Category Archives: Separatism
I like geography and all things related. Contrary to misogynistic stereotypes, I am a chick with a good sense of direction and I love maps. I do sometimes get a bit lost, but I figure things out pretty quickly. It is not my experience that males know where they are going or are handy with a map. My most hilarious experience with this occurred in Hong Kong several years ago. I was doing a visa run from mainland China with a group of people who, like me, had never been there before. We got off the metro and had to find the Chinese consulate using a rudimentary public map posted on the wall. Myself? I got my bearings immediately and worked out the most efficient route in my mind, using visual-spatial skills that girls aren’t supposed to have. Now unfortunately, in our group, there was a tall, masculine, loudmouth, ex-military British fucker, whom I’ll call Prince George. And being be-penised, he immediately appointed himself leader and started telling us all his plan to get us to the embassy. I realized immediately that Prince George hadn’t a clue about how to get to where we needed to go. I piped up and said that he was incorrect, and people should follow me instead. But I was ignored, being female and all. And I hadn’t done military service, so obviously, I was missing some kind of navigating skills. So I said, “See ya,” and left the group unencumbered by dude-funk. Can you guess what happened? Yep, the group got lost under the leadership of the humble Prince, and I sat outside the embassy waiting for them for an annoyingly long time.
Moral of the story: Never follow a man or trust what he says about his abilities or knowledge. First, in his over-confidence and general self-delusion, he always knows less than he lets on and a woman will always have to fix whatever problem he creates. And second, males have little consideration for safety and other practical issues only a woman will think about.
I digress slightly. This is actually a post about geography and problems with dudes.
So in my love of geography and learning, I find myself taking little geography quizzes online. I made it my mission to know all of the 196 countries of the world and where they are located (I include Taiwan in this total, having lived there for a few years and having discovered how much it pisses the Chinese off when you tell them they don’t own Taiwan…). Recently, I found myself taking a country factoid quiz and was faced with the following question:
What is the only country with over 90% male citizenship?
I hesitated for a second, as my mind briefly flashed to one of those gun-toting American survivalist groups declaring an independent state. But then I realized they like rape too much, so there is no way they’d shack up officially with so many dudes. So, it had to be gay dudes or religious dudes. Or both!
Yes, that was it. Vatican City, the citizen (not resident) count of which is somewhere under 600. Under 6% of these citizens are female.
Now, personally, I don’t care if men want to form their own male-only countries provided there are serious protections in place against human (i.e., female) trafficking. I’m perfectly fine with separatism as a concept in practice. Male violence can be confined to its own petri dish, and women can be left out of it altogether. And if the dudes can tap into their natural gay selves (all dudes are omnisexual and thus can choose to be gay), all the better for women!
So, Vatican City is the closest thing to what I’m talking about, and their set-up works for them. I argue that it only works as well as it does because it is not completely male. There are a number of non-citizen females who support the city-state both as non-resident workers and as resident ‘support’ of resident males. Further, Vatican City is a highly respected independent state, greatly funded by the larger Christian world population. As well, nobody attacks them – even Muslim terrorists, despite their chest-beating – because any attackers would essentially be waging war on the entire Western world. Also, no one questions their uber-sexist, backwards, religious worldview. They are essentially allowed to function unmolested in hypocrisy and idiocy without a homegrown army (note: the relatively small contingent of super-faggily-dressed Swiss Guard Pope-protectors (see above) would be no match for a modern military assault), and draws in major tourist dollars from a peaceful, but brainwashed, crowd of Christian sheep.
So here is my question: why can’t women create their own internationally recognized and respected women-only, non-religious ‘Vatican City’? Why don’t women WANT this?
The answer is actually quite simple. Despite the fact that women-only city-states make a great deal of sense, even if women demanded them, they would not be allowed to exist. And to be honest, I think there are actually a number of women who would go for this kind of set-up if it were a possibility. But a female Vatican City would be under constant attack by men. Why? Well, all-women communities tend to be high-functioning and non-hierarchical. While girls are taught to believe from birth that they cannot exist without men, the opposite is actually true. Women function better when no men are present. And when men are faced with the reality that they are unnecessary or obsolete, they not only can’t handle it intellectually, but they feel they must retaliate with violence and try to put a stop to female success and independence. A classic, small-scale case of this actually exists in Kenya in the village of Umoja, which was founded nearly 30 years ago by women and girls fleeing from the male violence inevitable under forced heterosexuality, and has persisted despite several different kinds of attacks by men facing their own inadequacy.
In the West, women have not been so lucky. We are at a point where even women-only events and static non-living spaces have not only come under attack, but have been infiltrated and even erased by men, backed by changed laws and hard core violence. It is not unreasonable to say that Western women have as little freedom today as do women in many countries that are supposedly more ‘backward’ or less ‘progressive’. But when you tell Western women they are so privileged and free, they tend not to stand up for themselves and instead feel guilt at how lucky they are… Anyhow, no matter where you are in the world, it is hard to imagine women successfully creating their own women-only permanent living and working community, nevermind a separate city-state or country, and remaining unviolated by men. Unlike the men of Vatican City, these women-only countries would not have the backing and respect of the world.
But wouldn’t it be fantastic? The idea of having an untainted, demarcated space (city) without a single male – even boy-children – demanding your attention and energy and hyper-vigilance. A country where you wouldn’t have to live in fear. Where you could walk alone, unafraid, at any hour of the day. Where you could sleep under the stars without worrying about getting raped or kidnapped. Where you don’t need locks on your doors. Where you don’t have to get married and agree to be raped for decades and decades by a single man in order to be ‘protected’ from being raped by all the others or to be economically secure enough to avoid having to become a hooker to feed yourself. Where female friendship actually means something and is reliable and stable. Where the concept of family is replaced by something less fragile and dangerous and more inclusive. Where women can finally find their natural selves…
[This post is part of the Year of the Fantasy series…]
Is it a good idea to write while seriously sleep-deprived and mildly wasted at the same time? Probably not, but if I write and then wait to publish, there might not be a post at all. I’ve written half a dozen partial posts, only to leave them in draft form. so here goes. Forgive me for whatever comes out on this Saturday night of red wining. There really isn’t much point here other than to lay out what has been keeping me awake.
Imagine an existence where the most you have to worry about is the random illnesses that all people worry about at one point or another in their lives. But know that while you worry about it, you don’t have to panic about not getting appropriate health care (or not, if you choose not to treat what comes up). You don’t have to worry about being homeless or jobless or penniless or helpless – or in some compounded state of fuckery. In other words, imagine normal worries, but in a world that we don’t currently have. Imagine not worrying about your general safety, your employability, your social life, your freedom, your sanity.
It sounds pretty good. I fantasize about it often. I frequently think about what it would be like to just do the work I enjoy – working hard, contributing to the world in a small way. I’ve always wanted to have an edible garden that can sustain me, a native bee and butterfly sanctuary to keep my soul happy, and a pseudo educational centre to retain some kind of connection to the human world. That is my dream job, if you will. But I can’t imagine it happening because I don’t have money to set it up, it wouldn’t be lucrative enough to keep me going, and it wouldn’t set me up for even bare bones retirement as a single, childless woman who has no money, no home and few connections. So I constantly worry about working, my health, what I am going to do as my age increases, what the hell I am going to do given my very serious lack of human connection and financial resources if I run into serious health issues. For the more distant future, I worry about whether I’ll be brave enough or have access to the right resources in order to kill myself in an effective, painless, clean, and straightforward way when the time inevitably comes.
This is the shit I think about more and more with each year as I have become less relevant due to my age and sex. And I’ve come to realize that I worry about this kind of shit because I live in a male-constructed world. And it’s only the tip of the iceberg. I’ve also come to realize that there is absolutely no reason at all why people should live in such an intense state of constant worry and stress. There really is no reason why humans should have stressful lives, shitty jobs and job choices, self-hatred, and distress about how to exist and deal with natural problems. How did we get to a place where so many of the world’s people are so distracted by needless stressors that they fail to experience and enjoy the most basic of life’s pleasures. No other creature constructs a world that is more about pain and horror and stress than humans. And we owe this to the males of our species. I think about this constantly, the more evidence that presents itself. I continually question why men have to create such a shitty craphole of a planet and social system? I say again, there is no reason for humans to be living the way they have done and still do with no end in sight.
Let’s explore this. I honestly think it comes down to values.
I teach a university class on values every semester here in China. Mostly, it is for students to practise thinking and expressing their thoughts in English. Students aren’t required to think in Chinese universities, much to my shock and horror. And it is really difficult to get them to do it. But I do. Now honestly, I don’t really care specifically what they think or what values they hold. Honestly, China is a country of lies and superficiality. Nobody’s words mean diddly shit here. I learned that the hard way. But luckily, I tend to have a sociopath in every one of my classes, and they’ll tell me the truth. The truth that people tend to cover up in order to appear like virtuous people. I do love sociopaths for that very reason. Unless they are actively trying to scam you, they’ll be brutally honest about human nature. And during an ungraded class discussion, they have no reason to fuck with me. So, I have a weird appreciation for them, as a result, provided I completely disconnect from them on a human level. The Chinese sociopaths tell me what’s what. It’s the same reason I prefer right-wing, Christian whack-jobs of all colours in Western societies. Or the average Muslim male, for that matter. They are more honest about how they see people, especially women. There is little subterfuge. They don’t play the games that left-wingers do. No putting on of costumes to hide the wolves within. I’d much prefer a predator reveal himself than to pretend he is something he isn’t. And in this way, left-wing men are much more dangerous than any fundamentalist or traditionalist.
But back to my class on values. Many people robotically tell me that love and family and happiness are the most important things to them. There are also things like truth, freedom, honesty, and stuff like that. To be frank, my eyes glaze over when people start in with the socially acceptable responses. People’s words seldom match their behaviour here. But if you find yourself with a sociopath, you can get down to brass tacks. Last semester, one male sociopath told me that the world is a jungle, so honesty, friendship, and all the touchy-feelie, positive values didn’t matter in the slightest. He brushed aside everything his classmates had said with a nonchalance you only see with those unconcerned with emotion. He laid everything out for me basically. What matters is money and power. Yep. I couldn’t have expressed the male world view better myself. This is the true male viewpoint if you strip away the bullshit. If you listen to the fundamental male truth, you can see easily how the human race has ended up where it has. Males like competition, violence, strife, angst, suffering of others, control, power and the like, and every system they have ever constructed reflects this – from the most carefree recreational activity, such as computer games, to how men construct every kind of human relationship, to how they envision division of labour, economic systems, etc. There is nothing peaceful, loving, equanimous, progressive, forward-thinking or fair about male system designs. Present even a supposedly peace-loving male with true peace and equality, and he gets bored and uncomfortable. If you dig deeper into these humane, humanitarian males, and you’ll find that all of it is conditional. Men may lay out a superficial equality, but in reality, they require that someone be underneath them in some way. They must take or get something from somebody. Even if they oppose war – the ultimate male purpose in life – they will require women to be under them in some way. It’s usually women on the bottom – they don’t count in peace talks.
It is frustrating when you get to a point in your life when you just don’t want to struggle or play the game any more. You see it all. You see that it is all bullshit, and you don’t want to have anything to do with it. Whereas once, you told yourself, “Yeah, I hate men and what they have created, but I have to somehow survive in it. I can ‘make it’ somehow.” – now, you have reached a point where you know things don’t get better when you struggle. You just become depleted and discouraged. You know your limitations well by now, and you know what will happen to you if you try to struggle again. What is the solution for such a wide-awake person? How do you exist outside it? I don’t have an answer for that.
The only thing I know is that men got us to where we find ourselves. We absolutely should not look to them to fix anything. Men are not about solutions. They exist only to superficially justify their pointless existence through the creation of more problems in the name of short-term solutions. A job creation program, in other words. What does that mean for solutions when you feel you’ve reached a point in your life when participating in this poisonous world doesn’t seem possible? I fear that it means individual solutions for individual women. There is no system that supports our creativity. Will there be one day? It is hard to imagine that. Women work on common woman-centred goals less now than ever before, so it is impossible for me to imagine change being effected. But I have fantasy. I can actually imagine a world that works (sans males), where no one is worth more than anyone else, where women aren’t so destroyed inside by a lifetime of misogyny that they can barely function let alone deal with one another productively and respectfully.
Maybe it’s time for me to write fantasy or science fiction. I do see a world out there that doesn’t exist, but that really, really wants to. It lives in my mind…
[This is part of the Year of the Fantasy series.]
Live in denial if you dare – dog knows it’s easier that way, sweetums – but there is a fundamental truth that any ER room doc/nurse, paramedic, coroner, veterinarian, sports team compadre, prostitute or porn producer can agree on.
Men will fuck pretty much anything and can get off on pretty much anything.
We believe that men are ‘designed’ or ‘wired’ to seek out poontang – that men are heterosexual beings. And men have designed a whole system of lies and propaganda that props up this nonsense and keeps everyone (most importantly, women) buying into it. But, I actually don’t believe that men are fundamentally sexually wired to respond to women (or that women are wired to respond to men). You see, men are sexually ‘wired’ to respond to pretty much anything and everything. They can get hard over anything. Anything can get them off. Females, males, babies/children, animals, soft food, holes in walls, tubes – really, any animate or inanimate object that looks like it can accommodate or can be made to accommodate a dick, is sexual fodder for the human male. Men are omnisexual, rather than heterosexual. The privileged position that all men hold allows them to define sexuality and to act on whatever impulses pop into their brains or pants. They choose to call their omnisexuality ‘heterosexuality’, however. And this heterosexuality myth serves two very important purposes. Service and control.
It is not even the fact that women are the creators and stewards of human life that drives the ‘straight mandate’. You don’t need a whole system of heterosexuality- hell, you don’t even need a single dick to enter a single vagina EVER – to keep the human race going, so that is not the purpose of the lie. No, here it is. First, women are the only objects that can also be forced (often for free and in exchange for empty promises) to perform other duties in addition to serving as cum-receptacles. If any other fuckable object could service a cock as well as provide food, cleaning services, emotional support, ideas and labour to steal, and an undeserved, 24/7 round of applause, then we would not have heterosexuality. We’d have ‘vacuumsexuality’ or ‘felinosexuality’ or ‘beerbottlosexuality’. In other words, if a vacuum cleaner could provide the free services that women can and do (e.g., suck dick AND provide dinner and regular coddling for hurt male fee-fees), women would be free from it all and could actually do things with their lives away from the shaming and violence that are mandatory parts of heterosexuality for women. And second, heterosexuality serves to keep the violent male agenda in place. When women have the male agenda imposed on them, they have no time or energy to develop and live out their own agendas. And male and female agendas are fundamentally different. Women tend to be focused on peace, compromise, equality and creation. Males tend to be focused on violence, hierarchy, power, and destruction. If men could make do with vacuum cleaners and leave women alone, the world would change fundamentally to reflect female freedom. If you don’t have mandatory heterosexuality, women are free of male control and life proceeds very, very, very differently.
In short, if not for the hetero service perks and the high obtained from control of and power over women, I think men wouldn’t bother with women at all. And most women, if given the truth from birth – instead of the lie of heterosexuality – would see competition with a cat anus or a sock as demeaning and derailing of their true purpose (which has never been ‘to serve men’).
I’ve put together a small collage of some of the more common things that men put their dicks in other than women and children (or for the fags, men and children). In reality, almost anything could be included. Men spend a lot of time thinking about how to get off. To women, unless you’ve been poisoned by years of male thinking through abuse or other close proximity, looking at an object doesn’t immediately conjure thoughts of masturbation. We are usually too busy trying to solve real problems – almost 100% of which come to us from men. But, male imagination knows no bounds when it comes to getting themselves serviced, so anything – seriously, ANYTHING – can become a masturbatory device aside from pussy. If only men could turn their imaginations to helping the world instead of themselves and their weiners…
I don’t have a big problem with dudes fucking inanimate objects as long as it doesn’t take up health services if they end up hurting themselves. They probably don’t go far enough, to be honest. If more of them died while doing dangerous shit, that would probably be a good thing for the entire world. Anyhow, the thing I’m most concerned with is a) enforced heterosexuality and b) letting people (especially males) obsessed with getting off at all cost be in charge of important things. I think men can do just fine with their objects (and other men! I’m fully in support of dude-on-dude action), and should leave women alone. Women can run things, and men can spend all their time out of our sight getting off with every household item they can find. Men don’t need us to get off. And we certainly don’t need them for anything. Not for anything at all.
I have something serious to say, but I’ll start it off with some light-hearted fun. After all, we all know that being female in this day and age and having to deal with the constant male-created obstacles to true humanity is exhausting and depressing and downright dangerous, sometimes. Blowing off some steam every once in a while is an absolute must. So I’ll break this into two parts. The fun part and the serious part.
Part I: Get your trans on!
I’ve discovered a ‘make your own trannie’ site!!!!1!
Well, okay. That’s not what it is called and that is not what it is supposed to be for. It’s actually a very harmful site geared towards teenaged and pre-teen girls who already deeply hate themselves and who have been heavily indoctrinated into the cult of whoredom otherwise known as The World Under Patriarchy.
Yeah, it’s Seventeen Magazine online. And their message is “Welcome to life as a woman, you ugly, worthless bitch!”
What Seventeen offers us laydees is the opportunity to upload photos of our normal, ugly selves and then gives us the tools to dream of what could be… with enough money and self-loathing and insecurity, that is. They fulfill several of the Patriarchal goals: wasting the time and money of females (two things that would help women become independent of men), reinforcing the idea of women as sex and of having one’s value wrapped up in saleable fuckability, and hammering home the idea of inadequacy and self-hatred.
Now for those of us who don’t comply with femininity, who realized early on that wearing make-up makes you look like a cheap clown, and who couldn’t apply eyeliner properly to save our lives, this tool ends up being a hilarious diversion. Or… a helpful assistant in the development of a blog post. Upload photos of men and in less than 5 minutes, you have your own brand-spanking new M2T ready to totter off down the street in stilettos. When I was a child, we didn’t have computers to mess around with, so I had to settle for cross-dressing my Barbie and Ken dolls. (Luckily, no one in my family knew or cared.) If I were a kid these days, I’d be online, trannifying every boy in my class.
Now, in order to avoid publishing photos of dudes who might actually be recognized, I located some computer-generated pics of males that were used in an oh-so-important psych experiment on attractiveness (I’ll save you the mystery of the study findings: human people find computer-generated images more attractive than images of actual people. I prefer men on paper rather than in reality too, but I don’t think that is quite what the study findings were getting at…) So, I uploaded two photos of men to Seventeen, and went to work, sweet memories of trying desperately to snap Barbie’s bikini top closed around Ken’s thick masculine torso swimming in the recesses of my mind. When I discovered velcro and elastic, back in my childhood sewing days, I was in heaven. And so were the dolls 😉
In case anyone is wondering, Comp-gen male #1 was given a Kiera Knightly hairdo. Comp-gen dude #2 got the Bella Thorne up-do.
Part II: How the fuck do I tell the difference?
But the original purpose of this post was not to waste time making boys look like stereotyped versions of girls. I can’t imagine that being fun for very long (for me, that is) – I actually prefer doing algebra, to be honest. No, I really just wanted to ask a question. The question concerns an ability all men think all women have, and when it turns out we don’t, and men’s feelings get hurt, we get blamed instead. The ability is this: all women are supposed to innately be able to tell the difference between a sweet, little, innocent man and a rapist. A kind of ‘rapist radar’, if you will. In reality, no women has this. Sometimes, a really creepy dude will set off ‘alarm bells’ in you head, or you’ll get a gut feeling about a dude. But really, women don’t have this magical ability to sort men into two boxes. Rapist and non-rapist. Scary piece of shit and Nice Guy™. What women end up doing instead is naturally fearing ALL men. You’d have to be a complete dingbat (or thoroughly destroyed inside) not to. Given how pervasive violence against women is, and how few shits the powers that be (men) give about women’s safety and rights, the correct position for women to take is to fear all men at all times.
Men don’t like this. They constantly complain that they are ‘not like that’, that women are unfair, and that they hurt men’s fragile little feelings when they react to them with fear or mistrust. Trannies (M2Ts) – the uber-males of the cult of gender fetishizing – are much worse. First, they are mentally ill; second, they are very entitled due to the whole male privilege/rapist class status thing; and third, they have constructed a narrative of false oppression that is necessary to maintaining their delusion that they are female and that allows them to justify obliterating women’s very necessary boundaries.
So tell me this:
Can you tell which one of these two dudes will hurt you?
What about these two dudes?
Right. You can’t tell. It could be all of them, or one of them, or none of them. And until a radar is developed that will lock down a violent predator before he can act, women’s spaces must be preserved, the law must reflect the needs of women and their safety, and men must listen to the word ‘no’ and get it through their heads that being a special unicorn and not a rapist is irrelevant. Your feelings are nothing compared to women’s safety and basic freedom. It is the height of arrogance and narcissism not to be able to see this. All men, every single one of you, including trannie pervs, benefit from the effects of violence against women. And you know this is true – or else you would be fighting tooth and nail to end it. And by the way, even if this radar could be developed, women still need their own space away from men. That should never be on the table for elimination.
I’m gearing up to a big post on rape. I’ve been reviewing the data from the fun little quiz that I designed recently (which is still open if you care to take a few minutes out of your day and click the button) to get some ideas about diluted feminism (larger context: The Ice Cube Effect and Feminism Dilution).
I’ll be posting soon on a few interesting things I noticed, namely the overwhelming misunderstanding of what rape is.
Today, I’m preparing for teaching, which starts up again tomorrow, and also procrastinating a bit by listening to Mancheeze’s live meet-up/broadcast on prostitution. Every time I read about or listen to stuff about male depravity – anything having to do with porn, prostitution, violence against women, etc. – I’m sent into a very important, unmaintainable, self-preserving, and ultimately stressful state. It is a state which, if maintainable, would help women quit men for good (which some of us have managed). It is a state that I can only describe as being the chilling or ice-cold, crystal-clear awareness that men absolutely hate women. There is no other way to describe a human who can take pleasure in any of those things that women only do because they are desperate or dependent. I’m not going to get into how all those things are harmful because it is a truth that has been described elsewhere in great detail, and as such, is both Feminism 101 and not debatable to me. Anyone who can’t see the harm to women in marriage, prostitution, pornography, BDSM or any of that line of male domination business is no friend to women. And I don’t get into discussions with them. Men who engage in or defend these unassailable ‘institutions’ hate women. Period.
So when I enter these intense, short-lived states of being highly aware of the male hate that absolutely surrounds and suffocates me and every other woman on the planet, sometimes I try to imagine what it would be like to be male or to live like a male. In order to do this, I try to imagine putting at the centre of my motivation and my entire existence a single body part. That single body part guides how I treat other people and how I see myself. It is hard to know whether I love that part, hate it, worship it, or have some complicated mix of all three, but what is clear is that catering to that body part requires that I do harm to at least one other person. How could narcissistic self-love not harm others? So I design my relationships to cater to that body part. My sexual interactions with others revolve solely around that body part. I design and support a world that caters to my body part to the detriment of other people who don’t have that body part. And I defend my body part and the world that caters to my body part against (perceived) attack, questioning, demands for justification and reparations for those who suffer because of them. I defend myself using violence, threats, arguments about the rights and supremacy of my body part. My body part is more important than the lives of millions. And the government, the law, the medical establishment, and every other power structure in the world agree with me.
In other words, cock is king.
In order to get inside the heads (either one) of men, one must put the supremacy of a single body part (the penis) at the centre. That is the best way I can understand how men operate. And I think that women really can’t see men for what they are – apathetic, narcissistic and sometimes sadistic destroyers with a single body part at the centre of it all directing the show/game/war – because women aren’t capable of putting a single, selfish body part at the centre of their pleasure at the expense of the rest of the world. And for that matter, women don’t really have an equivalent body part that can deal the damage that the penis does.
When you’re travelling on a budget, you often find yourself staying in places of the more communal sort. Youth hostels (which are not just for the young) are a good example of this kind of accommodation. Dorm rooms are usually sex-segregated (oh jeez, have the effing trannies infiltrated those as well??? Life used to be simpler.) Some places will have a mixed dorm which is slightly cheaper – as in, if you’re a woman, you can pay less for greater access to pervs looking at you and a higher risk of being raped in your bed. Very, very occasionally, you’ll run across a women-only hostel. I stayed in the fabulous Frauenreisehaus in Christchurch, NZ years ago. Sadly, an earthquake got it and it is closed. I’ve heard rumour of a hostel with a separate women’s wing in Perth, Australia. And these are not battered women’s shelters. These are regular budget accommodations with the good sense to recognize that the world isn’t a friendly place for women travellers, especially those without much money and who are travelling solo. (I’ve written a little about the differences between men’s and women’s travel experiences before.) The energy in women-only places is different. Safe. Healthy. Conversation doesn’t revolve around the men staying there, (since there are no men) who are, for the most part just looking for a one-night stand with an anonymous, cute, young traveller. You think I exaggerate? Let me tell ya, honey. I’m an experienced traveller. I’ve seen it all. Hell, I’ve been that anonymous, cute, young traveller and I’ve heard all the lines, all the mesmerizing accents, and seen how easily hostels are mismanaged in such a way to put female travellers in grave danger and to create a fertile hunting ground for males. I’ve fantasized about running a women’s hostel of my own. Women need safe places to sleep and rest and refuel.
I’ve gotten pickier over the years as I’ve gotten older and less tolerant of danger and discomfort. I don’t earn much, but I also don’t travel much anymore, and I live an incredibly spartan lifestyle in China. So when I do travel, and I’m not staying with friends, I no longer put myself in dangerous and uncomfortable situations if I can help it. I strongly dislike sharing rooms with people, I hate bunk beds, and I don’t like being in parts of town centred in the middle of all the clubs and bars. But hostels that allow men (which is most of them), even if you splurge and get yourself a private room, can be infected with the male voice, which can grate on your brain like nails on a blackboard even if you hone your skills in tuning them out. I stayed in one place in China which seemed to have such little discretion that dangerous, woman-hating men were allowed to stay. One psychotic, Middle-Eastern nutjob walked into the common area, and unimpressed with the selection of women travellers present, shouted “Where are all the fucking bitches!?!” In the same place, the desk staff gave my room number to a nasty Australian man who was trying to follow me around and tell his boring stories to. And oh yeah, in the same place, this PUA Indian man who was trying to immigrate to my country (yes please!), after trying to get sex from me and failing, asked me if I wished I could have Asian skin, since they were much more attractive than me…
But if you can avoid the men, you do run into goddesses. I always meet a few on my travels. They are not always feminists in the way that I am. But that isn’t always the most important thing in the formation of an immediate bond. In my current location, which is infected with doods, I had a Goddess Session. This one, like all of them, happened unexpectedly. And like all of them, it was healing, gynergy-generating, insight-giving, and mutually burden-lightening. My fellow Goddess, to whom I will give credit for this post as she is the one who recognized a kindred spirit and named what was happening in the way that I have here. And while we shared only an hour of talk and emotion and non-judgment, we probably smoothed over hours and hours and even days and weeks of toxic male infiltration of our souls and beings. At the parting, she related something a friend had told her, “the road will be hard, but you will meet angels along the way.” I’m not religious/spiritual in any way, but I got the gist of it. We had just experienced evidence of the truth of the essence of this statement. And we were ready to face the day’s challenges as a result.
Last night, I went to bed lighter, but with a heavy, heavy heart. Only if you have felt it yourself do you know what that phrase ‘heavy heart’ means. The words don’t do the feeling justice. All at the same time, you feel like something hard and weighty has crept into the space where your heart should be, a coldness invades you as emotion sears you from the inside out, you feel like you are slowly and uncontrollably, physically sinking. It is weird, and I don’t feel like I can describe its complexity.
As I lay down, I felt some relief, but more poignantly, a bottomless sadness bordering on despair. The layers of this despair are many and might be better understood through a reading of all of my posts. But this post alone will convey at least the sadness part of my emotional state, and perhaps some of the relief too.
I’ve had to let go of another misogynist male in my life.
In the space of four months, this is the second important and long-term relationship I have nixed. Both men, both from California, both uber-liberal ‘nice guys’. Not self-professed feminists (thank goodness), but guys who are totally on board with opposing (not fighting) racism (against males is the unspoken part, I’ve realized). It is fucking hard to end a long-term relationship. But it is harder to accept being treated as less. It is harder to silently accept really sexist opinions, pontifications, theories, actions and orientations from men who profess to be my friend and to care about me. If you cared about me, you wouldn’t treat me as less. It’s really that simple.
This current misogynist – I am staying with him and his wife (until this morning, that is) – didn’t seem to be so horrible in the past. I mean, he was horrible, and I chose not to examine it too closely. Until recently. I’ve been talking to another feminist online about some of the shit this guy has done over the years, and only when you talk about it do you realize what you’ve not allowed yourself to process in a necessary way. When you say it out loud or in text, you realize you’ve been tolerating abuse from or the existence of an abusive individual. But this ‘nice guy’ has become worse over the 8 years that I’ve known him. I think it is because of two things: 1) he has a dysfunctional relationship with a wife whom he both needs and antagonizes and who also is an antagonizer and controller herself – they are both fucked, co-dependent; and 2) he has been spending more and more time online engaging in ‘virtual BDSM’ with women who buy the male idea that female slavery is empowering. (I may have to do a post on the online BDSM community, where I have spent time trying to figure out what makes these idiots tick. It is the silliest thing. Ever.) Use of misogynistic sexual material or services has been correlated with increased violence against women by men. I’m not surprised that liberal dude’s online playtime has made him more outspoken against women.
Said misogynist is the liberal white dude that I wrote about in this post. He is behaving atrociously during his wife’s second bout of cancer just as he did during the first. I was around at the beginning of the first, and the second was announced just before I arrived this time. So, I’ve been around at the beginning of both and watched how this dude has mishandled both situations. Eight years ago, when her first and more serious episode of lady-cancer was diagnosed, dude realized he wasn’t going to be getting laid for a long time and issued an ultimatum that they adopt a polyamorous relationship or else he would leave. What choice did she have? She needed help through recovery. She had to say yes. He got what he wanted and still didn’t support her properly. But he still got to live for free in the house that SHE owned. And this time, it is a very treatable, slow-growing breast cancer. He announced to me and the liberal white lady from the post I linked to above that his wife’s cancer was going to kill HIM. I gave him shit for that, which he didn’t like.
And I’ve since opened my mouth several times to challenge the bullshit that has come out of his. And it has been endless. Him explaining away the cute pedophelia theme in a film we watched one night. Sexist comments when he is ‘forced’ to listen to a small group of women talking about health, travel and misogyny in the world. And the endless harping on the topic of black men getting killed by police. (I am soon going to post on the actual data on these killings provided by black activists and give the issue some perspective that you won’t get by the media, any male, or any government agency.) As I’ve become more observant and less tolerant of this man’s abuse, he has become more petulant, and has adopted a facial expression that speaks of serious male oppression. Pouting, sulking, and then more verbal antagonism towards me. This man in all his years, has never been challenged by a woman. His misogyny has gone unchecked. Because he pretends to be an activist for the poor, he receives serious cock suckage, despite the fact that he relies very heavily on free female labour (I worked as a full-time volunteer for his non-profit for 8 months, which he tends to forget about or downplay) and seldom follows through on his ideas unless a woman is involved.
I’ve had enough. I thought I could deal with or handle this stuff. I need to retain some connections in the meat world for some very practical reasons. I feel that I’ve invested too much energy in relationships with males, and now that my eyes are open, it is practically impossible to respect myself, be healthy, and maintain those relationships. I think to myself that I should have made more connections with females, but they are not necessarily any better. So many women are male-identified, and any relationship you have with them is inevitably tainted by the toxic males in their lives and the female friend’s requirement that you accept abuse that she herself Is willing to accept. And when push comes to shove, these women will often throw you under the bus to support the male abuser.
Where are the feminists in real life? I used to have a few. All were lesbians. But that was years ago. Perhaps, I need to go on a mission, a pilgrimage… Things to think about.
As I contemplate that, my heart is heavy and will be for a while. I still can’t quite figure out which is the worse feeling, dropping toxic males/connections from your life and being almost completely or completely alone, or subordinating yourself in order not to feel alone. Both suck. In different ways.
But at least from Liberal White Dude’s perspective, he has been liberated (a little) from the oppression of a feminist unwilling to accept his free range misogyny. Luckily, there are other women in his life to burden him and fuel his victim mentality and justify his beliefs and the ways he acts on them.
I’m in the middle of transitioning from MF to FF.
No! Don’t worry! I’m in no way thinking that my brain would be happier if I had balls to scratch and I could pee standing up.
My transition doesn’t involve taking dangerous hormones or denying mental illness or cutting up my body. And it is not rooted in woman-hate. No, that would describe the transgender kind of transitioning.
The kind of change I’m talking about is health-oriented and woman-friendly and doesn’t require me to erase myself or my lived reality. It is just a refocusing of energy, a streamlining of behaviour to remove unnecessary actions, and cutting a swathe through the hard, impacted bullshit that is Patriarchy.
I’m transitioning from Male-Focused to Female-Focused.
Whether women are aware of it or not – and I’d argue that it’s mostly unconscious – we are trained to serve male ‘needs’. In reality, men don’t ‘need’ anything from women, but over time, desires and a sense of entitlement have created a whole host of needs that cannot be realized without one or more female slaves. And the needs are uncountable. They can be the obvious and universal: “I need my dick serviced when, where and how I want” or “You will prioritize my words and ideas – I can interrupt you and any girl/woman no matter what you are doing, everything I say is right, etc.” But the needs can be sub-group-, geography-, or man-specific. It is elaborate, but has one simple rule. Woman caters to man to her detriment.
I lament the female energy, talent, and intelligence that has long been and continues to be wasted on catering to the weaker sex.
Back to my personal transitioning.
It is hard. I can imagine it would be next to impossible if you lived with a man in a heterosexual relationship. You just wouldn’t be allowed not to cater. I don’t really have any advice for women in this situation other than: leave. That simple, but really key, suggestion can inspire angry reactions (my Dick isn’t like that! He caters to my needs too!); sad reactions (I wish I could, but I can’t for X, Y, Z reasons); and the sacrificial lamb reactions (He would be lost without me – I can’t leave him. He can’t help it.) And I’m sure there are other categories.
In addition to romantic relationships, it is hard when you are forced to work around males. Most of us can’t work in a man-free environment. Most women have male bosses, colleagues and clients. Myself, I seldom have to deal with supervisors – male or female – which is awesome. But as a university instructor in science and engineering in China (the land of propaganda and conformity to rigid Patriarchy in a way I’ll write about in the future), almost all my students are male. That sucks. They demand so much more of my energy than female students because they act like 5-year-olds, can’t focus, don’t listen, don’t follow instructions, and wear misogyny like a bad perfume. [I have a whole post on dumb boy-children in education.] I find I dissociate almost completely when I teach in order to stay Female-Focused. I have a completely separate persona/identity/mask/hazmat suit that I put on when I enter the classroom. I do help some of the more enthusiastic students outside of class, though – that is the teacher in me, and I’d feel like I wasn’t doing a good job if I trampled on natural motivation to learn/improve. Unfortunately, female students with ambition in China are few and far between. Women are not supposed to help themselves, or pursue goals other than finding a husband and an acceptably low-level job and popping out a preferably male kid and catering to its every need. So most of the students I help are male. To deal with the obvious male-focus, I try to de-sex them and just see them as ‘youth’ or ‘student’. It goes better if I tell myself, “I am helping a student.” If I do get an ambitious female student, I try to help them as much as possible. This semester, for example, a 17-year-old, first-year, female law student crashed my class (it was a class for Masters-level Management/Finance students). Afterwards, she came up to talk to me, and she told me she was reading “The Second Sex” by Simone de Beauvoir. I think my jaw hit the floor. Most Western woman have never read it, and feminism is very frowned upon in China. Anyhow, I’ll nurture this one as long as she wants it. She is highly unusual in her self-confidence and thirst for forbidden knowledge.
Finally, it is hard to evaluate friendships with men. Once I started transitioning, I realized that most to all of my friendships with men were ones from which I got very little and sometimes had to put up with a lot of bad stuff I wouldn’t have to with most women. There are weird abuses, confusing insult-compliment combos, the inevitable sexual intrusions, the demands on your energy, and having to overlook a whole lotta misogynistic behaviour that wouldn’t be acceptable if you were honest with yourself. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been shedding many of these male parasites over the last few years. One of the things that becomes really hard – and I think this is true of friendships as well as romantic relationships – is seeing one’s investment (time, money, emotion) as a waste or a loss and then letting it go instead of using it as a reason to stay. It doesn’t help that relationship-building isn’t easy, and it gets harder to make friends as you get older. But ultimately, breaking an unhealthy tie is better for you than allowing a parasite to feed and drain and ultimately kill you.
Transition periods can be very, very difficult. You often question what you’re doing. You often feel alone and lonely. You worry about what your future will look like. You wonder whether you deserve to have a better life and whether you are being selfish for taking care of your own basic needs. You may find yourself insulted in a variety of different, but standard ways, but that will just show you how right you were about leaving.
But what you have to remember is that no one deserves to be second or less important or a slave to anyone else. And that basic belief will sustain you and get you to a better, healthier place.
For some of us, it’s a process. It can be a lengthy process if you score high on empathy, have any kind of draw to the helping professions, and/or come from an abusive family (for females, not males) where you’re not allowed to stand up for yourself. I’m referring to shedding the dead weight known as men.
Dead weight is only a partially correct term. Yes, men give you a heavy load to drag around with you, draining your limited (and often low) energy. This energy will be redirected from the little self-care you allow yourself to listening to their endless whining, helping them with their endless problems, taking care of them, paying for them, cleaning up after them, etc. But they also fill you with lies and misinformation. They attack your limited self-confidence. They make you doubt yourself. They steal your ideas and creations. They stop your thoughts when you start to appear a little too independent or critical. They’ve got a dangerous arsenal at the ready.
And there is only one solution for that. Get the fuck away from them. Don’t tie yourself to them. Do serious vetting if you are considering being around one. Ideally, never deal with them, although that is next to impossible as this is NOT ALLOWED and besides, practically impossible given that there is unfortunately no female-only territory/country (never mind woman-space, these days).
So, for many, it is a process. I’ve been doing just that. It has been a long process. Very gradual, although more accelerated in the last year.
Except for one or two I haven’t managed to eject from my life and except for mandatory listening that is part of my job as an educator, I don’t willingly listen to them anymore – so much so, that find myself automatically tuning out when one speaks. I jokingly attribute it to age and my hearing, but of course, it’s just that I’m tired of feeling ‘vampired’ after interactions with their non-stop verbal dick-swinging and too-apparent mental deficiencies.
I also don’t bother joining any groups that aim to ‘change things for the better’ if men are involved at all. There is no such thing as an honest to goodness male activist. It doesn’t matter whether said dude is an environmentalist or an atheist fighting religion, the changes dudes look to effect are ones that maintain male dominance. Women don’t factor in as recipients of positive change. And male feminists, as I’ve said before (here and here), the scourge of activism – well, I truly don’t know what they are doing exactly. Soapboxing, perhaps. Men naturally gravitate to self-righteous pontification. But the majority of them spend way too much time telling women what to do or not do. Many of the white male feminists like to shit on white female feminists and accuse them of not only doing feminism wrong, but calling them racist or transphobic. It’s as if they take some kind of pleasure in finding someone else to blame for everything they’ve done on their own. It’s revolting.
And this leads into my latest shedding of dead weight. I forced myself to sort of suffer through the reading of ‘We Hunted the Mammoth’ posts for a while. When I first ran into the site, I thought “let’s see what happens here”. I much prefer men who purport to be fighting the fight (although, I can’t be bothered to go and check whether the author calls himself a male feminist) to keep their own blogs and to read, but not comment, on women’s blogs (for the reasons mentioned above). I was amused that he was taking on the Morons Rights Activists (seriously the dumbest, loudest and most violent men on the planet besides MtT dudes and both Christian and Muslim male fundamentalists). I think this is a job for men. But of course, because men truly don’t understand women’s issues, it is impossible for them to take down these assholes completely. I get the impression that WHTM sees the MRAs as a joke primarily, and he slaps them around like a cat does a mouse. And indeed, if you look at who comments on WHTM, it is mostly dudes who like swinging their dicks around, feeling superior as if they are doing something Important. There is no real talk of women’s rights or feminism. There is no willingness to get on board with or understand radical feminism. It is just an amusement to write about and comment on the latest ‘hijinks’.
I have been commenting occasionally. No one interacts with me, which is fine – that’s not what I went there for. For me, it was more like dropping a beautiful, perfectly-shaped, feminist turd in the middle of a circle jerk, and it gave me a little pleasure and satisfaction. A few people clicked over, likely to check out the bitch who dared comment on an anti-MRA site (remember, male feminists aren’t activating for women’s sake, but just to feel superior). But it didn’t take long to get bored. The writing is not interesting, and neither are the verbose commenters. The blog has no purpose other than poking fun, and if I want that, I read the comics. I’ve noticed other feminist blogs commenting that all the rad fems that initially stuck around that blog and tried commenting ended up leaving. Too much misogyny and dick-swinging – and no real purpose.
I feel much lighter for having shed this silly corner of the internet.
If you want to visit a blog that is much more effective and on point and with clear purpose in dealing with MRA bullshit, you must, of course turn to a woman (don’t you always?). Mancheeze takes things seriously. You won’t be disappointed.
Men. They’re all different, but they’re all the same.
That doesn’t make sense now, does it? Well, what I mean is that when, as all women are, you’re forced to listen to the constant stream of stupid shit straight men say, you notice that they all have their different sexual fetishes and proclivities. But, at the root of all of these delightful differences is a deep-seated hatred of women. Men reduce women to their body parts (I love tight pussy, big tits, long hair, etc), race/skin colour, and culture. By culture, I don’t mean the proper definition of culture, I mean cultural stereotypes – male fantasies aren’t based on deep meaning or understanding. So while they ‘love’ certain exploitable things about particular women, they actually hate women as a class. Love of women’s junk or affiliations does not translate into love, or more importantly, respect, of women.
I’ve spent the past few years removing men from my life. It’s depressing, but stress-releasing and self-preservational. Depressing because I’ve realized that the wiser and more self-respecting I’ve gotten, the less able I am to endure men. And being around men, I’ve also realized, is about enduring, tolerating, bearing – in essence, negating/erasing myself and my self-worth. I’ve never felt this in the company of women. I’ve not felt that women hang around with me because of anything other than shared interests or compatible personalities.
Coming to Asia for Pussy and a Sense of Power
The most recent batch of men that I’ve had to offload or detour around once I encounter them are ones that have come out with the all-too-common: “I love Asian women.” and the complement of that: “I hate Western women.”
Unfortunately, I have lived in Asia off and on for the last 13 years, so I hear this shit all the time from non-Asian men. Many of these dickfaces come to Taiwan and China (and other Asian countries) so that they can score Asian pussy. Some of them just want to use and fuck, but others want the whole wifey-wifey deal. Part of it is so that they don’t have to learn about the country they’re in or learn the language – if you pick up a local woman, she will navigate for you and make your life easy.
My favourite comment thus far came from a South African dude who smirkingly told me that he’d finally scored a ‘rice-powered bed-warmer’. Classy. And yet, I didn’t reward him with a high five.
The other thing that foreign men like about Asians is the whole subservience thing that they believe is built in to Asian women. Asian women will cook, clean, let you rape them regularly, and will never complain about anything you demand of them. They are also femininity-compliant and believe that the man is the head of the house. Oh, and you can be old, fat, ugly, stupid, and have a personality disorder and still score a hot, young Asian babe. There are many online discussion groups devoted to this “Asian bitches are better. They know their place” phenomenon. These men are vomit-inducing. Thank goodness they have the internet so that they can get together and circle jerk.
I worked with one obnoxious, stupid and really ugly Australian guy who had scored an accomplished, employed Taiwanese woman. I remember her rushing to our place of work with the lunch that he had forgotten. I watched as he upbraided her for some transgression in the middle of our populated staff room. She stood there, head down, like a child. She was in her 30’s.
One thing is always true though, I’ve noticed: these guys are big losers in their own countries. Women can smell the rot within them and won’t give them the time of day. I would bet money that they have raped at least once. I used to wonder why these dudes didn’t just join the fucked up BDSM scene, but I suspect that most of them don’t see themselves as kinky or alternative – they just want subservience. BDSM is lame and gross, but probably too weird for the “I love Asian women’ crowd. Control, without perversion.
The average Western woman (outside BDSM or strict religious communities) is ‘uppity’, ‘demanding’, and is vocal about having some semblance of human rights. We don’t like to be raped. We have the word ‘no’, which we like to use. In Chinese, there is no distinct word for ‘no’ – or for ‘yes’ for that matter. You can say ‘don’t want’, ‘don’t have’, ‘am not’, but there is no resounding ‘NO!!!!’ Once you own a Chinese girl, you can do whatever you want. No one will stop you. Foreign men love this.
But You Can Love Asian Women at Home Too!
But these dudes don’t even need to leave the homeland to enjoy what the world has to offer. Luckily, Asian women are everywhere.
I recently had to dismiss a former boss-turned-acquaintance from Canada (originally England). After one relationship had gone south with a Canadian woman, he found himself living alone on a farm. He started taking on WWOOFers (World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms) to help out as volunteers with the work. He was particularly taken with some young Korean girls in their late teens who were travelling and volunteering. Dude (who is about 55) told me he had a hard time keeping his hands off them, and then announced to me that he hated Western women. He then told me he was using a dating site matching up Asian women with Western men (mail order bride site?), and he wanted my help in procuring an impoverished Filipino woman who was working as a slave/house cleaner in China to support her children back in the Philippines. Prostituting herself to a Western fucker looked like a better option, apparently.
I told him to fuck off, that I wouldn’t participate in his rape fantasy-turned-reality, and I haven’t spoken to him since. Piece of shit.
A few years back, I went back to Canada for a spell to get my health back after a horrid, demoralizing stint in the Chinese countryside. I ended up working for an abusive Turkish immigrant who sexually and psychologically harassed me on a regular basis, starting on day one when he told me that I was older than he thought I would be (I arranged the job online and via phone before I got back to Canada).
We had a number of Japanese women working for us that he appeared to leave completely alone, unharassed. At one point, after I showed myself to be an uppity Western bitch when he wouldn’t leave ME alone, he told me that he ‘really liked Asian women’ working for him. They never complained. Of course they didn’t. Asian women don’t talk back to male bosses who are hurting them. AND they had WORK VISAS. If you have a work visa in foreign country, you are well aware that the visa is tied to a specific job. If you lose the job, you must leave the country until you can find another employer to sponsor you. To stay would get you deported and banned. The best way to get fired is to complain.
One thing I want to make clear. I’m not lamenting the loss of these nutsacks to more compliant women. I wouldn’t touch these fuckers with a 10,000 foot pole. Rather, I’d prefer to live in a world where women aren’t reduced to their parts, and where men aren’t given universal permission to treat women as acceptable or unacceptable based on how much abuse they’re willing to take. As it is, this little ‘rating’ system does convince many women that there is something wrong with them if they can’t catch a man, and that wrongness is directly tied to having to give up their humanity.
First, women don’t need men. Ever. Second, if you really must be with a man, it should be someone who sees you as an equal deserving of respect.