threat must be constant, reinforced with examples of the threat coming true, and the threats and violence must be bolstered by all sorts of mythology, idealizations, romanticization, slogans, cautionary tales, and various other punishments for curiosity, boundary-testing and outright deviation or rejection of the control. Wonder whether a human system, regardless of culture, is natural or unnatural? Look at what holds that system in place. Are people punished in some way (socially, economically, physically, sexually, legally, etc) for deviating? Is one group of people treated differently than another group in the same system? Is fear a massive component in the compliance of at least one group involved in the system? Do the rules make sense for everyone if you actually delve beneath the surface and question them? How much resistance do you get from adherents if you question their devotion to the system?
These systems might seem rather tried and true. Rooted in hundreds or thousands of years of history. In fact, many people within the system will cite the long history of a system as proof that ‘it works’. But in actual fact, unnatural systems are quite fragile things. If you take away the many support beams (propaganda, violence, punishment for bad behaviour, etc), the system falls apart. Like a house of cards. Like a house of straw. Without the violence and related support, the system doesn’t work. Isn’t meant to work. Cannot work.
Heterosexuality and the Control of Women: A Fragile System
Women have been controlled by men for thousands of years. Unlike what most people will say, it is not natural. Heterosexuality, which I have posited is not natural at all (both in Part I and Part II), is in fact an unnatural and fragile system that has been forced and is enforced through sustained violence and the threat of violence and a shitload of propaganda. It fails all the tests of what is natural.
- Are people punished in some way (socially, economically, physically, sexually, legally, etc) for deviating? YES
- Is one group of people treated differently than another group in the same system? YES
- Is fear a massive component in the compliance of at least one group involved in the system? YES
- Do the rules make sense for everyone if you actually delve beneath the surface and question them? NO
- How much resistance do you get from adherents if you question their devotion to the system? TONS (for example, I’ve written about some of women’s coping mechanisms here, but there are so many more )
If the violence were taken away. If the threat of violence were taken away. If women were allowed to deprogram and detoxify. If the complex and seriously impressive propaganda machine were shut down, there would be no heterosexuality. No female slavery. The male system, which runs on indentured female energy and service, would collapse. Men certainly won’t allow that. And most women are too brainwashed and cock-whipped to allow that collapse and their ensuing freedom. Freedom can seem very threatening when it is, as yet, undefined.
Some men do realize how fragile their house of cards – their system of dominance – is and that their lives on easy street (compared to women’s) would end if they were to reject the system they currently uphold and reap the benefits of. But it would come undone so easily if even a fraction of the world’s women just stopped, took the actual cocks out of their mouths and other orifices, and proceeded to give the best blow job of their lives. A different kind of blow job. The one where our fragile male system of dominance blew down and away like I imagined that high school douchebag’s house of cards would have had I been less interested in math.
When I was 17, I did my time at McDonald’s. Working at Micky-Dee’s is a right of passage for Canadian teenagers. I stayed for 6 months, and left for another job after a) they raised my shitty pay at the same time that minimum wage went up in my province and called it my ‘scheduled wage increase’ which I was supposed to get after 6 months probation (funny how my ‘raise’ still meant that I made minimum wage…), b) they refused to give me training on other stations than the standard ‘chick position’ of ‘window’ (taking orders inside the restaurant) despite multiple requests, and c) one of my fellow employees terrorized me one night during closing, for which I got in trouble. I came to learn with time and experience that making a fuss when being attacked by a male will always result in you, the female, getting in trouble from others in addition to the trouble resulting from the assault. Always. Always. No one will ever convince me that men are held accountable for terrorizing, hurting, raping or killing women. It’s always a joke, an accident, a mistake, a misunderstanding, and the best one, her fault (she wanted it; I thought she was playing around; I didn’t realize she was serious when she said no/stop; I’ve held a knife to her throat before and she liked it…). Morons. Privileged, violent morons, supported by men and their female cocksuckers.
I think we need to raise the pay of all girls and women of all positions, ages, education levels, and experience. And we need to do this in the name of danger pay. Males have suggested to me before that if workplaces are too dangerous for women, then they should get married and stay at home. Yes, great solution. Really gets at the issue here. The problem is a female one, not a male one. I believe men, not wanting to be shown up by more capable women, deliberately threaten women in workplaces in order to force them back home and under the ‘protection’ of their own personal rapist/slave-owner. It’s quite the scheme.
Well, I like the danger pay idea better. I’m also in favour of the death penalty for all hate crimes against women, but we can start with higher pay. People receive danger pay when their lives are put at risk in the line of duty, and I think as a woman, working with and among men is much more dangerous than say, working on an oil rig. And an oil rig or a polar bear won’t rape you or force you to look over your shoulder every time you come and go! Women are in danger even when they have desk jobs.
So what happened at McDonald’s, that paragon of human rights in action? Well, I was forced to work ‘close’ every weekend. That meant that the restaurant closed to customers late at night, and a handful of staff were left to close down operations and clean the place. I didn’t love late-night duty, but such is the schedule of a part-time female worker. One night, I was on with an aboriginal guy from my high school. I didn’t know him. We worked different stations. We didn’t travel in the same circles at school. And he was scary-weird. My friends were ‘weirdos’, but the harmless kind. This dude had what you could only call ‘crazy eyes’. I’ve never met anyone with quite the same dead, but scary, dark pools that said to me, ‘I want to see your intestines spill from your abdomen while I eat potato chips and masturbate and hum in a high, off-key pitch’. I’d had plenty of bad encounters with boys and men by the age of 17, but I’d never before met and known I was in the presence of a bonafide psychopath. My psychologist father frequently talked about psychopaths at the dinner table, so I knew all about them and realized the truth when I finally met one.
Anyhow, I was doing my thing, trying to finish up my work as quickly as possible, when the aboriginal psychopathic teenager decided he was tired of cleaning and wanted to have some ‘fun’. This fun took the form of a long, sharp knife; crazy, dead eyes; and the pursuit of me around the restaurant.
Have you ever had the misfortune of watching a standard horror movie – you know the ones that provide masturbatory material for males and scare the shit out of females so much that they believe even more deeply that they need a ‘good man’ to protect them from all the psychos out there wanting to rape and kill them? You know, male-designed propaganda that does its job well? Well, there is always a scene in these types of films where the psycho finds the girl, and she runs. And she screams. And the crazy thing is that no matter how much she screams and how fast she runs, the psycho, who is actually just walking in a relaxed, but anticipatory, sort of way, always manages to catch up to her and corner her before killing her in some gruesome way.
Minus the killing part, this is EXACTLY what happened to me. He ‘chased’ me around the restaurant. But I was the one running. He was walking. Dead, crazy eyes pursuing me slowly. He had the butcher knife in his hand. And I screamed. I couldn’t get away. I will never forget the terror for the rest of my life. And feeling completely stunned that this was happening in my workplace of all locations (!?!)
We had a manager on duty. Yeah, we did. Really. And he yelled at me to stop screaming. Did he ask the psychopath to put the knife down and stop terrorizing me? Fuck no! Why would he do that? Women are to blame for everything that happens. They force psychos to pick up knives, to chase them, to do horrible things to them. Men can’t help themselves, you see. Women bring it out in them. Men have no control, and thus must be coddled. Women must be blamed. And the men around these violators will support their pursuits, because deep down inside, all men want to to this kind of shit. Not all go beyond their masturbation over the idea or the actual witnessing of horrors, but THEY ALL SUPPORT the terrorizing and destruction of women and girls. If your special hubby isn’t a rapist, terrorist, woman-beater, whatever, just know that a) he will never do anything to end the male privilege and feeling of superiority that comes out of males terrorizing women, and b) he secretly loves how vulnerable it makes you. When you are vulnerable and scared, it means you need him. When women are empowered and unafraid, they just don’t need men for anything whatsoever. Get it? It is a racket, and all men are in cahoots whether they are the perps or the beneficiaries of the terrorism. No one is innocent. And when you praise your big, strong man for protecting you or for being so big as to not beat you, you reinforce the lie. The lie that women need men.
Anyhow, after getting in trouble that night, after no repercussions for the psycho, after my faux pay raise, and after repeated denial of training to advance my skills and increase my pay, I left for another shitty restaurant job where I was at least allowed to make tips. The aboriginal dude stayed on and was promoted to manager (yes, aboriginal males have privilege and power over ALL women regardless of what myths and lies feel good on your tongue). Can you fucking believe it??? Kudos for the psycho, and another female is forced out of steady employment and establishing some workplace longevity due to fear and discrimination.
Think about how many women leave jobs due to threats from male colleagues, bosses or customers/clients. It’s much more common than we think, yet Human Resources Departments are oblivious to why women’s work histories look different than men’s, even when they have equal or more education. We wonder about all the factors involved in women’s increasingly diminishing pay, especially that of white women (ALL races of men as well as Asian women make more money than white women with the same education these days). We wonder why men tend to stay longer at jobs and have more success in their careers. Men don’t face sex-based threats at work. Ever. Fear is almost never a factor when men choose to leave or change jobs. Men can stay, increase their skills, standing, and pay, while benefiting profusely every time a woman is forced out due to harassment, fear or other sex-based harm/threats. And women can’t cite this kind of thing during interviews as the reason for leaving jobs or for short stays at companies. You won’t get a job if you seem like a trouble-maker. And as I said earlier, women are considered trouble-makers when they voice dissent when they are being terrorized or threatened. The punishment continues long after the actual incidents are over.
Danger pay. I want it. And I want it retroactively for my 30-year work history.
It was Germaine Greer who said, and I paraphrase, that it is women who teach and men who ‘train’. I thought the statement interesting and did a little reflection on what it meant and whether it might be true. Teaching, at least from my perspective as one who has taught on and off for over 21 years, is a symbiotic relationship. The teacher is a guide, whose role and scope depends completely on the student or students under her responsibility. The students depend on the tools, information and guidance given by the teacher and use it to grow and learn. Despite the interdependence, it is also a power relationship. The teacher does indeed have more power than the student(s), and the level and shape of that power depends on the age and sex of the students and the sex of the teacher.
What does it mean that ‘men train’? Well, training is completely rooted in a power imbalance. The trainer shapes (even forces) the mind and behaviour of the trainee into the desired form. The trainer is not expected to learn from the trainee. When I think of male teachers that I’ve had, this sounds familiar, with the often added component that that male ‘teacher’ or trainer takes from the trainee and gives little in return. The training or controlling mentality is natural for men. For the most part, higher education is based on this model. But it is applied differently to male and female teachers.
And indeed, when you look at expectations that institutions and students have for male and female teachers, women are given harsher standards. Women are expected to give, nurture, understand, coddle, and be compassionate as well as be knowledgeable. Oh, and they are very much expected to be fuckable or beautiful to have any kind of legitimacy as a teacher. Age is a weird thing for women. If you are young, you are not taken seriously (especially at a university), but there is a magical, unknown point where you are deemed too old to be taken seriously too. Men are expected to be cold, distant, sometimes charismatic or humourous. Attractive? Not required. Because what does attractiveness have to do with imparting knowledge? None! Age? Ditto. Doesn’t matter. If a dude teacher walks in, lectures at students, doles out punishment, and then leaves, he is doing his duty as a ‘teacher’. Same behaviour from a female teacher, and she gets called a ‘bitch’ (the misogynist equivalent of ‘nigger’ or ‘kike’, except that the latter are verboten and taken seriously as slurs, and can get you into serious trouble if you say them). Personally, I like strict teachers who tailor their instruction to the student(s). I don’t want to be coddled. I don’t want a friend. But I want a flexible teacher who will change the game plan if she sees that something isn’t working and who doesn’t believe in one-size-fits-all lessons. I certainly don’t want to have a sexual relationship with a teacher. But males, whether teachers or students, seem to have very blurred lines when it comes to what is acceptable.
And that brings us to the one added component that we often see in male ‘teachers’. There is frequent abuse and sexual abuse of female students. It happens in all countries at all levels of education. All men benefit from rape. Some men rape. All rapists are men. Some teachers are men. Therefore, some male teachers will be rapists, and all males – teachers, students and the general public – will benefit from female terror in the classroom. And the data show this. Many men see rape as a ‘training tool’ or a job perk, and indeed even in these modern times, women have been trained by rape and the fear of rape to fall in line and allow men to continue to wreak havoc on the world and gain unfair advantages in the classroom and workplace. I am against having men in the helping professions, because a) the helping professions (teaching, medicine, law enforcement, etc) are based on power imbalances by definition, and b) men seek out and abuse power relationships by definition. The only way you can minimize abuse in relationships where power abuse is possible is to disallow those who are most likely to abuse that power to have access to it. To do otherwise is to invite heaps of trouble, and we see that this is true every day, everywhere.
All of this is prompted by another real world example of stuff girls and women deal with every single day. Today, I was talking to a former student of mine from about 5 years ago. He asked me if I’d heard the news about our former college. I said I hadn’t. Honestly, I don’t like to think about my former employer. It was a horrible place where I was locked into my staff accommodation at night (photo in this post), and a lot of other horrible stuff happened that badly hurt me physically, psychologically, and financially. It was such a bad place to work that they have to fire all the foreign staff every couple of years in order to bring on a fresh, naive batch to abuse. They cleaned house the year I finished there and relocated for a better job. Anyhow, my student told me that the college made the news recently. Graduation just happened, and a female student returned to the college to receive her diploma. One of her male teachers refused to sign off on her graduation unless she let him rape her. LUCKILY, she complained or told the right person. Shockingly, they took her seriously, and fired that ‘teacher’ (trainer/rapist). Rape is not talked about very much in China, and I’m guessing it is even more poorly reported than it is in ‘free’ countries where women are more vocal, but are still very much unequal and enslaved. As it is, we female students around the world must put up with all sorts of weird male teacher abuse, sexual or otherwise. Myself, the best letter of reference I got as an undergraduate was from a male professor who enjoyed frequently squeezing and pinching my upper arms so hard it left bruises. Did I say anything? No. I needed that letter of reference. And he was my only ally against another male professor who tried to fail me on my senior thesis and who psychologically abused me for two years. Couldn’t say anything about him either – he was an untouchable full tenured professor. And I was dependent on him for my part-time job (I solely supported myself) and my final grade. I guess I should be thankful none of them tried to rape me. It was only physical and psychological abuse. And guess what? No male students had to go through that. I laugh when males try to tell me how hard their lives are… Try living as an object aspiring to be human and see how much fun you have…
So, I wonder about two things.
- How often do male teachers actually rape (forced rape, coerced rape, etc) female students? It is much harder for girls and women to report or rationalize reporting assault when it is committed by someone they know and/or someone with very clear and socially/legally accepted power over them. My guess is that it happens all the time, and it is often reframed by the teacher-rapist, the student-victim, and by society at large as a ‘relationship’, a ‘mistake’ made by the student, a misinterpretation, one of those ‘that’s life’ events that seem to always happen to girls and women, or it just didn’t happen.
- How sensationalized and overblown is female teacher abuse of male students? It is a rare thing indeed and gets more play than any male crime ever would. So rare, they make documentaries on the same few deranged female teachers. Keep in mind two things:
a) women who abuse power should be punished (and yes, women abuse power too – one of my current excellent female students in China is physically KICKED and yelled at by a female professor every time she is forced to meet with her), and
b) women cannot, by definition, be rapists; and males, by definition, cannot be raped. The language has been deliberately confused by liberals in order to downplay what men do constantly to women and to falsely play males as victims. New language should be created by women to accurately define crimes.
Suffice it to say though that virtually all sex crimes are perpetrated by men, and the vast majority of sex crimes are forced on female victims. Given these overwhelming data – you’d be stupid to argue anything else – it is in the best interest of the entire population to keep men out of the helping professions and any professions where abuse of power (male against female) is dangerously possible, and dog help me, oh so very tempting. We (not I) argue that men have brains so they can both control their behaviour and learn from their mistakes. But they don’t. They don’t because they aren’t forced to. And men won’t change unless they are forced to. There is no better nature to appeal to. We’ve been waiting thousands of years for this better nature to magically appear. Keep men away from tempting power abuse situations with females. Female health and safety are more important than hurt male feelings. Any day. One day, I’ll talk more about false positives and why they don’t matter when it comes to female health and safety. For now, for all of you out there saying “Not all men…” or “That’s not fair to men…”, how about the current sitch, where we already operate on these get out of jail free philosophies? We already operate on the “Not all men” principle. It doesn’t work. And what do you say to all of us who have been abused by men in the helping professions? You negate my (your mother’s, your sister’s, your daughter’s, your) right to safety and living free from threats and fear when you give men the benefit of the doubt. That’s not fair to women and girls. It’s not okay to take away from us in order to let men do as they wish.
[This post is part of the Wolves in Women’s Clothing series.]
A long, long time ago, men realized something.
They are next to useless. Essentially obsolete. There is almost no reason for their existence. And as scientific knowledge has progressed, we can correctly say that now, there really is no purpose for men. Women have the capacity to breed with other women. We don’t even need freeze-dried spunk or the jizz of farmed or jailed males to replicate anymore. Men know this, and especially lately, we are seeing backlash against women in all corners of the world by men and sometimes by women on behalf of men. Male violence increases as their self-awareness and fear of reality increases. Infantile violent backlash: classic male modus operandi. But it is not to be disregarded in the way that you might the temper tantrum of a toddler.
This male realization isn’t a recent one. Backlash has been coming in waves for eons. Early on, men realized that in Woman, all capacities existed. Unlike in themselves, nothing was missing. Any and every task could be completed by women, usually in less time, in a smarter fashion, and more efficiently. AND with less violence and cruelty. Men realized they were not creative beings in several senses.
Men have, more recently, called this natural, female self-sufficiency and strong capability ’emasculation’. In other words, the fact that women don’t need men at all is construed by men to be some sort of attack on maledom, itself. It is nothing of the sort. Women are women, and without intention or crafty malice at all, we are just capable of anything and everything. Without male interference. Sorry, dudes. We just don’t need you. You are obsolete. But you knew that and have known that for a long time.
How do we know men have long known this fact? By the sheer violence that they first unleashed upon us a long time ago and continue to unleash. By the continued enslavement and forced fear they imposed on us early on. By the current state of our sagging, wheezing, dying world. By the currently (male) defined and accepted definitions of what is good and what is bad.
In short, men try to deny and counter their obsolescence by creating reasons to exist. And the only way they can craft a pseudo existence is by creating problems. When there are problems, men get to work trying to ‘solve’ them (aka, create new problems). Don’t be fooled. All male solutions are new problems. To truly solve a real problem, no new problems would be created. And then the reality of male obsolescence would come crashing down again. By continued male existence, we absolutely guarantee that the world will continue to smoulder. Male creation is actually destruction. It is the only way they can be. Signing on to support males ensures that you support destruction – especially your own as a woman.
Problems men have created out of nothing to ensure their continued ‘worth’
Designing things and systems that defy Nature and the natural order and then trying to force them to work against all odds is the male form of creation (destruction). All of the following work together to ensure that men feel they are useful.
Overpopulation is the single worst thing to happen to the planet and to humans and ensures a male purpose in the quest to ‘solve’ the resulting problems. It is the most direct and most easily predictable outcome of female slavery by men. ‘Free’ women (no woman is truly free) in a male-dominated world tend not to breed at all or at very low rates, as having children in a male world is a form of slavery. A ‘free’ woman realizes that. So domination and indoctrination of females has always been the number one priority on men’s list of things to do. Slavery leads to forced breeding and over-breeding. And it is men’s proudest accomplishment in that it leads to a multitude of other created problems that men can pretend to work on and thus use to justify their existence. Overpopulation leads to overcrowding, unemployment, poverty, famine, conflict/war, health crises, pollution, poisoning of the world, lack of education, and a whole hell of a lot more. It is a juicy morsel of problems that can employ men on several levels as they create non-solutions (i.e., more problems). None of these problems can truly be solved until women are liberated from men – physically and mentally. Until then, they will continue.
Capitalism – or permission to abuse in name of self-interest – the ultimate reflection or manifestation of the immature, selfish and violent male ego, defies the natural order of human existence and creates a host of problems that allow men to create purpose for themselves. Capitalism absolutely CANNOT exist in the long-term unless some humans are enslaved. The longer it goes on, the more twisted it becomes. Capitalism cannot exist in a world that is equal or fair. In a capitalist system, a great deal of unpaid or underpaid labour must be performed in order to make it ‘work’. The point of this system is to create monetary wealth, and there is no such thing as monetary wealth if everyone has the same amount. Wealth is a relative term dependent upon what everyone possesses. Thus, you can’t be wealthy unless some people have little or nothing. In this case, the vast majority of the enslaved and those who possess little or nothing are women. Capitalism requires that a large number of people (women) live in poverty so that a minority (select sociopathic men of all races) can live in excess, and a larger minority (also mostly men, regardless of race) can live in relative comfort. Versions of capitalism exist in most parts of the world and transcends race, religion and culture. It is an economic system that pits male against female. It requires that ALL people believe that this is a natural thing, a natural order. It also requires ALL people to believe that it is possible to become one of those at the top. It is kind of like religion and the concept of heaven or nirvana. If you do the right combination of things, you can live the good (after)life. But it is a (male) fantasy. Many must suffer needlessly so that a few can self-indulge on a shameful level. But it is not natural. It is male-created. Men can only conceive of hierarchy and suffering. The idea that any person could live free of domination is beyond the male mind, despite the fact that freedom is actually the more natural state. Even male conceptions of equal societies (e.g., communism à la Marx) can never be realized as equal systems because they have been conceived by men and have been carried out by men. Men don’t allow equality or freedom to all, no matter what they say. Someone must always be enslaved to satisfy the male need to dominate.
Violence is a mandatory part of male existence, and paired with female enslavement and forced breeding, war and conflict are a constant. This is exciting for men because war creates jobs and a false sense of male purpose. There is absolutely no incentive for men to end conflict. 1) They lose a massive supply of rape fodder (‘enemy’ women and forced prostitutes in devastated areas). 2) Natural male bloodlust is satisfied. 3) Money is made off of war through the creation and fake-solving of problems. Take away conflict and men become useless. Look at the aftermath of WWII in North America. Women like my grandmother easily held down the home front. They found new purpose after being freed from mandatory rape and other wife/slave duties. They had jobs. They took over sports and entertainment. They renewed friendships with other women without men getting in the way and making demands. When men came back from war, they were lost with no purpose. They saw that women had easily gotten on without them. Men were not needed at all. So they solved this problem by displacing the women, brainwashing them once again, putting them back in the kitchens and laundry rooms, and forcing them to spread their legs and believe in ‘romance’ (hello Baby Boom – aka post-war-rape-babies).
Another part of mandatory violence is that men have created a protection racket. By legally allowing men to destroy women through rape and violence, men can sell their protection services to women as ‘love’ and ‘respect’, thus ensuring continued female slavery through marriage, and ensuring male jobs in the military, police force, and prison system. Take away the male right to rape, and women are free from violence and thus don’t ‘need’ men to protect them. Male-dominated society falls apart and men become obsolete when you take away women’s fear. But this will never happen. Men know this. War will continue. Rape will continue. Fear will continue.
Religion is the psychological glue that holds everything together and provides a justification for domination, violence, ignorance, poverty, female slavery, and every other problem that men create out of a need to feel needed. Religion justifies the creation of problems. Religion gives men validation and a sense of the right to exist despite evidence to the contrary. Religion is a male-created problem in and of itself. In the absence of or rejection of religion in a male’s life, he will naturally look to elevate other systems to that of religion. Science is a good example of this. While science is an objective and useful tool for acquiring knowledge, in men’s hands, it becomes a weapon against women and nature, and takes on the role of religion as the great justifier for violence through non-thinking and subjectivity (e.g., look at the fanatical zeal with which atheist men have elevated a non-science such as evolutionary psychology in order to justify rape).
Male thought patterns that help men deny their obsolescence
The concept of ‘doing something because it can be done‘ – also a male concept, and one that I hear constantly from the mouths of men – is anti-Nature and unethical. There is such a thing as crossing the line when it comes to human action and the pursuit of goals and knowledge. Harm tends not to be something that men consider – unless it is harm of oneself, and even then, the thought doesn’t always register since a slave woman is always there to pick up the pieces and make sure he survives and lives in comfort. As a result, most men don’t hesitate in crossing lines of harm in the pursuit of
knowledge glory, money, etc.
Competition – a male concept that men have tried to build into an argument based on Nature (Nature is handy for men at times, but not at others) – is actually unnecessary among humans who are living naturally in a woman-centred way. Men see competition as a natural thing in all areas of life that can justify some truly horrific things done to other humans and to justify forcing a large number of people (women) to live in deplorable ways. Human dignity, growth and advancement is not possible with the level of competition required in a male-dominated society.
Progress and growth – directly tied to capitalism – is the idea that something can come from nothing, and that success can only be defined as ‘more’. Ignorant and infantile and greedy, of course. Progress and growth are seldom realistic without line-crossing, serious human rights abuses, and environmental destruction.
My prediction is that as knowledge progresses, as women achieve on all levels, as more women chip away at the barriers to their liberation, the backlash from males will increase. Fear is a powerful thing, and the realization of one’s limited use on earth is something that can scare the most ‘manly’ of men. In fact, I would tell all women: the more violent a man is towards you, the more scared he is of you and the more he realizes how ineffectual he is. Not comforting news, I know. But that is why he is trying to hurt you. He is afraid of what you are and what he can never be. Stopping this misogynist bullshit is another matter altogether, however; and really should be addressed by women more seriously than it currently is.
I have something serious to say, but I’ll start it off with some light-hearted fun. After all, we all know that being female in this day and age and having to deal with the constant male-created obstacles to true humanity is exhausting and depressing and downright dangerous, sometimes. Blowing off some steam every once in a while is an absolute must. So I’ll break this into two parts. The fun part and the serious part.
Part I: Get your trans on!
I’ve discovered a ‘make your own trannie’ site!!!!1!
Well, okay. That’s not what it is called and that is not what it is supposed to be for. It’s actually a very harmful site geared towards teenaged and pre-teen girls who already deeply hate themselves and who have been heavily indoctrinated into the cult of whoredom otherwise known as The World Under Patriarchy.
Yeah, it’s Seventeen Magazine online. And their message is “Welcome to life as a woman, you ugly, worthless bitch!”
What Seventeen offers us laydees is the opportunity to upload photos of our normal, ugly selves and then gives us the tools to dream of what could be… with enough money and self-loathing and insecurity, that is. They fulfill several of the Patriarchal goals: wasting the time and money of females (two things that would help women become independent of men), reinforcing the idea of women as sex and of having one’s value wrapped up in saleable fuckability, and hammering home the idea of inadequacy and self-hatred.
Now for those of us who don’t comply with femininity, who realized early on that wearing make-up makes you look like a cheap clown, and who couldn’t apply eyeliner properly to save our lives, this tool ends up being a hilarious diversion. Or… a helpful assistant in the development of a blog post. Upload photos of men and in less than 5 minutes, you have your own brand-spanking new M2T ready to totter off down the street in stilettos. When I was a child, we didn’t have computers to mess around with, so I had to settle for cross-dressing my Barbie and Ken dolls. (Luckily, no one in my family knew or cared.) If I were a kid these days, I’d be online, trannifying every boy in my class.
Now, in order to avoid publishing photos of dudes who might actually be recognized, I located some computer-generated pics of males that were used in an oh-so-important psych experiment on attractiveness (I’ll save you the mystery of the study findings: human people find computer-generated images more attractive than images of actual people. I prefer men on paper rather than in reality too, but I don’t think that is quite what the study findings were getting at…) So, I uploaded two photos of men to Seventeen, and went to work, sweet memories of trying desperately to snap Barbie’s bikini top closed around Ken’s thick masculine torso swimming in the recesses of my mind. When I discovered velcro and elastic, back in my childhood sewing days, I was in heaven. And so were the dolls 😉
In case anyone is wondering, Comp-gen male #1 was given a Kiera Knightly hairdo. Comp-gen dude #2 got the Bella Thorne up-do.
Part II: How the fuck do I tell the difference?
But the original purpose of this post was not to waste time making boys look like stereotyped versions of girls. I can’t imagine that being fun for very long (for me, that is) – I actually prefer doing algebra, to be honest. No, I really just wanted to ask a question. The question concerns an ability all men think all women have, and when it turns out we don’t, and men’s feelings get hurt, we get blamed instead. The ability is this: all women are supposed to innately be able to tell the difference between a sweet, little, innocent man and a rapist. A kind of ‘rapist radar’, if you will. In reality, no women has this. Sometimes, a really creepy dude will set off ‘alarm bells’ in you head, or you’ll get a gut feeling about a dude. But really, women don’t have this magical ability to sort men into two boxes. Rapist and non-rapist. Scary piece of shit and Nice Guy™. What women end up doing instead is naturally fearing ALL men. You’d have to be a complete dingbat (or thoroughly destroyed inside) not to. Given how pervasive violence against women is, and how few shits the powers that be (men) give about women’s safety and rights, the correct position for women to take is to fear all men at all times.
Men don’t like this. They constantly complain that they are ‘not like that’, that women are unfair, and that they hurt men’s fragile little feelings when they react to them with fear or mistrust. Trannies (M2Ts) – the uber-males of the cult of gender fetishizing – are much worse. First, they are mentally ill; second, they are very entitled due to the whole male privilege/rapist class status thing; and third, they have constructed a narrative of false oppression that is necessary to maintaining their delusion that they are female and that allows them to justify obliterating women’s very necessary boundaries.
So tell me this:
Can you tell which one of these two dudes will hurt you?
What about these two dudes?
Right. You can’t tell. It could be all of them, or one of them, or none of them. And until a radar is developed that will lock down a violent predator before he can act, women’s spaces must be preserved, the law must reflect the needs of women and their safety, and men must listen to the word ‘no’ and get it through their heads that being a special unicorn and not a rapist is irrelevant. Your feelings are nothing compared to women’s safety and basic freedom. It is the height of arrogance and narcissism not to be able to see this. All men, every single one of you, including trannie pervs, benefit from the effects of violence against women. And you know this is true – or else you would be fighting tooth and nail to end it. And by the way, even if this radar could be developed, women still need their own space away from men. That should never be on the table for elimination.
I can’t believe I blocked this out, as I had intended to write about this social experiment earlier. It is directly connected to my previous post on fighting back against men using humiliation and shame as effective tools. Thanks to some email correspondence with another blogger (you know who you are 🙂 ), my memory was jogged, and here is an unplanned part two of that post.
My father was a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, and as I later became aware and able to articulate, a misogynist dickface. He knew little about child or female psychology despite having studied and treated both populations, but he sure as fuck knew something about male psychology. Perhaps not on an insightful level that might have been put to widespread good use for womankind, but it came in handy for me one day when I found myself in yet another physically abusive situation at the hands of a male. This time, I was in the 11th grade (for non-Canadians, this would be age 16).
The physical, sexual and psychological abuse of girls starts at birth and only gets worse as you get older and as boys grow comfortably into their socially-rewarded natural proclivity for the sado-sexual abuse of females.
No stranger to sucker punches to the gut and crotch, sexual assault, being surrounded and kicked and humiliated and chased and stalked by boys from the age of 5 – yanno, when formal schooling starts – I found myself in Grade 11 with a new admirer.
Let’s call him Shitlord. I can’t remember his real name, and this one is better suited to him anyhow.
A couple of times a week, I had Spanish class, following which, like all students, I would exit the classroom to move on to another room for another class. Nothing unusual about that. But at some point early in the semester, exiting that classroom became something to dread. You see, a boy – a classmate of my sister’s actually – had class in the same room right after I did. I didn’t know Shitlord, but for some reason, he knew me. And he took it upon himself to show up early, position himself just outside the door to the classroom out of view, and to trip me as I exited so that I fell flat on my face. He found it enjoyable. I didn’t.
Now, I wasn’t large and I wasn’t small. But I was strong for a girl. At the age of 16, my father took sick pleasure in pitting me against his 30-something-year-old male friends in arm wrestling matches. Most times, I nearly won. It was amusement for the men-folk. But despite this acknowledged strength, I wasn’t a naturally violent or aggressive person. And the indoctrination of females can render their physical strength useless, much of the time. I was horribly shy, depressed and anxious, and as a female from a hardcore emotionally abusive household, rather terrified of standing up for myself and rather confused about what normal behaviour towards girls was actually supposed to look like. I usually accepted emotional and psychological and sometimes sexual abuse, since that was ‘normal’ for me, but I was pretty sure what physical abuse was. And I didn’t fucking like it. And I hated being humiliated in public as well. Ending up sprawled on the floor with everyone laughing at you is humiliating.
So one day, my suppressed rage was unleashed. I leaped to my feat and took this boy by the front of his shirt and slammed him up against the bank of lockers with some choice language and cocked my fist. It was easy to do and I probably could have beat the shit out of him, to be honest. He wasn’t a huge boy. It was doable. But he laughed at me. It was in public, and I was just a girl. Boys aren’t physically afraid of girls usually. I desisted somehow realizing that while it might be satisfying to physically dominate Shitlord, it probably wouldn’t end well for me.
So uncharacteristically, I approached the father figure for some advice. I knew that I’d need another tactic, if there were indeed other tactics available. And at 16, I knew I might be able to get some help from a master manipulator. And oh boy, I knew what a mind-fucker a psychologist could be.
Dr. Dad listened to the problem and suggested the following. “You need to embarrass him. This guy is a bully. He is insecure. Beating him up won’t do anything. Find a way to embarrass him in front of his friends.”
So I thought about it. And an opportunity came up the following week. We had two lunch periods at my school, and I discovered that Shitlord had P.E. class during my lunch on one of the days. I had been eating my brown bag lunch outside with a friend and we were sitting on the bleachers of the football/soccer field. And out pranced Shitlord’s male gym class. They were learning to toss footballs. I saw my chance. I called out, “Shitlord!!! Hi!!! Hello honey!!! I love youuuuu!!! You are so sexy!!! I love watching you!!! Throw the football more!!!! So hot!!!” I made kissy faces and gestures. Over the top. All the guys started laughing at Shitlord. He looked pee-in-his-pants uncomfortable. And my girlfriend and I laughed and waved for the entire class period making sure Shitlord was self-conscious and uncomfortable the whole time.
And that stupid, violent piece of shit never bothered me again. In fact, I never again saw him waiting outside my classroom as I exited after that.
The moral of the story is that you have to know your enemy. You have to study them to find out what will work against them. It ain’t one-size-fits-all. Find their weaknesses. For most, avoidance is the best thing to try first, although we are frequently forced to interact with them. So to stop them, study them. For some, you do have to be violent in response to them. For others, you have to engage in serious mind-fuckery. Some will respond nicely to you using their own tactics against them. And for some, like simpleton bullies such as Shitlord, some basic public humiliation will do the trick nicely. There is always a weakness.
Keep in mind that all men have power over you as a woman. You are at an automatic disadvantage on many levels when your opponent is male, and you are at even more of a disadvantage if the male can rely upon some ‘oppression’ status (race, low SES, trannie/M2T, etc) to use an excuse for hurting you or blind authorities and the public to the most important thing: male abuse of female. Some male enemies are formidable due to other power advantages such as money or political clout, a history of violence which lends them confidence and cockiness, or mental health status (psychopaths are fucking dangerous). Always have back up if you engage in direct interaction. Document everything they do to you. Try to establish witnesses. Keep a paper and/or video and/or audio trail of everything they do to you and any interaction you have with them. Be careful about initiating anything that could be construed as an unprovoked attack even if you are setting up a trap to catch them in their abuse. For most average non-psychopathic/non-narcissistic dudes, shame and humiliation are the most effective defense strategies you have against them. My father would likely say the same thing if you asked him. You usually won’t stop a dude physically without a weapon, and you can make your own decision about whether that is an option for you… In violent situations, which is unfortunately what so many women are forced to deal with, always go to the police, even it if is only to document incidents. The police are generally not friends to women, and often dismiss what women have to say, but it may help in establishing a credible pattern of abuse. But I refuse to accept what all women are told: that’s life, life is unfair, you just have to accept it and be positive.
I have had a little bit of success with non-psychopathic men in situations that are not physically dangerous. In this case, it is about reprogramming the programmed female response to males (submission) and sometimes using male psychological and conversation tactics against men:
- Stopping misogynist conversation bullying by using male derail tactics
- How to avoid being sucked into an abusive online convo with a male ‘feminist’
- Ignoring narcissists: stopping abuse and energy-suckage before it starts
Margaret Atwood said with great insight that men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are also afraid of this, but humiliation and shame absolutely pale in comparison to all the other things we fear from them because of male inborn and socialized sadism. Men live free and clear, with no real threat from women. But, from a young age, girls learn from repeat experience that they need to fear men for rape, sexual assault, stalking, beatings, torture, disease, pregnancy, permanent injury, and loss of life.
Also note that as a female, it is not your job to ‘fix’ men and boys or to try to figure out why the dumb shits do what they do to women and girls. It is your job to take care of yourself the best way you can and by using whatever means necessary to fend off male abuse. If humiliating abusive males seems ‘unfair’ to you, ask yourself who started it it all in the first place (answer: men) and whether putting females into horrible situations is fair.
Male offense = crime, oppression.
Female defense = completely justified, necessary for health and survival.
Humiliation and shaming are important tools in the arsenal that men are handed at birth to be used mostly against girls and women. One of the fastest ways to get females to comply or to desist is to take a behaviour that has been forced on them and to make them feel dirty and evil for doing it. A super-nova mindfuck if there ever was one.
There are few countries more adept at passive-aggressive fuckery than China. It is an accepted practice in all environments to psychologically destroy people. Public shaming and humiliation – and the key part in a hive-mind culture is the PUBLIC part of this – is a well-loved tactic. When I lived in the Chinese countryside several years ago, I remember walking past one of the community bulletin boards. A communist leader had posted some photos that were part of the official government record and they told the story of several public humiliations. I wish I’d photographed the photos at the time – I wish I’d done that with a lot of the shit I saw in what I consider to be ‘real China’, the countryside, the China that most of the world never, ever sees – it seemed very medieval to me. In a nutshell, in each photo was depicted a person who was clearly some kind of criminal. A sign had been hung around their neck and they were stood in front of the community who all looked on. Public humiliation and shaming. Arrest wasn’t enough of a punishment. The people had to be made an example publicly. It is an extraordinarily effective form of punishment.
And it is commonly used on women.
In a recent post, Radical Witch pointed out astutely that in no country do cops take the harm and subjugation of women seriously. In fact, they often support it and participate in it. They are mostly men, working in an aggressive, power-driven field. They have everything to gain by destroying women. China is no different.
Some photos have come out demonstrating how the police treat prostitutes in China.
Prostitution is illegal in China. But like all males in the world, Chinese men love it, want it, use it, and publicly denigrate the fact that it exists, and more importantly, the women who become trapped in it. And prostitution is rampant. The government calls it illegal, but all officials use prostitutes during their meetings and official visits. And then, every once in a while, something like what is depicted in the photos above happens. Only men win here.
Several years ago, I was taking some Chinese classes, and I was talking to one British dude who worked as a chemist and a manager in a toxic chemical plant in Southern China. He was in charge of meeting with Chinese government officials in order to do health and safety checks. As he recalled one event, the officials showed up, completely hand-waved the inspections away, and waited for him to provide the food, drink and prostitutes. This is very, very standard for China. Revelry and debauchery on the public dime (rmb) and then signatures on crucial documents that are supposed to make sure workers have safe environments and that the environment is safe from human dealings.
So here is my question. Why the fuck don’t we start publicly humiliating men for the shit they do to women? And I mean serious public humiliation. As it is, public knowledge of a politician sending a dick pic or getting caught with prostitutes does nothing to stop him from further success – especially if he is religious. But let’s parade him naked in public. Let’s measure his dick on camera and make comments about its inadequacy. Let’s pose him in a degrading pose he forced upon the prostitutes he used and laugh at him. I mean seriously, if this stuff is acceptable and effective against women who have done nothing wrong other than try to survive in a world that hates them, I’m willing to try it on men – cops, politicians, CEOs, and hell, regular guys! – to stop their actual crimes. We’ll see how much longer they continue raping and murdering and torturing and threatening if there are actual, serious consequences for their actions.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Except in this case, it would be justified and reasonable. And fuck it, I love social experiments.
Language is important. I’m not going to do a history of language or do a deep analysis of how language, in the hands of men, has affected and continues to affect women. There are excellent blogs (one in my side bar) devoted to the study of patriarchy and language, and while I teach language and love to learn about meaning, evolution of meaning and word origins, I am in no way an expert nor can I do a better analysis than said experts.
But I want to talk about the word rape and how it is defined. I am not going to provide a deep history of the word or a legal history of the meaning. There are actually some excellent articles out there that do this very thing, which are highly findable through a Google search. I’ll give a brief background, and then plunge into my intended topic, which is current and relevant now, and I’ll tie it in to some unexpected results of my quickie quiz on feminism dilution, which you can still participate in if you wish.
The purpose of language is to communicate. Maybe you’re saying ‘duh’ to yourself, but given that I teach university ESL (speaking, writing, research communication) in China, I’ve noticed that after 10+ years of English study, most of my students can’t communicate to save their lives. (The Chinese government isn’t focused on communication, but obscure-grammar-test-taking.) So, I don’t consider my statement to be all that elementary or obvious. Language exists to allow us to communicate. To communicate problems, needs, wants, states of being, observations, discoveries. You name it.
It’s a tool. And like all tools that exist in our international patriarchy, it is controlled by men. What is the purpose of controlling language? Well, simply, the class that controls language, also controls who gets to express problems, needs, wants, states of being, observations, discoveries, etc. So, as men are in control of language, they are the ones who get to express themselves openly. They are the ones who have legitimate problems, needs, wants, states of being, observations, discoveries, etc. Women? Not so much.
Language forms the bedrock upon which the educational, political, legal, medical, and all other systems are built. So if you control language, you control these systems. And they work for you, the controllers.
The legal system uses male-defined language to protect men from each other and from women and their silly-willy accusations. Women are not protected by the law because the language does not allow them to define their problems/crimes against them.
So we get to rape. The word ‘rape’ has a long history, and men have been fucking around with its definition for centuries. Since the early 13th century, it has been used to mean all sorts of things from speed/hurry, a kind of food, plundering, theft, seduction of men, kidnapping women, and sexually violating women.
In more modern times, most of the various definitions have fallen away, and it has come to vaguely mean ‘sexually violating a woman’. But even that is problematic as it doesn’t address by whom, how, and under what circumstances. And that was the intention. By controlling the meaning of the word, men essentially controlled the crime and its prevalence. If a woman can’t fit the constantly shifting definition of the crime, then no crime has been committed against her. Sweet! For men.
Now there are many other issues and problems with how rape is seen and prosecuted, but I won’t be addressing those here as many, many other worthy people have devoted their expertise to its discussion and analysis. My concern is with language; specifically, defining rape, and by whom and to whom is it done.
At some point in the not too distant past, women started speaking up for male victims of sexual assault (male prisoners, Catholic school boys, DV abuse victims, etc), and the movement took on a life of its own. Once a problem experienced by males has been identified, it takes on immediate importance and seriousness on all levels of society, and almost always, if it is similar to a very widespread problem experienced by females, the latter is brushed under the carpet in order to devote time and resources to men and boys.
This has happened with rape. At some point, it was decided that men and boys could be raped. I suspect, like with backlash to all progress women make in having their oppression acknowledged, this male rape victim business followed women making headway in having rape taken seriously. All of a sudden, we heard: “Men can be raped, tooooo!!!” And everyone got on board. With that movement came the mantra that rape wasn’t a sex-motivated crime but one of violence, which I think is incorrect, despite what experts say. If rape were a crime solely of violence/domination, straight men would be ‘raping’ men right, left and centre. They don’t. And at the same time, straight men would just beat up or kill women like they do men and leave the vaginal penetration out of it. I believe rape is a sexual and violent/dominance/power-motivated crime. And the adamant nature of the ‘it’s not sexual’ argument smacks of a patriarchal system cleverly trying to weasel its way out of naming sex-based oppression and male-domination as real problems, which would then have to be dealt with. Men would be held responsible for once, in other words.
And so, ‘rape’ is no longer a sex-based crime committed by men and boys against women and girls as a deliberate act of terrorism designed to uphold a millennia-long system of male dominance. And when you subscribe to that, you erase the existence of misogyny and hate crimes against women. You give equal importance to the occasional ‘rape’ of one man here and there as you do to the international crisis of the rape of women and girls. They essentially become the same, and thus women no longer have a unique problem.
Now, let’s get to my little quiz. On the whole, the respondents were on board with radical feminist theory. There was a small contingent confused by which factors influenced economic outcome most (15% of respondents didn’t see sex as being the number one factor harming economic success, and instead erroneously chose race or sexual orientation).
But the most surprising outcome was that this mostly feminist group of respondents didn’t have a feminist working definition of rape. It surprised me because they well understood why allowing men to define sex, as we are seeing with the whole trans (MtT) movement, is a problem for women. Specifically, when men can magically become women, and when sex and gender are equated, it erases sex. It erases misogyny and sex-based oppression. Women suddenly become ‘oppressors’ of newly transformed/realized ‘women’, instead of the largest and longest-standing oppressed group in the history of the world. So respondents saw this and understood this issue with men controlling language, and specifically the language of oppression as it related to the trans movement.
But what most respondents didn’t get was how allowing men to define the specific term ‘rape’ to be a crime against men and women where perps could possibly be either men or women, erases the seriousness of a crime of sexual terrorism against women. Rape has lost its unique and important meaning, in other words, and even feminists have bought in. I’m worried about that.
One of the three options to the question was about a male-on-female act (which was the feminist answer). The other two options allowed for male AND female victims with variation in wording of details.
Specifically and sadly, only 26% of respondents correctly defined rape as ‘forced, coerced, or unwanted PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex that is done by males to females.
Now, this quiz is not nuanced enough, as I stated in the original post. As the designer, I’m the first one to admit inadequacy. There is more to explore here. I didn’t look at the sex of perps, specifically, but focused on victims. And you certainly can’t draw big conclusions based on an untested test with one inadequate, related question. So, I honestly don’t know what respondents are thinking. I mean something is going on. Possibly people were thinking that in the case of lesbians, women can rape women. Possibly some people believed that rape could involve the penetration of an anus or a mouth. But what was clear was that most respondents believed that men could be raped. And that is a big problem.
But regardless of what is going on, one thing can be said for sure. We need better, woman-defined language concerning different kinds of sexual assault. I would like to see rape better defined to return to a male-on-female crime (as it was for so long) that is both sex-based and sexual in nature as well as power or violence-motivated. I am not sure why ‘forced sodomy’ isn’t enough to describe the assault of men’s (or women’s) anuses. Prison ‘rape’, speaks to me of male guards and psychologists and doctors (and MtTs) sexually assaulting the vaginas of FEMALE prisoners – not of male prisoners/guards assaulting male prisoners. And I think we need to stop calling it that in order to ensure that assault of women and girls actually means something. We need language to address crime between lesbians. We need language to define the occasional assault of a man by a woman. We need clear language about specific acts. We really don’t have that. There is better definition of acts in porn…
As it is, rape is now a word that can apply to anyone and everyone for all sorts of different acts of sexual violence, which isn’t really sexual, but ‘violent’. Whatever.
Like all people, I’m constantly surrounded by male violence and the sensationalism and glorification of male violence. Today was no different.
I was forced to spend precious time dealing with Chinese racist bullshit today, and as I was standing in one of the businesses I had to deal with, my attention swivelled to the television they had turned on in a corner of the establishment. It was news hour, and lo and behold, the story was about some Chinese man who’d made a video (ransom demand? who the hell knows) of himself with a knife to the throat of some Chinese kid. All the customers, including a little kid hanging about, were riveted. I was disgusted. Same shit, different day, different country, different culture. Men being garbage and shitting on innocents.
And that sent my mind to wander. In the US, the same scenario has presented itself time and time again – the weapon of choice is more likely to be a gun, but the intent is the same. Psycho man threatens woman or child or a whole mess of them at once. And my mind turned to how women just don’t do this shit. You never see news stories about women taking hostages (unless they are under the thrall of a male psychopath), or shooting up places, or doing random violence. Very rarely you’ll see a mother who has killed her children; I’m actually surprised we don’t see more of this given how many women are forced into motherhood and marital slavery despite hating children and become mentally broken down as a result, but that is another post. I’m following a train of thought here.
So after contemplating how little violent crime is perpetrated by women, my mind turned to school shootings and the little turds who commit that kind of crime. They are ALWAYS male. Always. Always. It’s a very male thing to do despite most people’s knee-jerk scrambling wish to explain away the behaviour as a random act. Nope. Men are about violence. It is their solution to what they see as problems.
And then my mind turned to trannies, in particular men and boys who feel squishy inside and think that squishiness is an essential and defining female quality. With the desperate push all over the West now to convert boys to girls as early as possible, I really believe we are going to see a change in crime statistics. Suddenly, there will be (we’re seeing it already!) this inexplicable (haha) increase in women raping women. Magic! Sociologists are likely salivating over a new conundrum. Why are girls suddenly becoming so violent? We don’t understand despite all our insight and higher learning. What could be going on??? Is it all the education girls are getting these days? Is it that evil feminism corrupting them???
No, undeserving PhD holders. You see, putting a dress on a boy doesn’t change anything except his outward appearance. He is still a boy with all the violent tendencies that go along with XY status. When he commits violent acts, he is doing it as a boy and because he is a boy. I mean, I read some of the threatening, evil shit they write to and about women online, and all I see and hear is male. Women don’t talk filth like trannies do.
And I really think it is only a matter of time before one of these social-outcast, mentally deranged, confused, damaged, gun-home-residing boys comes to school in a dress and a mask and toting a
metal penis gun, and shoots the fucking place up. And he’ll shoot girls, primarily. Because girls – especially ones who don’t trust and embrace them without question – are the natural enemy of a trans, according to most of them. And the news headline will read “First female mass school shooting.” And a whole new cohort of sociologists will have their PhD dissertation material at the ready. And I guarantee you that under the bus, you’ll find a badly smushed radical feminism, an easy target for all that’s wrong with the world.
Women have very little idea of how much men hate them.
I generally dislike using quotes and those who quote frequently/constantly either in speaking or writing. I teach my writing students that, unless their essays are specifically about discussing the ideas inherent in a particular quote, to try to avoid using quotes altogether because it breeds a dependency on them and a lack of originality in thinking. My problems with quotes are multi-fold. First, most things have been said before in different ways by many people. Second, men frequently get credit for things that were most likely said by women first (often their mothers or female spouses, but also friends and colleagues). Third, nasty and/or dumb people live on in history for some chance statement that they have stolen and said loudly enough to be heard, and are then remembered as clever or noble. And finally, heavy reliance upon quotes can be problematic as it prevents you from trying to use your own words, and I find that most of us misunderstand the original meaning of quotes or get the attribution wrong. Quotes can be handy for starting discussions or to start an essay, but addiction is easy.
I do take a bit of exception to feminist quotes because for one, women, their existence, their ideas, and their words are typically erased from history by men. When a feminist says something important that is remembered, I try to preserve it. As well, feminists tell us very important truths about reality, and we’d all do well to remember them. Women tend not to remember or even acknowledge their realities. So I have a choice slideshow of feminist quotes in my sidebar, and today, I’ve pulled one of my favourites, one of the simplest and easiest to remember, and of course, one of the messages that pretty much all women forget.
It would be easy and convenient if it were only rich, white, Christian, straight dudes who were the thorn in Woman’s side. They could easily be targeted and dealt with. They certainly are not the majority in the world. But alas, it is not true. The truth is that all men hate all women. It might be seething violent hate manifesting openly in criminal behaviour against women. But it can also be as hidden as an undersized testicle, no one finding out about it until the right set of circumstances put you into direct contact with it. But it is there, in all men. On a continuum from violently open to extremely well-hidden. And one thing women don’t want to believe is that even men who are clear or visible members of Oppressed Groups™ hate them too. One of the worst mistakes a woman can make is to assume that a man can bond with her over being silenced or erased.
No, you see, men are men and all that comes with it (this is the differential interaction effect of nature and nurture on females and males). Key among their group qualities is a real and significant inability to empathize. And this means that men in groups that are hurt by society are unable to feel anything for other marginalized groups and are often quite easily able to abuse those people without any kind of self-reflection. And by ‘those people’, I mean women, primarily. Oppressed men can frequently feel some kind of kinship with men from other marginalized groups, but not with women, in general, or women in said groups. So in this way, a poor man can show support for a gay man, but is open about his rape fantasies of lesbians or watches ‘lesbian’ porn. Likewise, men of any and all groups will take the PTSD of male soldiers seriously, but will have a laugh about or just dismiss the rape of female soldiers by these same male soldiers. (Oh, and by the way, soldiers are not ‘oppressed’ – quite the opposite, in fact, as they are state-sanctioned murderers, and the males are state-sanctioned rapists, as well. I’m referring to PTSD, a mental health condition, which is marginalizing.)
And within groups themselves, women have discovered that fighting the good fight alongside their male counterparts hasn’t been all it’s cracked up to be. Lesbians don’t get support from gay men. Poor women don’t get support from poor men. Atheist women don’t get support from atheist men. Black women don’t get support from black men. Rather, they are expected to do all the grunt work, act as cannon fodder on the front lines including getting arrested, take charge of feeding and watering the male members, look after children if there are any, and (except in the case of LGB groups – although that is changing since adding the T and Q) provide sex. When there are movements for change, what women forget is that men aren’t interested in equality. They are interested in moving up the ladder of power, the rungs of which are women’s backs, and we see this time and again in revolutionary movements. The underclass fights the oppressors, and then replaces them and keeps the same male hierarchy in place. Nothing changes. Women are still on the bottom and left wondering what the fight was for.
So let’s get to gay men – that is, after all, the topic of this post.
I recently wrote a post about another marginalized group – atheists. And as atheist men hate you, so do gay men.
I just spent three weeks travelling through California, which means I was surrounded by tons of out-and-proud gay men loudly spewing woman-hate, and not caring if women were around to hear them. I sat in restaurants PAYING for service that didn’t just include food, but also large sides of misogyny. PAYING to sit there listening to the gay men across the room – including gay staff members – talk about bitches and cunts and say some of the most misogynist things I heard on my trip, even surpassing the bullshit said by straight men I encountered. If I were a gay man having to listen to homophobia in a restaurant, I could probably sue. But as a woman, I have no rights to feel safe in a public place. I would have been laughed out of the joint.
You don’t have to look far to find nice little object lessons. And yet another was presented to me the other day online. The latest horrific piece of news in Trans-World is that some smug little MtT is looking to take leadership within the UK’s National Union of Students as the Women’s Officer. It is distressing. And women are blogging in protest. I headed over to the reblog of an article on this by a woman I read only to find some dude was already jizzing all over the comments. He had provided an insulting reference to a female public figure commenting on how the trans looked like her (he didn’t, actually – I couldn’t see the similarity). He also couldn’t figure out from the title of the original blogged article what the issue was with a trannie heading up the arm of a major women’s organization. He went on a mansplaining, dick-wagging, woman-shaming blah-blah-blah about clothing and how lesbians dress or don’t dress. It actually didn’t make any sense and had nothing to do with why the article was reblogged. If the mainsplaining didn’t give him away as a misogynist, it was the inability to understand the problem with the article that did.
I normally try to resist interacting with clueless men, but he asked a question: what is the issue here? He thought it was clothing. I had no idea he was gay or actually known to and a friend of the female blogger. All I knew was that he was pro-trans and thus anti-feminist. I mean seriously, he has nothing to lose from a man taking over a woman’s movement or women’s spaces. So, of course, he will promote it. Only women are hurt by this. So I let him know that the information about what was being disapproved of was clear in the title (directly naming ‘male pretendbian’, which we all know means ‘MtT pretending to be a lesbian’) of the post. I mean come on, my Chinese students have better reading comprehension, I said. The misogynist responded with a flurry of woman-hate, calling me both a genius AND an imbecile, which was hilarious, and for some bizarre reason, telling me that the article was a reblog, which I and everyone else knew. And then, when I addressed the blogger on the woman-hate in the comment section, Dood attacked me again by announcing his gayness and positing that the only way he could possibly hurt women is by throwing a glitter bomb on us. Clueless, but given that he supports men in dresses, and by definition, of the pro-trans right of men (in dresses) to demand sex from lesbians, this is not a big surprise. Men think they are harmless. Even when they are in the middle of being harmful.
Gay men may not actually rape us, but they play an important role in normalizing violent and denigrating thinking about women and about normalizing the idea of women as objects (e.g., negating women in the LGB movement) and filthy, hateful things (e.g., the ‘ick factor’) or as walking pornified sexual stereotypes (e.g., gender reinforcement through drag queening). And they are often more vocal in their misogyny than straight men. And they are just as excellent at mansplaining as straight dudes. And because they are marginalized, they get away with it.
The lesson here is that you should never forget that no matter how marginalized a man may say he is or that society says he is, he is always more powerful than all women. As I appear to continually say (because it’s true, goddammit), penis trumps vagina. Always. Always. Always. Don’t be fooled. Gay men hate you too. And it’s more than just glitter bombs and cat fights they threaten you with.
If this diverse group of guys can see past their differences to bond over enjoyment and perpetuation and normalizing of rape, rape culture, and female subordination…
Then this diverse group of women should be able to see past their differences to bond over opposing men’s enjoyment and perpetuation and normalization of rape, rape culture and male domination.
And yet, they seldom do. Instead, they bicker, blame, finger-point, and forget all about what they have in common: that men hurt them because of their sex and that ALL men benefit from both this hurt and the inability to come together over it.
Why can’t women bond?
The answer, my friend, is blowing through the pubic, leg and pit hair that men are allowed to have and wear with pride. Men have divided women through the male invention and maintenance of racism, homophobia, religious bullshit, and capitalism. Without men, women suddenly have no manufactured reason to hate one another.
[Part of the Conversations with Men series, but a different format than the usual post.]
If you’re a woman, chances are extremely good, likely close to 100%, that you’ve had a run-in with ‘men’s intuition‘. It’s not called this, but we’ll get round to that and what it really is.
Rather, we hear constantly about ‘women’s intuition’, which is a real thing, and which is disparaged, downplayed and used by men in their jealously and fear to hurt women in a myriad of ways. Men define intuition as women’s unthinking, non-rational, knee-jerk, emotional response to everything, or sometimes the ‘neeeeeed to have baybees’ and being naturally good with baybees and unpaid labour. Scientists operationally define intuition as the “ability to discern what other people are thinking and feeling”. But neither are quite correct. I believe the male definition is just bullshit, as most male thoughts on things are. The scientific definition partially covers it. What women often report is that intuition has to do with being able to sense dangerous people and situations before ‘shit gets real’, or the ability to sense what someone is feeling without any information, or the gut feelings they get about things (positive or negative). It’s a hard-to-define, deep sense of the world that results from awareness and experience of how shit works coupled with a deep connection to nature and people. I believe it is strongly connected to empathy and to being part of the prey class. Some scientific studies (with questionable intentions, imo as a bona fide methodologist) posit that there is a partial biological cause for intuition – greater intuition is linked with lower exposure to testosterone in the womb, which explains why they see higher intuition in women. Who knows? Regardless of what the scientists think they’ve found, I see evidence of intuition in women every day, and unlike what men and many scientists like to think, it is unrelated to being rational, analytical or thinking-oriented. Amaaaazingly, people (especially women) can be intuitive AND analytical, as easily as others (especially men) can be unintuitive AND unanalytical. It’s not an either-or scenario. But men love black-white, either-or dichotomies that put women permanently in the shit house when one category can be labelled a ‘woman’s category’, and thus, ‘inferior’.
Let’s get to men’s intuition. First, let’s say straight off that nobody refers to such a thing called intuition when it comes to men. But I’ve done a lot of thinking and omg, analysis of a phenomenon that has happened regularly in my life and, without a doubt, happens regularly in the lives of most, if not all, women. And it falls under this category of intuition, at least on a surface level.
Men frequently have ‘intuitions’ about women’s wants, needs, personalities, states of being, place in the world, etc., and they never fail to let us know what they’ve concluded from these intuitions.
Before providing some examples of men’s intuitions, I’ll say two things. First, the intuitions/conclusions men come up with and actually tell us about are almost always completely wrong. And they are wrong because the intuitions are self-serving AND dangerous to the woman/women in question. Second, men’s real intuitions – the ones they WON’T tell you about – are almost always correct, and are also self-serving and dangerous.
[Note: women’s intuitions are often self-serving too, BUT and this is a huge but, the intuitions are not dangerous to anyone. Even when they are wrong, they are not dangerous. But they sometimes hurt men’s precious and fragile little feelings.]
Let’s look at the first kind of male intuitions. The ones that are always wrong and dangerous and self-serving.
The intuitions/conclusions men draw fall into two categories, but there is one underlying theme. You are a target. You are prey. And the two categories are these. Positive (for him) – he has ‘intuited’ that he can get something from you that he believes you are offering. Most of the time, it is sexual in nature, but it could also be money, support, free labour. He has spotted some kind of weakness to exploit, in other words. He will frame his intuition in a way to show he can help you. Or negative (for him) – he has ‘intuited’ that you are the enemy. He has realized that you are not open to his exploitation and he is going to try to put you straight in some way, including: shaming, guilting, psychological abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and/or sexual abuse. He might end up killing you ultimately.
Much of the time, when men choose to share these intuitions, they take a particular language form. “I can tell…” Man has looked at you, and he can just tell something about you from this cursory look. Whenever I hear one of these, I get very, very nervous, as through my REAL intuition and experience, I know that I have become a target for some kind of woman-hate-in-the-form-of-male-love-or-desire-or-need-to-help-me.
- I can tell from your face…
- I can tell from looking at your eyes…
- I can tell by the way you walk…
- I can tell by the way you are looking at me…
- I can tell from what you’re wearing…
- I can tell from the shape of your [insert body part here]…
I’ll give you an example. There are so many to choose from in my life. Likely, you can think of at least one of your own, and I truly hope, your own real intuition allowed you to get away as quickly as possible before, he acted on his incorrect intuition.
I can tell from your eyes, you are lonely and need a man.
Through 2009-2010, I once again found myself broke and almost living on the streets (yay white privilege!), and since a) I’m not attractive enough to be a prostitute/stripper, and b) I could never bring myself to do that anyway since I’ve had enough rape in my life, and c) I at least try to turn any indentured servitude I do into something beneficial learning-wise, I ended up doing a series of volunteer work/’internships’ within the realm of agriculture. The last one was with a beekeeper. I was seriously impoverished, and was forced to exchange some hard core physical labour for a place to sleep. Not actually a fair exchange. It never is for women, actually. Luckily, I liked the work a lot, but being really, really poor is a very scary place to be as a woman as you don’t have options and you can find yourself vulnerable to every single man around you with nowhere to run to.
And so it was when I answered the door to the ‘bee house’ where I lived and worked one day. I was expecting a delivery of all the pieces/parts to a massive greenhouse I was going to help assemble. The delivery guy was a middle-aged Russian or Eastern European. And he was an aggressive piece of shit who immediately started in with anger and accusations of things I couldn’t understand – just a general, underlying sense of violence filled the space around him and of course, me. I boldly told him: “I don’t understand why you are so angry with ME. I haven’t done anything to YOU.” This took him aback. It astounds me constantly how abusing women seems to be so many men’s natural state. It is so natural to them and unquestioned by the women they abuse that they don’t even notice it. And I have had endless problems with immigrant men OF ALL COLOURS who bring their extra abusive misogynist attitudes – which are accepted in their own countries – to the countries that welcome them and take it out on the local women they encounter. And the local women are expected to shut the fuck up since they are usually “privileged, rich, white bitches” of course, and let their ‘advanced’ cultures slide backwards into the Dark Ages. No fucking way.
Russian(?) fucker did make a switch in behaviour at that point, but it wasn’t any better. It was the same attitude, but coated with honey. He pulled the truck over to our driveway, and there was a fuck ton of really heavy shit to unload. I immediately began unloading it and carrying it the distance to a dry spot (it was pouring rain). And I tried to move quickly to get the ordeal over with and get rid of this asshat. He didn’t help other than to move the pieces to the motorized lift on the truck so that I could pick them up at ground level. And the rest of the time he spent just watching me. He commented, disbelieving, on how hard a worker I was. Um, yeah, I’m a woman. No fucking kidding, you piece of shit! I work harder than you. AND I’M NOT EVEN GETTING PAID! Like you are. In MY country. For doing nothing.
And then, it came. I was drenched, exhausted, scared, pissed off. It came. His magical intuition.
“I can tell from your eyes that you’re lonely and need a man.”
I said, “Nope. Thanks for your help. I need to get back to my work.” I was terrified that he would come back. He knew I was alone. And he thought he could fill some kind of need that he intuited I had.
Now, let’s briefly look at the second kind of men’s intuitions. These are the ones they WON’T tell you about – are almost always correct, and are also self-serving and dangerous.
Men are actually pretty good at determining one thing. They can tell how easy a prey a woman is or will be. There is some interesting research on male psychopaths, the ultimate hunters. They are incredibly good at reading female body language. As they are constantly on the prowl for easy prey, they have to be on high alert for all the signs that make their lives and ultimate purposes easier. I’d argue that all men are like this to some extent. Not all men are psychopaths, but they all have the self-serving hunter in them. And all women are prey. The better they are at determining the high return for low effort ratio, the more successful they will be.
Now is this ‘intuition’? I’m not sure about that. There are elements that are similar to how women determine how dangerous a predator a man is. But if you can call it intuition, it is not very deep. It is a ‘gut sense’, but it isn’t based on deep connection with people or the earth or anything in the way that some aspects of women’s intuition are. They read body language, and rely upon experience to determine how far they can go with a woman and the risk involved.
Regardless, what we can say is this: men are not very good at understanding women’s thinking, feelings, needs, wants or states of being. But they are, indeed, good at determining how good a mark women are based on our verbal and physical cues. And it’s all about predation.
[This is part of the Year of the Fantasy series.]
Upon first glance, at least at the title, you might have clicked over assuming that I fantasize about a world without women. Some of you may have even popped a boner at the idea of not having women around at all. Finally. Yeah no. That’s not it. While this is a series devoted to my fantasies (not sexual ones ya big perv), I’m presenting this one not as what I would like the world to be like, but as a sort of satisfying daydream about what men would be in for if they did away with us for good. It’s pseudo-companion-piece to this one where I give a cursory, fantastical look at a world without men. I say with a straight face that women would easily, not only survive, but thrive, if men didn’t exist. We can create life without them, after all. Thank you science! Not so for men. I’d argue that they don’t do away with us for good because a) they can count on (the majority of) us to tolerate the horrific woman-abuse that they impose on us as a condition of being allowed to exist and that they thrive on and would be lost without, and b) they know they would be doomed to extinction if we ceased to exist. Biologically, women can exist without men. Men cannot biologically survive past a single generation without women. They could become cyborgs, perhaps, which is a hilarious thing to comtemplate.
I look at this fantasy with a superior, pitying eye – the kind that girls and women silently give when watching as a boy or man prepares to do something really fucking stupid. We know what will happen when, say, he builds a ‘ski jump’ on his roof so that he can ride his dirt bike off it, do a flip in the air and then land in the backyard swimming pool while his best bud videos the whole thing. We women know he sucks at math and physics, we know he will land, not in the pool but on his ass or head, and break his arm or leg in the process (which we will then be stuck paying for and taking care of). But we are women, he is a man and ‘knows better’, and besides as a man, he will be given recognition and cocksucking from both men and women for being such a smart and brave jackass. We clean it all up, suck his cock along with everyone else, and the world continues its nosedive into the cosmic bin because of another Great Man’s contribution to humanity.
So let’s take a look.
Although homophobia or gay-hate is rooted very clearly and directly in woman-hate, I do believe the beliefs, behaviours and practices of extreme gay male culture à la post-Stonewall scene (described with plentiful references in Sheila Jeffreys’ “Unpacking Queer Culture”) can provide us with some insights into what a womanless world would look like. In other words, while woman-hate would no longer be a significant influence in how men think and behave, many of the thinking processes and behaviours currently practised by ‘liberated’ gay men would hold.
If you do any reading into either straight or gay male ‘thinking’, and I refer to those men who think they are being transgressive or liberated or true to the essential male ideal (and I find gay men much more honest about what they believe and want than straights, in general, for very obvious reasons), you’ll see that absolutely everything revolves around their penises. Everything. Absoultely everything. And it is a very, very, very adolescent philosophy (if you can call it that). Extremely narcissistic, extremely immature, extremely short-sighted, extremely destructive, and extremely sadistic. The very nature of the thinking is antithetical to longevity, creation, planning, and sustainability. I think it would be a very difficult world to live in for men who actually attempt to think. They would be hated, probably in similar ways to how women are hated.
Without women, men would need to have an underclass. The only reason our current world has lasted as long as it has is because women have always been held as slaves expected to do unpaid labour of all sorts and to clean up after and/or mitigate male damage and disasters. Women are enslaved based on their sex and specifically their ability to create life. So how would subordination work if you only have one sex and you can’t impregnate them? It is anyone’s guess. I suspect it would be based on sheer size and strength and ‘intelligence’, just like in the animal world. I think men would return to an animal state, although with much more of a focus on sex than any other species on earth. Men would die much more frequently than they do now at men’s hands, and even more frequently than women do at men’s hands.
It would be a much more violent world than we have ever seen. Women are not a violent sex, so we don’t generally fight back when men try to detroy us with their violence. Without women, men would be victimized and they would fight back. Violence would be constant. It would be a bloodbath.
Disease would be rampant. Not just general disease from lack of nutrition or self-care. We are as healthy as we are because of women. Women are biophiles. We take care of the body, including men’s and boys’ bodies. Without women, male health would falter. But it wouldn’t just be basic disease, it would be sexually transmitted disease. We have as much sex-disease that we do because of men, specifically gay men living risky lifestyles. Bisexual men, including closeted homosexuals who perform hetero-sex to keep up public appearances, will fuck men and then take their diseases home to spouses/girlfriends or to prostitutes. This has always been true. Secret, unsafe, gay sex (and probably sex with animals, since men will fuck literally anything, animate or inanimate, as data from hospitals, psychologists, and self-report, show) led to disease transmission among men and then into the heterosexual world to innocent women. So a world without women would be a disease-ridden world.
There would be little progress intellectually. There would be no women to steal from. There would be no women to keep men on track or to hold them responsible for anything. The few men who might be concerned about keeping the species going would have a very rough time. It would be hard because men can’t create life as women can. Sperm isn’t a life creator. Women’s bodies are the life creators. And sperm isn’t actually as important as men want us to believe. So male ‘thinkers’ would need to come up with a way to engineer life without the benefit of women. And competing with a massive, unregulated, violent, male population unconcerned with anything but sex and domination, would be near impossible.
The world would be filthy. Men don’t connect with the earth and environment in the way that women do. Men see the world as something to be conquered and exploited. Women know their bodies are connected with nature on a very fundamental level. Men choose to use and discard. You can see this with the fairly recent obsession with exploring Mars. “We’ve destroyed Earth. But hey, let’s find another planet to abuse.” It’s always this way with men. Everything is replaceable. Everything is unlimited. Without women, the world would be like a bachelor pad. Stinky, filthy, unnavigable, toxic, waiting for someone to take care of it. Waiting forever.
This is a cursory look at what I fantasize the world without women would look like. I suspect that I’m not far off the money on this. Men would all be dead within a generation and most of them would, like many of the post-Stonewall gay men during the HIV epidemic (as documented in several sources), embrace death and seek to take as many down with them as possible.
Let’s talk about fantasy and reality, sensationalism and mundane facts, penis-loving and woman-hating.
The media loves a good story. The more gore and horror a story has, the more play it will get in the public eye. And the more attention it will receive. And the more distorted the facts surrounding the story will become. There will be a kernel of truth, and then the rest will be blown out of proportion and lead to the masses and very often the supposedly educated hordes going on an illogical rampage in a blood-thirsty, scapegoating frenzy, and society at large will adopt illogical, fear-based, hate-satisfying behaviour.
A good example of this phenomenon is perceptions of safety concerning air and auto-vehicular travel.
Many people are terrified of flying because they believe flying is more dangerous than driving or riding as a passenger in a motor vehicle. But if you look at actual data compiled by government or insurance organizations on number of accidents, number of accidents per miles travelled, the number of fatalities per million miles travelled, and odds of dying in a lifetime, you get a different story. No matter how you slice it, car travel is considerably more dangerous and the odds of dying in a plane crash (if you actually travel by plane – even a lot) are much, much lower.
But air crashes, on the rare occasion that they occur, are catastrophic and deliciously interesting. Being both rare and devastating, they end up getting a lot of play in the media. Car crashes, on the other hand are frequent, even deadly ones, so they don’t get worldwide (or even nation-wide) play. Let’s just say, if you want your name to live on after your death because you haven’t made it big by showing your tits in public (if you’re a woman) or perpetrating a school or workplace shooting (if you’re a male), your best bet is to fly and make sure your plane goes down. It works for Muslim extremists, so why not you? [Yeah, I said it. It’s true, so get a grip.]
Let’s call this ‘the air crash effect’: rare, extreme events get a) a lot of public attention, and b) lead to irrational conclusions. Air crash gets attention and people develop unjustified fear of flying.
Race and Sex: An Eye-Opening Comparison and the Stark Reality
Let’s apply this phenomenon to social problems. I’ll use a current, massive problem that has hit the radar in the US recently, but is having ripple effects in other countries. It is the old racism vs misogyny war.
Women are constantly silenced by liberal men (and women) when they attempt to talk about violence against women. This happens across history and in all countries. But we’re going to talk about the current American climate right now. The most common current argument is that cops are shooting black people right left and centre and that trumps the petty, indulgent, narcissistic claims of American women whose few rights are being fast eroded. So noticeable in fact that the UN has uncovered and given legitimacy to the claims of the deplorable state of women’s rights in what is supposed to be a country at the forefront of human rights. Women in the US are suffering and no one gives a shit or believes those few brave women who are speaking out, in other words.
At some point in the American collective subconscious, it was decided that women, who hurt more than any other group both in the US and on the planet, had to take a back seat to men of colour (many of whom abuse women, themselves). And the issue of the day is violence experienced by men of colour (specifically black men), and in particular, the killings of black men by police officers.
Now, before I dig in here, I want to be clear. I don’t use data reported by MRAs or right-wing or ‘concerned white male’ groups (aka: white supremacists). First, I don’t trust anything any and all men say about violence, regardless of colour. Second, I can’t stand MRA’s or any kind of racial supremacists or purists. Too much agenda, too much testosterone, and thus, lies, lies, lies – and even worse, the woman-hate. You never get racism without deep, frightening woman-hate. I don’t personally give a shit about which race ‘wins’. That is a male concern. Racism is a male invention and it is rooted in woman-hate. Men, concerned with who gets to fuck their slaves (women), get violent at the idea of men outside their racial group having access. That is where racism comes from. Men own the pussy of their own racial group and they’ll fight to the death to keep it that way.
So, back to the data. I prefer to look at the data that black activists themselves provide. They will either be accurate or exaggerated, and I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, because it helps my argument, which I am basing in reality and on fact. According to black activist groups, fewer than 5 blacks (men and women) are killed by police per million (as compared with 2 per million for both whites and hispanics). The majority are armed, mostly with guns, occasionally with knives. I have no reason to argue with these figures. I believe the activists. I am not a racism denier or cop apologist. And I don’t think people who are not committing crimes should be killed. If people are committing crimes, especially violent ones against women or girls, that is another matter entirely. Shootings of blacks by cops is a big deal and is widely reported in the news. Whether the cops are prosecuted is another matter.
And these killings are getting A LOT of play in the media, a lot of shouting and demonstrating by activists, and white liberals are completely on board and behaving the way they are supposed to by saying all the right things and silencing anyone who questions the data or anyone who would rather focus on larger social problems.
And so we get to those larger and longer-running social problems. We are getting to the car crashes. Violence against women. Cops killing black men is the deliciously salacious air crash, violence against women is the too common, too boring car crash. Let’s look at some conservative estimates (most women don’t report crimes against them, so these data are low-ball estimates of reality).
152,000 women per million are stalked. Remember, the number of blacks killed by cops is 5 per million. Also note that of all the women killed by their partners, more than 3/4 of them are terrorized through stalking first, and that is more than 5 women per million.
200,000 women per million are raped in their lifetime. Remember, the number of blacks killed by cops is 5 per million versus 200,000 raped women per million. And that is a very conservative estimate due to refusal to report, self-denial, mishandling and trashing of rape reports by law enforcers and hospitals, and doesn’t take into account multiple rapes by different men and repeated rapes by the same man/men. This figure is also conservative because of the very narrow, male definition of rape. And this figure doesn’t include sexual assault, sexual harassment, and other sexual terrorism. That figure would be 1,000,000 women per 1,000,000. And many of these women are living an aftermath that makes death look sweet and kind. Often, rape is the worst torture imagineable. Men can’t imagine. It doesn’t happen to them.
111,111 little girls per million are sexually abused by adults. The adults are almost always men and almost always men they know. 111,111 abused girls (who often go on to kill themselves, abuse drugs, develop mental illness, and fall into rape lifestyles of porn and prostitution) per million compared with 5 blacks per million.
15 women out of 100 rape victims will try to kill themselves because of what men, including black men, consider to be harmless and natural and hilarious fun times. I think most rape victims at least think about killing themselves. And I think the figure is conservative as most women don’t talk about what has happened to them.
This is why I’m just not that concerned about a few killings. There is a REAL problem out there and that is men committing violent acts against girls and women. It is shameful and insulting to ignore, negate and erase the millions and millions of women suffering and dying at the hands of men of ALL COLOURS and including male police and men from all walks of life and all professions, from homeless men to male politicians and male doctors. It is insulting to erase the millions of women and what they suffer through in order to focus on a few very well-publicized killings of men. It is not my job to fight for (often) armed black men. I support innocent women and girls victimized simply for existing while female. A woman doesn’t even need to leave her home or even her bed to be brutalized.
For most people, their thinking is greatly affected by what they read in or hear on the news. We have brains so that we can think critically, analyze information, ask important questions, and draw correct conclusions. Our media tell us what is important, and what is important has little to do with reality, facts, and statistics/numbers. Importance wears a penis. That penis has many colours, but it is still a penis, and reality is bent to accommodate and support that penis.
When you look at the numbers, the facts, reality, you see that it is still safer to take a plane than drive a car, and it is certainly safer and better to be male than female regardless of your race in this world. And in the specific example here, it is safer to be a black male than a woman of any colour in the US. Regardless of what liberals tell you and how loudly. There is no shortage of black men despite the fact they are being *constantly* killed by police (5 per million), but women are being raped right, left and centre (200,000+ per million) and living with the aftermath of that torture, the negation or erasure of their ordeals, and the physical complications for the rest of their lives.
Woman, I have so much to write, so much going on in my mind that I don’t know where to start. Mostly, it is prompted by my current trip back West from China and helped along by my rapid and deep official and deliberate immersion into radical feminist theory during this last year. The general feminist orientation I’ve held for years and years is nothing compared to what I’m going through now. I opened my can of whoop ass and things changed in a more positive, but infinitely more difficult way. And because of this deep immersion, it has really become clear to me how traumatizing living in China is, and how that trauma affects me when I come back to a very different, but equally disturbing West.
I do want to write some things about East vs West, and I also want to write about politics, but I still have much more to say about the whole race-sex interplay and the myth of the privileged white woman, so this post will be a part of the White Girl series.
I and some other bloggers, in light of the escalating white woman hate and the recent rash of sexual attacks on white women by men of colour, have been addressing the topic in a variety of ways. Today, I want to address something that really only clicked for me a few days ago as I was standing on an Amtrak platform waiting for a train. It is a matter of illogic. It is a matter of reactions and beliefs not matching reality.
We all know that white women, especially those of true feminist inclinations, have become the most hated group on the planet, responsible for all the evils and oppressions the world knows. According to the world, white women practise all the newly invented phobias and negative ‘isms’. White women don’t do enough good, but manage to perpetuate all the bad. We are the super-powers that hold the public purse and pull the strings of all the world leaders, apparently. We are turning the education system to shit, and are personally responsible for poverty and school shootings and police brutality. How this all works, I have no fucking clue, but the world says it’s true and they advocate punishment to rectify the situation.
But here’s the thing. When you look at reality and how people behave when not fired up by agenda, you will notice that all people know that white women are the most harmless, most innocuous, and possibly the most do-gooder, free-help-providing and activating people in the world. White women are safe.
Well, that sounds pretentious, doesn’t it? How the fuck would I ever come to such a conclusion?
As I was standing on that Amtrak platform, a middle-aged white woman and a foreigner, I realized that I was the beacon. I was the one targeted as the safe, universal information and protection kiosk. And it has always been that way. And they are right to come to me. I am a helper. I help people. I empathize. I know what it is like to be insecure and lost. I try to be very aware of my surroundings, and when I help the lost, I also try to reassure. I am safe. I make people feel safe. I am a white woman.
I hadn’t taken that particular train in 8 years. I don’t live in the US, as I said, I’m foreign when I’m in America. I’m not particularly knowledgeable about Amtrak or that particular route. I don’t necessarily look ‘American’, and carrying travel gear, I certainly don’t look local. But standing on that platform, it was me that everyone went to for help. In the space of 20 minutes, I helped four people with train and location and logistical information: an older white man from Australia, a middle aged man of colour, a young white woman, and a young black woman with a small child. They could have approached any of the people on the platform, but they all came to me. And when they were finished with me, they felt safe. They knew what was happening, where to go, and what to expect. And they were all thankful.
It has always been this way. I am always asked for information, directions, reassurance. I am always assumed to be the docent in a museum, the librarian in a library, the local person. I’m never in uniform. I don’t necessarily walk around with an air of confidence or knowing. I am not especially tall or striking in appearance. But I am safe to approach. People just know that I won’t beat them, rape them, murder them, steal their money, take them hostage.
So my question is: if I, the white woman, am so helpful and so safe-seeming to all regardless of others’ ethnicity, sex and age, then why the fuck am I so hated? Do we hate that which we can trust most? Is it easiest to lash out at those who help the most?
That’s how it seems. And if you want a definition of unfairness, that is it right there. You use us, and then you brutalize us. We are safe, and we take our abuse in silence like we deserve it. We are told we deserve it. We tell ourselves that we deserve it.
Yes, it is the definition of unfairness.
Conversations with Men: Liberal White Dude Explains a Main Difference Between Men and Women and How White Women Aren’t in Danger
Recently, Miep wrote a post talking about the difficult decision to remove a problematic male of long-term acquaintance from her life. I get it. I get the feelings and frustrations associated with making a decision like that. I’ve been going through some really difficult and similar situations of that nature over the past couple of years, and especially in this past year. Men are problematic, and it is really difficult to rationalize keeping them in your life as a feminist.
I’m currently visiting some uber-liberal friends, and already I’m being irked to no end by nonsensical, politically-correct, but misogynist, analyses and explanations. I discussed the MLK event dilemma in the last post. And less than a day later, I’m deep into conversations with a liberal white dude on how shit works (this ties in, don’t worry, you’ll see).
Over coffee, a liberal, white dude decided to explain to two white ladies, including a scowling me and an open-to-sexist-bullshit woman, a major difference between men and women. A difference that can be seen in young children! Apparently, boys want to know how shit works. Girls don’t. Girls expect things to work the way they want them to work without wondering or caring why they don’t. This explains why we get mad at computers when they malfunction. (Fucking what? That actually describes how males behave, in my experience.) So liberal white dude gave an example of how some three-year-old boy got super impressed with how some adult showed him how something worked and equated that knowledge with being smart. In fact, the conversation between the boy and the adult was generic and demonstrated nothing to me about the kid wanting to know how something worked. And in fact, if liberal white dude had told the same story, but substituted a girl instead of a boy, I’m sure the story would have illustrated how girls want to understand social communication or some sexist bullshit like that. It’s all in the interpretation and agenda. Always.
I continued to scowl at the stupid sexist story and completely invalid theory, and the other white woman contributed a story of her own about some ex-boyfriend travelling to some far-off land with her with a complete lack of interest until he bonded wordlessly with some foreign monk over some stupid tool. Then he was interested in culture. See? Men are interested in how shit works. It allows males to bond. How this explains all the women in science I know, and how talented women and girls are at building and using machines, I know not. But clearly this unvalidated theory achieves something for men. And I suspect it has something to do with men wanting a special domain of talent all to themselves. Unfortunately, women can do everything men can do, as well as create life. So nice try, but nicer fail, dude.
The funniest part is that liberal white dude then told an unrelated story about his wife, that was meant to be some kind of criticism of her, but was actually a really, really good example of how she was exceptionally good at trying to figure out how shit works. He didn’t see that though and neither did liberal white lady. I tried to point it out subtly “How interesting that she was so adept at quickly figuring out how that worked!” but no one picked up on the hint, sadly.
Bottom line, these bullshit unproven biological arguments, which have been used for centuries to keep women out of the sciences and maths and any domain that would gain them independence and public recognition, have no merit and make liberals look really stupid when they use them to prove something.
Next. The same liberal white dude started talking about how the poor brown and black dudes are getting all shot up by police. I pointed out that white women are increasingly being used as human shields and hostages so that these often CRIMINAL individuals can get away with the CRIMINAL acts they are committing. He tried to negate my statement, and I pointed out that I had just been reading another example of this happening. That didn’t fly. You cannot point out facts about men of colour. They are victims. White bitches are just white bitches. They have no voice, they have no valid claims to human rights. They definitely are not victimized by men, goodness no. I didn’t bother pointing out that white women are increasingly the victims of sexual violence and sexual-racial threats and attacks, and I definitely didn’t venture into the recent German rape crisis and the problem of Muslim men. Unsurprisingly, none of my liberal friends has said a single word about what’s going on over there. You. Cannot. Criticize. Men. Of. Colour. And they stick to that. Religiously.
I’m tired. So tired. How can I keep friends like this? They spout insanity. They subscribe to stereotype-based biological essentialism that looks a lot like determinism. And they are so filled with racial guilt that they are willing to overlook or explain away crime, negate real victims’ rights and exaggerate reality in order to feel better. They refuse to name men as the problem that women experience. And they refuse to see sex-based violence as a thing especially when it is commmitted by men of different SES, colour or religion, and a more common thing than say, occasional police violence towards males. Violence directed at women is a much more serious, and long-standing problem than anything else going on today.
I’m not sure how long my visit will be. I feel like I wear a mask in China where I pretend to be something I’m not. But I’ve realized the same is true in the West. And acting is exhausting. There is no place for a radical feminist to take off the costume and speak truth. Except maybe on her own blog.
I’m going to relate a true story for the first time ever. I’ve never been able to talk about it before, never told a soul. Partly, I find it humiliating, embarrassing. Like a proper female indoctrinated by society, the event always felt like a reflection of my intelligence and was somehow my fault. And like a proper, reviled white woman, for a long time I internalized all the hate and guilt that the world – men and women of all colours – heaped (and continues to heap) upon us. Everything is our fault. We deserve anything and everything that happens to us at the hands of all men. We must atone for the sins of white men – guilt by association of colour. All that shit. None of which is true. White women are more openly hated than any other group on the planet. And no hate of any group is more tolerated and encouraged than that of white women. White men love it and encourage it because it takes the true focus off of themselves.
I’ve had enough.
I’ve finally gathered the courage through this blogging endeavour and through the courageous blogging of Radical Witch, to speak out about, to speak truth about Muslim and other
privileged ‘oppressed’ men. When they lash out at us, we are supposed to stay silent and pretend that they haven’t committed a hate crime. We are supposed to support their hate, find excuses for it, and accommodate it even if means we die in the process. I think white women need to begin telling their truths in much the same way that the victims of rapey Catholic priests did not that long ago. The Catholic priests were untouchable, coddled, explained away for so long. Not any more. And I think the same thing needs to happen to Muslim men, men of colour, and other religious men who act out their privilege through rape, harassment, beatings, threats, intimidation, and killings of women. Human garbage, every last one.
I wrote earlier about the black dude here in China who pretended to be friendly and an intellectual and then stalked me for the purpose of raping a white woman. I also wrote about the group of Arab Muslim men who tried to kill me in a public place when I was 24 and travelling alone in Belgium. Oh hell, just see my Conversations with Men series or the White Girl series. These aren’t fucking thought experiments. They aren’t made up fantasies with nefarious agendas. These are real experiences that happened to a real person. Me. I’m a truth-teller. I am a supporter of women’s right to safety. And people will hate me for being a woman, being white and telling the truth. And I say fuck every last one of you if you choose to support violent men over me. I’ve never beaten or raped a person in my life. I’ve done nothing to warrant punishment or retribution. I’ve existed – that is my crime. And now I’m speaking. An even worse crime.
So, thank you, Radical Witch. I’m joining you. I will bet money that there are thousands and thousands of white women who stay silent and confused about and rationalize away crimes done to them by men who are supposedly more victimized than they are. As I always say, penis trumps vagina always, regardless of colour. Woman-hate is the most basic of hatreds and all other hatreds stem from it and are started and perpetuated by men.
Rewind to 2007: I was a graduate student living in a French part of Canada. I was living bisexually despite hating the label and strongly suspecting that I wasn’t all that hetero to begin with. I’d recently been dumped by an American man whom I’d known a long time and who, after freaking out about possibly getting me pregnant and then realizing I wasn’t, just decided that he didn’t want to deal anymore. Ditched me without explanation, even though I knew what was going on. It was a kick in the teeth to be treated as a problem in that way, and although the dumping was a good thing in the long run, I didn’t take it well at the time. I threw myself into school and a part-time job and running a few student organizations. My physical and mental health declined.
And it is when you are severely overburdened in this way that you are very vulnerable. Your judgment becomes impaired. Women make their worst decisions when they are under duress. And it is the absolute worst possible time to enter into another entanglement – especially with a male. And oh jeez, especially with someone from a traditional culture.
It was meant to be a dalliance, and an opportunity to practise my French with someone who couldn’t speak English (hard to find in bilingual Canada unless you delve into the immigrant communities). I met a dude by accident. He was an illegal immigrant from Algeria, an Arab and a Muslim. Trouble, yes? Remember that a group of them had tried to kill me about 10 years previously. But when you’re emotionally vulnerable, you don’t always make the best decisions. I was lonely, overworked, depressed, and still had a confused sex drive. A recipe for trouble.
And it was a horrible ‘relationship’. Didn’t spend a lot of time together, but it was constant fighting, which I suppose was good practice for my French – they don’t teach you to argue in French class. He was ignorant and very, very stupid. Occasionally kind. The worst ones always are, all the better to fuck with your mind. And while not at first, later on once my threats to leave never really panned out, disrespectful. I discovered he was an alcoholic, and a porn addict, which fed into the disrespect. He liked white woman porn, and it became very clear that I was just another piece of shit, white woman porn star in his mind. Once the disrespect started, I was on my way out. I may find myself in bad situations, but once it gets bad, I’m out of there. I don’t tolerate long-term, serious abuse that crosses a line I have drawn in my mind.
But there was one last thing I did for him. I took him out for his birthday. Kind of a good-bye type of thing – at least for me. He was disrespectful of my kindness, got drunk, we had a fight and I went to my apartment alone. Shortly after, he knocked at my door and I made the mistake of opening it. He demanded sex. I said no. And he raped me violently in my own bed. After I cried the whole way through the half-hour ordeal (normally, he took about 45 seconds with me), he told me that it was good for me to cry (sound like a porn script to you?) I told him to leave, which luckily he did. And I never spoke to him again. He harassed me continually, and tried to get into my building. Fortunately, the building manager was hyper-vigilant in general and nothing and no one got past her. Ever. I was lucky. He eventually gave up.
I also didn’t go the police. Nor did I ever tell anyone about it.
It’s not that I expected to hear “Well, what the fuck did you expect? He’s an Arab and a Muslim. They hate women and they’re rapists. They especially hate white, Western women. Duh!” No, I didn’t expect to be treated like I was stupid in that way. I knew most people supported the poor, goddamned Muslims. Besides, I was berating myself quite well on my own for continuing to pretend I was interested in men despite long-term disgust for them, and knowing that they are all potential rapists and all have misogyny running through their veins. No. Rather, what I knew I’d hear is a fuck load of excuses and rationalizations, disbelief or downplay, and perhaps accusations of me being racist and an uppity bitch or a liar. “Well, he must have been mentally ill. Well, he must have been too drunk. Well, he must have misunderstood you – after all you were dating. And what are you trying to say – he is a minority in our country. He is an illegal immigrant. He is oppressed! And you are a privileged white woman.” That’s what I expected to hear, so I didn’t tell a soul. I didn’t report it to the police. They would have believed him over me, especially since he didn’t cut me or break my bones and especially because the French Canadians hate the anglo-Canadians. He spoke French like a native speaker, and I sounded like a second-language speaker. And the French parts of Canada are becoming as pro-Muslim as Europe is. And many from the French-speaking Muslim countries (especially Algeria and Morocco) are flocking there and chipping away at the few rights that Canadian women have under the guise of ‘cultural sensitivity’. And the assaults increase and are brushed under the carpet.
I’ve learned my lesson with regard to Muslims and Arabs (although Muslims come in different models – I have lovely stories about the Chinese Muslim men where I live now.) I stay the fuck away from them. There are tons of Arabs where I live and I tense up every time I encounter them. I should have known better after that first attempted murder years ago, but dammit if white women are bullied into accepting abuse from every man on the planet, especially if he is non-white.
I’m done with simpering and signing my rights (like I have any) away. These assholes need to be held accountable for what they say and do – especially when they are welcomed and accommodated in more *advanced* (ha, like men anywhere are advanced) countries where women are allowed to go out by themselves to buy groceries (although sexual harassment and intimidation is still allowed everywhere in the world). But no one has the stones or the ovaries to stand up to them. And until we do collectively, shit is going to get worse for women.
Next, I’m going to try to tackle a topic that is near and dear to many people’s hearts: the internet.
I need to include a little background lest I be accused of being a technophobe or anti-something-or-other-along-those-lines.
I fucking love the internet.
Is that a strong enough statement? I was introduced to the internet in two installments. First, in 1991, through having to access bulletin boards to provide information and programs to customers at the little computer consultancy for which I worked before I went to university. And then full on in 1992 when I started uni and could walk into a computer lab and come face-to-face with a Windows-based browser. In 1991, I didn’t quite grasp the implication of what I was accessing, but the following year, it was pretty clear. And my world changed forever.
It’s perhaps for a different post on a different blog all the myriad ways my life changed, often for the better. Suffice it to say that the internet’s capabilities spoke to me, my interests and skill set on a number of levels. I’ve had opportunities because of the internet, I have certain RL friends because of the internet, and much of the informal learning and formal education I’ve been driven to pursue has been facilitated by the internet.
It’s Just a Fantasy, Honey
So, let me pose a question.
If you could opt to turn off the internet for good, for all people in the world, would you do it?
Hmm, just writing that question down (typing it, whatever) sends many different thoughts and feelings through me. Many people among males and the younger generation might consider this a no-brainer of a question and answer immediately with a ‘hell no!’ But it is a question that gives me very serious pause, even saying this as a heavy and long-term internet user. Let’s explore.
If you’re over 40’ish, grew up in an impoverished nation, or grew up in a cave in the West, you can remember what life was like before the internet (and cell phones, for that matter) became mainstream / accessible to the hoi polloi. Life was fine. It worked. Nothing was missing. People didn’t bump into things, lost, wondering how to function. People had friends and networks and ways of learning and disseminating information. In some ways, I miss those days. My world was more local. My friends were people I saw regularly, in person. We made appointments and kept them. Emergencies were emergencies. Work (except for traditional ‘women’s work’ which is 24/7/365) mostly happened during business hours.
With the internet came a freedom of information (of sorts) and a greater speed of access to information that made a large world smaller, increased social and knowledge networks, and provided a whole host of personal and commercial economic opportunities. Some of this was good.
But there was a whole sinking boatload of bad that came with it thanks to men. Earlier, I wrote a post comparing a few of the bads and the goods and how women are affected by the internet. As someone who has spent a lot of time on the net, socially, intellectually, and doing research, I’ve noticed a downward, depressing and alarming trend in net citizen behaviour. Despite all the potential for good, and the current projects that allow positive phenomena to happen, the internet, like all tools controlled by and designed for men, has become increasingly a place of male abuse and violence against (primarily) women and girls.
The internet has become – as all male-focused tools inevitably become – fouled, debased, filthy, destructive, violence-fuelled and -fuelling.
It is estimated that up to 40% of the internet and internet traffic is porn-driven now. Major porn sites generate more traffic than the major social networking and online video sites put together. Most American men (equal numbers religious, Christians are just as disgusting as any other dudes) watch porn. And this site can give you a tiny taste of the kinds of search terms men use to find shit on the net. And the content is getting more and more violent and bizarre.
All in the name of fantasy and free speech. Male fantasy and free speech.
And all the male fantasy and free speech spills over into both internet interactions and real life in the form of violence.
Outside porn sites, men now set up websites or over-populate social networking sites to go on woman-hate vendettas. Women are driven off of sites when they dare to speak. Women are targeted online for vile abuse and threats and shaming for doing nothing other than daring to exist. Men with nothing to lose and no sense of shame, humanity, empathy or accountability pile on lone women online using the most disgusting and hateful language imaginable. Women’s own sites are targeted for trolling and censorship.
But the hate doesn’t stop at the keyboard. The effects of online porn and then the inflamed online woman-hate (whether deliberately organized or organic) moves to RL into the very interactions women have with partners, sons, male acquaintances, classmates, bosses, and random male strangers.
Not fantasy. This is real stuff. Real for women. It’s not getting better.
So I come back to my question. If given the choice, would you turn off the internet for good?
I think about everything I would lose if I turned off the internet. I think about all the ways my life would have to change. And I think about everything I and the world would gain by the act.
Losses: I would lose access to readings from around the world by women. But then I could start a local women’s writing, reading, discussion group. I would lose connections with feminists online, but really, what good are these online connections if I need RL help or I lose power or something happens to them and I have no idea how to find out what’s going on? Honestly, as much as I do get something important out of the few interactions I currently have with online feminists, I’d rather have a small group of them in RL. I would lose my ability to speak my mind in anonymity. Perhaps this is the biggest potential loss. I’ve never been able to speak in RL. First, I come from an abusive home – I was not allowed to dissent or have feelings. Also, I’m a writer, not a speaker. And finally, I am a woman – women are not allowed to speak in this world without consequences. It is dangerous. I think these are the three biggest things I would lose and feel the loss of. The knowledge and the relationships and the speaking platform. The first two, I could deal with – I think relying upon online versions takes away from forging something in RL. The third would be difficult.
Making changes: Since I can remember life before the internet, and that life was just fine, or at least not worse than it is now, I think it is doable. It actually is attractive. Imagine having to cultivate local relationships and networks again. Imagine having hobbies that would take me outdoors. Imagine finding something creative to do instead of falling back on doing something useless, but amusing (maybe) online. I used to do this before the internet. I mean, I’m normally a fairly quiet and solitary person, but I had more dealings with the meat world than I do now. And especially being in China, I spend much, much less time outdoors than I do in the West. Having the internet supports this asocial ‘agoraphobia’. I don’t go out for walks here. My outdoor forays are solely purpose-driven: work, buying food and meeting a friend. No internet? Things would have to change radically. I wouldn’t be in China, likely.
Gains: No internet, I firmly believe, translates into less violence. Men are violent. We can’t get away from that unless we get rid of them all. Seriously. But the internet fuels their violence and gives them an outlet for their hate. And it is an outlet that allows men who would normally not have a place to talk about their hate to feel supported and egged on. All the men who previously kept the violence at bay are now given permission by nameless, faceless others to act out their ‘fantasies’. No internet means less violence against women and girls. Less normalization of violence. Less hate propaganda. The internet is not about free speech. It is about letting men say whatever they want, including hate speech, and about censoring women for speaking truth. Women are only tolerated if they parrot hate speech against themselves and fellow women.
As much as I love the internet, I would turn it off permanently if I had that power. To put a stop to the major outlet of male violence and male violent ‘fantasy’ outweighs any gains I or we might currently enjoy. I could envision a re-do of advanced communication systems in my fantasy world with no men. I do think an internet-like contraption is a very good idea – just not in the hands of men.
Living in China and Taiwan has frequently made me feel I’m living out surreal Kafka-like scenarios. Strange racist demands or limitations or really unfair policies directed only at foreigners are delivered with a straight face to the foreign victim, and there is always the implication that you are psychotic for not going along quietly and seeing how rational the treatment is.
I’ve been told I can’t have a university faculty email address because I might be a spy for my government. I’ve turned down jobs where I was told I would have a significant portion of my earnings withheld until I could prove I was honest. Guilty until proven innocent are foreigners. And I’ve been chained into my residential building at night because it was ‘safer’ that way – in some places, I was not allowed by the police to live outside the school, so there really was no avoiding a prison atmosphere.
And because many people’s knee-jerk reactions will be: you’re Western, you can’t complain, and this doesn’t sound so bad – let’s paint this in another way. Imagine in your country, disallowing Chinese university instructors staff email addresses, withholding only the Chinese instructors’ paycheques, or chaining Chinese instructors into their staff housing at night if they are forced to live on campus. Yeah, that makes it sound a little crazier, yes? Well, it is normal to do this to foreigners here.
This is Chinese thinking and they explain and do these things as if they believe they are correct and good
for Chinese for foreigners. To the recipient of these edicts, your mind starts spinning. In what world is this rational? In what world are these not human rights abuses? One has no way of fighting this. I’ve spoken about China being another planet before. China is a fucked up place, but it is fucked up in a different way than Western or other countries are. For example, they are not dealing with the West’s equally Kafkaesque trannie issues.
In the trans wars, the victims expected to accept human rights abuses are women, not foreigners. I’ve read countless examples of what appear to be very male-entitled, mentally ill MtT people (men) demanding the conversion of a safe’ish female-only space (bathrooms and change rooms) into man-friendly zones.
I don’t believe on principle that non-gender-conforming men should be messed with by other men because of their non-conformity – it is stupid and unfair and typical male bullshit. BUT it is a men’s issue, and I won’t waste my precious energy policing man-on-man violence. If they want to kill each other, have at it. If they all disappeared, women would finally be safe. How would this be a bad thing???
These non-conforming men lose the tiny bit of sympathy I can muster for them when they try to solve their problems at the expense of women. And of course, that is what they automatically do. That is what men do. “Poor me. Men hate me. I, I, I know! I will make myself feel better by shitting on women! Yeah! We’ve been doing it forever, and they are not allowed to fight back! Problem solved.” Instead of creating trannie spaces, which is the logical and fair thing to do, they just take the little that women have. It is so much easier to conquer an already conquered class than to start from scratch and forge your own resources and spaces and identities.
And so the invasion of women’s very private and safe’ish spaces – the very places we piss, shit, deal with our menstrual blood, cry, hide, escape from men, have a private moment, change our clothes, and sometimes exchange woman-oriented information and bonds – is well under-way. Men under the delusion (and sometimes not so deluded delusion…) that they are women because they like Hello Kitty and sparkly nail polish are convincing the legal system in general, and institutions/organizations one-by-one that they need to
invade have access to women’s bodies, privacy, feeling of security, spaces.
And what can women do when they try to argue against the invasion of men into their very private spaces? Nothing. It is a Kafka-like scenario – it is so messed up, it is hard to even get a handle on rational thought. Women are suddenly the oppressors. Trans are being victimized. No word is made of how they are treated in the male bathroom/change room and that the violence being done to them (if any) is by men. It is women preventing the individual from feeling safe. It is women preventing the trans from having a place to do his business. It is not logical, rational, sense-making. And given that she is now painted as an oppressor, the woman has two ‘choices’: accept having to do her business in a male space, or not entering the space at all (having nowhere to go at all). There is no longer a woman’s bathroom/change room, but two men’s rooms.
And the best part? If a trans commits any kind of hate crime against the women whose space he has now legally taken over and in these very spaces, it is seen as woman-on-woman crime. Mark my words, we are going to see a ‘strange’ and ‘inexplicable’ jump in sex crimes with female perps, and men will sit back and smugly say: “See? Women are violent too.”
I’ve never been to therapy.
I think I badly need it, but I know I won’t ever go. And I’ve come to realize why this will never happen.
I was raised and abused by a father who was a male therapist. I won’t (in this post) even touch on my even more abusive mother (who was not a therapist). Between the two of them, I grew up to be an emotionally paralyzed, very confused, silent, angry, socially anxious and awkward, depressed individual, and then was further abused by these parents for being emotionally paralyzed, very confused, silent, angry, socially anxious and awkward, and depressed. Exactly the kind of person who could use a little therapy to untwist the emotional twine binding her.
But as I said, I’ll never go. Even though I went on to formally study psychology for years, I kept to the hard sciencey specializations (statistics, neuroscience, psychometry) and kept all my clinical dealings as a sideline through clinical and forensic research projects, coursework and collaboration/friendship with the more interesting of the clinical (female) crowd.
Even in the thick of things, I still declined therapy while feeling I desperately needed it at the same time. Instead, I self-examined. I know exactly what’s going on with me thanks to years of this relentless questioning and probing. Unfortunately, therapists are useful creatures – you can self-examine all you want and still not make much progress towards balance or health. Therapists are guides, and they are supposed to support you when you are at your most exposed and vulnerable.
As I am an expert in mind-fuckery, I often think about therapy professions. That was what I wanted to be as a kid, and I discarded it in college. At the time, I thought my classmates were too wishy-washy, and hey, I was really good at math and experimental design, but looking back, I know that I left because it was too threatening. Part of me didn’t want to have to address the nasty truths in my life and thus become vulnerable. I knew what vulnerable was and the therapist I grew up with both made me vulnerable and exploited it relentlessly. Who wants more of that?
And as I’ve explored the therapy professions (social work, clinical psychology, clinical psychiatry, etc), I keep coming back to the same question or set of questions.
What draws men to this line of work? And more specifically, what draws men to therapy for female victims of sex crimes (rape, sexual assault, incest)?
Let’s come back to this and talk about female therapists first.
First off, not all female therapists are good and/or appropriate for your needs. The therapist’s professional orientation may not line up with yours. The therapist has been educated by the patriarchy and likely holds patriarchal views of women and their illnesses. Speaking from experience with clinical psych undergrad and postgrad students and professors, many therapists (male and female) are not the most stable themselves. People with problems tend to gravitate towards this profession and the field is sooo competitive that often, only the most obsessive and neurotic are given admittance to programs. I can’t speak for social work programs, but most of the practitioners I’ve met have been really weird people with weird agendas. But I DO believe that it is people with problems who are exactly the people who should be working in these fields because they understand first-hand what the patient is going through. It is important, however, that the therapist have worked out her issues to minimize the intrusion of said issues into her patient/client’s situation.
All said, there are tons of well-meaning women who gravitate towards the helping professions. Well-meaning doesn’t mean effective or correct, but it is a starting place. Men don’t often have even the correct starting place.
To speak more specifically about work with female victims of sex-based crimes (aka hate crimes against women), it is easy to understand why women get into it. Women want to help women. Therapists are often victims themselves. Oh who am I kidding, all women are victims of at least one sex-based offense and are exposed to male filth on a daily basis. Female therapists want to get in there and do some good. Are they going about it the right way? I don’t know. I don’t think most of women’s energy expenditure actually makes any progress towards ending male violence. But someone has to put on the band-aids, I suppose.
I’ve also known female therapists who’ve worked with rapists and men who sexually assault women and children. I can even understand why women gravitate towards this. The work is, of course, pointless. You can’t fix men, and you absolutely can’t fix a rapist. But again, women pour endless energy into trying to fix male problems that can’t be fixed. It’s a misplaced, erroneous belief in male ‘goodness’ (whatever) and a desire to keep women safe. *Sigh*
So we come back to men. I’ve written about men and the helping professions and volunteer work before. What could possibly bring men specifically into wanting to ‘help’ female victims of sex-based crimes? It boggles the mind. Men have little capacity for empathy, and I have never met a man who can wrap his head around the fear women live with daily as a result of forced proximity to men. So to deliberately be around and ‘help’ female victims isn’t a problem in their minds. The last thing women need after victimization by a man, however, is to be made even more exposed and vulnerable with a man controlling her aftermath. Male therapists must be looking for control or a vicarious experience or something. Perhaps they are invested in putting forth a male agenda in ‘managing’ female victims. Does he want to show that ‘not all men are bad’? How completely selfish and self-centred, if that is the case.
We have a new problem with aggressive MtT’s targeting battered women’s shelters and demanding to work there and be put into direct contact with female victims. They are becoming so self-centred and disrespectful that they are bringing law suits to fight for their right to access female victims. Why are they doing this? Is it an attempt to use women’s real experiences to build up their own sense of victimhood? Whatever they are doing, it is assault. It is disgusting. And it needs to be stopped.
Men also love to gravitate towards helping male sex offenders. I have personal experience with one of these creatures. I was taking a course in a form of counselling and was paired up by phone with a black, American, Christian man who headed up his own church and specifically helped rapists get on their feet after (unfortunately) being released from prison. He and I were to do ‘counselling’ sessions on the phone. He was controlling of me from the very beginning, and took advantage of my commitment to the course. He cancelled our sessions, let me do all the work, and would take other phone calls while we were in the middle of a counselling session. But he was smarmy, saying all the right things to smooth things over. If I were 20, I would have accepted the abuse and chided myself that as a WHITE woman, I supposedly was the privileged one. But I was older and well-versed in how all men have privilege over all women regardless of other group membership. Penis trumps vagina, regardless of race, every single time. One day, I called him on his repeated disrespect of me, and the truth came out. He attacked me mercilessly, and threw all the information I’d given him in my vulnerable state as counsellee in my face. And then he played the god card – he knew I was an atheist, and let me know I was shit because of it. Pure abuse. I suspect he was a ‘recovered’ rapist himself. I put my foot down, complained to the school, and only after my fellow student attacked the teacher was he thrown out of the program.
So, I suspect that sex offenders help sex offenders, and any man who gravitates towards therapy for female victims or male offenders is just there to perpetuate the system of abuse, keep the male agenda alive and well, ‘help’ women to put their experience in a compartment and not paint all men or the patriarchy as bad, and experience personal control and vicarious excitement over female victimization. I advocate for keeping men out of all professions where they have access to vulnerable women and girls.
Let’s say you own a house. One day, a person comes to your door, you open it, the person orders you out at gun point, closes and locks the door, and sets up house. The person immediate sets about changing the locks, rearranging everything within the house, discarding things that are not to their liking, and carrying on as if the house were theirs. Any attempt you made to re-enter and re-claim the house was fended off by the person who ousted you. When you went to the authorities, they listened to you and then asked the person now residing in your home for their side of the story. The person tells the police that the house was yours, but is now theirs, that you willingly signed over the house, and can even produce papers that appear to be signed by you. The police do not dig any further, seem satisfied that you are not the rightful owner of the house, and essentially tell you that you should be ashamed of yourself for taking up their precious time, possibly you are stupid, and to shove off.
You are distraught and feel helpless. You believe a crime has been committed, but no one seems to believe you. The person who took your house was given more respect and credibility than you were. You begin to doubt your anger and wonder whether you had it coming. Perhaps you should have been more careful. Shouldn’t have answered the door. You have moments when you are angry again, and you try to build up your confidence by seeking support from friends. They don’t believe you either, and remind you of several instances reflecting your incompetence as a home-owner. They tell you to look on the bright side, be more positive, remember that there are people worse off in the world who have never owned a home. You become silent. The person living in your home prospers and actually goes on to steal other homes in the same manner.
Okay, the whole story sounds implausible. This would never happen in a civilized society, right? Thieves aren’t automatically believed over their victims, that a theft occurred isn’t questioned, and thieves absolutely don’t get to define what makes something ‘theft’ or not. Those who benefit from committing a theft are not the ones who get to make the rules. And victims of theft are not reviled.
So here’s the question or questions. Why do men get to define crimes against women? Why do men get to decide whether what happens to a woman’s body is a crime or not? Why doesn’t a woman get to say that what has happened to her is a crime? Why aren’t women solely responsible for setting up policy and law around crimes against female persons? We know best. Our bodies are ours and even among the most brainwashed, there is always a part of us that knows that what is being done to us by men is wrong. When men get to define whether what they are doing to us is right or wrong, there is no justice or objectivity. Male definitions also affect incidence (thus you can have a ‘rape free’ society if men define rape in the narrowest of terms, and you can have a society where men are raped equally frequently by women if men define rape as an equal-opportunity crime). Only men rape (sexual assault is different from rape), so only men benefit from rape. Men set up policy and laws to benefit themselves. Since only women are raped, women should be doing the defining.
We can only conclude that even in the most ‘advanced’ of countries, women are still owned by men. Men define crimes against men’s property, thus they define what is or isn’t a crime against a woman. While rape is a ‘crime’, it is very, very narrowly defined and under this definition is so very difficult to prove that the law is meaningless.
To those men who say that the West is female-dominated, no. No, it isn’t. That is your imagination and entitlement talking. A female-dominated society would mean no crime targeting women at all. We are far from that. Like light years away kind of far. This same issue that I am describing now was at the heart of first-wave Western feminists’ pursuit of suffrage. Sadly, getting the vote didn’t achieve what those women sought – power in defining and legally being able to do something about crimes against women.
We live in a world where men are allowed to follow their thoughts to the very end and announce them in bold caps, surround sound and techni-colour.
Men are the censors, the thought police, the free-speakers, the fuckers, the threat-issuers, the policy-, law-, and rape-makers, the law-breakers, the judges, juries and executioners, the johns. The Free.
This is how they turn their fantasies into reality. This is how they turn their crimes into rights. This is how they turn their mediocrities into merits. This is how they turn their hate into freedom.
Women are not allowed to speak freely. We must support Dick or shut up. If we don’t shut up, we will be shut up. Women may not state the facts. Women may not question the status quo. Women may not ask ‘why?’ Women may not fantasize in response to what men put out there in the name of ‘free speech’, in the name of our annihilation, in the name of their orgasms. Women may not defend themselves.
It is a rare woman who dares to follow her thoughts to the end, and she pays dearly. A few applaud her bravery within earshot, eyes gleaming and then darting, careful. A few more silently support, nodding in privacy and anonymity. And the majority wish her harmed, silenced, erased, dead. Sometimes, they get their wish.
I wish to see, hear, read more women who are ‘out there’. Daring to follow their thoughts to the end. Speaking the unspeakable – women’s words. Daring to be seen, heard, read… potentially silenced. But ultimately, daring to be believed and joined.
It’s not that I’m shocked when I hear about the horrific things men do to women and girls every minute of every day in every corner of the world. Nothing anyone could tell me would surprise me in the least. It can be disturbing and traumatizing, of course, to read or hear about men’s depravity. But hearing about is different than witnessing, however. When you actually witness stuff, as a woman, that is when you are stunned – sometimes momentarily, sometimes negatively affected for long periods of time. It is only if you find yourself immune or indifferent to the stuff you see, or that you rationalize it away to protect the poor, persecuted, precious penises in your life, that you know you’ve lost too much of your humanity, and accepted your place as a slave.
When you make the mistake of assuming the best of strange men you encounter, that is when you end up with reminders that you are being naive. It is always best to err on the side of caution – all men are potential rapists. All men benefit from rape culture. Most men jerk off to rape (porn isn’t sex, it’s rape), and actively seek out depictions of rape. And all men are rape apologists. If they accept that rape exists, they see it as one of two things: 1) a very, very narrowly defined thing and anything that falls outside their very, very limited, accepted ideas can be waved away as lies! or just the way things are, sweetie, what’s your problem? or you’re paranoid/too sensitive/a manhater; or 2) a very, very broadly defined thing that ends up taking needed focus off of the crime of rape committed by men against women and putting the focus onto men as the main or most important or equally affected victims. Broad definitions of important words are men’s new tactic to erase women’s realities and put themselves in the spotlight, where they feel they belong.
Bottom line: rape is a crime perpetrated by men against women and girls. It comes out of male entitlement. It is done by more men than the world wants to admit. And all men benefit from it whether they directly rape or not.
Rewind to 2003: I was in the middle of a two-week trip by myself to Cambodia. I was working in Taiwan at the time. All of my Western male colleagues a) told me to be careful in Phnom Penh (which I ignored – I had a great time with locals there), and b) regaled me nostalgically with stories about their rape vacations – on which they strangely didn’t bring their Taiwanese girlfriends. It was gross. These entitled white fuckers thought it was the best deal ever to pay a couple of dollars to rape enslaved, impoverished teenaged girls. Many of these girls were victims of the Khmer Rouge regime and many young girls, having lost their entire families to rape, torture and death, had nowhere to go but into prostitution. Young boys were often taken in by monks and raised in monasteries. I met a few of the latter while visiting. They were quite well off and educated given the recent history of the country and their personal situations, and had a lot of freedom to pursue ambitions. The girls? Not so much.
For a few days, I travelled with an Australian postal worker who was in the middle of admitting to himself that he was gay. So we were talking about that a lot. And while in Sihanoukville, we went out for coming-out talk over a simple dinner at a very small local eatery with a few outdoor tables along the dirt road. I noticed a good-looking white dude sitting silently near, but not with, some local people running the shop beside us. It was kind of a strange scene. He wasn’t eating. Wasn’t drinking. Wasn’t reading or talking to anyone. Just waiting. I caught his eye at one point, by accident. Couldn’t tell anything from that. There was no expression on his face. Nothing in his eyes. Just a bland, but good-looking, dude.
And then a motorcycle pulled up. A local man driving, of course. And off the back of the bike hopped a small, pretty, young girl – 15 at the most. Huge white dude stood up, wandered over for some brief negotiation. I sized it up immediately and stared at him in disgust. He did his best to ignore my gaze. Then the girl and the human stain wandered off a little ways out of sight.
The dude came back alone not long after. Could he have raped her that quickly? Well, duh, of course. Men only need about 30 seconds to get the job done in my experience. It could have just been a mouth rape. In my experience, that doesn’t take long either. And less fuss. And I figured, since he knew he was under scrutiny, he couldn’t take the time to punish her or torture her for that long as many men like to do to what they see as cheap, filthy whores. Had it been more private, he could have beaten her and raped her over a longer period of time, multiple times. Maybe killed her, if he wished. Cambodia is a very, very poor country, and white dudes, for the right price can buy whatever they want. What’s the life of an uneducated, girl child to a rich, white guy likely to go back to his girlfriend or wife in Japan or China or Australia or wherever?
The guy didn’t look my way when he got back. Probably went off to get a beer and a smoke and to relive the rape. Or possibly just to head to bed to forget the child he just abused.
Me? I had lost my appetite, and I felt both dead inside and that I wanted to gut the rapist who was sauntering back to the town. End his rape career. That’s the least he deserved, in my opinion. But I said nothing. And I didn’t say anything to the male person who had had his back to the scene the entire time. It was my private window (albeit partially curtained to the worst of the interaction) into the world of male rape holidays and the complete lack of shame and disgusting privilege that comes with having a penis.
Note: In another post from this trip, I relate a conversation with a local Cambodian – a bottom of the totem pole dude (but much higher than all women) who felt just as entitled as this white guy with regard to buying female flesh – and what his thoughts of me were…
Note 2: White dudes are not alone in rape tourism, even though it is seen as a ‘Western thing’. It’s not a ‘white thing’ and it’s not a ‘Western thing’. It’s a ‘man thing’ and not limited to cocks of specific colours. Plenty of men from all over the world travel to rape. However. White dudes would do well, as the primary economic power, to stop this kind of travel and provide an example to the world. But they won’t. They’re too busy blaming white women for not doing enough to end the suffering of women of colour. Oh and white men are also too busy raping/jerking off madly to rape, of course. And they also like to mansplain that being raped for money is an empowering choice for women – if only they could do it tooooo. Yeah, right. Useless human garbage.
Note 3: I am absolutely not going to use the euphemism ‘sex tourism’, because using a prostitute isn’t sex. It’s rape. Calling it sex tourism takes away men’s responsibility for what they have freely chosen to do, and takes focus away from what girls and women have not freely chosen to do. Prostitution is very, very, very seldom a free choice (if you use the actual definition of free choice and not the liberal feminism definition).
During my first go-round in graduate school in the US, my closest friend was this brilliant, quirky, and tortured Dutchwoman. Through her and other Dutch I’ve encountered, I, the over-polite Canadian, came to appreciate their delicious bluntness. I’ve since found that they have a just-so way of putting things that hits the nail on the head without destroying your thumb.
I’ll always remember something my friend said that has since had great application in various situations. While she was speaking literally, her words provide a great metaphor.
We were talking about bathroom habits for some strange reason, and I think she was commenting on what she believed was the American tendency to spray perfume or some other artificial smell after doing one’s business in the bathroom. She said:
“I don’t know why people do this! I’d rather just smell your shit than a mixture of your perfume and your shit.”
The implication, of course, is that you can’t cover up reality. And to follow: why should we try? It doesn’t actually work.
I’ve found myself coming back to this simple, but brilliant, comment on the recent human tendency to put a positive spin on political/social/research conclusions and theory. And recently, I’ve been reminded of it in critiques of certain feminist conclusions about the state of things. Conclusions and theories are discarded with the sweep of a hand simply by calling them ‘pessimistic’ or ‘depressing’. It’s not even a valid argument. Something may well be depressing, but that is unrelated to its veracity. This kind of dismissiveness can show up when feminists rightly point out that men have behaved as vicious sons-of-rapists for millennia, and if they wanted to change, they very simply would. Dick supporters will start in with their “That is too pessimistic! Too depressing to contemplate!” spiel. They insist that men can and will change if we just reason with them. Show them the error of their ways. They just need our bottomless female understanding, coddling, and education. But smart feminists have pointed out that men already have been sucking our helpfulness dry for a long, long time. We’ve done all of the above and then some. To no avail. Men don’t want to change. And they never will change. And hell, yes, it is depressing. But it is true. The truth usually isn’t roses and puppy dog kisses. The truth is slavery and rape for women and girls, ad infinitum.
And there are other arguments/theories/conclusions about the state of things and the state of things to come that receive similar reactions. To be honest, it is much the way many women are treated when they try to talk about their experiences of rape and assault – their reality – people don’t want to hear it. It’s too depressing. Too… real? You can lose friendships, family ties, and partner-relationships if you try to talk about your depressing reality (been there a few times, myself).
Why can’t people handle truth? I think this is subject matter for a future post. I want to get into suicide and death and such. People absolutely hate those topics and I think they are very important. Not only does each person have to face reality eventually, but we are soaking in effects of the male death drive and all that implies from the day we’re born. Ignoring it gets us nowhere but a world of hurt.
I prefer the Dutch approach. I may not want to smell the shit, but I’d rather smell it than have my brain confused by the conflation of two incompatible scents. You can’t spray optimism on the toxic air of Patriarchy and expect to find a viable solution or ‘hope for the future’.
I didn’t realize it was Thanksgiving today until some of my Chinese students sent me text and chat messages with some lovely sentiments within. I decided not to remind them that I’m not American, and that while Canadians do celebrate Thanksgiving, we do it in October. I actually taught my students this and explained why Americans celebrate in November and Canadians in October, but Canadians don’t tend to impose their culture on the world, so my lesson didn’t stick. Western culture IS American culture.
Anyhow, I’m not ranting about Americans today – this post isn’t about pornography or capitalism, you see.
I’m talking about thankfulness and how men and women may differ in their perspectives.
As a woman, I’m grateful for every day that I manage not to get raped, sexually assaulted, harassed or reminded that I’m inferior. Luckily, I don’t experience the first two that often anymore – I am getting older and am not deemed as fuckable as I once was, although I’m not immune. But in China, the latter two happen every time I leave my apartment.
As a white woman, I’m ogled as soon as I step outside my apartment door. My neighbours objectify me and other me. They may cringe against the wall in the stairwell with horrified looks on their faces as I pass by them. Walking through my immediate neighbourhood is a daily struggle to remind myself that I’m human and not a walking twat and set of tits. Two-and-a-half years in a place should earn me a spot among humans, but I’m not Chinese and I am a woman, so I must be reminded by every single person I pass that I hold the privilege of being on public display as a sexual object to be enjoyed or reviled (or both) by all. Men don’t get this treatment I (and occasionally they) have observed. And they become invisible if they are walking with me, as I take the heat.
Since opting out of being othered is not possible, I have to resort to feeling thankful if I make it through my errand back to the safety of my apartment without being pointed at, laughed at, yelled at, called racial slurs, or hit on purpose – all of which do happen, and not infrequently. Because I’m a woman and because I’m not Chinese. I’m thankful for my white privilege and the special status that gives me.
Although our goals may be similar, there are two significant differences between serious feminists and superheroines. First, feminists wear comfortable, woman-friendly clothes. And second, unlike superheroines, feminists don’t usually have a clear, specific origin story. Rather, we have moments of clarity or realization. Moments that accumulate. Moments that may not become significant or actionable until later, sometimes in combination with other moments. Sometimes, it is a seemingly small event or moment that puts a lifetime of horror into perspective. You meet someone, you read something, you see or experience something that just makes you say ‘I see what is going on, and I’ve had enough’. It is a matter of right time, right place, and readiness/openness. Although it may happen, I think it is a rare woman who, like Athena, is born clad in full warrior gear.
In this vein, if asked when I became a feminist, I don’t think I could tell you. There have been many significant events that have made me what I am. And I’m still developing. I still make typical mistakes. That is gender programming. It takes a lifetime to siphon the poison from one’s personal psychology and behaviour.
I still remember an early formative moment. It’s something I think about 30 years later, and it still guides me. It’s not the most important formative event, but rather, one of many.
I was 13. It was a winter evening at about 9:30 pm. It was freezing, dark, snow everywhere. I had attended my father’s university lecture in psychology. We were driving home. I was sitting in the passenger seat in the front of the car, looking out the window.
And I saw her.
A woman being dragged by her hair across the snow into a bush. She was fighting, but not winning. The man who had her was bigger and determined. And it was late on a weeknight in the winter. There was no one around.
I shouted to stop the car. Startled, my father pulled over. I pointed and insisted. We intervened. The man ran off. We hustled the woman into our car and drove her home. She was mostly silent, but we learned her attacker was her ex-husband. I was also silent, emotions confused. I was learning something important. I realized that had I not seen her and done something, something BAD would have happened. But my understanding wasn’t nuanced.
And afterwards, my father, the brilliant psychologist, never spoke a word about it. I was not debriefed. Not counselled. I was left to draw my own conclusions. Possibly, he remembered having to intervene when his father beat his mother. No excuse though. When I look back at that child from the perspective of an adult, I’m shocked, saddened, and I wish I could go back to do damage control. But would I be what I am and do what I do if I’d not worked through that business alone?
A girl is exposed to explicit, real life violence – a stranger’s near rape/beating/murder. She plays a significant role in ending that violence, shares a space with the stranger for a few minutes, the significant connection between them left unarticulated, the silence controlled by another man, and then, and the child is left to wonder, to analyze, to worry, to fear. To build a schema.
It was only years later after many, many object lessons on what men were, thought about and did to women, after intervening in other near-rapes and beatings, that I realized that the woman I had saved years before was only temporarily safe. Temporarily safe from this specific man in her life, and generally, from all men no matter where or when. There is no beginning and end to violence for women. There are episodes in a lifetime of fear. And there are many lifetimes. This woman was one of millions and millions and millions through time. We are all that woman at some point. And to not be a feminist – to not want female freedom from male violence and control – is just not an option. For me.
Eventually, I’m going to do a whole post on purported ‘white woman privilege’ that every single group (sometimes including self-immolating white lib-fem women) on the planet likes to shout to silence a white woman when she tries to speak. [Update: I went ahead and created the White Girl series to address this huge problem.] White women are still women, and there is the shit heap of hate and violence that goes with that. A white woman doesn’t have anywhere near the advantages that a white man has, and in many cases that a man of colour has, yet has to be held accountable for all the sins of the white man – her lord and master. But know that penis always wins over vagina, no matter the colour. Sex is the original, longest-existing, and most disregarded or pooh-poohed oppression in human history – all oppressions derive from it. Being white doesn’t erase woman-hatred, and can bring with it, in fact, a set of unique problems. But that discussion is for another post. I’m writing today about a recent conversation with a man that falls into this category of penis trumping vagina, despite colour. A man of colour targets a white woman for sexual assault based on sexual stereotypes of her.
Rewind to six months ago: For those who aren’t regular readers, I live in Southern China. I work at a university that has a handful of campuses. I live on one of the smaller campuses in the staff housing. I am the only white person here. There are a few Filipino teachers and a handful of mostly black students here too. The bulk of the foreigners live at the main campus. I’m a bit lonely. I don’t know many people in my immediate area save a few of my better students who occasionally have lunch with me. While I’m open to meeting new people, I don’t actively seek it out. I’m quiet and a loner and I’m a-okay with that.
The night in question, I had gone into town to meet up with a Chinese friend, and I had arrived back at my campus mid-evening after a truly lovely day. It was starting to get dark. As I was entering the campus gates, a man sidled over and began to walk with and talk to me. I thought he must have been one of the black students who live at our campus. It turns out he was a French-speaker, which immediately piqued my interest as I seldom get to practise my French, so we switched languages. He said he was from Paris and taught French at our school. I was a little surprised. We have one woman from France here and she usually teaches Business English, not French. And we lost our Italian teacher after they started forcing her to teach English. But whatever. The school doesn’t inform me of new staff hires. So we chatted, and when we got to the fork in the road where I went off to staff housing, and he was going off to the dorms where he said he lived, we exchanged phone numbers. I was happy to have a new French-speaking friend who was an adult and had world experience. I like students, but I find there is always a teacher-student boundary that I don’t like to cross with regard to conversation topics. Sometimes, I just want friends – and here, I don’t meet a lot of adult women. Sometimes, I let my guard down and allow the possibility of a male friend. Usually a mistake. Men don’t become friends with women without there being a self-serving purpose. Women are there to be used in a variety of ways. I feel very stupid every time I forget that.
So, I went off on my way home.
Being female, I did what I always do when interacting with males. I checked behind me a few times. No matter how nice a dude is, you want to make sure you’re not followed. It had nothing to do with race (I can just hear someone screaming ‘YOU DID THAT BECAUSE HE WAS BLACK – WAAAAAAAH!!!!!’ Nope. I’m wary of ALL men. Men of all races have attacked me. No one gets a free pass. Penis = justified suspicion. I’d given him my phone number, yes, but no dude can truly be trusted, and I don’t let men know where I live. Ever. So I looked back. I was safe. No one followed me.
About half an hour after I returned, I got a phone call. It was Dude. WTF? And immediately, he aggressively started in with demands to come over and fuck me. Talking over me as I tried to say no. Repeating the demands over and over. At first, I fell into the typical girl thing and said I had a boyfriend. Didn’t matter, he said. He just wanted to fuck. Don’t be so serious. I asked him why he didn’t have a local girlfriend. He said he didn’t like Chinese girls. I knew what that meant. You can’t just fuck Chinese girls – they are more conservative here. I didn’t bother asking about the other African students – men who go abroad often don’t like women of their own race (white men never approach me here in China since they are after Asian pussy). So that meant he targeted me because I was white, and every man of every race knows that white women will fuck anyone. We’re ‘easy’. And that’s when I got really pissed. Like all men, a woman’s ‘no’ doesn’t mean a thing. And the racial component, which I’ve experienced soooo many times before, sent me over the edge. I switched to English to regain a slight feeling of power in the situation. I told him off. Made my position as clear as possible. He was being disrespectful of me. I was angry. And I was not interested at all in sex. I told him he lied to me. I was adamant that he not call me again.
And he called me again. And again. And again. Over the next few weeks, he called several times. I never answered. And I decided not to block him because I wanted to keep a record of the harassment in my phone log.
I went into the Foreign Affairs Office of my university, which unfortunately was at the main campus – not mine. I reported the guy. I only had a first name and a phone number. There was no record of him as a student. And he definitely wasn’t a teacher either. All I knew was that he was a potential rapist who had targeted me because I was a woman and white. The Foreign Affairs Officer said there was nothing that could be done. I asked if we could call the police (our campus is, in fact, beside a police academy). He said no. Apparently, in China, sexual harassment, stalking or even sexual assault aren’t police matters. What??? I think the guy didn’t want the reputation of the university to be tarnished by a sexual harassment complaint. The Foreign Affairs Officer (a man) suggested that I not go out at night. For fuck’s sake! So, this is MY problem. There is a rapist on the loose, and I have to alter MY behaviour.
I was terrified walking around on my campus. What if I ran into him? I am easy to pick out since I am the only white woman around for miles. What if he followed me? The guy was huge. There was no way I would be able to fight him off. And if I managed to hurt him, I would be imprisoned thanks to misogynist Chinese law. Rape isn’t taken seriously here.
Well, I mostly didn’t go out at night for a long time. I lived in terror knowing that no one was on my side. Eventually, the calls stopped. Maybe he found someone else to rape. All of this became just another of many similar dealings with men and yet another reason not to trust them or interact with them unnecessarily. I’m tired of being threatened and feeling terrified and having to alter MY behaviour and routines.
This is an example of my white female privilege. Are you jealous? We are targeted by men of different races because we are seen as the epitome of whores. The crème de la crème. All women are whores, and all women should aspire to be as light-skinned as possible. The whiter you are, the more of a prize fuck you are. And we are open to it, so the stereotype goes. We will fuck anyone and everyone. We are public property. If you can fuck a white woman – and of course, according to American TV and films (written and produced mostly by white men, many of whom are Jewish), all white women do is look for opportunities to get naked and fuck, so it must be true – then you score big time. You can check it off your list of things to do before you die. This is what happens when men define female freedom. Female freedom = happy for every many to fuck her. For free. Anytime. Anywhere. The word “no” isn’t in her vocabulary. And some white women (e.g., see the slutwalk brigade) have taken men’s words to heart.
I haven’t. Liberation means something very different to me. It means freedom from men’s desires, demands and crimes (which are all the same thing). It means freedom from fear. Fear of men and what they do and get away with. Adopting the dictates of slavery as your own does not free you. It just opens you up to more abuse. And all men know this and try to take advantage of this. So black men, Asian men, Arab men, aboriginal men – all men – have now proclaimed an open season on white women. Mark my words, white girls. By accepting your boys’ definition of (sexual) freedom, you must service all men free of charge. Rape is not possible when men believe you want it 24/7, and all they hear you saying is, “yep, I’m a slut”. I see you as brainlessly complicit in the shit that happens to me. Not the masterminds, but dangerous sheep-accomplices, nonetheless.
And though I’ll cover this in my future post on the intersection of race and sex, I’ll just be clear here since I know reading this will make people uncomfortable because white women aren’t supposed to experience systemic problems or talk about them. I am not negating violence against women of colour or their unique problems resulting from sex and their particular race and location in the world. I am saying that we are not responsible for what white men or men of colour do to them, though. Every group of women experiences a combination of racial and sexual stereotyping and punishment at the hands of men of all different groups. Including white women. The truth is that it is not all fun and games for white chicks despite what you might need to tell yourself to feel at home in your own particular oppression-group or to feel righteous when you attack the white women you feel obliged to ‘other’. We make much easier targets than men of any colour, and it is widely believed that hurting us, the property of white men, is the best way to sock one to the male masters.
I kicked off a new topic last month: conversations with men (first post in that category). These posts will consist of interactions I’ve had willingly and unwillingly with men. These are the interactions that have cumulatively led to me gradually pulling away from dubious friendships, support of, and even chance encounters in public with men. I’ve become much more selective and self-protective in deciding who stays in my life and with whom I’m willing to cross paths. Women are not always so lucky in being able to select. We often find ourselves in horrible, damaging or life-threatening situations with men who want us to know where we stand with them. Often we have no control over what happens to us.
The conversations I will recount will be both verbal and non-verbal. A lot of the time, men convey very important and dangerous messages through their non-verbal conversations with us. Words don’t need to be exchanged for information to be delivered in a loud and clear way, you see.
Rewind to 1996: Pre-9/11 Belgium. Pre-hysterical-Islamophobia-obsession. But not pre-gynophobia among Muslim men – they’ve hated women for millennia, and they have a special, violent hatred for Western/Westernized women.
I had taken a short trip to Europe prior to starting graduate school in the US. I tend to travel alone, and often meet interesting people as a result. I’d met a few travelling German women, and together, clothed conservatively in jeans, t-shirts, and our hiking boots, like most budget-travelling women, we went out to enjoy some music.
It was a lot of fun for me. Until I was unwillingly entered into a frightening conversation.
One minute, I was dancing in the crowd, and the next, I was lifted backwards off the ground by the neck. I couldn’t breathe.
After struggling for my life – no one had noticed or helped me – I managed to break free. Or had I been released…? A group of Muslim men had gotten it into their heads to engage a white whore in conversation and remind her that her life was in their hands and that she was garbage. Disposable. The ring leader had taken his belt off and put it around my neck, and jerked me backwards off the ground, dragged me over into his group in the corner – a thoroughly effective way to bring me into their conversation on male dominance, Islamic superiority, and Western whoredom. I screamed at them afterwards, once I was able to breathe again. They laughed. A good joke.
I don’t know if they had intended to kill me or whether being in public had stopped them short, and the conversation was enough for them. If I had encountered them in the street while alone, would they have raped me? Beaten me? Killed me? Like in the club, they would have gotten away with it. Especially now, they’d be home free in our post-9/11 world where associating Islam with violence is a no-no – especially violence against women.
I am terrified of men. I am terrified of religious men. I am especially terrified of Muslim men (although apparently, I subconsciously hate Christianity more). According to many liberals, me writing about this true event in my life is likely to be seen as hate speech. But what those men did to me wasn’t hate, wasn’t crime. Still isn’t. Racially-motivated crimes against women are not hate crimes.
There is a reason I stopped going to clubs after that. I realized that I had done nothing wrong. I existed. In public. I was a woman. I was white. Apparently, that is enough to sentence me to death. And the message from that conversation came through loud and clear. There is nothing I can do about it save avoid going out.
And I have complied. And I still remember the feel of that belt around my neck nearly 20 years later.
Part one: That’s Some Toolbox You’ve Got There, Ladies.
In the previous post linked to above, I talked about several of the tools and techniques women have at the ready in order to survive as slaves in a patriarchal system. These are the mechanisms that lead women to:
- accept abuse, rape, heaps of discrimination without complaint;
- seek out and stay in romantic relationships with men where anything can and does happen (keep in mind that no relationship between men and women is equal);
- comply and perpetuate Patriarchy by attacking potential allies (non-compliant women/feminists) and indoctrinating children in the ways of gender; and
- fail to notice the millions and millions of daily messages, large and small, direct and indirect, aimed at women to let them know that they are members of the sex class, meant to serve men, and undeserving of freedom or respect.
That post was about defense. This one is about offense. I want to talk about the tools and mechanisms – or weapons – men have in their arsenals to reinforce their supremacy by keeping women in line. Note that ALL men are given starter arsenals as boys, and most grow up to add more vicious and effective weapons as they get older – even the liberal, so-called ‘Nice Guys’.
I’m not going to talk about physical weapons like guns or knives or physical violence like rape or beatings or BDSM torture. These are obvious. Instead, like in the previous post, I’m going to talk about psychological warfare and what men do to mindfuck ‘loved’ ones, acquaintances, and strangers.
In case, you’re prepared to jump in with a standard, knee-jerk “But women do it tooooooo!” whinge-fest, please note that a) this post is not about individual women attacking individual men as DOES happen, but is not a systematic problem, and b) this post is about class warfare – by men as a class against women as a class. There has never been a war waged by women against men. If so, there’d be millions of dead and maimed men out there. As it stands, the only ones killing men in any number are MEN. So zip it and read on!
Note that some of the defense mechanisms talked about the the previous post can be used by men as attack mechanisms. Projection, for instance, can work the following way in the hands of a man on the attack. As a rule, men have a socialized, underlying hatred of women. Many men will project their hatred of women onto the women themselves claiming that women actually are the ones who hate men. This is the current chant of the MRAs (morons’ rights activists), and is why terms like ‘feminazi’ and ‘man-hating, lesbo feminist’ exist without evidence for them. Men’s hatred is turned into women’s hatred to make men feel justified in issuing rape threats, actual rape, beatings, and psychological warfare.
This is a form of denial, but it is denial used to attack or manipulate. By refusing to admit that something is true, often repeatedly, the attacker causes their victim to begin to question their perceptions and lose confidence. The more off-balance a victim is, the more likely she is to remain in thrall to an abuser. The victim is increasingly likely to overlook often outrageously bad behavior, especially if they are in a relationship.
Example: On an individual level, imagine a newbie to the BDSM scene. She feels like what she is experiencing is abuse, but her dominant repeatedly says it didn’t happen or reframes her experience as something entirely different – submitting isn’t abuse, it is freedom, it is love. It is actually she who has the power. He invalidates her perceptions and she comes to doubt herself. She becomes primed for a deep commitment to submissive status.
We also see this in the low incidence of rape reporting – we can apply gaslighting to women as a group. Women are almost never believed when they dare to speak out about being raped. As a result, women as a class, often doubt their own experiences of rape and don’t bother to speak out. Women are not believed, so most women believe their experiences aren’t real.
It is common for those who don’t conform to mainstream expectations to be pathologized. If someone doesn’t meet expectations, there must be something wrong with her. She needs to be fixed, medicated, given therapy, subjected to surgery, controlled and brought to heel.
Example: The current craze in pathologizing is, of course, centred on sexuality. These days, women need to be ready for sex and thrilled about it 24/7. Of course, sexuality and sex are still defined by men for men, so the perfectly reasonable avoidance or lack of desire on the part of women to engage in something that will not benefit them in any way (and is actually dangerous in many ways) becomes ‘a problem’. Instead of seeing and accepting it for what it actually is – a normal response to sexual slavery and erasure – women are labelled ‘frigid’ or ‘depressed’ or something that indicates that they aren’t fulfilling the expected role. Out come the drugs, sex therapy, psychological abuse, demands for polyamory, and porn.
Shaming and Guilting
Very simply, the act of inspiring feelings of guilt or shame in someone to get them to do something they don’t want to do or to back down on requests for fair treatment.
Example: Men love to push women to the edge and over it in relationships, and inspiring shame or guilt – some of the first powerful feelings young girls experience in all cultures – is a very effective way for men to get what they want. Men often play the victim. Their lives are so hard, and according to them, women make their lives even harder with their nagging and unreasonable demands for respect or consideration. It is these techniques of shaming and guilting that inspire the following: “If you loved me, you would…” and the demands almost always entail some demeaning, degrading, brutalizing, unfair sexual performance or concessions on the part of the woman.
Shaming and guilting (in addition to spreading lies and misinformation) are the key tools in the Pro-Choice movement’s assault against women who need abortions.
A tool used to silence another person by claiming greater victimhood status.
Example: This has recently become a very effective tool in our modern age of oppression status. Everybody is being oppressed. It is a common tool used by men of colour against white women who rebuke their rape or harassment attempts. These men will scream ‘racism!’ or society will do it for them if the rape attempt becomes public knowledge. It is one reason I didn’t report being violently raped by my Arab Muslim boyfriend 8 years ago. ‘Islamophobia’ is a buzzword right now, and current Liberals can get enthusiastically on board with the idea that a white woman is using her poorly suppressed Islamophobia/racism to make a false rape claim but have an incredibly hard time believing that a man has raped a woman.
Some of these men know exactly that is what will happen when they scream racism – it is a joke and a get out of jail free card since racism is taken seriously, but misogyny and violence against women are not. For others, they truly believe they are being oppressed when a woman refuses or fights against their violence. Men of all colours (and SES, religions, etc.) are taught from birth that they are entitled to pussy any time they want it.
Others argue that this is also what is happening with some of the male-to-female trans community trying to silence women by one-upping them on the oppression scale. By using male tactics of aggression and claiming status as ‘women’, actual women are forced into silence. Again, some of these folks know exactly what they are doing, while others may wear oppression as clothing and truly believe everyone is hurting them personally.
The most egregious examples of one-upping occur when a white dude with no true difficulties in life claims victimhood status that is more important than a woman – any woman. This happens CONSTANTLY (see MRAs, for example).
I truly can’t count the number of men – white and non-white – who have silenced me by shouting me down with examples of how they perceive themselves to be the most unfortunate victims on the planet. It has been especially effective when coupled with guilting.
Hope / Manipulated Forgiveness
Hope, is probably one of the most powerful forces out there. Giving someone the impression that things will get better can erase the effects and memories of an incredible amount of abuse.
Example: The most common scenario is that of the battered spouse/girlfriend. Despite the well-known mantra of psychologists and statisticians that past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour, the battering male will erase this idea by promising that he will change. And he seems to… until the next time he beats and rapes his wife/girlfriend. It helps that women are programmed from childhood to forgive.
There are many more psychological attack devices that men use against women to keep their system of dominance firmly in place. This is just a taste.
It’s my first post of October. Alas, I have been out of town and away from my keyboard. It’s my first chance to write.
I normally find it healthy to get out of China once or twice a year. China is not the greatest place to live as a non-Chinese woman. Outside of your apartment you are public property, permanently on display for every man, woman and child. And they’re not polite about it. I’ve learned to dissociate as soon as I leave my apartment, much like I have done during a pelvic exam at the gyno’s office or during a sexual assault. I pretend I’m not there. I wonder at the long-term damage to my spirit, all this dissociation.
But for a few reasons, I’d been stuck in China for about 14 months. And then I found a way to leave for about 10 days that overlapped with a Chinese holiday and the rest, well, I took a few days off work. I went to the United States, Los Angeles specifically, to visit a complicated friend. Or is it a simple friend with whom I have a complicated relationship? Dunno.
Going from China to the US – or any Western country for that matter – is always strange to me. They are such different experiences, although there are many underlying similarities. As this is a short post, I’ll just mention one thing that really stands out to me that illustrates this unique quality – the differentness and the similarity of the places.
China is distinctly not white. White people don’t rule the day-to-day business. On a global scale, that is a different matter – although I think that is starting to change. But on the ground, white people don’t have special rights, and in fact, are often denied rights and are abused in the way that foreign workers or tourists usually are anywhere without workers’ rights or human rights standards as the norm. Chinese is the dominant race and culture. Among the foreign population, most (in my city) are not white. Among the white population, white women are a rare thing. Men are always more plentiful among travellers and foreign workers. Women are just less likely to work abroad unless they come with a partner or have a personal well of confidence. So if you see a white woman, it is an uncommon thing, indeed.
Los Angeles, on the other hand, is distinctly multiracial and multicultural. White is still the dominant race power-wise, and more specifically and pointedly, white men rule.
Yet, in both places, white women are the universally-accepted whores.
When I walk around in the very, very non-foreign-populated community in which I live in China, you will see large poster advertisements in the commercial areas of white women in lingerie or in sexy poses for some stupid product or other. It is offensive and disconcerting. Most people have never seen a live white person, but might be faced day-to-day with a larger than life advertisement of a scantily-clad white woman. And then they run into me. How do they see me? I have first-hand knowledge of the poor treatment that can result. Going by the behaviour of some of them, I can only imagine they think I am public property, especially if they are watching American films and television in addition to viewing misogynist advertisements.
While in L.A., even in my friend’s upper middle class neighbourhood, there were plenty of billboards and advertisements along the commercial streets. And most of them were of nearly-naked white women selling all sorts of shit from construction boots to gym memberships. There were a couple of new, highly-offensive and scary ones that had been put up since I was last there. I’ve never understood the logic of what is done in advertisements. It can’t just be catering to men’s penises. The ads are so hateful, I can only imagine that they are also designed to remind women of what their place is and the fact that they will never truly measure up. You are all whores. You need to have this skin colour. And of course, you need to look like this. Why would we want to be whores, though? Why do women accept this pronouncement? These ads?
For some reason, white women have become the target of many, men and women, alike. Women, in general, do make the easiest targets, and white women are easier to attack than the real culprits – white men. They are the cannon fodder. The ones white men put in front to take the heat, to shoulder all the blame. And because white women are part of the sex class, they become the whore all women should both aspire to and hate at the same time. But the thing is, white women don’t have real power. Forget what some dumb fun-feminist tells you about empowerment through nudity and sucking cock. They still have less power than all men of all colours. Always have. They are still victimized by the lowest men on the male hierarchy. A homeless, mentally ill man of colour can terrorize any woman on the street and get away with it. He can even scream racism at her as she cowers from his male threat, not his race. The woman can’t escape. She just needs to ‘relax’, ‘take it easy’ – she is the privileged one, right? The public and law will support him over her. He is justified. As long as women are objects, they have no power. As long as we have to witness our naked bodies on display for entertainment and marketing, we will never be free or be safe or have power or be taken seriously. Those billboards hurt.
If your only rejoinder is that ‘sex sells’, well, guess what? None of this is sex. It is debasement, objectification, exploitation, and subjugation. Of a class of people.
It’s not ‘sex sells’. It’s ‘sexual slavery sells’. And it sells everywhere in the world, thanks to men of all colours, led by the white boys. The solution is not to include more women of colour in the public nudie parade. It is to take the group-specific sexploitation out of entertainment and marketing entirely.
I’d like to live in a place where advertisements (if they must exist at all) are limited to the product and its qualities. No whores needed. In China, in the US, anywhere, everywhere.
Most abuses and rapes of girls and women don’t make it to the newspapers or news desks of the world. First, there are too many of them – if all incidents were properly and publicly reported on we would have to admit there is a problem – a problem with men. A problem with how the world works. And we don’t want that. Men are untouchable and should remain that way.
Second, straight up rape and child abuse and other forms of sexual assault are fucking boring to our knuckle-dragging, drooling masses. I mean seriously. You’ve heard one story of a terrified woman being assaulted, you’ve heard ’em all. Can you imagine if we had to listen to them all?
But there is a special genre of woman-hurt that gets boners a-raging. Women pay attention too, but if the reporting didn’t titillate men, it wouldn’t make press at all. Women don’t get off on assault of their sisters regardless of what your misogynist husband or boyfriend or choice-feminist BFF tells you.
That is the sex-slave-held-captive-and-made-to-do-unspeakable-things genre of lady abuse.
The reporting of these horrible, horrible stories of tragedy are salacious. It is porn. It is men’s fantasies made real. The victimized girls and women are treated to various rounds of further abuse as they are made to relive their ordeals for the rapacious (male) public. And it is sport – a national/international pastime, if you will – with enough detail, you can always find some angle from which to blame the dirty little whores for what has been done to them.
I was coming of age during the infamous Ken and Barbie murders in Canada, and was luckily spared from having to read or watch too many details because of where I lived at that time and the fact that I was too busy studying to go searching for more information. In Canada, the rape videos and perpetrators’ testimony were banned from public access for legal reasons, but disgusting (male) Americans dusted off their poorly misunderstood and extremely abused Constitution in order to get access to everything. For offering support to the cause of crimes against women and girls? Hell no!!! They widely distributed the graphic detail on the internet. Pure boner material, I’m sure. I distrust any American who spouts off about freedoms of speech and expression. These jizzings are almost always made by men who don’t understand what freedom of speech actually means or the true purpose of the Amendments concerned (nor do they care), and when you get right down to it, are really only motivated by exploiting women for profit or want to preserve the privilege to jack off to women’s pain and humiliation.
[Note: Having cruised a few sites covering this disgusting event in Canadian history, I’ve noticed that the Barbie of the Ken and Barbie pair receives most of the attention, all of the blame for the crimes, and some sites post nude photos of her taken by Ken to degrade her as they do the female victims of the couple. Thank you, Patriarchy! Well-reported!]
I generally avoid reading about this genre of crimes against girls and women for these very reasons. Given how the media work today, it seems impossible to respectfully cover the crime. News is entertainment. Nothing less, nothing more.
Yet, I somehow managed to run across a video today about that psychopath, Ariel Castro, today. You know – that human stain who kept three girls in his basement as sex slaves for 10 years. How did I get to this video? I have no idea. I had been watching stuff on economics. And then blam! Suddenly, I’ve entered a whole new world, and couldn’t look away, and of course, couldn’t resist reading a few comments. Two things: YouTube videos are often misnamed on purpose. And internet commenters are often stupid. Unbelievable, huh? Anyhow, I started watching this thing, and one of the neighbours actually said: “He was a good man.” And other neighbours were similarly stunned. How could such a decent guy be such a – a what? What is the word for a guy like this?
And so we get down to an important piece of reality. A lot of men lately have been getting pissy when they discover women are increasingly cautious around men, in general. Or are afraid of men, in general. Or have a growing, *defensive hatred of men, in general. Given that neither men nor women can seem to spot a rapist and sadist upon looking at him or even knowing him superficially, and that there are probably a lot more of them out there than we hear about in extreme cases like this Castro horror show, I think that distrust and hatred are perfectly reasonable responses. Think about it this way, if men are doing the raping and hurting and violating, then they need to solve that problem – the onus is on them to earn trust. Women are not responsible for men’s psychopathy.
* Defensive – yes defensive. Notice that when women ‘hate’ men, it is in response to male hate of women. In this case, we know which came first – male hatred. If women hated men first, men would be dying at the hands of women. Often. Instead of the reverse. And really, even our defensive ‘hate’ doesn’t lead to violence and rape like aggressive male hate. Male hissy fits only serve to avoid accepting reality.
I don’t necessarily think that the hatred men have for women has either increased or decreased over the years. What appears to be the case (and one could say this holds for every aspect of societal evolution over long periods of time) is that how the hate manifests can appear to intensify. The hate levels and proportion of infected hater population can stay the same, but the manifestations of the hate can appear to escalate in horrificity. With globalization and improvement in modes of communication and information sharing, there has definitely been a change in the spread of hatred towards women.
A handful of years ago, whilst living in rural China, a local teacher explained to me that the internet made people bad. It is still a commonly held view in China that information censorship is a good and necessary thing. My immediate reaction was to oppose her view. I like freedom of speech despite that the principle does not yet serve the oppressed like it does oppressors. We just don’t live in a world where the principle is applied equally. Oppressors (men, religious people, straight people, breeders, etc) use freedom of speech to spew hatred and perpetuate violence, while those they oppress (women, atheists, lesbians and gays, non-breeders, etc) are often censored. And I think the definition of ‘speech’ is often twisted and abused in order to include and protect violent acts like pornography that serve to hurt the oppressed and make money for the dominant class.
Communication tools can be harmful and beneficial at the same time. Unlike the Chinese teacher, I don’t think there is a simplistic and direct, one-way, causal relationship between tools and people’s goodness or badness. That is not to say they don’t influence each other. They do. I would argue that there may be more harm than good being done, but then again, I don’t think any society in our world is set up to reward good behaviour to the extent that they do bad behaviour. That is Patriarchy, and it’s not a good system for most people. The internet was created as a tool to serve Patriarchy, and while some have managed to do good things with it, it still serves its masters: men.
Anyhow, back to the people.
Assholes existed before the internet was created. Awesome people existed before the internet was created. And then came the internet. Assholes became more assholish (perhaps a few stayed the same or reformed). Lots of people found ways to become assholes thanks to this thing called ‘relative anonymity’ – one key, defining element of the internet. And many awesome people became more awesome. Some people used the internet to learn and self-improve, or help isolated people organize and overcome various hardships. Other people found convenient and rewarding outlets for their hate and self-indulgence that they never had before, or found ways to make money off peddling hate. In short, like any other tool, it is impossible to label the internet as good or bad. It made some people better, had little real effect on several folks, and it made lots of people worse. And of course, people had an effect on the internet in a myriad of ways. Cause and effect are hard to discern.
Let’s get back to the woman-hate problem.
Woman hate has existed for a long, long time. The internet has provided a means for that hatred to manifest in disturbing ways. And these manifestations are colouring human interaction in the meat world, which then continues on to affect the online world. Now, the internet has:
a) provided a common, virtual space for men to meet and bond regardless of race, age or religion in a new kind of brotherhood of hate,
b) provided a platform for manifestos and other writings advocating for hate of and violence against women that can be accessed by anyone in the world. Unlike in previous times, ‘publishing’ is no longer limited to those who can write well or think well, or who are connected enough to find a respectable publishing outlet, In essence, any dickface can jizz online and be read by millions of other dickfaces,
c) increased men’s boldness and willingness to hurt women by allowing anonymous hordes of dudes to e-threaten or e-gang rape a woman who dares speak in public. The kind of repulsive hate speech you can easily find online is like nothing we have ever seen before. These dudes far outspew historic sex-based hate writers, such as de Sade. Previously, men had few places where they could go to bond with other men over rape and sexual violence (e.g., strip clubs) and were limited to private hate at home, in the office to a certain extent, or during the clandestine paid rape of a prostitute. Before the internet, men who couldn’t find support for their hate may have suppressed or localized their violence, and may have even questioned themselves, out of fear of repercussion and lack of support. But these days, group think and group acceptance has increased male boldness and made it easier to let loose on women violently, both online and off.
d) provides unlimited access to free or inexpensive depictions of horrific sexual violence (e.g., porn, ‘edgy photo art’ and BDSM sites) for many who never before had access, including young boys. The latter are getting their sex education primarily from sites fetishizing gruesome sexual violence against women and girls. And pairing this ‘learning’ with boners and orgasms (previously not possible in public, but now possible anonymously at home) is unnervingly effective.
There is plenty more to say on that, but I’ll stop at four.
On the positive side of things, the internet has:
a) allowed abused women who have been socially isolated by patriarchal structures such as marriage and poverty to find support, strength and the courage to escape in online support groups,
b) allowed women who haven’t found a community of like-minded women in the real world to find hope and support in online communities,
c) provided knowledge of and access to feminist literature that cannot be found in most libraries due to censorship of women writers/radical material or bias towards providing published penis’ pointless pontification,
d) allowed marginalized radical feminists an outlet and a voice in the form of blogs and web sites that they themselves can control. Men still try to attack them and derail them, but women can choose how much to interact or allow on their sites. They can also choose anonymity and still speak to promote positive change. This is impossible in the real world, and many women have stayed silent in the past due to very real, constant threats to their safety at the hands of men and sometimes patriarchy-supporting handmaidens,
And of course, there are other ways women benefit from the internet.
How does it balance out? Impossible to say, exactly. The positives are encouraging and do provide help to individuals, although I doubt women are taking advantage of it in the way they need to to effect real change on a societal level.
The negatives are disturbing, and I’d hazard a guess that one of a few things will eventually happen.
1) Violence against women will become so normalized that we’ll regress as a society and end up with a repressive something-or-other akin to what Margaret Atwood depicted in her classic novel or the way things went in Iran, post-Revolution.
2) Western men will become so addicted to and distracted by the pornification of women that more controlled and focused societies (aka China) will easily take over global dominance. China is no picnic in terms of women’s status, but they are definitely not as obsessed with porn and normalized, widespread depictions of rape as the West is.
3) Highly unlikely, but I dream – women will finally wake up, get out of their Bibles and off their dance poles and say, “Enough is enough. Time for revolution. Either you’re for human rights or you’re against ’em. Pick yer side!” and shoot the whole place up. Not for the imposition of another dominance structure such as matriarchy, but for liberation from sex-based oppression.
I root for #3, but I suspect #2 is the most likely scenario. As I mentioned in another post, I increasingly find myself in the position of having to explain the American porn and sex obsession to my Chinese undergrads, Masters and PhD students. It’s what they’re learning about and are confused about in Western entertainment.
I love the internet. My life would be incredibly different and much smaller without it. But I worry. It depresses me to no end that so many men have used such a valuable and amazing tool for the most disgraceful, shameful, boring and base of power fantasies.
I’ve travelled a bit in my life. Admittedly, although I’ve been living in China for a number of years now, I seldom travel anymore except to go to a specific, known destination to visit a specific, known person. I couldn’t figure out why until recently. Previously, I just thought that my priorities were changing. I mean, I’ve been exploring the advantages and disadvantages in my life, comparing what people tell me I am with what I know I am, and as I become more and more anti-capitalist and more and more minimalist, I find the idea of travel in this day and age repulsive. But that is only part of the story. What I finally realized is that all of the sexual assault in my life, especially that experienced while travelling, has finally caught up with me psychologically, and I have a form of PTSD that is common, but not widely recognized or accepted, in many women who have suffered continually at the hands and dicks of men.
Anyhow, if you have the chance to sit down with people who are willing to be honest about their travel experiences, you’ll notice a major difference between the stories men tell you and those that women tell you.
Unfortunately, I still have a male in my life who travels extensively without any grasp of his straight, white, able-bodied, British, male privilege, and I’m stuck listening to his stories. He is much, much less interested in my stories – never mind my less pleasant stories. Men seldom want to have the reality of their privilege laid out before them. I only keep this dude around because it’s hard to find an atheist to talk to and it’s hard to find an anti-capitalist anywhere. It’s China – a pseudo-religious/uber-traditional, money-hungry, consumerist culture. It’s a hard place to be as a foreign woman with my philosophy of life.
So I’ve taken any atheist I can get. If you listen to the travel exploits of any dude like my acquaintance, you’ll hear about drunken revelry, getting into heaps of ‘trouble’ (all a good laugh really, they say), not a single fear of anything in the mix, and if they’re really honest with you (which my friend has not been, but I’m sure the stories are there), about all the women (most likely enslaved girls) they’ve r̶a̶p̶e̶d̶ paid to fuck. Some dudes have told me about their prostitution adventures in very poor countries. And myself, I’ve personally witnessed foreign men picking up 14-year-olds in impoverished places. Ten cent blow jobs or anal rape, anyone? They’re just poor trash. They’re just whores. Just there to service wealthy, foreign penises. And hey, the dudes are contributing to the economy by employing them!!! Men love their prostitution/rape vacations, they do, they do. Oh, male privilege. The depths of depravity and sociopathy and narcissism can’t be calculated.
If you listen to the travel experiences of women who’ve journeyed alone, and they trust you enough to be honest with you, after you hear about the interesting things they’ve seen and done, you’ll hear about tales of being intimidated, followed, flashed, harassed, solicited, groped, attacked, beaten and/or raped by men. It is not a rare thing. I can’t think of a trip I’ve taken – regardless of whether it is the Third World or a developed nation – where some horrible and frightening sex-based incident hasn’t happened to me, including a gang rape while I was unconscious in the bed in the hostel where I was staying, and for which I got in trouble and kicked out because the men made too much noise. The men got to stay, of course. Of course!!! And the assaults over the years have come from white men, black men, Arabs, Asians, Latinos, Christians, Jews, Muslims, atheists. Their race and religion varied, but they had four things in common – they were men, they had privilege over me, they hated women, and they got away with everything and are free to do it all again to someone else. I was targeted because I was a woman, and sometimes, specifically because I was a white woman. [See the growing collection of posts on white female ‘privilege’ here.]
Keep in mind that women usually don’t tell men what has happened to them in their lives, because men will usually brush it off, derail them, blame them, and/or make jokes. That has been my experience. I remember trying to tell someone I was close to about being raped while travelling, and he cut me off angrily to tell me about these never-heard-of-before roving gangs of men in Europe who roam the countryside and alleyways raping male travellers. WTF??? Had he seen or experienced these purported gangs? No. Could he point to some source so I could find out more? No. But he accomplished his goal. He derailed me, and I shut down. He still to this day doesn’t know what happened to me. And I, ten years later, still have never heard of roving gangs of European men who rape and terrorize male travellers willy nilly… Yet, the real stories of my fellow female travellers pour in.
I feel honoured when women trust me enough to tell me about their fear and assault experiences while travelling. They’re brave souls in a way that men never have been and never will have to be, and they don’t deserve what is heaped upon them simply because they have breasts and vaginas and have the audacity simply to exist in public. Women’s stories have never been told, barely exist in the historical record, and are still trampled on today. We need to listen, learn, and put the responsibility for violence where it needs to be. This post isn’t evidence for why women should not travel, especially alone. That is, disgustingly, the position that most of the world takes. Rather, it is evidence for the fact that men in all countries need to take responsibility for their privileged, sociopathic behaviour.
As someone with an advanced degree in psychometrics, I often think about the ways in which we go about assessing things. It was how assessment is misused and abused that got me into the field in the first place, although its applications are many and are used formally and informally by one and all every day.
Some people of the more intellectual or academic sort use formal assessment methods, but are so burdened with bias (especially that derived from privilege), that even applying rigourously developed quantitative methods go horribly wrong once it comes to interpretation of analyses.
Most laypeople rely upon subjective ways of determining something’s value (on whatever scale is relevant), and in many cases, this is problematic. For example, I’ll never give a male friend’s assessment of another dude any credence whatsoever because of his guaranteed blindness due to male privilege. I speak from way too much unfortunate experience. Guys often respect each other, but most dudes hate women on some level. So a male friend’s dude-friend may be ‘cool’ among dudes, but a complete fucking rapist or rape apologist when among women.
Honestly, I like the idea of parsimony. If I can find a simple and quick way to figure out if something or someone is worth my increasingly precious time (ladies, you likely won’t come to start valuing your time until you get older and will waste almost uncountable hours on the bombastic sex), I cherish and hone it.
Given that I’m in between teaching semesters, and I have hours upon hours to devote to entertainment of one sort or another and to copious reading and writing, I’ve been putting some thinking into how not to waste my time. Essentially, how do I assess whether what I’m viewing, reading or listening to is worth my time?
As my commitment to radical feminism develops and deepens, I find there is little to view, read or listen to that has much value. There are very few women – never mind radical feminists – that produce entertainment or ‘art’. The male viewpoint predominates, and attempts by women to break into entertainment are often thwarted, especially if they aren’t willing to destroy the existence of women, and ultimately themselves, in the process. As a result, it is impossible to watch a film or television program that isn’t peppered with misogynistic slurs and insults, increasingly horrifying and glorified sexual violence, empornulated female characters, and really damaging, backwards, and confusing ‘moral lessons’. Truly good books that don’t trigger my ‘sausage alert’ with sexist language (he/mankind/man) and misogynistic stereotypes are few and far between. And even documentaries are heavily dickish. Most art isn’t really that inspiring. And is output from the past much better or worse than that of the present? Same shit, different seasoning, different era.
Sooooo, I have come up with a basic, little formula/criterion that I want to test out. And it’ll work with material produced during any era.
If you have to rely upon denigrating or exploiting women as the sex/subhuman class in some way in order to achieve success in your work, you don’t really have talent.
I’d argue that 99.9% of the work men have produced throughout time and including that of today lacks talent based on this criterion. And honestly, much of the shit that is produced today is so unoriginal, that the only thing that makes it any money is the Tits and Ass it exploits. So if you’re an artiste or a createur in some way (including you fun feminist types), put your s̶h̶i̶t̶e̶ work-of-art to the test. Have you relied upon sexual stereotypes, anti-woman slurs, sexay sexual violence or outright sexual exploitation in order to get it some attention? If you can say ‘no’ and it isn’t a defensive, knee-jerk sort of ‘no’, then I’ll take a look with a skeptical and critical eye.
And be honest with yourself, for fuck’s sake. Exploiting women is fucking shameful. And fucking unoriginal. And fucking boring. And sadly, too fucking easy these days.
Art is supposed to teach us something. Make us better as a society. If what is being produced today is any indication of the social/intellectual/creative/ethical direction our world is going in, it is certainly not forward motion.