Category Archives: Misogyny
This post is part of a few series. Find it among the following:
I’ve been to a few Prides here and there in various cities. I’ve gone even though I’m not so much into large group events, and even though I attend without knowing anyone since I move around a lot. I go for a few reasons. First, I like to check out the local scene. I find it extremely hard to meet lesbians, especially lesbians who are man-hating, pro-women, non-intersectional, and anti-natal. (Do they even exist???) And second, Pride is supposed to be a celebration of something that on any other day gets you hated and mistrusted by women and pornified by men. Pride came about to allow a seriously oppressed population the chance to feel normal of sorts among others who understood them and the daily challenges of not following the hetero rules of raping and impregnating bitches or being that raped and impregnated bitch. Gay men, of course, have always turned Pride into a bit of a sex-fest. That is what men do regardless of which holes they fuck; everything is sex to them. Lesbians: I think they just wanted to be acknowledged, accepted and then left to their own devices. Kind of a ‘we exist, thank you, now fuck off and stop raping us and demonizing us’ sort of thing.
I volunteered for Pride in the American city where I was living last year, but this time, it was a sort of Bizarro, alterego of Superman kind of Pride – very ass-backwards compared to the Prides I had attended long ago. For one, Pride is no longer peaceful. The gay men are still loud and proud and focused on sex, as per usual. But then again, the shit that has been happening lately is happening to women, not men. Gay men have the privilege and luxury of being able to focus on their own brand of fun as there is no threat posed to them. Their space remains intact and their bodies unassaulted. But for lesbians, there is an element of violence and aggression, and within-group policing and hovering threats that never existed before. I felt afraid sitting in my volunteer orientation. I was more afraid of the people in the Pride group than I was of potential violent nutjobs from the crowd. And I’ll tell you why.
Enter the trans. The cause of the violence and aggression and general feeling of unease.
I couldn’t even figure out whether there were any actual lesbians in my volunteer group. The word ‘lesbian’ wasn’t uttered a single time during my multi-hour orientation. But 30 minutes on pronouns and another 30 on triggering and another 60 boiling down to how, basically, it is not possible to have a comfortable conversation anymore, even with people you are supposed to be bonding with because they share your experience. There is nothing shared anymore (except perhaps for fear on the parts of lesbians). The sense of erasure and danger and WTF is going on? was heavy and knife-cuttable-throughable. All due to trans. So the peaceful factor was gone completely. Erase women and you erase any chance for logic and peace… Besides the trans, lesbians have further been erased and replaced by Generation Z(ombie) Queer Hitler-Youth types, ready to narc on anyone who doesn’t suck lady cock or admits they are just a plain old lesbian, or shhhhhh, they have a vagina.
But I digress. I’d like to talk more about my experience with my most recent American Pride, but that is for another post.
I want to talk about trans2, one of the worst things to happen to America since… Larry Flint?… the incel movement took hold? … I don’t know. It’s hard to pick one horrible event as life as a woman is basically “Okay, what next, you fucking rapists?” But it gets worse. Imagine that the trans mindset melded with the BLM (Black Lives Matter – or what it really is: BDM – Black Dicks Matter) mindset, the latter also being one of the worst things to happen to America since MLK approved the rape of a parishioner or prominent Black Panthers member and convicted rapist, Eldridge Cleaver, designed his male supremacist ‘Virility Pants’. (I’ve written about Black Dicks Matter before.)
When you put trans and BLM’ers together you get a fucking insane group of lady-cock, race supremacist, history revisionist, white woman-raping, assholes. In many ways, they are worse than the plain old ex-military white trannies with their muscles and bad wigs. BLT’s are self-made uber-victims and are loving it. Like all trans today, they are transing dead gay men and non-conforming women and otherwise rewriting history. They are claiming that they started the Stonewall riots. In reality, the riots were incited by a LESBIAN, an XX, a WOMAN, half-white/half-black, Stormé DeLarverie, who had been assaulted by police. Now the black trannie dudes will not only ignore this well-corroborated fact, and insist that black trannies (i.e., men) incited and led the entire riot scene. They have taken GAY black MALE, Malcolm Michaels and turned him into a transwoman. Malcolm was at the riots, but didn’t start them. He also knew he was a MAN and GAY and a DRAG QUEEN. But he is dead, and dead men can’t argue or clear up lies and other bullshit. The trans have done this with numerous gender non-conformers throughout history to bolster their numbers. It is dishonest and dilusional.
Now, I’m going to say one more thing about the so-called feminists who don’t support the trans takeover, but who have no problem with men of colour dominating all women. I have noticed in a lot of chat spaces that the urge to shit on white people is irresistible, and the common theme is that a) white males are responsible for the trans horrors, b) white males make fucking ugly ‘chicks’, whereas all the non-white trannnies seem to be so beautiful and elegant. And I have to put my foot down and say “stop and open you gd eyes.” It’s as bad as the trans making up stuff to fit their narrative. White people are not responsible for every bad thing in the world. Sorry. You want it to be true, but it’s not. Second, there are tons of ugly non-white trannies. Go online and do a search in your favourite search engine with the keywords ‘black trans’, and you will see some of the butt-ugliest dudes in dresses that you will ever see. And they don’t ‘pass’. They are so very clearly male, it’s not funny. And for the truly brave and those who have a high tolerance for yuck, take your safe search off, and do an image search for ‘ugly black trannies’. Then you get tons of porn shots of some of the butt-ugliest dudes with their dresses OFF that you will ever see. Put your ‘must fight racism against the poor, poor oppressed menz!’ and pickme urges in the freezer for a while. Reality is uncomfortable at first, but is a much less mindfuckable place to be in the long-run. And you are less likely to hurt women, too! Added bonus of accepting reality!
In short, this is a loud, violent, delusional group of males who benefit from two of the most powerful and supported man-centred faux-victim groups in the US. Don’t get sucked into supporting anti-woman policy because you are brainwashed into believing you’re evil because of your skin colour. You will never win. They are male and they will try to kill you eventually, physically or through policy. Unlike with white males, these guys will double-whammie you with “You’re racist AND transphobic!!” and there is nothing you will be able to do to assert your humanity as a woman (and you’ll be double screwed if you’re a white woman).
I know if I read the title I’ve assigned to this post, alarm bells would go off. Rape. I’d be waiting for the rape story. I am a lone woman and rape has never been far from my mind since I was a teenager and was alone in most of what I did from day to day. I learned from an early age what it meant to be a female that did most things in her life alone – sometimes by choice, sometimes, not. Tracy Chapman, one of my absolute favourite folk singers, unfortunately grouped us girls into ‘good girls’ – those who moved around quickly in groups – and ‘fast girls’ – those of us who walk alone and who got raped and beaten and disappeared by men and boys. There is almost the implication that the latter are looking for trouble, and deserve what they get. I kind of hated her for that. I’m neither fast nor bad, and I certainly neither look for trouble nor do I deserve all the rapes and assaults by men of all races I’ve experienced as a lone woman and especially as a white woman. I love you, Tracy, but fuck you.
[Brief rant, get ready, or get out now while you can;)]
Many of you are likely partnered and you have no idea what it is like to have to do every fucking thing in your life alone. It’s not always a choice to be alone, but neither do I want to have to call someone every time I want or need to leave the house, ffs. [I was told endlessly in China after being stalked for weeks and threatened with rape by a black man on my university campus, that I should never leave my apartment by myself. Not possible, even if I wanted to, which I didn’t because I wasn’t the criminal.] The non-alone don’t know what it is like to have to plan every single thing you do around what could possibly happen to you because you are alone. If you travel, you are likely travelling with a male master, or children, or other family members, or maybe a friend or friends. Mothers bitch constantly about the struggles of being a mother, but they are so fucking protected by their brats. They have no idea #!$@ If a rapist or thief or kidnapper is going to target a woman, who is he going to pick – the bitch with the litter of pups with her or the lone female? Which will be easier to deal with? Men are opportunists, picking off the ones no one will miss. Breeders don’t know real danger even though they think they do or they wax poetic about how ‘dangerous’ things are for them. They’ve chosen to be mastered, to fit into society, to get the economic, legal and social tit squeeze and ass pat that society and their family gives them for spreading their legs, so the only real danger they experience is from the master they enslave themselves to. There is a lot of coat-tail privilege one gets when signing on for motherhood and/or hetero slavery. I say coat-tail because no woman is truly privileged. I stand by that. But you become privilege adjacent simply by orbiting a man or using your cunt the way it was ordained by males. When you are alone – whether it is because you know you aren’t mentally healthy enough to have a lesbian partnership thanks to years of mom-abuse and the subsequent distrust you have for women you make yourself vulnerable to, or whether you just never met someone you could envision partnering with, or whether you just don’t believe in the male-designed concept of long-term monogamous entrapment – you have a very different experience of the world. Despite what heteros and especially breeders say, lone women don’t have it easier. The so-called freedom comes at a massive price. You are economically much less well off than the average breeder and hetero enslaved. Jeez, I was looking at the median family incomes that idiot American liberals published a week or two ago to try to show how whites and blacks are different economically, and I was drooling at the median black income. I’ve never even come close – and I have 3.5 university degrees. Being white and female and not attached to a male always has meant fewer opportunities and less pay and more expectations that I’ll do volunteer work or work for free – I think the assumption is that all white women have husbands and don’t need to work (um, 1950’s much…?) therefore you don’t need to take them seriously in the job market. I probably have gotten pushed or guilted into working for free more than any non-white woman or any male, for that matter. (I just was told again recently that I should find some unpaid work. Why do I have to work for free but everyone else deserves a pay cheque???) Further, for some reason – probably the same one I just mentioned, I am always harassed for money by a segment of the population (all non-white men, and even some non-white women) that has more earning potential than me, even with less education. So being alone and a lez and white and a woman sucks the big one economically. And you are always a target for men and boys physically and sexually. Even indoors. Even in your own home or what passes for one. But outdoors??? It is always there.
Rant finished. Thanks for persevering.
So “A Lone Woman in the Woods”. For me, it smacks of a rape story, but today, no. This is a story of positivity, the beauty of simplicity, the power of a lone woman and the collective power of women through the ages – power that has been stolen by men – that that lies waiting in all of us still if we wish to harness it once again.
Today, I hiked a redwood and eucalyptus forest that lies a mile from where I am staying temporarily. I am Canadian and although I detest my country on so many levels, there is something essentially Canadian that lies in me that is tapped when I go to forests. Most of us don’t live near the ocean even though so much of our land is bordered by ocean. The greatest percentage of our population is lake- and river-situated. And we are tree people too. The forests define us. The ocean is mildly interesting, but inspires a healthy fear in me. It is a river or lake and the forests that typically go with them that speak to me on a primal Canadian and human and womanly level. Some of my relatives are freshwater (Great Lakes) fisherfolk, and I myself have spent much quality time travelling by canoe, camping in untouched forest land, and fishing. So entering this beautiful forest today was pure bliss. The thought of men and rape and intimidation and violence, as usual, entered my mind and settled in at the back, on the edges. But I allowed the smells and colours and textures and the history of women and my people take over.
Women have always been stewards of the forest, and nature in general, in the past. [Sorry, aboriginal North American peoples don’t have the corner market on nature stewardship, as much as modern Canadians and Americans are brainwashed to believe. Women from all cultures have always had a healthy respect for nature until men overruled them and ‘civilized’ them.] Before men stole medicine from my foremothers and banned them from knowledge, branding them witches and devil worshippers, imprisoning them, torturing them, tearing their female parts off or apart, killing them, and destroying or erasing years of wisdom, they were the Wise Women. The healers, the midwives, the abortionist-saviours, the repositories of forest wisdom, the herb and mushroom collectors, the pain relievers. Men became suspicious, then felt threatened, and finally said NO. Women are not allowed to have the independence of body and mind that exists separate from male control and that is deeply rooted in nature, the forests and water bodies. Men decided the forests were not to be cherished and guarded, but exploited – much as women’s bodies were exploited. Men brought death to the forest as they brought death to women through rape and endless pregnancy and ignorance and house-bound slavery. They cut the trees down. They burned down forests to deprive enemies of their bounty. They used women’s bodies and forests to fuel endless wars. To no end. Completely useless and pointless.
Much of that body of medical knowledge has been lost to Western women. Some groups of women were luckier. The knowledge they collected lived on in Traditional Chinese Medicine, for example. But the Wise Women of western countries were decimated and replaced by the male need to cut and bleed and dissect and drug, and although their modern ‘medicine’ lives on today, it creates more illness than it cures. Older cultures sneer at Western Medicine, but it is male medicine. Our ancient wisdom – our female wisdom was mostly erased. I’d bet that we did a lot of things better.
This lost history impressed upon me as I hiked unmolested through the forest. I breathed in the scent of trees and sun and wildflowers. I only ran across two people – both women – and I wondered if they felt the collective female history in the background. Probably not. Heterosexuality beats sensitivity out of you, in my experience. But I will be going to that forest every day for the next 10 days that I will be in this area.
Jane Siberry, one of my favourite Canadian singers, was the background music for my journey today. I’ve had the privilege to hear her sing three times in small venues in Vancouver back in the day. Two of her songs have been featured in the beautiful all-woman death-ritual scenes on the L-Word (Anytime) and Six Feet Under (Calling All Angels – thanks for the reminder, Radfemspiraling). The song I heard today in my mind and heart was Bound by the Beauty. It is such an essentially Canadian song and a song of woman-joy. And the nature-bonding is an aspect of Canadianism that I can get on board with. Enjoy the lyrics and videos (clear studio/audio version and a live version that is less clear) at the bottom.
I’m bound by the fire
I’m bound by the beauty
I’m bound by desire
I’m bound by the duty
I’m coming back in 500 years
And the first thing I’m gonna do
When I get back here
Is to see these things I love
And they’d better be here, better be here
Better be here
And first I’m going to find a forest
And stand there in the trees
And kiss the fragrant forest floor
And lie down in the leaves
And listen to the birds sing
The sweetest sound you’ll hear
And everything the dappled
Everything the birds
Everything the earthiness
Everything the verdant, the verdant, the verdant
The verdant dream
Karen Carpenter. A literal Karen rather than what was talked about in the post referred to above, but hey.
So I’m marching around, enjoying relatively perv-ball-free streets, and into my ears flows the following, which I hadn’t listened to in years and years.
What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That’s what you get for all your trouble.
I’ll never fall in love again.
I’ll never fall in love again.
What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.
After you do, he’ll never phone you.
I’ll never fall in love again.
I’ll never fall in love again.
You get enough tears to fill an ocean
That’s what you get for your devotion.
I’ll never fall in love again.
I’ll never fall in love again.
Sorry, the video is really just an audio version.
Well, I laughed and laughed right after the part about catching diseases from men. I wrote something to that effect recently. Now, this song was written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David, and being male, they originally wrote the lyrics with the sexes reversed. Poor hurt men – as if men can fall in love, right? And of course, women are the source of disease – like how they’ve always blamed prostitutes for venereal diseases. Anyhow, the song was made famous by Dionne Warwick, and she reversed the sexes – probably more out of not wanting to appear lesbian than fighting the power. And honestly, it makes more sense and rings truer when a woman sings it. Men don’t really love or cry over women, unless they are crying because their slave is gone, and they don’t want to go to the effort of procuring another.
Just because I felt like it, I decided to write a few of my own lyrics for the more modern survivor of male love and attention. I took the fall in love lines out to conserve space, but you know they’re there.
What do you get when you fall in love?
Stockholm Syndrome with a side of shame
That’s how it works in the hetero game
What do you get when you fuck a dude?
Chlamydia, AIDS, or a yeast infection
Knocked up, and finally, his rejection
What do you get when you deny the trans?
Death threats, rape threats, no-platforming
Loss of your space unless you confirm him
Feel free to come up with your own and then you can dance and sing along.
Let’s get back to Karen Carpenter. She was a superstar, but undervalued. Unfortunately more famous for her death from anorexia (what some racist, sexist black women have called ‘white girl disease’, even though it is very common among many Asian girls and women, as well) than for her amazing musical talent. What a lot of people don’t know, is that she was a kickass drummer – better than most of the famous male drummers out there. She was forced by the producing powers in her life NOT to drum, and to focus more on the lady-like singing. Women have always been cut out of most aspects of music due to the unseemly nature of playing an instrument that might require body movements or facial contortions.
Her joy was in drumming, however.
I include below, this incredible video of her in her element. You see joy in her that you don’t see when she sings. And it boggles my mind how her clearly decimated body is able to put so much power into communion with the several drum sets on stage. Please try hard to disregard the creepy, douchey brother presence. He can play the piano well, but there is something odd about him that I don’t want to examine too deeply.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am no longer in China. All of the options I’d been researching seemed better than China, each with their own challenges. I chose to apply for a student visa to go the US, commit to a year studying something I felt passionate about, and most important, get my mental and physical health back. China broke me down.
Well, it hasn’t really worked out like I had hoped. My savings has been cut nearly in half in less than a year. I have contracted a scary super bacterium, the likes of which I had only gaped at via online images in the whatthefuckisthat!? category. I think I would have been safer in China with the Coronavirus, tbh. I’m not joking. And sadly, I’ve encountered some of the nastiest and most aggressive women I’ve ever met in my life. I may not stay here after this semester ends. It has been a true nightmare. And I don’t recognize this country anymore – a country where I went to grad school 20-some-odd years ago. I’m left saying what the fuck is going on here? I feel like I’m living in a ‘shithole country’ that many Americans like to refer to when they talk about Third World countries or countries where women are treated like cattle (pot-kettle-black?) And can only conclude that it is part of the natural decline of a prolific and violent patriarchal empire.
So back to the topic I had in mind. I feel like this country has taken some steps backwards, especially with regard to women. It was poignantly expressed yesterday morning as I arrived at my campus. Black history month was last month – there were posters of MLK and messages posted everywhere to raise awareness. March – now – is women’s history month, and…..? Cue the crickets. Nothing. No posters. No acknowledgement. No empowerment. No history. I had expected it, but even when you’re ready for disappointment, it still bites.
But what does this mean, the failure to acknowledge women in America directly following a month-long fanfare for blacks? Neither liberals nor conservatives will support women, but for different reasons. Liberals want to congratulate themselves for being human-rightsy, but don’t want to take real power away from men. Supporting women would threaten the male power base. Conservatives are often pro-whatever-their-race-is, but will still support men of other races over women. It is this way in every corner of the world, but we’re talking about the US. So what might be some of the reasons for the no-comment on women’s history?
Liberals would likely say that women have achieved freedom and equality, unlike the poor black folks (men). I mean, women can vote and besides they are able to be prostitutes and sluts and pole dancers and shit. They have freedom now, dammit. Trying to call attention to themselves, especially right after black month, would be offensive and arrogant and would steal thunder. Make a big to-do out of nothing as bitches are wont to do. Why can’t they just accept that women have all the power?????
Liberals might also say that use of the word ‘woman’ is trans-exclusionary. Somehow, stating a fact (XX = human female) negates the existence of men in lipstick and stilettos who feel like totally puss-perfect and ready to do Woman correctly, nay, better! Putting up those celebratory posters might make 68.1% of trans try to kill themselves. And it would be all women’s fault! It is better to erase women and women’s history in order to keep the trans from throwing a typical male hissy fit at not having the spotlight. My campus is so pro-trans that I am partially surprised that they didn’t put up women’s history posters focusing on trans history… I suppose doing nothing is better than a trans take-over? Both are forms of erasure. Can’t win here…
Conservatives? Do they celebrate women? Not really – unless said women are really good at supporting their man. Powerful women are those who can scrub a skid-mark out of a pair of boxers or quell the family’s whining with a well-baked pie. So putting up posters at an institute of higher learning kinda goes against what they believe in. Education at least opens the door for female freedom. While many women do pursue the education, sadly enough, few walk through that door.
A few historical points about the US track record with women that most like to gloss over, make excuses about, just plain old don’t know, in favour of whatever the political climate is:
- The first slaves brought to the US were white women from Europe: wife-slaves, unmarried female children to be sold as wives, and female ‘criminals’ who were to be sold into marriage or prostitution. Europeans also rounded up girls (‘street urchins’) living on the streets to send over as rape fodder. This model has applied to all colonies in the history of the world. Women and girls are always the first and last slaves.
- Women were not included as people in the Constitution or Bill of Rights. Women have been trying for a federal Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution for decades. It is 2020 now, and nearly 100 years after women first drafted the amendment, there *might* finally be the 3/4 of the 50 states needed to officially add said amendment. It is being debated. People will fight it. It may be years until women are protected humans on paper. I’ve noted that white women as a class are the only US citizens not protected in any way under the Constitution. There are official racial protections, gay protections, religious protections, and of course, white men wrote the whole g.d. thing for themselves, so they are protected. But white women have been left out. White privilege applies to men, and a woman of colour can always fight her oppression on the basis of racism. Hopefully, the trans will not sabotage things for women and the federal ERA will go through.
- Black men got the right to vote in 1870. No woman was allowed to vote until 1920. There have been barriers to voting for both groups, but black men were accepted as adult humans well before ALL women.
- There has been a black male president, who despite being less experienced and qualified, was accepted more than once over an experienced and qualified white woman (or any woman, for that matter). Neither candidate was perfect, but enough already. I don’t really believe that the presidential office attracts the right kind of person, given how corrupt the system has become. I just don’t see a woman as President in the near future. When there finally is one, she will suffer and be sabotaged, and be held up as ‘the reason we don’t want women as presidents’.
In conclusion, I believe that all groups except women are fully supported for a few reasons. First, men are part of all oppressed groups, except the group known as female humans. I’ve written about this before to explain why hate speech against women isn’t called hate speech. Secondly, and equally important, a history of oppression is only acknowledged when the group in question is no longer enslaved. Women are the only group in the world, including and especially in the US, that embraces established female slavery institutions and welcomes new forms of female slavery. To talk about women’s history is to acknowledge that women were and still are oppressed – unless you seriously alter the facts; unfortunately, much of women’s true history has been erased as it is.
Anyhow, happy women’s history month, and welcome to my series on the American downward spiral.
I’ve spent all of my adult life trying to foster sisterhood through various means in different settings. Despite it being something I have always craved and needed, it has always been, continues to be, and likely will always be a Sisyphean endeavour.
I’ve come to realize that not only are all females around the world trained from birth to mistrust, hate and betray other females in order to receive crumbs of power and affection mingled with abuse from males, but the vast majority of women have no interest in changing this sad and unnatural dynamic.
The system is such that any woman who seeks to fight against it is more likely to be destroyed by other women than by the masters (men) themselves. Men design the system and pull the strings. The women do the dirty work, destroying one another through isolation and the subsequent stripping of power that can only come through the strength in numbers that a sisterhood would offer. It’s a slick move on the part of men. Despite being the puppet masters, most women see the cock proxy evil that women do to other women as evidence of female cruelty rather than brainwashing and fear of repercussions. All evil regimes have been run this way. Nazis, for example, put Jewish representatives in charge of the day-to-day abuse of fellow Jews in the ghettos and camps to avoid getting their hands dirty and create mistrust among members of the group itself. Under any such regime based on fear and violence, the victims then focus on the traitors within their own class, learn to mistrust one another, seek to betray one another in order to gain favour with and avoid punishment from the master class, and all the while, the true powers that be continue on reaping the benefits, tsk-tsk’ing over the pettiness and ‘innate’ nastiness of the underclass or slave class. I mean seriously, how often have you heard men comment on the petty cruelty of how women treat each other? And they are correct in so far as it is the only way women can interact with each other ‘safely’ under Patriarchal rule.
So, how are women isolated from one another? How is sisterhood discouraged? How do women pick on one another in order to curry favour with their be-penised overlords? In a system built on sex-based discrimination, isolation is tied to female deviation from sex-oriented norms. The less you follow traditional sex role requirements, the more you are isolated from other women and the less power and voice you have. Thus, not using your vagina or uterus, or following the rules that
a god or nature men and men alone have laid out for us is grounds for dismissal and hate. Men already create isolation for women based on race, but of course, as we all know, race is a discrimination that arises solely from sexism and the male coveting and control of pussy and uteri within one’s group and the punishment of men of other groups through the pussy and uteri that other group owns. It’s all about woman-hate and without it, there is no racism. Women bear the burden of racism and the blame for racism. Men of different races are more likely to bond over woman-hate than women of different races are to bond over rape and other woman-torture by men. Sisterhood across race is hard to achieve as a result. Thanks to patriarchal design.
But back to traditional pussy-use and the punishment of women who rebel by women who comprise the cowardly, brainwashed majority. And yes, there is no bravery in complying with what men want. Remember that. To chalk hating and destroying other women and engaging in pro-Patriarchy, anti-woman rituals and traditions up to ‘survival’ is bullshit and apologism at its worst. Call it what it really is: cowardice and ignorance through and through.
While ultimately, men are responsible for turning women into woman-haters, I do hold women responsible for what they do to others. Being abused is never an excuse for ‘paying it forward’ to people who don’t deserve your hate. I’d much rather see women attacking men than other women. But alas, that is not the situation.
Despite what you may think, there is no group of women more hated and isolated than the childless, especially the childless by choice. Non-breeding is the absolute worst crime a woman can commit in any society as it is a direct denial of the accepted definition of woman as Cunt-on-Legs and as Uterus. To refuse to use the vagina and uterus as traditionalists mandate is to somehow deny womanhood and scare the living shit out of men and the women who service them. The childless woman can be partially forgiven if she is physically unable to have children. Her crime is usually accompanied by constant pleas for forgiveness on the basis that she “wishes she could have children” and she “loves children so, so much”. But those women who choose not to breed for whatever reason? They are deemed deserving of unspeakable punishment on several levels, and this is true in all societies, all cultures and in every race. Her choice renders her not just sub-human, but non-human. Unnatural. Selfish. Demonic. Evil. Suspect. A destroyer of cultures and races. Someone who deprives men of their birthright. And an uppity bitch who denigrates the sacred, mystical, goddess-like status of motherhood. I can tell you from a lifetime of tedious, repetitive experience that the cruelty and dehumanization done to non-breeding women by breeding women is constant, even though breeding women often try to paint themselves as the ultimate victims. Breeding women have much more power and acceptance and social, legal and economic rewards than non-breeding women, even when they are horrible, neglectful and/or abusive mothers who became pregnant by accident, who hate children, or who had children because they want unconditional love from a powerless someone who can’t escape them (at least for a handful of years). I’ve experienced a lifetime of a parade of cast-iron pots calling a stainless steel kettle black.
Most non-breeders-by-choice also beg for forgiveness like the officially barren, but they also tend to have the mindset instilled in them through brainwashing from birth that they are selfish. I went through this myself. I used to apologize to breeders, if you can believe it, by telling them “I’m too selfish to be a mother.” I feel sick to my stomach when I remember these masochistic sessions where the breeder would look down her nose at me, and I would show my shame and embarrassment at my clear immaturity and general horribleness. I realize now that choosing not to breed is the opposite of selfish, especially because I am crystal clear on the many selfless reasons I have chosen not to breed. And further, life has been so much harder in so many ways that breeders cannot contemplate, and will make old age extraordinarily difficult. Data do show that single, childless, elderly women tend to be among the poorest and most in danger in any society. Men in the same predicament are almost always taken care of by some woman/women and are economically better off. Women either tend not to expect help (especially if they are brainwashed into believing they are selfish bitches) or receive offers of help from men or women (especially if society believes they are selfish bitches). Men are always taken care of regardless of their choices in life or how much abuse they dish out.
Non-breeding women don’t benefit in the work world like breeding and non-breeding men do. They are still women, and are treated as such, but without the social, legal and economic rewards of motherhood and often marital status. They don’t get promotions or higher pay, even if they have more education or experience. They don’t get equivalent, paid time off, say, to take a class that breeding women get for maternity leave. I would love equivalent time off to benefit myself (not a vacation, but an academic sabbatical, say) in the way that breeding women do and have my job waiting for me when I get back. Data show that employers (especially female employers) don’t trust non-breeding women and don’t want to hire them as they are ‘unnatural’ in some way. I can’t count how many times I’ve shown up for a new, professional job only to be asked if I have children right from the start. No one asks me about my actual achievements, how hard I busted my ass for my stellar academic achievements, or my actual contributions to society. I’ve never received a pile of gifts or been thrown a party for any of my three university degrees or other real achievements or contributions to society. No, a woman’s vaginal ‘achievements’, even if they are ‘achieved’ when passed out drunk or done standing up in a bathroom stall, are the only important thing of note in the workplace and warrant gifts and congratulations from the workplace, family and society. My teenaged pregnant sister knocked up by a drug dealer managed to score years of government welfare as well as three high-yield baby showers. I never received a single gift for busting my ass during 10 years of university. My sister now owns a house in an expensive city, has four kids and a husband, and a sweet high-paying union job with a pension, and I make $12,000 per year, with no retirement or pension in sight… I will literally be working until I die, and that is not an exaggeration.
After answering the vagina question that I don’t have children, I am put into that “piece of shit” category. Non-breeding women are often given the harder and crappier jobs, and in some professions, the more dangerous jobs, as well as longer hours for the same pay as their lives are seen as valueless – no one is depending on them, therefore their lives are worth nothing. They are often expected to cover for breeding female workers when the latter take off to deal with child problems. The former don’t receive extra pay for doing extra work, and the latter don’t lose pay for skipping out for personal business.
To conclude, the very word ‘childless’ is itself discriminatory and isolating to women, as if not having a child means you are less, missing or lacking something. Child-free is a newly adopted term that women in this situation have reacted with. I’m not sure what the correct way of seeing it is. I’m not sure I care all that much. I just wish I were treated with as much respect as breeding women, and that these insecure and venomous people would realize that they live on the top of the shit heap where women are forced to live, but seem to accept.
Femininity and Attractiveness
When women eschew beauty rituals, they are punished. They are punished more by women than men. Honestly, despite what tabloids say, all women can score a man if they are not picky. Men will literally fuck anything. See this post if you don’t believe me. And weird fetishes are almost exclusively the domain of men. If you have something gross or weird or unappealing or embarrassing about you, there is a man or group of men out there who will get off on your issue and will fuck you silly. You do not have to be beautiful to get laid. There is no such status as ‘incel’ for women. Men talk loudly about perfect 10’s, in order to keep women feeling insecure and distracted and diverting limited resources into stupid shit, but the reality is that as long as they are not expected to treat you as human or equal (and really, most women are willing to accept being treated as sub-human – that is how we are brainwashed), it really doesn’t matter what you look like.
So, if you are not complying with the perfect 10 femininity bullshit that men don’t actually care about, most of the punishment you will get will come from women who do comply. Even among feminists online, there are constant, insane and nasty wars between women who comply with femininity and who are ironically super insecure about their real appearance, and actual feminists who can’t believe so many women are still so brainwashed. The number of women who say they are feminists and that complying with brutal and degrading femininity rituals and submissive behaviour is a matter of ‘survival’ or (for fuck sake) an actual feminist act is saddening and maddening. These women, even feminists, will attack other women relentlessly for even questioning woman-hating behaviour. Honestly, men must laugh. Women spend so much energy punishing each other for things that in reality don’t matter that much to men. Despite what men might say, they’ll still make use your vagina even if you don’t shave your pudendum or your legs.
On a more serious note, women have made such an industry out of perpetuating femininity rituals, that little changes in places that matter, such as workplaces. If women could let go of this idiocy, women might actually move forward professionally with so much more mental energy to devote to their betterment than to stupid stuff that doesn’t matter to anyone. As a woman who doesn’t feminize, almost all of my punishment and abuse has come from women. I wrote a post on this type of situation here, where all of my female students criticized my appearance when asked for personal suggestions (note: I didn’t ask specifically for suggestions on my appearance). The male students, interestingly didn’t comment at all on my appearance, not that males are innocent. They have other things they do to degrade me and other women. Women just tend to be responsible for most of the petty punishments and criticisms and trying to force women to participate in their own slavery to men.
It’s hard to determine the order of worst lady-offences. The worst one is easy, as I mentioned. Not having children is the absolute worst crime a woman can commit. Lesbianism is Number 2 as long as it is paired with non-conformity to femininity. A lot of lesbians are still huge woman haters and adopt whore-face (perform femininity). Some try to call it ‘survival’, which is lame bullshit or a ‘feminist act’, which is dumb bullshit. Seriously? Wearing lipstick and heels is not a feminist act. It is slave behaviour that gets you head pats, and if you are a lesbian, performing femininity is an act of cowardice that serves only to let you ‘pass’. I’ve read feminine lesbians who criticize bisexuals for the same issues that apply to them. Bisexuality – a label I clung to for years before realizing a) I am not attracted to men, and b) it was ridiculous in an age where sexuality is political, despite the fact that it shouldn’t be an issue at all – lets women ‘pass’ in a society that rewards heterosexuality, and gets lesbians raped, beaten or killed. You can be a lezzer when you need lesbians to approve of you and then switch over when you’re in danger. Whether you agree or not (who cares…?), it’s the equivalent of a political flip-flop. Lesbians who feminize are essentially doing the same thing. Femininity performance is a political decision in a world that rewards cock-pleasing, and that shouldn’t be an issue at all. The only reason sexuality and femininity are even issues, and political ones at that, are because men exist and women’s status (which is always on the slave continuum) is tied to the forced belief that their very lives are dependent on how and whether they conform on these issues.
Some lesbians can’t hide, even if they put a dress on (think k.d. lang, for example). I absolutely don’t like the term ‘butch’ as it often goes with a version of woman-hate that requires the same feminine/masculine dichotomy that men demand, but I’ll use it here as people know what it refers to. Butch lesbians and lesbians who can’t hide their gayness under a layer of whore paint and silk are punished. They are punished by men, but they are also punished relentlessly by women who cowardly conform and who serve men. They are excluded from how women describe the range of womanhood expression. They are held in suspicion and women will assume something is wrong with them because they aren’t sporting pumps and push-up bras and making out with dudes. They are excluded from television and film, except when serving as a joke or predator (2-dimensional roles served up by men and woman-hating women who desperately want a job in a male-dominated field). Women fear and hate their own vaginas, in general, so to be faced with a woman who so clearly doesn’t have the same fears and hates must be terrifying. But overt lesbians also remind us that heterosexuality is not natural for women; they hold the mirror up, and we react with fear of what we are missing (peace, safety, love) when we erroneously choose men and a life of consensual rape and servitude. We react to being terrified by lashing out, as long as the target is deemed safe enough to attack. Women seldom attack the true threat (men) because men are more likely retaliate (beat, kill, rape) than women are. Lesbians are easy to attack and punish. (More on this in this post and this post.)
Yet again this week, I found myself forced to defend myself to an incredulous young Chinese woman that I am not married. I don’t even bother mentioning that I’m not attracted to men at all, as brain matter would be sprayed around the room and I’d be forced to clean that up. It is China, where gay people don’t officially exist, and I don’t want to lose my high paying job… (ha ha) or be arrested by the police, which is a possibility. Several times a year, I am forced to answer why I am not married nor have I ever been married. I would sincerely love to retaliate with “Why are you content to be a whore?” or “Why do you love to suck cock?” or “Have you negotiated a reasonable price for the lifetime sale of your cunt?”, but in public, I am a ‘nice’ person and I need to keep a few pleasant and helpful relationships, even if they are all based on me wearing a mask. Don’t we all wear masks in some settings…? I’d rather force myself to wear my ‘nice’ mask than wear whore-face, especially in a tropical climate! I save my straight talk for my blog, and that is enough. I don’t claim to be an activist. I don’t have the support for that, nor do I have a martyr complex or a desire to be physically hurt more than I have been in my life.
But seriously, I wish cowardly, fake-straight-bitches would stop asking me why I haven’t sold myself to a man. I am sick of women who are too afraid to be real with themselves, to ask themselves serious questions, and to fight against brainwashing. China is, of course, brainwashing central. All traditional, pseudo-religious countries are, but even in more progressive countries, there are very, very few people are willing to answer questions honestly. Even in the more aggressive West, very few people are willing to honestly answer the question: why do we say women need to be protected (one of the number one justifications for marriage)? Almost no one will say: MEN ARE THE PROBLEM, THE DANGER, THE CAUSE OF ALL WOMEN’S FEARS. Even in the West, marriage is seeing a resurgence, and strangely, the average age of marriage is lowering. Not sure what is going on there, but it is creepy and weird. It feels desperate. We are living in an age where people are more heavily masked than ever before, I feel, because of social media, the desire to be famous, and stay young forever. Completely constructed. Little feels real among the young these days. Will we ever face reality? If not, straight talk like the problem with marriage cannot happen, and those who fail to conform will pay the price.
Education and Intelligence
A former professor remarked to me a few years ago that as highly educated women, we were considerably more alone than the average woman. Now she has boy children and she is fake-straight (there is no such thing as a naturally straight woman, imo), and she conforms to femininity, so she really has no idea how far ‘alone’ can become for a woman. Try being non-straight, non-feminine, and a non-breeder!!! Anyhow, not only are highly educated women hard to find in work environments (unless you work in a professional, female-dominated field), but the few that are there seldom bond with one another. Frequently, they engage in nasty behaviour with one another in order to climb what ends up being a much shorter ladder with smaller pinnacles available than that provided to men of all races in the same environment. In the rare event that a woman holds power in a work environment, she is often ‘in good’ with male colleagues and is less likely to help or even be fair to female underlings. Unlike with men throughout time, including today, there is no such thing as a girls’ club where women help each other achieve regardless of merit. Further, women are more likely to hate and criticize female bosses and other powerful, intelligent, accomplished and educated women than they are male counterparts. Instead of supporting one another, they tend to ‘cunt out’ on each other (see my post on my redefinition of lady-slurs – I’d prefer the words not to exist, but I’d like to achieve what black men have achieved with the N-word).
I remember this nasty, rich, black bitch in grad school in the US. I’m Canadian, so in my early 20’s, I had little practical experience with American racial dynamics. I was nice to everyone, and found the frequent nasty treatment by educated, non-white women pretty fucked up. Anyhow, I’d say hi to everyone in the hallways, just as a typical, friendly Canadian usually does. And this rich bitch would look down her nose at me and say nothing. Then one day, she showed up in my office and demanded I help her out with her statistics – she was a clinical psychology student (perfect for the profession, eh?) and she hadn’t learned not to piss off the statistics majors as we were the go-to experts for all the other majors when they couldn’t figure out how to deal with their research data. I looked at her and told her I was too busy. I do wish I could go back and explain what she had done wrong, thus teaching her a crucial lesson – don’t fuck over other women, regardless of race; we fucking NEED each other – but I was too young in my feminism at the time to help women learn fundamental truths. I was still learning myself! I have made up for it since, don’t worry. Sadly, this chick moved on to the black guy in my lab and turned on the pussy charm. She faked sexual interest in him and OF COURSE he helped her. This is how women of the patriarchy work. She ditched him after he did her work for her. And he was likely bummed out that she didn’t put out as payment for his help. She got what she wanted and she never spoke to me again. Now that is a cunt move that I’m proud to say I have NEVER pulled. Even when I was still claiming bisexuality. I have never screwed over another woman whether of my own race/ethnicity or otherwise, and I have never sided with a dude to screw over a woman. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve created ‘Girls’ Clubs’ wherever I’ve studied or worked. I’ve organized women’s events. I write letters of reference for female students if they need them and pass on contacts and connections for jobs. I make every effort to foster confidence in young women. But I have also learned to spot bitches and cunts (if you didn’t go back to my link, that means a women who DELIBERATELY hurts other women – it has nothing to do with hurting men, unlike how men have defined the word), and I avoid them like the plague of patriarchal brainwashing that they are.
I think women hurt each other at all levels of education, work and intelligence, but the higher up you go, the more men you are forced to compete with. Most women see an advantage in cozying up to men to get ahead, and thus developing a sweet little case of Stockholm Syndrome, and the few females that are around tend not to have enough direct and individual power to further another woman’s career. The men who have the power often put women into direct social and professional competition with one another. And so women begin to see other women as either useless or a threat, and as a result, they fail to bond significantly, even though it would actually be to their benefit in several ways if they did so.
It is no wonder that women have such volatile relationships with each other. Isolation is a significant threat that all women live with. Step out of line, fail to follow patriarchy’s demands, and they suddenly find themselves ganged up on by the majority of women who are too weak, brainwashed and cowardly to fight or even question the system.
I wouldn’t say that ignorance is bliss, but it certainly makes navigating a violent and threatening system much easier. Just put your faith in the overlords that rape you with your consent in return for protection from the overlords who might rape you without your consent. And punish your fellow slaves who might dare to rebel through various means of isolation. You must. You see, they can only threaten you if they are allowed to bond and then grow too great in number to keep your comfortable life of servitude peacefully unchallenged…
I’ve travelled and lived around the world for more than 20 years, and pre-hetero-and liberal deprogramming, I dated and friended extensively among the non-white international male (and female) community. I can’t stress enough how men of all races and all stations of life terrorize, benefit from, and have immense power over women of all races and stations of life. Women, especially white women, who bleet on about how white men are the worst either live in very, very small worlds with limited exposure to the range of men out there, or they are in some serious denial of reality reinforced by current liberal ideology. Wake up, sisters. You’re speaking untruths. And worse, you’re hurting women with your propaganda.
Anyhow, it’s the end of the year and rather than make resolutions, I want to send out my gratitude to all the men and boys who’ve helped to shape my reality and to open my eyes to what all males are. I present a list of my firsts, the men and boys who first introduced me to an experience or concept and who chipped away at my innocence, confidence and naivité. Some of it I learned from you as a child, some as a teenager, and some throughout my adulthood. Thank you, boys. Collectively, you’ve rocked my world. Your behaviour makes feminism necessary, I hope you realize. And I know with certainty (unlike my liberal sisters) that not a one of you is better or worse than any other. You all capitalize off the fear and compliance you inspire in women and girls.
So here goes:
White French men introduced me to the idea that female prostitutes do what they do because they love to fuck, therefore, prostitution is okay. They also introduced me to the idea that if they pay for your drink or meal, you are not allowed to speak in public.
Mexican men introduced me to white female slavery as a modern reality, to female child abduction and to mouth rape.
East Indian men introduced me to relationship rape dressed up as ‘aggressive and exciting sex’, and to porn as sex education.
Native Canadian/American men introduced me to the idea of terrorism of girls and women in the workplace and the idea that all women, regardless of colour, will be punished if they react negatively to the terrorism. They also introduced me to the reality that men of colour have always done better and will always do better than all women in the workplace, and they are almost always rewarded for abusing female coworkers.
Jewish men introduced me to the idea that if men or boys can’t fuck you, they’ll cheat on you with your best friend. This kickstarted my thinking on the reality of coercive and manipulative rape as the most common form of rape and the single most common reason women (are forced to) consent to sex in relationships.
Cambodian men introduced me to the idea of paying a man to use me as a prostitute.
Muslim men (well before the recent events in Europe) introduced me to publicly conducted, race- and sex-motivated, group-coordinated attempted-murder of white women. They showed me that the Western world has no interest in preventing Muslim men from hurting, raping and murdering white women. They also introduced me to the Muslim male hate- and rape-fueling love of white woman porn; to violent relationship rape; to the treatment of my body as a non-consensual cum dumpster, and to the treatment of my body during my period as a filthy, untouchable, but still blow-job-giveable piece of garbage.
Taiwanese men introduced me to daytime, streetside sexual assault, and to daytime, unwanted racist propositioning for dick-servicing.
Chinese men and boys introduced me to racist sexual harassment and sexual assault of white female lecturers in the secondary and post-secondary classroom.
White British men introduced me to gang rape; to punishing rape victims; to violent rape-porn as a fun gift for one’s male mates; and to the idea that women should relinquish their names and the names of their children upon marriage.
Black men introduced me to racist and unpunishable stalking of white women for the purpose of rape, and to the idea of women only being allowed to have ‘sexual power’ – the power to inspire boners. They taught me that only men get access to economic and legal power. They also introduced me to the concept of military cock-servicing requirements when stationed abroad.
Homeless men introduced me to the idea that public libraries are extremely dangerous places for women and girls – workers and patrons.
Christian men introduced me to the idea that making Sundays into ‘holy days’ (non-shopping days) provides men with the perfect daytime opportunity to lay in wait for teenaged girls walking through deserted commercial areas trying to get to friends’ homes or libraries to study.
But it all started with my father introducing me to rape as the ultimate entertainment for male adults and male children.
What would life have been like if men and boys didn’t do what they do best – terrorize, enslave, and attempt to destroy women and girls? Unimaginable…
Happy New Year! I hope your holiday is rape- and fear-free.
Language Corners. Phenomena popular in, but likely not limited to, China, most often take the form of loose to semi-structured informal events where people gather to practise speaking a particular foreign language. I have years of experience participating in ‘English Corners’. For many years, I was forced to organize and participate in Corners at the places where I worked. They were horrible. Students would come to be entertained rather than learn and participate fully, and to ask me the same boring questions about whether I could use chopsticks and if I loved China. But I’ve managed to live in a few large places where locals organize Corners for anyone who wants to participate and that aren’t dependent on the attendance of native speakers. Nanjing, former capital of China, has a long-running (well over 25-30 years now) and excellent English Corner that meets in a local park at night once a week and is attended by people of all ages and abilities and walks of life. It is quite fabulous.
The city where I currently work has a number of language Corners. Some are held at universities and some at public parks. I’ve attended several, and as might be expected, some are better than others. I once attended one that seemed to attract aggressive and annoying men seeking to perv on the young Chinese girls who attended and to engage in antagonistic and exhausting ‘conversation’ with yours truly. Mostly though, if I attend an English Corner at all, I attend the private one held by the enthusiastic students at my own campus. They’re good kids, and I’m the first person to preserve and foster any natural desire to learn and better oneself. You can’t buy curiosity, and it is hard to find in this world in this day and age.
Recently, I’ve been motivating myself for a major life change. I’m really thinking about moving to France as early as next year. It is a work in progress. I speak passable French and I can think in the language, but I have to admit, I am far from bilingual and years of disuse has done a number on my grammar and vocabulary. Years in China hasn’t helped. But I recently discovered a local multi-language Corner. The bulk of the participants attend to practise speaking English, but there are small groups of people there wishing to speak Korean, Japanese, Spanish, and as luck would have it, French. Needless to say, I am ecstatic. I made a pact with a friend of mine to attend every week with her- she wants to work on having more intellectual discussions in her already excellent English. And I need to reawaken and tone my French muscles.
The other night had a decent turn-out. Some weeks, there may only be one other person wanting to speak French, but there were three native speakers from Africa this time in addition to a few regular Chinese attendees I’ve gotten to know. Unfortunately, they were dudes, and to my great surprise and dismay, they were part of a large international group of special forces soldiers in China for a year-long training program. Creepy, scary, and weird. China is training the world’s elite, state-sanctioned rapists and murderers now!!! Anyhow, I stuck with the group until the Africans started asking the locals why there is no young Chinese pussy available to them. Apparently, everyone has a boyfriend!!! These black dudes may be here for military training, but they are definitely also here to fuck local bitches and possibly to find one to marry. Barfo. I am so not interested in heterosexual female slavery or men of any colour (sorry, liberal feminists, it isn’t just white men) whining about not finding a line-up of women on their backs, legs spread waiting for them.
I left the group to look for my friend among the ESL’ers.
And I found her in a weird situation. It was a small group, and a Chinese guy was lambasting her in an aggressive stance jabbing the air with his finger in an accusatory fashion. You know this type and this move. Very male, very threatening. So he notices me approaching, turns on me, and with no preamble, salutation, or welcome, immediately gives me a task. “YOU are going to settle this for us.” Now, I don’t like being told what to do, especially by men, but as my friend was involved, I asked what was going on instead of just turning around. From what I could gather, they had been discussing ‘single life’, which I think was one of the topics of the evening. I am not sure what exactly my friend had said, but dickface had gone on the offensive. I think she must have challenged his heterosexual assumption that women’s bodies were the property of men and that to be single was a female crime against humanity. He was speaking loudly and started describing her as a ‘gentleman-lady’, which was supposed to be an insult, in addition to insulting her intelligence and existence.
I stopped him and concluded that she had won the argument hands down. That made him mad. He looked for ways to put his natural violence and anger upon me. He accused me of being American (classic move for many anti-Americans as if it is some sort of point-scoring argument), to which I suggested that he wasn’t very smart if he was making stupid assumptions that ended up not being true. I’m not American. Then he started suggesting that obviously we were lesbians and should kiss. He kept saying that over and over, which I think was at the root of his original anger at my friend. It was positively immature and scary behaviour. It was also clear that my friend, whom I later found out had been further attacked by the other males in the group for other incomprehensible reasons, was forced into a position where she was trying to defend herself. I’ve been there. When you’re 21, and for most women throughout their entire life, you are constantly forced by males and some male-focused females to defend your human status. A few of us manage to learn that self-defense is futile. You can’t win nonsensical arguments. And men love the fight. They gain energy. You lose yours to them. You are derailed, and often, your small confidence is further shaken. You shrink and eventually give up trying to be human. And there is always the fear that there will be violence. Not just verbal violence.
So I decided to start the fucking party. I’m not 21 anymore, and I don’t believe men can or even want to end their violence. Every second you give them is a waste unless you are taking them down with certainty. I have various strategies for dealing with assholes. You have to be careful, though. You have to know who you’re up against and how dangerous they are. Sometimes you can you embarrass them. Sometimes you can intimidate them. Sometimes, you just have to walk away and find a safe place. But regardless of douchebag type, I always recommend never entering a pointless argument where you’re put on the defense. It’s like arguing with a religious person – they don’t come from a place of truth or fact, and have massive power behind them that will put society on their side if things get weird for you. So this guy? Stupid, a coward targeting a very young woman, and possibly violent if alone with him. But in a group setting, he needed to be controlled and dismissed. So I took the upper hand. I pointed out that he was rude and aggressive and not very smart, and that I wasn’t going to join a group discussion with a shameful person like him in it, and I moved to take my friend with me. He put himself on the defense, trying to negate my statements about him, which was exactly what I wanted, and he soon realized he couldn’t win against me since I wouldn’t engage. He walked away with a buddy of his. Lack of easy prey made English Corner much less appealing, apparently.
Now what made me really angry was that no one would speak up against him. Quietly looking on as he destroyed a young woman was apparently just dandy. This is very Chinese. People do not defend or help one another here unless they are family. Everyone else is persona non grata. I’ve seen it in countless situations, myself. But it happens everywhere, every day. A Chinese will literally let someone they don’t know die on the street in front of them instead of help them. And I’m not making it up. Every month or so, some embarrassing cell phone video or news story shows up online shaming all Chinese because someone let a child hit by a car die on the sidewalk without help, or some homeless old person dies of neglect despite pleas for help, or a foreigner ends up saving some local person drowning in a lake as a heap of Chinese look on apathetically. So, I was angry, but not surprised that an entire group of adult people said nothing while this man got progressively more aggressive and abusive with a young woman.
The guy walked away, and the group re-formed. And suddenly, everyone was telling me that they had seen him at another English Corner behaving in the same way. Ha! And the best part – everyone was insisting that he was not from China!!! Excuse much? Of course he was from China. I’ve met a shit ton of Chinese dudes like this one. Domineering, argumentative, aggressive, and mansplainy. And all I could think was ‘why hasn’t anyone stopped him?’ as this particular Corner is generally known for having some sort of decorum and civility thanks to the volunteer organizers supposed vigilance. But this happens to a certain extent in all cultures. We make excuses for men. We allow them to dictate proceedings. We allow their violence, their aggression, their abuse. They can’t help it, you see. Especially if their targets are women. Women are expected to shut up and put up. And to keep the love and support flowing while pretending that nothing is wrong.
I’m perfectly happy to break an ego or abusive cycle if the life of the party is a homophobic, racist misogynist.
This is Part III in my exploration of the human obsession known as sexuality. The other parts are:
Part I: An introduction to male omnisexuality and why heterosexuality is even a thing at all.
Part II: The sex drive and sexuality – human obsessions and two misunderstood and badly abused concepts. Also a brief consideration of homosexuality, asexuality, and forced sexuality.
Although their actual life-or-death needs are exactly the same as those for women and are exactly four in number – food, water, sleep and shelter – in their natural proclivity for violence, power and control, men have elevated ‘sex’ (defined as dick servicing) to a life-or-death need. It isn’t. No man has ever died from lack of sex.
Using standard male logic, men will try to argue that women should be made available to them, either through unpaid or unequal barter-based sex slave relationships (girlfriend, wife), or through paid rent-a-sex-slave situations (prostitution) because without it they will a) become more violent and agitated, in general, b) will lose control and rape, and c) it is magically ordained by some sky-god or by Nature. The conclusion (threat) that follows from this (non-) logic is: “let us rape you or we will rape you harder, and cause lots of other problems as well.” And a lot of women will believe this ‘men have needs’ illogic and give in to what, in a nutshell, is coercive or manipulative rape. There is all sorts of mindfuckery that accompanies the threat so as to paint rape as an expression of love and to paint women’s reluctance or denial of service as some sort of cruel punishment or selfishness or prudery. Coercive or manipulative rape, the most common and least acknowledged form of rape, will be discussed in another post.
Simplicity vs Complexity: Men and Women
Men are easy to understand. Get a handle on understanding the motivations of power, control, selfishness, violence, and high emotionality within a limited range, and you’ve pretty much got them down. Even their omnisexuality and why they choose to gravitate, for the most part, to declared heterosexuality (despite what they do behind closed doors) is very, very easy to understand.
Women, on the other hand, are much more difficult to pin down. And there are a few very good reasons for this. Part of it may be that we are more complex beings to begin with. Men often say this as a criticism, but that only speaks to their inability to understand complex systems and their failure to control us completely. Our inner lives are deep and rich. We understand things on so many more levels. We are detail-oriented as well as big picture thinkers. We think both concretely and abstractly. We are connected with nature on a fundamental level and yet our minds and spirits soar beyond all horizons. We are more in touch with our instincts, and at the same time, have the capacity to override our lizard brain gut reactions and act with logic, compassion, empathy, and compromise. Yes, we are complex beings, and in this way, are usually hard to put into the categorical boxes that men design for us.
But there is another reason women are hard to pin down. Unlike men, women are not allowed to be natural. I wrote a whole post on the interaction effects of nature and nurture and how only women are not allowed to realize their natural selves, forced instead into a male-defined, simplistic, discrete system of stereotypes and categories. Our exploitable natural qualities are reinforced and used against us, while the natural abilities and tendencies that threaten the male dominance structure are punished and suppressed. In reality, we have no idea what a natural woman is. We don’t know what female power looks like. We don’t know exactly how strong female energy burns. What we do know is that the way men force us to define ourselves is not only inadequate, but completely unnatural and self-destructive. And we do know that the natural woman has not predominated because we are not violent by nature. You can’t fight natural male violence with reason, logic and intellect despite what many feminists say.
So What About Female Sexuality?
I have a young, female friend here in China who suggested to me recently that all women are lesbians. She is 21, she has no sexual interest in men, she is not sure if she is sexually interested in women, and she is trying to figure out what she is. This is what everyone who doesn’t succumb to hetero brainwashing wrestles with. What are they? You MUST be sexually attracted to something. It is mandatory. But what if you aren’t? When I talk to my young friend, I know she is drawn to women. She feels comfortable and safe with them. She likes to experience a rich, deep perspective on the world that only women can give. She has, at an enviably early age, discovered the joys of reading women’s writing – mostly from other countries as Chinese women don’t have much of a voice in Chinese literature. Like myself and other women, she has realized that men’s writing offers little. It has no depth, no nuance, no intellect, and too much literal and figurative violence. You cannot recognize yourself in male writing if you are a woman who has escaped or started to escape your heterosexual programming.
So, is my friend a lesbian?
Unfortunately, we are forced to define ourselves through our sexuality, thanks to men and their simplistic way of thinking. It can be very confusing to those who don’t fit into boxes and those who haven’t embraced their programming completely. So using male language and self-concepts, being a lesbian primarily means you get sexually turned on by women. You can still hate women, hate yourself, support harmful gender parodies, and be completely unable to connect with women on all levels but a sexual one. You can be a complete misogynist and still be a lesbian as long as you lust after girls. And ironically, you can connect with women in many ways, but be excluded from the lesbian team if you don’t connect sexually with women. Although I don’t think men are smart enough to have engineered this sad situation, through their violent sexual machinations throughout history, this genital obsession and sex-based club formation has become the perfect way to divide women and keep men supported.
In order to really examine women’s sexuality (if it exists naturally), you have to remove the male voice from the equation entirely. Nothing a man does, says or thinks ever truly helps women understand their natural selves or their needs or desires. I have never, ever, ever met a male who doesn’t include himself, his ‘needs’ and his desires in his plans, opinions, reactions and interactions. Men cannot talk about female sexuality without thinking about themselves, even if they cloak the language in something that seems objective on the surface. Women are too quick to hand out blow jobs to male people who pay some kind of faux lip service to women’s ‘choices’ and ‘freedom’. Men are not objective. Remember, they have too much to lose from women discarding them and discovering their natural selves and their true freedom. And as predators, men are expert manipulators. So, to explore women’s natural state, you have to remove male influence, the male voice, and the male threat. It is very difficult to do. We are not taught to think about ourselves, and male people of all ages have a way of tapping into the altruistic and/or sympathetic parts of our natural selves and derailing us from taking care of ourselves.
To explore natural sexuality, you have to examine needs. What do women need? Forget those asinine women’s magazines which are basically outlets for the male voice. Women don’t need to feel sexy or beautiful. Women don’t need a closet full of clothes or the right colour lipstick. Women don’t need the ‘right man’ or flowers on her birthday or a special night to focus on her orgasms instead of sucking her master’s cock.
First, women need food, drink, sleep and shelter. Those are the basic survival needs. After that, we start talking about needs related not to survival, but quality of life. Women need love, affection, human connection, acceptance – all of those things related to human interaction and relationships. And to escape from male language control, when I say love and affection, I’m not talking about sex or orgasms. I’m talking about feeling loved and appreciated and having emotional exchange, all free from threat, duty and coercion. I suspect all men and most women don’t truly understand what this means as we have been so corrupted by male thinking on what love and relationships are.
Women also need dreams, goals, confidence, aspirations, inspiration, motivation, hope, and empowerment. Again, these are needs related to quality of life – those things that make life worth living, and that make having consciousness make sense. These are not related to the material world or to sex. And while no one dies from lack of love or lack of empowerment or dreams, they will likely live in a depressed state with plenty of physical and mental health problems. This is how most women currently live, and I’d argue that it is because of forced heterosexuality and living in the male system that relies upon it. Forcing women to submit to men deprives them of those needs that make life worth living. And all of their energies instead are poured into ensuring that men not only achieve all of these personal needs, but they also have an abundance of them to draw from any time they wish. Further, introducing a sexual element to a relationship, especially, but not only with men, redirects energy away from women having their own quality-of-life-based needs met and into ensuring the male partner is well cared for and sexually catered to.
The best friendships I’ve had with women have been those that tap into quality-of-life needs, and those friendships, if they break down, are always because of the intrusion of a demanding parasitical male. Hetero-programmed women are hard to be long-term friends with, I’ve found, for this very reason. There is always a parasite lurking, whether it be a husband, a new boyfriend, or a male child. Marriage and breeding paradigms – systems invented by men to support male supremacy – have always served to divide women, break down female friendships, and redirect female energy into male goals and success.
Friendships with men, regardless of their age, have never genuinely addressed affection needs or empowerment needs. Males in friendships have their needs addressed, as they siphon female energy. And I can’t think of a single friendship with a male that didn’t end up destroyed by sexual propositions or downright sexual harassment, sometimes after years of supposedly platonic interaction. By design, I currently have very few males in my life. One of the last remaining ones, a former student here in China, 21 years my junior whom I’ve kept around only because I have had some success mentally desexing male students and seeing them only as ‘students’, just ruined our two-year, ongoing interaction last week by announcing that he is ‘in love with me’. It was so utterly disappointing and confusing, especially because I am open about not being interested in men, and I stupidly thought I was immune from most sexual predation from men because I’m 45 and I don’t feminize. I’m not sure if there are mommy issues going on or the idea of converting the possible ‘lesbian’ was irresistible. Regardless, the teaching point here is that there is no such thing as an exception when it comes to men. They are all predators. They make everything about sex. And no woman is safe. Ever.
So back to the question: what about female sexuality? Are women sexual beings? I suspect this wouldn’t be an important question if men didn’t exist. I don’t think sex would take on even a fraction of the importance it has now if men didn’t exist. I don’t think relationships would form and break up on the basis of sexual activity and attraction if men didn’t exist. I think without men, women would take physical pleasure in each other, but it wouldn’t form the basis of relationships, and wouldn’t be the stuff of obsessions. Life would be rich, complex, layered. As it is now, everything is sex. People kill themselves and each other over it. Half the population is enslaved because of it. Without men, there would be so much less pain and destruction. With men in the picture, women are not naturally heterosexual. Nothing about heterosexuality is naturally good for women. If women were naturally straight, programming would not be needed. Violence would not be needed. There is so much effort put into turning women into men’s sex and labour slaves, it is impossible to argue that heterosexuality is natural for women. I think women are naturally drawn to women, but I would define ‘lesbian’ differently than it is currently understood in system of male dominance. There may be a sexual component, but the affinity is based on more complex things that override any kind of central sexuality.
In short, I don’t think male language and thinking are adequate for describing what women are naturally. Categorical male thinking and vocabulary – heterosexual, bisexual, queer, homosexual, asexual – may be fine for describing men (I prefer omnisexual as a more accurate description of what men are), but not for women. Ideally, women need be released from male control and male demands for sex so that they may discover what they need and to realize and embrace the quality of life no woman has yet achieved, but so very clearly deserves.
I seek to address problems that make people uncomfortable, and I talk about issues that even most feminists won’t address. I plan to do the same here. I’ve been wanting to write this one for a long time. It is an exploration. Stuff to think about. Impossibilities, likely.
Is it possible for women to achieve what racial and religious groups have – to make discrimination a no-no; to achieve federal human rights protections; to have crimes against them designated as hate crimes; to eliminate group-targeted slurs from daily public, media and entertainment usage; and to legally make language used against group members into hate speech?
Men Succeed, Women Don’t
Unfortunately, the group we call ‘women’, despite being the largest and longest oppressed group on the planet is missing something crucial that every single other group has had and that has worked to their advantage. Men. All oppressed groups in history, except for women, have had male members. And note that men who think they are women – trannies – are not women, but oppressors of women and mentally ill men. They don’t count among us despite what they force us to call them, and they should never be included in the class known as women. They are a class of men, and they are oppressors, not the oppressed. We know they are men because of their XY chromosomes, of course, but we also have evidence that they are men because we see how quickly they have changed policy to destroy and further oppress women. No group of women ever has achieved or ever could achieve what trannie men have. In fact, no actual oppressed group that includes men has ever stayed oppressed for long. We know the ‘why’ (because men have power and women don’t), but it is not entirely clear ‘how’ (how do men exert power so effectively?) this can be. We can consider some of the following possible explanations for how men succeed in overcoming oppression while women don’t.
1) Men tend to resort to violence to get what they want. Women tend to cower and submit when they are threatened. Programming from birth ensures that boys’ aggression and violence is deemed natural and acceptable, especially when acting in self-defence, while girls’ aggression is punished and any self-defence is absolutely NOT allowed and often turned around to appear as unnatural, and even persecutory aggression.
2) Men are more respected, in general, regardless of group affiliation, and it is easier to get what they want because of the normalized and universal respect for cock, even oppressed cock. Having a cock automatically gives you a voice in public. Vagina is universally hated – you can’t respect what you hate, and consequently, most believe on some level that you can’t oppress what you hate because they deserve what they get, and so women’s progress is barely measurable. It further helps that male hate is often called and accepted as ‘love’, so they can argue that their oppression of us is actually a demonstration of love. Note that having a vagina automatically disallows you a voice in public unless you are a cock proxy – directly supporting a male dominance agenda, in other words.
3) Men are very good at getting on board with self- and group-serving agendas and can achieve a sort of strength-in-numbers kind of situation when they perceive themselves to be oppressed. Women, on the other hand, very seldom support one another, let alone push for policy that would benefit themselves as women. Feminists have never achieved a critical mass, as a result. It is hard to win freedom from men when some of the most aggressively opposed are women themselves. It has nothing to do with an inability of women to organize en masse. No, women are actually better able to plan and get organized than men are. Rather, women are programmed from birth to support males and hold females under suspicion. Women will fight to the death to keep men doing the horrible things they do with impunity. But ask a woman to support a feminist? Get ready to have your head cut off and paraded on a pike. Even some feminists eat their own.
4) Men tend to expect others to sacrifice for them, are very protective of their own perceived rights and freedoms, and have a very strange conception of compromise. Women tend to compromise easily. They also tend to sacrifice, but instead call it compromise just as they have been taught by their male-serving mothers and male culture, in general. In this way, rather than stand up for themselves, women are more open to propaganda, guilt-tripping, and oppression. Expecting rights and freedoms as women is seen as selfish and greedy and uncompromising.
5) Oppressed men, with very little effort, tend to collect numerous fawning women to support their cause, doing grunt work, sacrificing their bodies in violent situations (cannon fodder), acting as warning systems, spies and saboteurs, providing free food and cleaning services, bolstering and building male confidence and egos, and acting as free prostitutes to service the troops. Men, on the other hand, don’t support women’s fights. Superficial supporters always have their own agenda (getting laid, scoring political points, etc.). Most actually tend to suppress any female efforts to liberate through violence, threats, abandonment in relationships, denial of free speech through no-platforming and refusal to publish, and denying female activists a place in academia and other influential areas.
6) Giving men rights and freedoms doesn’t hurt other men or affect economies detrimentally. The world economy we have known throughout history has, on the other hand, been completely dependent on female slavery. Male freedom (which isn’t an ethical freedom, but debauchery and inhumanity) requires female slavery. Capitalism cannot exist without female slavery and neither can communism as men have envisioned it. To give women rights and true freedoms and an escape from male tyranny would require a complete rethinking and reconstruction of the world economy. This scares men of all colours, who for all of history, have called their male privilege their god- or nature-given rights.
Personally, I believe that as long as males rule within the system we call ‘patriarchy’, a group that doesn’t contain males cannot succeed in achieving human rights and freedoms or be taken seriously politically, legally, socially and economically. But while lack of male membership is a major factor in continued female oppression, there is one other significant contributor: any oppressed group that supports, colludes with, and literally sleeps with their oppressor will never be set free. And no group save women has ever done this. I mean, can you seriously imagine blacks joining a neo-Nazi group and calling it freedom and equality and contentment – the natural order of things?*** And there isn’t a single underprivileged group, save women, that would be denied the right to live apart from oppressors in their own community. These days, even women’s associations and events are attacked and forced to accept either infiltration or disbandment. But women are brainwashed from birth not only to ignore the dangers men pose to their well-being and contentment, but to embrace rape and slavery and humiliation and call them something else entirely. For those few who reject male domination, there is absolutely nowhere on the planet that is safe and free of men, male influence, male violence, male domination, and of course, the colluding, cock-sucking henchwomen who attack them for saying ‘no, thank you’.
***I did know a super-scary black dude in high school who joined the local skinheads, but that was only so he could beat the shit out of gays and lesbians as part of a cowardly group at every opportunity instead of as an individual – it wasn’t to support a white agenda.
In short, as long as the majority of women agree to unequal rape-based relationships with men and to breeding male children – and note it that isn’t true agreement since they are oppressed and programmed, and thus don’t come to the table on equal footing with men – ALL women will be oppressed by men. And it is this fact that keeps male power in place. If men can argue that women agree to their circumstances, then there is nothing wrong with it at all. To men, and to brainwashed women, agreement means free will/choice. And of course, no two things could be more falsely equated. Remember that brainwashing, programming, and social influence are powerful tools, especially when they are implemented at the most vulnerable stages in one’s life, such as in childhood or in desperate situations involving poverty or serious illness/injury. [Brainwashing, programming and social influence within the patriarchy will be dealt with in another post.] Those who manage to escape their programming, such as separatist, asexual or lesbian, non-breeding feminists, are very threatening to the system, and so the silencing of these opponents through several means is swift and brutal.
Lady Slurs Are on the Rise
If you listen to music, watch films or television, tune in to any kind of hard or soft news outlets, read magazines or other material – basically live in the world, in other words – you *may* have noticed that brutal language attacking women, including slurs (i.e., bitch, cunt, slut, whore, pair of tits, broad), denigrating comments (i.e., run like a girl, acting like a woman, bitches be shopping), and callous jokes (the various iterations of the 10-dollar whore joke), are on the rise. More than likely, like the majority of people, you’ve just become desensitized to it. It’s much like not noticing that the violent, sensationalized content of public materials has escalated. Interestingly, racism in the media is on everyone’s radar – racial slurs produce a very physical ‘cringe factor’ in most people – but the woman hate has not only escalated, but has become business as usual, accepted and parroted even by the targets of the hate. And the abuse comes from people of all races. In music, blacks are the worst perpetrators, but in television and film, everyone participates. Interestingly, but not unexpectedly, the targets of the violence and hate, especially in television and film, are more often than not, white women.
Blind as most are to escalating woman-hate, many people might respond to valid observation with something like:
- what’s the big deal?
- they’re just words – they don’t hurt anyone
- women are too sensitive
- women use them tooooooo!
- you’re exaggerating (crazy, bitter, stupid, or some standard dismissal of female truth-telling)
- you’re a man-hater, obviously
And my response is: if it really is no big deal, then why are slurs against all other groups termed ‘hate speech’ and have been removed from all public media and entertainment and can get you into serious trouble if you’re caught using them in public? Why is it legal to use a female slur in a business name, but not a racial slur? Why do some American television stations bleep out the F-word, but not the word ‘bitch’? What might it mean that women have internalized woman-hate and use the hate-speech themselves against themselves and other women? And why is pointing out real examples of woman-hate itself an example of women hating men??? Logic fails, all.
See, slurs are a big deal. Words have meaning and power, and a tool of control. Those who control language, control everything. And throughout time – and today is no different than any other time period – men control language and thus control women. Male hate speech against women poisons every aspect of women’s lives. Hate in language translates into hate in behaviour. When hate is condoned or written off or normalized, women suffer. Do you want to be interviewed by some man who sees you as a bitch and a cunt and masturbates to violent rape-porn? Do you think he compartmentalizes? No one is capable of separating the messages they internalize from how they treat others around them. And the fact that the hate is escalating, as evidenced in the language we hear and use, is very worrisome for women, indeed. It is a very big deal.
What’s on TV?
Media and entertainment are important propaganda machines existing under the guise of relaxing fun-times. People are much more likely to absorb messages, if they are delivered with humour or drama.
I was just watching a British television show that had been recommended to me by one of my more advanced Chinese university students interested in socio-technology (or techno-sociology, you pick). In the very first episode, the man who is playing the Prime Minister calls one of his white female employees a ‘stupid bitch’ and then proceeds to try to strangle her and then punches her in the face in front of a male employee. And I thought American entertainment was bad. Nope, woman-hate comes from all countries, all races, all religions, all ages. Some of my weirdest memories of blatant sexism during my childhood hetero-bitch programming years came from horrible British television (The Benny Hill Show, anyone?). But they are not alone.
On the American side of things, in the 2017 season of Veep, a political comedy starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus (whom I enjoy as an actress, but who saddens me in this role), was an episode entitled “C–tgate”. The episode partially revolved around the female president trying to figure out which of her staff had called her a ‘cunt’. In 28 minutes, the word cunt – probably the worst, most demeaning, single-word slur in today’s usage and possibly in the history of slurs – is used 15 times. Note that never once in the 6 seasons of this show has the slur ‘nigger’ been used, nor any other racial slur. Liberal, or conservative for that matter, television doesn’t use the big bad, notorious, racial slurs. Never once is the Chinese-American presidential candidate ever referred to as a ‘chink’. Never once is the Mexican-American woman who eventually becomes president ever referred to as a ‘spic’ (or even a bitch or cunt, for that matter). Cunt and bitch are words to use against women, primarily, but not exclusively, white women. And it is hard to imagine an entire television series devoted to a bumbling black president who is constantly undermined and continually racially slurred. Can you imagine an entire episode called ‘N-rgate’? It would NEVER happen. On the rare occasion that a racial slur is used, it is to call attention to racism and to use it as a teaching point about respecting men and women of colour.
Go back a few years, and take the American series ‘Boston Public’ which followed the work and personal lives of a bunch of teachers working at an inner city high school in Boston. In the first season, the white female teacher is called bitch constantly by everyone, and a violent, racist, misogynist, black male student spray paints ‘bitch’ on her blackboard, calls her bitch in public and then SPITS DIRECTLY IN HER FACE, none of which he is held accountable for. But the woman – the actual victim – is called racist, of course, and she spends the rest of the series feeling white guilt and accepting abuse and slurs from all the black characters as well as the white males on the show. Misogyny, which is more common on that program, is never addressed as a ‘teaching point’. It is just what women should accept. And white women are expected to accept abuse for what white men have done in past generations. THAT is the teaching point. Men are violent. Women pay the price so that men can continue enjoying the good things in life.
If you want to get your ‘bitch’ on in an older, but immensely popular series, watch the 15 seasons of ER like I did during a short, but intense period of boredom and misogyny research this summer. It was brutal. I don’t think I’ve heard the slur, ‘bitch’, used so frequently in a television series. Interestingly, there was only 1 official racial slur used in the entire 15 years of programming. A white supremacist used a Latino slur ONE TIME. For jokes, everyone was fair game, but the bulk of the jokes were about women, then gays, and a few racial jokes tossed in here and there. There was a shit ton of sexual harassment as entertainment. If you think women don’t internalize this hate, you are dead wrong. Now that my own eyes are open to patriarchy and brutal misogyny, every time I hear slurs, rape jokes, and sexual harassment, it is a slap in the face. It blows my mind that every single girl grows up swimming in this shit. And most girls and women never understand why they hate themselves so much, why life seems so much more difficult than men’s. Why they have no confidence. Why depression and PTSD occurrs much more frequently in women than in men. Why they are afraid and feel like they need protection. The propaganda serves to weight the chains around our necks and bodies and primes us to accept abuse from all men around us, and even to call their hate ‘love’.
The Slurs and What Men Mean When They Use Them
A little while back, I wrote a post on where the bitch and the whore came from. Let’s explore a little further to find out what men mean when they use the most common slurs. Note that anti-woman slurs are often used to insult men. The men aren’t really being victimized – simply being called a woman is a bad thing. Even men who ‘love’ women hate to be called or compared to a woman. That’s love and respect, right?
Honestly, this isn’t a word that I have much connection to or use for. I don’t recall ever hearing the word used when I was in high school. Skank, yes. But I never heard the word slut used. My parents never used it either, despite their frequent use of colourful language. The word has supposedly been around since 1450 to, very basically, describe a woman who behaves exactly the way men always have and always will without consequences. It is the essential representation of sexual double standard. I’m not sure there is a another word that captures the double standard like ‘slut’ does. Use of the word has led to ostracism, poverty, rape, beatings, and death for millions of women across time. While men designed the word to hurt and control women, it has also been used to drive a really fucked up wedge between women by essentially putting them into categories of ‘good’ (marriage-rapeable) and ‘bad’ (prostitution-rapeable and the unmarried stranger-rapeable). The term has been applied by men even to ‘virtuous’ women out of revenge or sadism to serve the male agenda. And even women themselves have used the term against other women, sometimes out of jealously of a perceived, but false, freedom or power of another woman. The simple application of the term to a women has had, in the past, the power to destroy her life completely. You really can’t say that about any racial slur. No one has ever been destroyed by words quite like women have.
Sadly, when women embrace this word, it changes something in the brain’s logic centre. Women who see themselves as sluts, proud or not, suddenly don’t know what to do when they have been raped. Can a slut be raped??? What is rape? Does he have to hit me since I seem to fuck anyone who expresses interest? Am I allowed to say ‘no’ since I have embraced the word ‘yes’? There is no handbook for women trying to navigate the liberal male agenda.
Every once in a while, you hear the word applied to men. ‘Male slut’ pops up once in a while, but it really has no impact on men, their reputations, their relationships, their jobs, or anything. Men might even laugh if they hear it, and it is doubtful they would find it offensive. It is a clear demonstration of who holds the power when you cannot reverse the offense with the same negative outcome.
Personally, I don’t see any use for this word, even if redefined or attempts at reclamation are made. I think we focus too much entirely on sex and sexuality, and would love to see this word fade away because of lack of use rather than repurposing. But after nearly 600 years of use, that ain’t gonna happen any time soon.
Prostitute is a rather recent and slightly more narrow term for a woman who sells her body to men. ‘Whore’ has been around in several languages (e.g., hore, hora, hoer, huora) for centuries (likely 16th century) to describe prostitutes, sluts, and women with very apparent sexual desires. The shortened ‘ho’, most likely from black American male slang, has been popularized as a way to refer to women, in general. It is most often applied today in the way that slut is. You also sometimes get constructions used to insult men, such as ‘son of a whore’. It’s actually still an insult to women, but men love playing the victim whenever they can.
This slur is used so often, I’m beginning to think it is a new replacement term for ‘woman’. In fact, I think the trannie dudes have taken over the word woman, and actual women have now become ‘bitches’. Black American men did a great deal of damage in repopularizing the word as a slur to use against women (circa 1990’s).
Bitch has a lot of usages. You can call anyone a bitch, yet it is still an insult to women. The term comes from female breeding dog and it was specifically used to insult women, dehumanize, and to designate one of her few allowed roles. Today, it can mean:
- woman or girl, in general
- woman or girl you don’t like or have anger towards
- a woman or girl who has stood up to a man and pointed out his privilege, unethical dealings, crimes, etc
- a woman or girl who is confident and does something that a man or boy might do but would not be insulted for, or even would be commended for
- a female boss, or woman in any kind of position of power
- someone forced to do your bidding and who will remain under your control
- (in prison) a weak male who will be forced to submit to sexual assault
- a man who displays emotion and who makes other men (and sometimes women) uncomfortable (e.g., “Stop crying like a bitch.”)
- ‘son of a bitch’ – used on men to mean something like asshole, it is still a slur on women above all else
- (verb) to complain – the implication is that women complain and should not, even if it is warranted
- ‘bitch slap’ – physical abuse to be used by men on a woman who is not acting the way he wants her to
- a thing you don’t like (e.g., “That was a bitch of an exam.”)
Probably the worst thing you can call a woman. It is not as popular (yet) as bitch, but it is on the rise. It is an abusive slang for vagina, but when used as a slur, it has similar meanings to that of bitch. It is generally not used on men as a female slur, however. Less commonly, it can be used to describe a situation that isn’t liked (a cunt of a meeting). The British and a few of their colonies unfortunately use the word, but in a non-negative way to refer to one of their dude-bros, as they might use ‘mate’ or to a random dude.
As mentioned above, the American series, Veep, will likely have a normalizing effect on this slur, thanks to devoting an entire ‘humourous’ episode to calling their first female president ‘cunt’ over and over and over and over…
Like a Girl
If a girl or woman is behaving naturally, then there is nothing wrong with what she is doing. There is nothing wrong with how girls run, throw, speak, walk, think, etc. If they are acting naturally (i.e., not gender-programmed into looking stupid or under-performing or trying to be ‘sexy’), then their actions will be efficient and effective. With behaviours that require skill, both boys and girls might perform poorly without training. The thing is that more effort is put into training boys. When equally trained, both boys and girls are effective. So the insult to males about performing like a girl is more about the very female-hate that prevents girls and women from being trained or even accepted as different than male people than any kind of natural ineptness. It also highlights the universal insistence that male performance is the default and thus the correct way, even if it isn’t correct at all.
Note that many of the ‘like a girl’ or ‘like a woman’ insults are actually projections. For example, ‘stop crying like a little girl’ (or screaming or tantrumming) doesn’t make sense because boys cry as much, if not more than girls. They also throw bigger tantrums and make more fucking noise than any girl I’ve ever encountered anywhere on the planet. And plenty of other claims like failing to use logic, or being bad at math – all of these are projections as well. Women tend to be better at logic than men and are equally good, if not better at math.
Body Parts and Animals
Female slurs are the worst in the world simply because women tend to be dehumanized more than any other group. They are reduced to their body parts, and they are referred to as animals. It is how women are treated both verbally and non-verbally in daily life and the workplace and in marriage, and it is how women are represented in language. Women are referred to: ‘a pair of tits’, ‘tits and ass’, ‘broad’, ‘cunt’, ‘pussy’, ‘fish’, ‘twat’, ‘legs’, ‘sugartits’, ‘piece of ass’, ‘cow’, ‘bitch’, ‘sow’, ‘heifer’, ‘filly’, and much more.
Black Men Succeeded
Some time ago, black men reclaimed the term ‘nigger’ and made it their own. The slur, rooted in Latin, Spanish and French from the word for ‘black’, lived for a short spell in a limited geographical region as a negative term for black people. It is no longer accepted or acceptable for use in public or in entertainment. It tends to be used only when a racist character is portrayed or when black dudebros are talking to each other. I won’t attempt to explain who gets to use it, or how, or why, or in which circumstances. I’m not a black dood, and mostly, I don’t really care about the intricacies of what men do to and with each other. All I can say here is that black men successfully got ‘nigger’ removed from the entire Western consciousness except as a term with punch-in-the-gut impact and out of mainstream derogatory use, with the support of the liberal white community. That speaks of some pretty serious social, legal, and political power. You can’t claim you lack power or status if you are able to get a slur thrown out of the public consciousness and usage. I mean, seriously, do you truly understand the implication of this? Controlling language is the ultimate evidence of power. But we’re talking about men here. And likewise, there isn’t a single racial or ethnic group that hasn’t succeeded in getting racial or ethnic slurs put on the chopping block – in Western cultures. But those groups contain men, and all men have power. Women of these groups benefited as well, which is probably part of why women of colour seldom side with white sisters under feminism. On some level, they understand they’ll achieve more power hitching a ride with men, even if those some men are making their lives miserable, acknowledged or not. White woman have no power, and neither do women of any other race, so gravitating to male people makes sense to those who don’t think, won’t think, or can’t think in more than a limited, short-term, very concrete way. If women could get over cock and band together, they’d be a force to be reckoned with in theri discovery that unified female power can conquer anything and is a long-term solution to rape and the threat of rape. Why do you think hetero-brainwashing is so intense…?
So we come back to the question: is it even possible for women to eradicate female slurs from public usage and consciousness in the way that all racial and ethnic slurs have been tarnished and banned? Women are universally hated and feared – even by themselves! What would have to occur to instill the same cringe factor into even hearing (nevermind using) the words bitch, slut, whore or cunt to take down a woman? As it is, hearing or using those words generally brings power to the user, and I would argue, a feeling of smug satisfaction at denigrating a woman who is the recipient of those slurs. I would further argue that the power and satisfaction are even greater if they are hurled at or heard directed at a white woman.
But let’s get one thing straight. There are more slurs directed at women than any other group in history. And the slurs against women have a longer history than any racial/ethnic slur. Further, slurs against women have carried more damage to women than any racial/ethnic slur has ever had on a racial/ethnic group member. And another thing, all slurs – racial, sexual, religious, anti-gay – were designed and defined by men, the controllers of language. Not women. The origins of all harm lie in men. Use of slurs can bring satisfaction to women, but they benefit men most of all by their continued use.
1) Eliminating Usage of all Slurs and Offensive References
As I said, those who control language hold the power. To be able to change an entire culture’s treatment of your group speaks of massive social, legal, and political power. It is actually quite impressive and astounding how completely racial and religious slurs have been completely removed from English-language entertainment and public usage. I’m so often puzzled at those anti-racism warriors who speak of their lack of power. They live in far-off decades or centuries, methinks. They haven’t performed a modern-day reality check and taken a look at who really has power. And just as important, who really doesn’t. Women of all colours are the powerless. And so many of those ‘oppressed’ men hold massive power over women of all colours. They are often some of the worst perpetrators. How could women possibly go about removing from public and common usage an entire vocabulary of hate that is larger than that any other oppressed group has ever been attacked with? I suspect it is not possible. No group of women has ever had the political, legal, economic, or social power to control language, let alone achieve basic human rights. And I doubt they ever will as long as women keep sleeping with men – those creatures who slur them, demean them and hurt them in the name of love.
2) Criminalizing Usage of Slurs and Offensive References
Men tend to get their pubes in a twist when women even hint at criminalizing male bad (criminal) behaviour. The idea of women defending themselves and forcing men to be held accountable for their actions is taken as some kind of irrational attack on male ‘rights’. All men believe they have the right to rape, demean, threaten, slur, harass, molest, objectify, and kill women and girls without anyone batting an eye, and to live freely to do it all again the next day. Actual cops have been known to admit that if they prosecuted men for all the horrible things they do to women, most if not all men would be in jail. Racial, anti-gay, and anti-religious crimes are easier to deal with as they are much less common, because men belong to those groups, because these groups are ALLOWED to live separate from oppressors, and because men fight back, while women don’t (and aren’t allowed to anyway). Crimes against women happen all day, every day, to all women. They are so frequent that even the victims accept their victimization as ‘just another day’ or ‘business as usual’ and trudge on burdened by fear, depression, PTSD, and other psychological problems that manifest as pain and debilitating disease. And while sticks and stones break bones, language is still the most powerful weapon out there, able to dehumanize and demoralize. If language didn’t have power, hate speech would never have been created to protect the religious, the non-white, and gay males. As it is, women will never succeed in achieving enough power or respect to warrant protected legal status with regard to hate speech, let alone bodily autonomy.
3) Redefining the Offending Words
I think it is safe to say that anti-woman language isn’t going anywhere. I’m curious to see whether women can achieve what the all-powerful black man has achieved: to take possession of offensive language, redefine it and keep it within their own group, likely to eventually fade away with increasing educational opportunities. To successfully take control of lady-slurs, we’d have to do something to the language to give it the cringe-factor that, say, the word ‘nigger’ produces in all people. For women, this is a near impossible thing to achieve, I believe.
Slut: A small, but vocal, contingent of liberal, white women in Western countries (and the men whose dicks they suck) has tried, but failed, to reclaim the word. While their basic premise is correct – women should not be judged differently from men when it comes to how many or few partners they have – the way they have gone about it has served to hurt white women (not women of colour – white women) and to keep the liberal male agenda securely in place and with more ammunition. You see liberal men, who also want to control women, have told us that our freedom lies in fucking as many of them as possible, and for free!!! The shame lies not in eschewing virtue, but in withholding our pussies from the world, from being prudes! And this small group of young, brainwashed, white women has enthusiastically swallowed this self-serving male agenda and proudly call themselves sluts. And by embracing this male philosophy, men can say that ‘well, women don’t seem to have a problem with the label, so I guess it’s okay, yuk yuk yuk.” Notice that more men will support a slut walk than an anti-pornography protest, and the reason is that a slut walk is as pro-male as the very problem these women think they are fighting, while the latter protest is pro-woman, anti-slavery, anti-violence and at its very core, feminist. I’m not sure that this slur can be repurposed as it cannot be separated from it’s original meaning and to do that, you’d have to end heterosexuality, which would effectively render the slur meaningless and it thus wouldn’t require reclamation.
Whore: Like the word ‘nazi’, this word has become overused and misused through people’s ignorance, rather than effectively repurposed or redefined. ‘Whoring’ yourself in order to get ahead at a traditional job just sounds wrong, and smacks of ignorance and dismissiveness of the sexual slavery women have had to endure since time began. The slanging of the word, thanks to black American men, into ‘ho’, has not helped women at all, but rather, increased its casual, demeaning usage in everyday life. The word, like ‘slut’, was created specifically to hurt women through classification and shaming. I’m not sure that it can be redefined. And when men make demeaning changes or redefinitions to words designed to slur women, it achieves nothing for women. Often quite the opposite.
Bitch: This word wasn’t originally created to slur women, so there may be hope there. There has been some redefinition by women that I would argue isn’t that effective. Calling oneself a ‘bitch’ in a proud sort of way has sometimes come to mean ‘badass’. [Here is a prime example of this usage – skip down half-way through.] I can’t imagine calling myself a bitch in order to convey bravery or guts. Whenever I hear a women use that term to describe herself, there is this weird implication of sluttiness or sexiness that goes with it that is really repulsive. I think it is also a bad idea to retain the word ‘bitch’ to describe a woman who stands up to men because it can still be used by men easily to slur women for behaving normally (i.e., unprogrammed).
I think a good repurposing or redefining of a slur should have at its goal, the fading out of its usage. It should have a definition that men don’t really understand as it isn’t connected to them in a simple and concrete way. If they don’t understand it, they will be less likely to use it (one hopes). And it should also feel bad to women if they use it to describe themselves. It shouldn’t be a source of pride.
The way I understand a bitch (I have redefined it for my own understanding) is as a woman who serves men and male agenda, and who hurts women. The former is actually one of the less common male definitions (a submissive object), but what should be stressed is that a bitch hurts women. These are the women who ditch their female friends for the boyfriend or husband. Women who give birth to sons and make sure they grow up to know their privilege. Women who feminize themselves and their daughters. Women who support marriage. Women who blame and/or don’t believe rape victims. Women who oppose lesbians and asexuals. Women who hate the feminists who fight for their rights. These are bitches.
Most women don’t really think about how they treat other women. They probably can’t articulate that they hate their sisters – except for those clueless, but dangerous, women who say ‘most of my friends are male, and I’ve never really gotten along with women – but they are trained to do so from birth, despite it being a completely unnatural thing. I really believe that if women were made aware of their woman-hate, they would be shocked and might be motivated to self-examine and to change their outlook on sisterhood.
Cunt: This word is much less used than bitch, but it is on the rise. I think it can be repurposed in the same way that bitch can. It is a more extreme version of bitch. A cunt is a woman to purposely tries to hurt other women and girls. A cunt is a mother who abuses her daughter. A woman who turns a blind eye to a daughter-molesting husband, boyfriend or relative deliberately or in willful blindness. A woman who defends a rapist son or family member and heaps blame upon his victims. A woman who holds a girl down while her clitoris is cut off in the name of Allah. A woman who calls herself a feminist, and then in her personal definition of ‘woman’, commits ideological genocide when she tells us only women of colour are women because the percentage of white women in the world ‘isn’t large enough’ (try using that argument with Native Americans when defining ‘person’ or ‘human’ – their percentages are lower than that of white women). Women who physically attack the women their husbands are cheating with instead of getting rid of the husband. These are cunts. Is there any help for these women? Unlike bitches, they are likely aware of their actions and their actions are often deliberate and cruel. There is no excuse for hurting another woman unless she is physically trying to kill you. And I believe in holding attackers accountable. Change has to happen in the language and cognitive processes of all women first. Perhaps, if women become more self-aware, we can eliminate newly-defined words altogether. But really, who knows if women can ever transcend male hate and the internalized woman-hate they are inundated with from birth.
4) Juxtaposition as a Tool to Highlight Misogyny
This is especially relevant for media and entertainment, but can be used in every day conversation. Now, this one would be hard to implement in media simply because it opposes the male and liberal agenda, and thus won’t be allowed to happen. Women don’t run media or entertainment outlets for the most part, and those few that do tend to be liberal and completely on board with male-defined ‘female freedom’ policies. Implementing this experiment in daily life would prove hard and would likely get women killed because misogyny is an accepted part of how the world runs. But just to explore the possibilities, here goes.
For every anti-woman slur or reference made, a racist slur or comment or violence against men must also be made. So when you hear “run like a girl”, which is a nasty way of putting a male down by calling him some sort of subhuman, you must also use “run like a chink”. Or, for example, when the black male character says to the white female police officer, “hey, bitch cop”, she can respond with “hey, nigger rapist” and then shoot him in the head. The anti-black slurs are probably the best to use because blacks have been the most successful oppressed group in gaining political, legal and social power. Slurs against them will stand out immediately in juxtaposition to every anti-woman slur that is used. Where no racial slurs can be used, violence against men can be used. For example, a slur against a woman is used, and a man or boy gets kicked in the head or balls. The point of this exercise is to pair every denigration of women with denigration of a highly respected group (racial, religious, male) to question the necessity of the anti-woman material.
The big risk here is that people are too stupid to get it. Non-whites are respected infinitely more than women and girls. All races and cultures hate women and girls and embrace patriarchy and misogyny. All cultures have only flourished by enslaving females, forcing heterosexuality, and making sure that female persons learn very early in life to hate themselves and to accept abuse. To use racist slurs (or religious slurs or violence against men/boys) to highlight the frequency of anti-woman slurs may not work because stupid people or willfully blind liberal people would likely see the contrast as evidence of racism, anti-semitism or ‘islamophobia’ or ‘manhating’ rather than a highlighting of how much women are hated. Never underestimate how stupid and/or ignorant people are.
Will women ever control language or, at the very least, have enough power to stop male abuse of language and subsequent control of women’s lives?
Upon a great deal of consideration, I conclude that it will never happen as long as women accept and practise heterosexuality. You can’t be pro-women and sleep with the enemy. And if you need evidence, look at how every other oppressed group on the planet has broken free of their circumstances. They don’t live with, sleep with and fuck their oppressor, have their children, coddle their feelings, and support their policies. It really is that simple.
Unlike in English and other languages spoken in Western countries, there is no word for ‘racist’ or ‘racism’ in Chinese. There is a cobbling together of characters to form the following phrasal options:
种族主义者 – which roughly translates to one who righteously serves as lord and master breeder of one’s race/clan. If you plug it into a translator, you get ‘racist’ on the English end. But it is not clear for me whether this has a negative connotation if used to describe someone. Whereas ‘racist’ in Western languages has nothing other than a direct, negative meaning, in Chinese, I would strongly suspect that it doesn’t. Race supremacy is strong in China. It is something to be proud of. They do not like mixing the gene pool, but they often barely tolerate physical proximity to non-Chinese (unless they are sexually assaulting a white female) or mixing outside their cultural circles when they emigrate.
民族主义 – not a single word, but a phrase that refers to the first important principle of the thinking of Dr. Sun Yat Sen (the father of modern communist China). It is kind of like nationalism, but it also can be roughly translated as something like racism – an equation which makes sense in a monoracial, monoculture or country as race and culture are kind of inseparable. Nationalism can exist in multiracial countries, but it isn’t so much race as culture that is being used as the prejudicial segregation or exclusionary criterion.
The lack of a single word to designate ‘racist’ as a negative term also makes sense to me having lived in China for the better part of a decade and learning early on that there isn’t a single shameful or monstrous behaviour or event in Chinese history for which they take responsibility or over which they feel shame/guilt. Seriously, over the years, I’ve had numerous conversations with people of all ages and parts of the country, and there is no shame or guilt for anything. Depravity is swept under the carpet and not talked about, or there is fierce denial. I was once ganged up on by a group of educated Chinese who mansplained and Chinasplained to me that a) the racist-sexist violence I have experienced never happened, and that b) Chinese people aren’t racist – they are shy and curious. Um, yeah…
There is one major exception to the feeling of shame and guilt – it is that which is present in most young people thanks to their parents and that is a crucial part of the brainwashing into the version of mandatory heterosexuality and breeding that you see here today. It is standard procedure to make sure one’s children know that they are a huge burden on their parents. Most young people are wracked with tear-producing guilt (seriously!) about their very existence and know full well that the pound of flesh will be taken when they are older. But that is it. Individuals may have their own specific neuroses, but as a culture, the Chinese have clean hands and consciences. Conversely, though, they are the most impressive faux-victims I’ve ever met (except for men from any and all cultures and ages). In all of the disputes they have with a whole pile of countries, they are the victims. Righto.
It’s mind-boggling to me as a Canadian, to be honest. I’ve had Western shame hammered into me all my life for things I haven’t done, that didn’t happen in my lifetime, that didn’t happen in my country or by my compatriots, and that men from eras past have initiated, maintained, and forced women to participate in via hetero slavery. There is also the shame all women are brainwashed to feel from birth about being female, guilt for being female and having needs, and that lady-shame-and-guilt can often co-mingle with the general Western shame to produce a paralyzing, messy mindfuck of a state. Shame and guilt, for me, are truly second nature and have actually become so psychologically crippling that I’m finally trying to deprogram myself. It’s quite fascinating once you start examining brainwashing mechanisms and how they have turned you into a person who has learned how to negate true, personal victimization experiences because you have been told over and over that everyone absolutely has it worse than you, apparently, and it is your fault somehow, and this manages to diminish your pain and injuries and serious tragedies. It also turns you into a woman who feels she deserves nothing good in life because everything is your fault, and you end up sabotaging opportunities as a way of punishing yourself. Your life ends up being a lot worse than those of so many of the people that supposedly have it worse than you. So, my point is to meet people who don’t have shame and guilt beaten into them for things that have nothing to do with them (and often even for things they are directly responsible for) is truly bizarre.
So, the last two months have been incredibly busy and risky and expensive as I am actively on the look out for somewhere to move and work next year. Somewhere that is not China, and not Asia. I visited four countries to talk to immigrants and local people, find out about job markets, and just get a general ‘vibe’ of the places. It might sound unscientific, but my gut and inbuilt vibe-detector seldom steer me wrong. I can sense, underlying societal misery, nastiness, violence or aggression, happiness, carefreeness, community, civility, etc, etc, usually within a day of being in a place – sometimes within moments. And it is not often that my first impression of a place changes with more experience. Occasionally, there are surprises, but not usually. But I won’t get into that so much here. There really is much more to write about, and some of it will make it into posts. I want to mull on the fact that AGAIN I was assaulted by a Muslim Arab male – luckily, not a rape or an attempted murder like my other experiences (although I could have easily been maimed or killed through his actions – and all of this while his lady-slave looked on apathetically) , but it was still aggressive, racist, sexist, and shit-scary. And I want to talk about it because of course, we are not allowed to talk about Muslim racist-sexist terrorism against white women. We have a serious problem, and nobody wants to address it, name it correctly, and do something about it.
As well, during my time away, I met a few, although not quite enough sadly, excellent people who were thought-provoking. But, it was a hard journey all in all, and although I was dreading to return to China, I actually felt ready to get back to my regular job and have started trying to line up some possible part-time job interviews so I can earn slightly more money, scrimp and save, and get the hell out of here for good.
I got back and what was waiting for me? Well, the brutally hot weather first and foremost. Then there was the aggressive, and sometimes violent, over-crowding conditions on public transit that you only really see in overpopulated places like China or India. But what was it I missed the most?
And I wasn’t disappointed. I got back to my campus where I live. It was 37°C (about 99F), and I was dressed for about 20°C (about 68F). I was exhausted and carrying some moderate-weight gear. I’ve lived at this campus for over 4 years. I am the only white female there. I stand out and not in a good way. I experience a lot of racism every time I step out of my apartment. Neighbours still cringe against the wall if they have to pass me in the stairwell. I cannot go out in anonymity. Ever. So when I got to the gate beside the staff accommodation, all I could think about was stripping down, dumping the gear and guzzling cold water. But no. The guard at the gate wouldn’t let me in. Demanding to know who I was. Yelling. Now, notice that I am a resident there. Frequently, people who DON’T live there enter and walk around our campus, never checked or turned away. Delivery dudes on motorcycles sometimes have to sign in. But generally, if you are Chinese, you are free to do as you please. And none of these Chinese was accosted today either. But I am not Chinese. Not human. I was treated like a criminal instead of a university lecturer, which, although seriously underpaid, still demands some respect in this country.
I ignored that racist fucker – mostly because I was too hot, tired and overburdened to defend myself in the step-and-fetch / dancing monkey way that all Western people are expected to adopt in order to keep the mood light and let the Chinese know they are in charge and can continue to feel superior. I also wasn’t in any mood or state to consider that he could physically attack me and no one would defend me. I just kept moving, and I think it was the fact that he was just not used to that kind of defiance and didn’t know what to do that I got away and headed quickly to my residence without looking back. I don’t know what I’ll have to deal with tomorrow as I go out and come back from a small shopping trip to the market. He might be more prepared to deal with the ‘white devil’ (racial slur used here). I really don’t want to have to deal with violence.
There is something that happens on feminist blogs, and it is such a common and reliable phenomenon, that it is more of a law than a figurative device. It happens even if it is moderated and you can’t see it as a reader. It is a phenomenon in the tradition of Godwin’s Law (the longer an online discussion becomes, the more likely a hyperbolic reference to Nazis is), but whereas Godwin’s Law can be seen operating in any discussion of any topic, this other pertains to feminist discussions or discussions where women are defending tiny patches of territory known as ‘women’s rights’. The reference that becomes likely falls into the category of “not all men…” Further, the likelihood of this reference occurring is less related to the length of the discussion, but to the strength of the ideology being expressed or the steadfastness of those expressing the dissenting opinion.
More specifically and succinctly, the purer or stronger the feminist ideology being expressed in a blog post or online discussion, the more likely it is that someone (male or female) will show up to:
- defend the ‘good’ men who somehow don’t benefit from or perpetuate Patriarchy, or
- put himself up as an example of how unlike other men he is, or
- give an example of a special, non-rapist, laundry-doing Nigel, or
- wax on poetically about how beautiful penises and male anatomy are, or
- serve up a graphic story of a sex act with a man which somehow disproves the existence of female slavery or systemic victimhood of women at the hands and dicks of men.
Although the Not-All-Men Law is common on heterosexual feminist blogs when the slightest criticisms of men may happen, it is especially true on male-critical blogs heavily populated by and possibly even run by lesbians. What typically happens is this: the topic of the post will generate some normal feminist commentary – what men and cock-identified women will call ‘male bashing’, but which is actually a statement or statements of reality/truth/facts – and as things heat up, you will inevitably get a defensive straight woman (followed immediately by a supportive pile-on of other, lurking, defensive straight women and occasionally and strangely, non-feminist lesbians) proudly announcing that she thinks “penises are beautiful things, imho”. There may be variations on that (sucking cock is awesome/cock-centred activities are feminist acts, men are just as victimized by Patriarchy as women, etc). The declaration will be seconded, thirded, etc., men might join in, and there may ensue more and more detailed, graphic descriptions of various heterosexual, dick-centric bedroom activities – unless it is shut down immediately by a lesbian moderator interested in preventing graphic derails of the original feminist topic of the post, or in preserving a hard-to-maintain woman-focus and/or lesbian interests.
I’ve seen it time and again, and this kind of stuff serves to dilute feminism, silence radicals and separatists, and divide feminists. Some women believe that you can’t put women first and willingly serve Dick/dick at the same time, so to see declarations of penis-love on a feminist blog is anti-feminist. Men don’t need defending. They run the world and every system (politics, economics, law, medicine, psychotherapy) within it. A better thing to do for those women compelled to defend men is to ask why the need to defend those who have all the power?
Oh, and by the way, with regard to Godwin’s Law and the whole braindead Nazi reference thing, there is something that he left out (he is a man, after all). It is an absolute given that if you are a feminist who dares to speak, you WILL be called a Nazi, and often a ‘feminazi’. There is no escaping that and it has nothing to do with length of discussion.
Woman speaking = Nazi takeover.
I get annoyed – although that is not quite the right word – when I hear men and their fembots talk about how prostitution and other rape-oriented work is really a fantastic work option for women. They rename it ‘sex work’ to take away the rapey, violent aspect of it and to diminish this kind of slavery so that it is on par with flipping burgers.
I get further annoyed listening to men say they are ‘jealous’ about women’s options. How they wish they could rake in the cash by doing what women are lucky enough to be able to do with their natural attributes and talents. How prostitution is ‘easy money’. How using prostitutes and strippers and watching porn is ‘contributing to the economy’.
It’s fucking gross. And ignorant. And it’s horrible to hear women parrot what these men say.
Given that it doesn’t look like we are going to change that culture and belief system any time soon using rationality and appeals to morality and human rights – like men give a shit about that, right? – I propose a more effective method.
Men generally only understand problems when they affect them. Self-centred creatures, you have to hit men where it hurts. Raping women doesn’t hurt them, but maybe experiencing something analogous would. Maybe…
Anyhow, here is my proposal.
I think we should open up a new job category that is only open to men. It’s called ‘lab work’. Here’s how it works. I am against animal testing, and I think all beings should be able to choose the type of work they do. Currently, animals don’t have that right. So I will free them. Instead, men will be able to choose to have chemicals and drugs tested on them in exchange for money. In fact, teen-aged boys can choose to do it too.
There is potential for ‘big money’ – or at least, that’s the rumour/promise. It will be a good choosey-choice for men who would otherwise suck from the government cock (aka ‘welfare kings’), or be homeless, or have to resort to finding a sugar mommy. It can help young men pay for their college education. And some bored men – from househusbands to professors – can even choose to do it as a sideline and then act as poster boys for the ‘happy lab rat’ when people try to critique this important, empowering job choice.
They will be provided with comfortable cages in view of other men. Drugs will be available to make the work even more palatable. We can even groom boys from a young age to see this type of work as a good career option.
Why is this work so important? Well, you see, women have a god/nature-given right to safe cosmetics, hair products, household cleaners, and properly tested medications. We can’t provide that safety guarantee unless we test them. Men provide the best test subjects – men tell us all the time that they are better than women at everything, so naturally, they are totally and naturally made for this job. And it is a good match anyways – everyone wins. Women have their rights satisfied and men make a good living! Women will contribute to the economy and help men stay employed and feel empowered. Besides, if men don’t provide this needed service, women will likely start illegally testing the chemicals they need on the men in their lives. And we all know that that isn’t good for society. We need to protect the virtuous men. And the others, the unspeakables, are better suited for lab work, anyway. All in all, we reduce random violence against family men by legalizing lab work.
Agency, empowerment, choice, free will, economic stability, men’s rights. That is what this job is all about.
Oh, and by the way, if you think you have any right to criticize this proposal, think again. I will shout you down as a gynophobe, a misogynist, a communist, and worst of all… a LWEMRA (Lab Work Exclusionary Men’s Rights Activist). And I’ll probably just throw in racist, homophobe, Islamophobe, and a few other terms I’ll make up along the way, just to get you to shut the hell up and let men choose their choices with agency and dignity!
I’ll add these as I see them – cases that support the implementation of this kind of work. It is especially relevant when MEN create dangerous products for WOMEN. They should absolutely be tested on men first so that their safety can be vouched for.
The heterosexual romantic narrative in all cultures is boring and stinky as shit and as transparent, fragile and scary as an ultra-ultra-thin condom.
And yet so many people buy into it.
Boy meets girl, usually showing himself to be a playboy or outright misogynist. Girl is intrigued: “Boy is an asshole, but I can’t. stop. thinking. about. him”. Boy shows some tiny vulnerability which serves as the ‘hook’, the thing girl remembers years down the road when wondering “what the hell did I dooooo?”. Boy eventually traps girl in holy matrimony, abuses her, and then keeps her there through enforced pregnancy and by mouthing the word love before penis-insertion and after slapping her around physically or verbally or psychologically. Well, this general progression forms the plot of most het lives and most of the rom-coms and steamy novellas out there. And not just in the West.
Part and parcel with selling this garbage as what women want is the programming of feelings: acceptable and unacceptable feelings.
In the romantic narrative, as girl begins to question why she is with boy, in come plot devices – the preferred feelings allowed to girl. You see if these plot devices weren’t employed, the story would end. Girl would leave. Girl might not go down the garden path in the first place. Unacceptable feelings, the effective ones that are programmed out of us at an early age and through the reading and viewing of acceptable film and literature out there, are the feelings that might actually save us from sexual slavery and throw a wrench in Patriarchy.
One of the most popular Patriarchy approved feelings or plot devices is FORGIVENESS. This device, the lack of which would end a romantic story toot sweet, says that no matter what boy does to girl, she must not retaliate or exit stage left. She cannot kill a boy who rapes or tries to kill her. She must forgive him. She must not adopt an eye for an eye mentality. She must forgive him. She must not get angry, take the kids and run. She must forgive him. She must not challenge his rape-supporting porn use. She must forgive him. She must not divorce him because he cheated on her. She must forgive him. And on and on. Several basic events revolving round the same theme.
We are told forgiveness is a virtue. Hmm. I’ll tell you, forgiveness does have some merit – when a woman forgives herself for ‘being so stupid!’ in believing a man has her best interests in mind or makes her a priority or sees her as an equal and free human. When a woman forgives herself for making the mistake of blaming women instead of men for her oppression, forgiveness has merit.
But forgiving men for abusing her, raping her, denigrating her, not fighting for her liberation and humanity? Nope, then it’s just a plot device.
That’s all folks!
I hate the city.
Sure, there are moments. Moments when you realize that there are certain things only a city can offer you. Like you’re tired of the ubiquitous Chinese food where you live and tired of your own home cooking, and crave some semi-authentic food from another part of the globe. A large city can provide you with that. You are also more likely to find open-minded people who like to use their brains and who eschew traditionalism and religion. That is harder to find in smaller places.
But I still hate the city.
I grew up in Canada. I have lived in most of the largest cities there. Having lived in large Chinese cities, and spent time in Los Angeles, New York, Tokyo, and London, these ‘tiny’ Canadian cities are villages in comparison.
I’ve also lived in plenty of smaller places. I deliberately chose a small, relatively isolated, Canadian town for my undergraduate experience. It was mostly for research opportunities and to get the hell away from my abusive, NPD mother, but I have to admit that the kilometers of forest, lakes, and fresh air called to me.
Similarly, when I went to grad school in the US, I chose a very small town – still for the research opportunities – but there were mountains and forest in close proximity.
I’ve also lived in the Yukon in Canada’s North. Pristine rivers, lakes, forests. Pure air. Silence. Anti-intellectual and cliquey, but nature reigns supreme there.
In all of these places, hiking and other outdoor activities were a given – one of the perks of living there. But I didn’t take advantage of the locations as much as I could or should have. Afraid of bears or other wild animals? No, actually. There are plenty of things you can do to co-exist with animals that, for the most part, aren’t deliberately looking for you.
In all these places, I was afraid of the men. The existence of men, and the threat of attack or rape is what kept me out of the forests and hiking by myself. Men are the only animals that will deliberately hunt you down or opportunistically target you, and hurt you for pleasure.
I remember, as an undergraduate, one day enthusiastically heading off onto the hiking trails in the forest behind the college. There had been reports of bears, especially at that time of year. But my thoughts weren’t on them at all. Within minutes of starting my hike, I was plagued with doubts about being in the forest alone, and then, as if reading my mind, out of nowhere, men on mountain bikes took over my trail. Scared the shit out of me. Men, in a group – scariest thing on the planet. A panic attack resulting from knowing that they could do whatever they wanted to me with impunity turned me around towards the safety of my research lab.
At that time, I forgot that there is no safety indoors either. Like all women, while I’ve experienced a lot of harassment, violence and sexual assault in public, all of the violent rapes I’ve experienced have happened in my own bed at home or indoors while travelling. This is women’s experience, women’s reality.
Will there ever come a day when a woman can leave her home and not have to feel afraid? Will there ever come a day when a woman can stay in her home and not have to feel afraid? Just the threat of what can happen is unacceptable. The threats are based on reality and they have power. They do.
It’s not the bears we have to worry about.
A handful of years ago, I was teaching a small class of really motivated, super-smart Chinese girls. I’d just spent a hellish year teaching high school – one of the worst years, if not the worst year, of employment in my life – in the Chinese countryside. I tried to wash away that year in a seaside city at a small, private language school with small summer classes. This group of young women was a salve on a wound that unfortunately still hasn’t healed.
We were doing a short unit on heroes and role models. We were using a crappy textbook produced through some Western-Chinese collaboration, and I hated it. It was sexist and as with any and every book trying to teach Western culture to non-Westerners, it did a piss poor job. Anyhow, as I didn’t like the discussion of heroes in the book, I decided give my own rendition. You see, all the book’s examples were men – men of the Western persuasion – and not a one of them was interesting or heroic. But then, throughout the world, we celebrate men for mediocrity and often, overlook atrocities they commit to celebrate that mediocrity.
So I did some research and looked for women in China, current and past, in a range of domains, that could be put up for nomination as heroes. I chose human rights activists, political leaders, anti-censorship advocates, athletes, actors, even a warrior.
And the girls, smart though they were, only recognized a few of them. I was first shocked, then unsurprised, then saddened. Just like in the West, women are not only barred from public life, but they are barred from recognition, from history, from memory, despite being the ones who actually keep this world running. Throughout the world, we celebrate the mediocrity of men over even the most amazing of women.
Fast forward a little to the years I’ve been teaching college and post-graduate students. Every semester, either through speech-giving assignments or through class discussion, I get students to talk about role models and heroes. And here are my data.
Out of hundreds and hundreds of students in four years of doing this, only two students have provided a woman as a role model or hero. And those women were the students’ mothers.
Many of the male heroes have been killers/soldiers. We’ve had notorious Western rapist athletes nominated. Mao Ze Dong, the great brainwasher and killer of millions. Winston Churchill, the man who perfected the concentration camp and had thousands of South African women and children starved, raped, or killed. We’ve had a few capitalists. Writers. Lots of fathers. Male humanitarians or social justice warriors are never mentioned as heroes – there aren’t that many of those comparatively, I suppose. Plus, activism is still frowned upon and frequently punished in China.
In China or elsewhere, I can’t figure out what makes these nominees heroes or role models other than possessing a penis. It’s not just that women have been barred from doing ‘great’ things. The fact that so many people see fathers as heroes or role models indicates that it is the penis and the qualities that only a penis-wielder is (incorrectly) believed to possess that are important in defining heroism or role-modelship. It has little to do with the accomplishments themselves. If we had a scale with men on one side and women on the other, and we had the ability to see who actually did what (i.e., we could see through stolen ideas, credit-taking, silencing, etc.) and you added weight for objectively positive accomplishments (creating and improving life and knowledge), and subtracted for objectively negative, destructive things (war, cruelty, immorality, development of weapons, greed, etc), women would, hands down, be the greatest contributors, the heroes, the role models. I truly wish there were a way to uncover truth, to reward merit, to encourage positive contribution.
We can’t do that under male rule. Merit will never be recognized under Patriarchy.
Fists and penises used to win the power, (later) the money and the ability to write history. Once money and power were firmly in the hands of men, it became just the threat of violence that has continued to erase women and keep the definition of heroism out of more objective hands.
In short, whom we honour and reward in our global society has little to do with good works or positive accomplishments or contributions. As with everything, it is all about dick. And I’m so very tired of worshipping violence and lies.
Those familiar with the self help world will know immediately what I’m talking about when I refer to one’s ‘toolbox’. It is a metaphorical toolbox that contains a variety of tools and techniques that one can use to cope and protect oneself. To run with the metaphor, basically the contents of one’s toolbox will allow the building of a fort or wall behind which one can stay alive and survive. The better the tools and techniques, the more protected one is.
Protection from what, you might ask? From seeing, questioning, defying, attacking and breaking free from Patriarchy, of course. To face Patriarchy head on is a very dangerous business, so women are encouraged to accept it. Unfortunately, it is hard to accept slavery without some defensive strategies in place.
Girls are provided at a very young age with a starter toolbox and examples of how to employ the contents within. The message that accompanies this gift is: Sorry. You’ve had the misfortune to be born a girl. This means you are worthless. But we need you to do a few things. You’re here to serve, submit, take abuse, and erase yourself. All in the service of Patriarchy and its prize citizens – boys and men. In order to help you accept it, affirm male dominance and violence, sing the praises of this system, and even ask for it, we are equipping you with the following tools and techniques. Now spread your legs and enjoy the ride. It will suck. Or rather, you will.
With this bright and shiny toolbox (with more sophisticated tools added over time), many women remain blind to their maltreatment and complicit in their enslavement; men are not forced to take responsibility for their actions and keep on doing what they do best – destroying; and the Patriarchy machine bangs on. Anyone with a background in psychology will recognize many of these tools as ‘defense mechanisms’. Let’s look at how they are employed by women under Patriarchy to ensure that they remain the slaves they were born to be.
Tools and Techniques (aka Defense Mechanisms)
The most unsophisticated of tools, denial is probably the most frequently employed mechanism women have. Very simply, it is the refusal to accept reality, even in the face of bald facts. Women may even deny having experienced something quite serious.
Example: A woman returns home after being raped by her date. Despite her bruises at the time and years of nightmares and PTSD, she refuses to admit she has been raped. In her mind, it is safer to pretend it didn’t happen. A lot of women also deny that Patriarchy even exists despite soaking and swimming in it every second of their lives.
Repression / Suppression
Both mechanisms serve to keep thoughts or memories out of consciousness. It can be done without realizing it (repression) or deliberately (suppression). The problem is that the memories still have influence even if we don’t realize they are there.
Example: A woman who was molested by her father as a child may have blocked out memories of that time, but ‘inexplicably’ has a hard time in relationships with men, especially regarding sex. She will be labelled frigid, but really, she is just repressing memories of horrific abuse.
Anger and frustration are taken out on less threatening objects or people than the actual source of these feelings.
Example: A woman works in a male dominated office under a highly misogynist boss who pays her less than the men, never promotes her, disparages her ideas and work, and makes sexually suggestive comments. The woman says and does nothing so as to keep her badly needed job, but goes home and verbally abuses her children following particularly tense episodes. We also see this commonly with the transgendered and with women who belong to other minority groups when they attack other women instead of men who are the true oppressors. Women are just less threatening and more easily attacked.
A technique where unacceptable behaviour is refocused into something acceptable.
Example: An economically desperate women may find herself with few options but to turn to prostitution, but faced with shame or other morally-derived feelings, may grasp at marriage (publicly acceptable prostitution) to survive.
The creation of seemingly separate representations of the self in order to survive ordeals. It can lead to a disconnection of self such that painful feelings don’t intrude for periods of time.
Example: Women who enter stripping or prostitution or even who are married may retract their feelings and personalities and thought processes while performing mandatory sexual servicing of customers or husbands. Outside of these servicing situations, they will maintain a different or a main identity.
The act of taking one’s unacceptable feelings towards someone and ascribing those feelings to them.
Example: Fully enslaved and compliant women may hate feminists for forcing them to realize their slavery. As a defense, the enslaved will believe that the feminists hate them, despite clear evidence to the contrary. This is the number one cause of the creation of the term ‘feminazi’. Feminists have absolutely NOTHING in common with nazis, but it is easier to project your hate onto people who just want to help you free yourself.
A mechanism that allows one to avoid the true reasons for a behaviour and instead come up with something that provides an intellectual or logical explanation.
Example: Instead of holding men accountable for rape culture, women will say things like ‘men are naturally aggressive’, ‘boys will be boys’, ‘men have needs’ or something thoroughly incorrect, but seemingly ‘rational’ on the surface. We also see arguments supporting the Patriarchal system using ‘God’s word’ (from the Right) and ‘natural law’ or evolutionary psychology (from the Left). These arguments are rationalizations.
Expressing the opposite feeling to that which you actually feel.
Example: Women, especially, are encouraged to show love to those who would do them harm rather than to address any justified anger that comes from being abused. It is a way to partially explain why battered women not only stick with men who routinely beat and rape them, but to insist that they love these men. The defense mechanism assists, but does not wholly explain, survival in a very complex, psychological situation.
Stockholm Syndrome (Identification)
This refers to supporting and even adopting the views and behaviours of someone who has power over you or is abusing you and whom you fear/hate.
Example: This is the mechanism underlying all “What about the men?” and “Not my Nigel” arguments put forth by heterosexual women. Instead of identifying with their oppressed sisters, they see weakness in and feel hatred towards them in much the same way the men they are supporting would. It also plays a heavy role in keeping submissive women in the BDSM scene enthralled (with a little rationalization thrown in for good measure).
Keep in mind, seldom does only one defense mechanism account for a woman’s participation in Patriarchy. The toolbox is one where all the implements can be inter-attached, and work together seamlessly. It is so incredibly hard for women to throw off the chains of slavery for this reason. There isn’t just one thing keeping women down – even if you stop denying reality, you may be engaging in other coping strategies. It also doesn’t help that few women have support in freeing themselves.
Stay tuned for “That’s Some Arsenal You’ve Got There, Gentlemen“.
When I was younger and more naive, I held out some hope for the atheist movement. When all you see around you is conservatism, religious violence, and traditional male arguments for why women need to be kept down, atheism can, on the surface seem like a fresh, clean wind blowing from a freer, more rational place.
I’ve been a non-believer all my life. My somewhat moderate parents installed me in an Anglican Sunday school when I was five, but when the brainwashers started teaching me my parents were evil for consuming wine, I was pulled out immediately.
I was saved because my parents were borderline alcoholics.
There was some occasional religious sputtering in school. The Lord’s Prayer was a morning ritual in Ontario where I went to school. At some point, that stopped. I can’t exactly remember when it stopped in my particular school since it was meaningless to me. We mumbled for years without understanding. Today, all children in public schools in Canada are free from this form of brainwashing – prayer in schools is disallowed under the concept of Freedom of Conscience thanks to our rights and freedoms charter. I do recall one particularly nasty Christian fanatic teacher who forced children to take home and prepare class lectures from the picture bible she kept in her class (not part of official curriculum), but again, the exercise was so meaningless as to have no lasting effect on my intellect. The same can’t be said for the few Jewish students that that same asshole teacher punished for, you guessed it, being Jewish (although, I, like many others, would argue that children are not religious – they are just the children of parents who are religious – too bad they’re punished for their parents’ beliefs).
As a high schooler, I had friends of different denominations, and I did visit their places of worship to find out what was going on. Each time, bad things happened. At one place, we were treated to a couple of hours of terrifying and repetitive ‘going to hell’ dramatic skits, and afterwards, the adults held a friend and me captive for an hour trying to wheedle our addresses and phone numbers out of us. We managed to escape. At another place, I was taught that one of my parents was evil for practising hypnosis on their psych patients who were trying to quit smoking. Yeah, there was no convincing me of the merits or sense of religion. All I saw were lies, manipulation, and cruelty – even what I would consider law-breaking.
As an adult, I got to know of the prominent atheists – all were men, of course (Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, to name a few). Women seldom are given recognition in this world for anything unless they are flashing their tits or doing something *evil*. And then it is notoriety rather than respect or recognition.
As I was becoming a militant atheist, I was also developing my radical feminist standpoint. Initially, I had felt some hope that atheism would help women, liberate them from mandatory, submissive sex roles. But I realized something. And it was a true downer.
Atheist men, including those famous nutsacks I mentioned above, hate women just as much as right-wing, religious or traditional men do. They just put a different spin on it. Some of them use sexist language and outright dismiss anything women have to say, but most of these dudes are wily. They manage to get a few women on board (aka fun-feminists) by supporting abortion and women’s ‘right’ to fuck as much as they want. But the motivation is not to support women’s true freedom. It is to maintain current privileged male access to women’s bodies. If women can have abortions, they’ll fuck more. If women fuck more, they’ll do lots of men for free. So it is more sexual power for men spun as ‘women’s liberation’. And fun-feminists gobble it up like indentured girls do a blow job in a porno – humiliated, and pretending to like it. There is an illusion of freedom and an illusion of male support. But true freedom and true power are still not accessible to women under the atheist and/or left-wing male agenda. And the easiest way to expose a male atheist for the misogynist he is is to a) refuse him sex, b) threaten to take away their porn/hookers/lap dancers, etc., or c) continue fighting for women’s real freedom in economics, politics, etc. You’ll get called every name in the book, receive rape threats, and have support rescinded.
You see, men don’t get behind women’s causes unless it benefits them in some easy-to-understand way that supports the existing power structure. Even though feminism benefits men much more than any domination-submission standpoint ever has or will, it is dependent upon men giving up violence and the power that comes from it. In a feminist world, men don’t get to rape, beat, murder, harass or otherwise dominate women. And to most men, including atheists, they don’t like that scenario.
Atheism is a good, good thing. Necessary for moral advancement. And necessary for female liberation. I stand by that. The problem is that any movement in the hands of men will continue to support the male agenda. Men can take any movement/proposal that has the power to liberate the oppressed and turn it into something that benefits themselves and the existing power structure.
So yes, be an atheist. Intellectual freedom is only possible if you let go of fairy tales. But do it on your own terms. And never go for atheism that doesn’t embrace radical feminism. Otherwise, it’s pointless.
You don’t have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.Ray Bradbury
I’d go a step further with that quote. After all, it was said by a man, so he doesn’t see the whole picture. I’d say, the best way to prevent a group of people from existing, from contributing to a culture is to prevent them from writing and/or being read. Most people don’t read or take seriously those women authors who are allowed to be published. And most women are not allowed to be published unless they are willing to tell men’s version of the truth. So essentially, the world doesn’t get to read what is not allowed to be there. And that is the story of women.
There are tons of people who don’t read. They can read, but they just don’t. Can’t be bothered. It’s too much work, and requires too much sustained attention, I reckon. I was watching a documentary about the future of reading, and I recall a PhD student commenting that she had to retrain herself to read proper articles in a focused and analytical way after her modern immersion into social media skim-reading. I imagine that an actual work of literature must seem a sisyphean task when you normally spend your day ‘reading’ Twitter and Facebook feeds.
Even among the supposedly superiorly educated Chinese (according to people who’ve never been to, let alone worked in, China), reading non-mandatory books is not common. Last year, I brought in a pile of English language books from my own collection of modern literature to my writing class full of English majors here in China. I’d told them that to become a better writer, reading was a requirement. Only two of my students borrowed books. No one else even attempted to look at the books. Disappointing. But unsurprising. Only occasionally does a Chinese student tell me that they both read and enjoy reading non-mandatory books. It’s all about texting and reading other people’s constant status updates – just like in the West. How is this interesting?
Regarding documentaries, I know plenty of people who’ve never watched even a single one. And those don’t even require a fraction of the attention that a book requires!
But of those few who do read – and I’m talking about great works other than Fifty Shades of Shit or Maxim (seriously, I once dated a British dickface who told me with a straight face that Maxim was the ‘thinking man’s magazine’) – they are still woefully and willfully ignorant of topics and authors who should be a required part of school curricula. The tired old classics are standard, and those classics are written by penises for penises. For most school children and college students, women don’t exist on paper or in politics.
Women authors of literature and feminist philosophy and politics are unsurprisingly absent from school curricula all over the world. Dangerous thinking relegated to Women’s Studies programs, I suppose? As I mentioned, the classics are priapic, but even the edgy or avant-garde have a phallic bent. For many students, misogynists, J. D. Salinger and George Orwell and their social and political commentary have possibly appeared on school reading lists, but who but an English major in Canada has read Margaret Atwood (who is actually a better writer than both of those men)? And everyone knows who Karl Marx is, but Andrea Dworkin’s vast collection of work remains in obscurity in danger of complete obliteration.
But all of these works are available in the public domain, at least for now. There is no reason not to read, not to know.
There is something I find very interesting. I think about my liberal-minded male friends, the few of them I still keep around, and I know they read. They watch documentaries. They learn stuff. They know stuff. They can talk about a number of topics with a level of understanding. And they have one thing in common. They know zero, nothing, nada about women, women’s struggles, the women’s movement, the status of women today. About the movement that concerns half of the world’s population directly and the other half in an important way – they know bupkis. They can talk about other social movements. They know something about racial struggle.
Some of these men, once they come into contact with struggling groups, go out of their way to learn about what these people go through. One friend in the American TV and film business, upon meeting Albanians who had fled their country’s turmoil, went out of his way to learn about the history of their country and plight. But when he was casting actresses for one of his films, he couldn’t figure out why they made sexual overtures to him (other than the idea that all women are sluts always looking to service men). The idea that the film business requires female actors to ‘consent’ to rape in order to get jobs and how that came to be (female subordination/male domination) was completely beyond his educated mind. He got angry when I tried to tell him what many people have said about ‘his business’, the film industry, as an outsider. Yet, while I don’t work in entertainment, I am better read about the plight of women in film than he is. I’ll bet you money that he hasn’t read Rose McGowan’s recent whistleblowing of Hollywood’s widespread sexual assault of its female acting population. He doesn’t have to know about it. He benefits from women’s slavery and to know about it means he has to take responsibility and change the way he does business.
This is the willful ignorance of supposedly intelligent and educated men. The one group all of these men actually live in close proximity to, and sometimes in the same home with – women – they know nothing about. They can’t be bothered to learn about what their close female friends and loved ones have endured and continue to endure. Women don’t matter except when they stop delivering that which is taken for granted. They are objects. They serve men and men’s struggles. The struggle of men is assumed to be the struggle of women. There is no struggle outside that. The concerns of racial groups, religious groups, and gay people matter because men are members of those groups. Women aren’t men, so their continued slavery does not matter.
But these knowledgeable men do know about what the fun-feminists are doing. Oh yes, they are well aware of topless events in the name of political reform. They do know about slut shaming and the movement to embrace sluttiness as a defiant, ‘feminist’ response. They know those powerful ‘feminists’, the Suicide Girls. And by knowing about this kind of stuff, they think they have their fingers on the pulse of feminism. Women just want to fuck more! That’s all. And men don’t need to know more than that. They don’t need to explore the history of struggle. To look for real information might push them out of their comfort zone. Fun-feminists have given ignorance their stamp of approval as per historic male agenda.
Willful ignorance is dangerous. And it comes from failing to read. That failure to read starts at the school level with the censorship of books written by and about women. And it continues through college and into the world of work and survival. We destroy our culture by promoting willful ignorance, by de-emphasizing reading, and especially by negating the contributions of women writers. After all, you can be well read by today’s standards, and still incredibly ignorant by choice.
Statements of the obvious. Who doesn’t love those? And yet, in our world, the blind lead. The one-eyed are not queens, and the fully-functioning two-eyed are trampled and enslaved and silenced and over-worked.
We worship our blind leaders. The men.
Confused, yet confident at the same time, men design solutions to problems they can’t truly see. We’re lucky if they acknowledge a problem at all. Often glaring problems are spun in a way as to seem natural or inevitable or something that will be worked out in the end or, my favourite – a necessary evil.
Let’s look at overpopulation. Women are blamed for this time and again. And the finger pointing comes from men. “They should stop getting pregnant.” “They should take birth control.” “They should stop having babies.” “They should get abortions.” There may be comments blaming women for their poverty. “Poor, uneducated women have too many babies.”
No where in the world are women in control of their bodies. In most places, marriage is mandatory. In all places in the world, women must provide sex to men, free or paid. There is no choice to refrain from hetero-sex without serious consequences. Men have designated penis-centred sex as MANDATORY. Most women don’t have access to birth control or abortion or safe spaces free from male pestering and abuse. Men have no interest in inconveniencing themselves with condoms, vasectomies, or masturbation-instead-of-sex. Women and girls get pregnant. Babies are born. The fault lies with men and the the penis-sex they force upon women. Stop mandatory fucking and give women education and opportunities (i.e., reduce dependence on men) and you will lower birth rates (and rape, and STIs, and female death, and female poverty, and and and).
But men won’t acknowledge that they are the source of the problem, so they point the finger at women, and it is, as usual, up to women to shoulder the blame and clean up. But it can’t be cleaned up until we get to the true source.
Ah, the world’s oldest profession. WRONG. The world’s oldest form of slavery. Prostitution is not a profession. Like marriage, it is a direct manifestation of male dominance and female submission and slavery. Prostitution is not a choice, it is a last resort, an act of desperation, or enforced slavery (for many). For a few, it might be a misguided attempt at sexual liberation (as defined by men, of course).
Men may acknowledge it is a problem, but a women’s problem, in that either a) women are spreading diseases, b) contributing to the moral decay of society, or c) aren’t accessible ENOUGH for their liking. However, most men don’t really see prostitution as a serious problem. It doesn’t affect their daily lives, and for many, satisfies a ‘need’ they feel they are entitled to. They may even rationalize that prostitutes save ‘real women’ from the bulk of men’s demands and violence. They are a necessary evil.
But women are not the problem. The fact that prostitution exists at all is the problem and a symptom of vast inequality between men and women. The fact that men believe they are entitled to unfettered access to women’s bodies is the problem. The fact that men dictate women’s available economic options is the problem. The fact that this so-called job affects the status and safety of ALL women, including first and foremost, the prostituted, is the problem.
Women have shouldered the blame and do the bulk of the clean-up. Unfortunately, there is a growing movement of anti-feminist / pro-penis / pro-abuse women seeking to make sure prostitution is here to stay. And it will stay unless we get to the root of the problem: male dominance and entitlement.
Systems of currency are based on hierarchy. Hierarchy is a male invention. Capitalism, the ultimate currency-based system of hierarchy tells us that some of us have more value than others and deserve more than others. It also tells us that those of us who cannot survive under this system deserve what we get. Failure to survive is explained away by the men on top (and even men lower down on the hierarchy) as the simple result of ‘natural’ competition rather than bias, disadvantage and just plain unfairness due to misogyny, racism, etc.
Since before the invention of currency, women have been forced into a dependent role by men. The development of currency hurt women even more deeply and reinforced sexual servitude. Not permitted to work for currency, women were forced to assume roles as slaves to men. Women’s labour, even to this day, is primarily unpaid or underpaid. Prohibited from competing on a fair playing field, women have always been vulnerable – their fates tied to male whim and male mortality. Disobedience towards a man, being discarded by a man, or left alone following the death of a father or husband, have left women on the streets destitute and unskilled and in danger from the rest of male society, with very few options for survival.
And so we have poverty.
Men choose to blame the problem of women’s poverty on the women themselves. Women are lazy, vain, focused on their looks, stupid, unable to compete, baby machines, weak, etc. You name it, men have used it as the reason why so many women live in poverty, why women should be kept out of paying jobs, and why poverty exists at all. They’ll never see themselves at the root of the problem.
Male dominance, enforced female dependence, and reliance upon an unfair currency system that over-rewards penised-people for doing unremarkable things are the problems. But until we can name the root of the problem correctly, poverty will continue. Women will shoulder the blame, and will form the bulk of the unpaid/low-paid clean-up crew. Men, meanwhile, will pontificate, design ineffective solutions or ignore the problem altogether.
The Bottom Line
The ‘problem solvers’ who tend to get attention and funding and political support are almost always male. Women are only included when there is blame to be doled out or grunt work to be done on implementing solutions. Women are scapegoats and free labour clean-up crews. Always.
When you don’t approach a socio-econo-enviro-political problem from a feminist perspective, you will never be able to get to the heart of the matter and solve it. Enough with the blind kings, already.
From all corners, we are exposed to the patronizing tsk-tsking, mansplaining, and of course, much more aggressive threats, from men who think Western women need to shut the fuck up over their imagined oppression. Like all men who think of themselves as intellectuals, they like to trot out Muslim women as examples of the truly oppressed. In mansplainy fashion, they try to derail Western feminists by telling them they should stop whining and focus on helping these poor Muslim women in far-off places – to not do so is anti-feminist or something like that. Of course, not a single one of these offended men helps (or likely even knows personally) the Muslim women of whom they speak. Not one of these men assists at local women’s shelters, let alone marches/petitions to stop honour killings or FGM, donates money to feminist causes abroad, or volunteers in war-torn countries to help oppressed Muslim women. Rather, like the men in the cultures they are criticizing, they are simply using these Muslim women, and easily throw them aside and forget about them once they are finished their tirade against uppity Western bitches and their whining about the imagined harms of pornography or strip clubs or pervasive rape culture. The ‘Muslim women have it worse’ trope is a convenient and oft-used tool to shut feminists up about valid misogyny.
But there is a lot to fight against at home, and it is at home that one always should start because fighting what you know and experience gives you your best chance at success. Success is important if one is to provide an example to the world at large. And if the above male response to Western women speaking out isn’t evidence enough that there is work to be done at home, then we can easily find other things to fight against. And one could start with the current, media-friendly, sexay-fun image of faux-feminism. To those examining feminism for the first time, a false image can be quite confusing and damaging.
Pornsick lefty ‘male feminists‘ and libertarian chest-beaters along with their choice-feminist pole-dancing bimbettes (aka Third Wavers or fun-feminists) are lockstepping American women and girls (and unfortunately other Western-world citizens infected with the americo-virus) towards the other extreme of female sexual slavery: 24/7 pussy with a side of empowerment and cheeky smiles. It’s the porn/prostitution/stripping are feminist choices crowd. These days, Western girls are trained in the basics of sluthood (or How to Be a Modern Girlfriend) before they learn Intro to Algebra in school. And the grown-up, self-actualized, I’m-a-slut-so-what feminists are getting right pissed off when someone like me suggests that they’re hurting women as a global class, regardless of how free they feel as individuals to have made their ‘choices’. Yes, individual choices can hurt groups.
It’s all just misogyny taken to one extreme on the female sex class continuum.
I can just imagine all the tired, repetitive, indignant comments I’d receive from those who choose to miss the point to stave off cognitive dissonance (being offended feels soooo much better), which is one of the reasons I don’t allow comments here. They are a waste of time to read and respond to. Deprogramming is a long process, and a comment war on a blog is not how to go about it. Plus, I don’t have the patience to deal with the deluded and the willful ignorant. I’m better with those who truly wish to help themselves. Suffice it to say that I am pro-human rights, wish that all women were free from brainwashing to conform to male demands, and believe that sex and how it manifests could be decided freely between parties outside a structure of dominance. We don’t have that situation now. Not sure we ever will given how few women are really interested in standing up for true liberation. We don’t have the critical mass.
Why is it important to fight this ’empowerment’ and ‘choice’ nonsense that some so-called Western feminists insist they have? Well, when women on other points of the female slavery continuum, such as those who are forced into marriage or who are forced to cover themselves up to hide their filthy female bodies, take what fun/choice-fems do and say as freedom and feminism, they often don’t see the appeal. They don’t necessarily see them as free and don’t see Western freedom as a great alternative to what they endure currently. They may, in fact, see fun/choice-fems as the real slaves (or possibly sister-slaves on the continuum). And when one doesn’t like the alternative to one’s current situation, one is not likely to fight against the latter and will remain oppressed as per local custom.
That’s not good.
Unfortunately, nowhere in the world is there an example of what true freedom for women looks like. I mean, there are radical, Western feminists who are walking the talk and going about it in a way that makes sense. We can tell who they are because they are not receiving the enthusiastic male support that the pole dancers are. And that should tell us something. Men always go along with shit that maintains or increases their privileges. But as for a healthy model we can point to to demonstrate what female liberation and true feminism looks like? It ain’t there. I think we’d need a separate planet for that – Patriarchy wouldn’t allow a separate, liberated society to exist unmolested, unattacked, unraped in such close proximity. There may be small pockets of women’s communities, such as this small separatist community of rape survivors in Kenya who are going strong after 25 years. How unmolested are these individual communities by angry, insecure men? I can’t tell you. But in general, and on an individual level, there are serious consequences for women who cry out for liberation and/or separatism – hell, just voicing an opinion in public can bring on merciless attacks from men as well as their handmaidens.
Western women are nowhere near free or safe, but we do have a little more freedom to speak out than do our sisters in more oppressive cultures. Men may still hate us deeply and will fight us viciously to keep their right to hurt us with impunity, but we can and do find public platforms to speak out against the misogyny and Patriarchy that we live with. And our successes will fuel movements and individual rebellion in other places.
That, at least, is the idea.
As a university instructor in China, I take great delight in mentoring young women who venture outside the traditional ‘women are property’ box. Planting seeds of personal rebellion is my specialty, as is providing validation for the stirrings of feminist thinking that normally get stamped out by controlling parents and concerned friends.
One of my young protégés, a lively English major who took my writing class last semester, had an exciting summer. We had lunch last week and I heard all about it. She had joined up with a volunteer organization that brings young people from different countries together to teach children. I’m not quite clear on what they teach. I thought it was English, but most of the people who came to China to teach were not native speakers of English. Maybe culture? There were young men and women from Vietnam, Indonesia, Russia, Egypt, Tanzania, and the US, in addition to the local Chinese.
But I was less interested in the teaching experience and more curious about my former student’s exposure to people from around the world. On the whole, I think it was a good thing. But there were several alarming elements.
First, it becomes quite clear how sheltered and naive the Chinese are. All of the foreigners, save the Vietnamese and the Indonesian, spent time teaching my young friend English slurs and general swearing. And most of it was woman-hating, of course. She learned how to say cunt, bitch, fuck you, retard, etc. And she also got some odd, inaccurate advice from the non-native English speakers. Apparently, “Screw you!” is a very polite form of “Fuck you!” Huh? I worry about a) ESLers, and b) 19-year-olds, teaching the intricacies of language to the impressionable. So, we had an in-depth discussion of nasty words and who they hurt (usually women, and other oppressed groups), and by the end, I think she was much less enthusiastic about hurling insults at people. But swearing is the number one thing most people want to learn when they are first exposed to a new language. I just give a different perspective on it – I do, after all, swear a lot, and put a lot of thought into why and who gets harmed by it.
Second, the poor thing ‘fell in love with’ the young Egyptian dude in the group. She thought he was awesome. Luckily, he was crushing on the properly diminutive and dainty Vietnamese girl and wasn’t interested in my more outgoing Chinese friend. I got to watch a few videos she took featuring him posturing in his macho way, and I wasn’t quite so taken with him as she was. Personally, I don’t find Egyptian men or Egyptian culture all that progressive. The country is, after all, in full support of female genital mutilation – over 90% of the current female population has lost their clits and/or had their fuck holes sewn up in the name of ‘respecting women’. I personally have had way too much experience with the rapeyness and violence of Muslim men (both strangers and a man I had the misfortune of dating) in a few different countries, and I worry about non-Muslim women who get involved or find themselves trapped with men of that persuasion. Men are scary enough on their own, but when they are religious, there is a whole nuther layer of justification for woman-hatred present.
Third, my young friend got an instructional dose of the ‘female dichotomy according to men’ care of the young Tanzanian man. The viewpoint certainly isn’t limited to Tanzania or to black men – it’s universal. But the dude laid the viewpoint out quite clearly and matter-of-factly. And my friend, being young, female, Chinese and naive, didn’t see anything wrong with it. The viewpoint goes something like this:
There are two kinds of girls: the ones you have fun with and the ones you can take home to your parents and marry.
What my friend didn’t understand, because Chinese girls are not educated about sex, was that ‘the ones you have fun with’ translates into: bad girls, the ones you can fuck, but don’t have to ‘respect’. She didn’t see that men have this thing called privilege where they can place value on women. You fuck the trash and then throw it away when you’re done, but you marry the pure. And both types of women are objects. You are a whore one way or the other – either a public whore (the bad girl/slut – girlfriend material) or a private whore (the pure, wifey-wifey material that you can only rape after marriage).
I made sure to explain all of this.
Do I do young women a favour by telling them how the world really is? How men will always enslave us? I don’t know. As a Chinese woman, she doesn’t have options. She must get married. Her parents definitely don’t want her marrying a foreigner – that is just racist, Chinese culture talking. But marrying a Chinese isn’t going to be any better than marrying a foreigner – they are all men, and marriage is the slavery of women. So is it better to go into female slavery naively than going into it with wide open eyes? I don’t know. I’d like to think that being prepared is better than being bitterly disappointed that the fairy tale that girls are force fed from birth isn’t true.
I was much less naive when I was 20 and a budding feminist to boot, but I do so wish I’d had an older woman in my life to open my eyes to reality. It would have saved me a lot (not all) of the grief I went through in navigating a world of woman-hate.
Addendum written after leaving China. That young woman never spoke to me again after that lunch. Not an isolated incident, in my experience. Most women don’t want reality. The rape-coloured glasses fit way too well and make life shiny and fun, at least if you don’t pay attention to detail. Some women will tell people like me that we are too ‘negative’. Presenting facts is ‘negative’, logic is negative, and we just can’t have negativity around us, right? I call it realistic, but ya know… Most women are just weak. They know what I say is true, but they also know there is immense punishment involved in holding men responsible for what they do. For example, she (and 99.9% of women in the world) socially punish me and women like me for speaking out through isolation. As well, this woman will get married and be financially better off than me – that is the financial punishment a woman like me experiences. And there is so much more.
Oh men. When girls and women wise up to your bullshit and beat you at your own game, you give the table a good ole spin. It’s a tired, long-used tactic and we ain’t buying it no more.
The game goes like this. Men predominate in a domain of work or academics. Women are grudgingly granted access. Access with serious conditions like harassment, lower pay, rape threats, actual rape and other violence, exclusion, lack of promotions and opportunities, etc. Yet despite all these unfair and criminal conditions, women not only excel in said domain, but exceed the ability and performance of men. Men flee from said dominion in droves, tails between their legs. Men find excuses for their failure, relegating the domain to the ‘feminine’, lowering its value, denigrating the new experts, and implying strongly that there is something wrong with the domain since women are good at it. It would be funny, if it weren’t so fucking pathetic and horrible, especially since salaries and respect for those jobs tend to go down once men dismiss them as women’s work. But we’ve seen it time and time again.
And so we come to the newest domain of disdain. I’m referring to the growing reality that boys can’t handle school. When they’re faced with actual competition, that is.
For hundreds of years, education was artificially made the domain of males. Men, afraid of the demonstrated potential of female intelligence and power, put a stop to any and all possibility for actualization. Girls and women were banned from school and condemned to lives of marital rape, mandatory pregnancy, cleaning, cooking and shopping. In some cultures, wealthy girls were given educations in music, sewing, and languages, although not in a to-be-taken-seriously way that would allow them to escape from men. In many cultures today, girls are still barred from school and from many professions, and can be killed for attempting to learn. Even in China, where I live, impoverished families will choose to educate boys over girls. The girls get to stay home as slaves. In some countries, the girls will be sold into prostitution so that the family can eat and have one fewer mouth to feed.
Only very recently in human history have girls and women been allowed (in most countries) to walk the hallowed halls of schools, albeit under constant misogynistic threat of violence and actual sexual assault and rape; routine dismissal of credibility; exclusion from ‘boys’ clubs’ and opportunities; and exposure to male-centric learning materials and environments. Despite all this, girls and women have soared academically, achieving in decades what it took boys and men centuries to learn. It makes you wonder how much further we would be as a society if girls had been allowed to study centuries ago. It is truly sad that men will sacrifice global human well-being to keep their dicks hard.
Anyhow, fast-forward to today. The majority of men as well as handmaidens who have spawned boy-children feel threatened and angry. We’re seeing something interesting in schools. Unlike during most of scholastic history, boys actually have serious competition now. Girls. And the boys aren’t measuring up. Despite the violence and dismissal girls still face even in First World countries, they are kicking boys’ asses academically. The possibilities resulting from girls and women succeeding finally in education are very positive.
Girls and women tend to do positive things with their education – giving back to their communities, sharing their knowledge online and on the ground, starting pro-social projects, and contributing fewer children of their own to the world’s overpopulation. Males on the other hand, tend towards more selfish, destructive and violent goals when they are given education and opportunities. Women use their education to help lift everyone’s quality of life, while men generally will use their education to maintain dominance structures that hurt girls and women. So, more educationally successful girls and women means a better world for all – including boys/men.
But we have to figure out what to do with the growing number of angry violent boys, moron’s rights activists (MRAs), boors’ (boys) rights activists, and handmaidens who are threatening the positive change we are seeing in girls’ status and the potentially positive future of our communities.
The kinds of problems we’re seeing in boys are nothing new, but when set down beside girls’ success, they indicate a possible and very serious problem with male mental deficiency that has likely always been present. When faced with a slightly more level playing field, boys regularly:
- can’t read
- especially can’t read books with female characters
- can’t pay attention
- can’t refrain from violence
- can’t treat others including the teacher with a modicum of respect
- can’t deal with more inclusive learning materials that treat girls/women as human
- can’t work cooperatively
While this is being commonly reported in the US and other Western countries, I see this among my male Chinese university students. I maintain that it is nothing new. What is new is the availability of comparison data. We are finally seeing data on girls in the West, and they are doing better even with the threat of violence, actual violence and pervasive misogyny that has always been present. In places like China, those data aren’t in yet. Chinese girls still have enormous pressure to underperform AND with the shortage of girls (40 million girls should exist that don’t due to selective abortion and female infanticide), there is massive pressure for even the ‘ugly and unmarriageable’ to marry and breed instead of pursue higher education, and when they are allowed education, they’re relegated to girl-acceptable professions. I teach science and engineering students primarily, and there are usually no more than 2-3 girls in a class of 50. It has nothing to do with intelligence or aptitude. But in China, men MUST be smarter than the women they marry, and they MUST make more money than women, so there is a lot of faking it going on on the part of girls and a lot of relegation of girls to low-pay professions.
I remember reading a post on this phenomenon in the last year, where some clueless, American mother was lamenting over the fact that her mentally deficient son wasn’t able to read any children’s books because all the new books had female main characters doing “implausible things”. It was bizarre. Girls have been raised on books and films (still are, actually) featuring puffed up males doing impossible things. Yet, they are kicking ass in school. How can girls manage, but boys can’t…? This mother certainly wasn’t doing her son any favours by enabling his deficiency and privilege.
The ‘Feminization’ of Education?
It has been suggested by the angry and stupid and privileged that this magical failure of boys (again, it is not anything new, it just shows up when boys have to compete with girls and the intelligence and talent bars are raised) is due to the ‘feminization of education’. This is a new term that has been designed by MRAs as an excuse for male ineptness. I’m not even really sure what they mean by it – their descriptions are usually based on lies or there isn’t actually a problem from an ethical point of view. They see a problem with girls being protected from rape and sexual violence and intimidation in the classroom. They see a problem with equal opportunities for girls. They see a problem with taking away historically unfair advantages from boys. They see a problem with a merit-based system and prefer a penis-based system. What is ‘feminizing’ about addressing human rights abuses? Nowhere in education are boys being treated the way girls have been treated throughout history (and still today). These loud, angry types are deluded.
In fact, it is a matter of adaptation vs privilege.
Girls, in order to survive in a world that hates them, have always had to adapt to their surroundings. Finding that their proclivities for learning or greatest interests are routinely dismissed, they find a way to get through, learn, and succeed. This is the way women and girls have always survived. Adaptation.
But boys have never had to adapt. They have always been catered to. But that is changing, luckily, and we’re seeing how well they are dealing with having their privilege challenged. Taking away an unfair advantage (privilege) is not taking away rights. This is the key thing that MRAs and handmaidens don’t get. Ever. An equal playing field is the best way to find the best students. And while the playing field is still not equal and still is biased in favour of boys, girls are showing themselves to be very successful, nonetheless.
Instead of resorting to threats and violence and hand-wringing and changing policy to hurt girls yet again or dismiss education as some ‘girl thing’, I suggest that boys learn to adapt and work hard for the first time in history. Adapting is a basic learning skill. It is basic humanity. And it is necessary to survive as a being. If you don’t adapt, you die out. That’s what happens to things that have outlived their purpose or have no purpose. And I have no problem with useless, and especially violent, things dying out…
I’ve been reading about the latest nonsense in the Syrian saga and refugee crisis, and one thing strikes me – not as odd, but as typical.
There is no mention of the fact that only in a world run by men is this kind of horror story possible.
With men in charge, you get dominance paradigms. You get religion; you get female slavery; you get baby-overproduction through enforced pregnancy and rape; you get guns, bombs, tear gas; you get human trafficking; you get war, war, war.
None of the articles I’ve read has mentioned the word Patriarchy. Neither has any criticized the disgraceful, violence of Islam. Everything is couched in political terms that takes responsibility away from men as a group. It’s the government elite or radicals/fanatics, not men, not religious men.
Neither this nor any other ‘political’ problem will ever be solved until we can get down to it and call it what it is: a direct result of Patriarchy, religion and the enslavement of women.
But without men shitting all over the world on a daily basis, what would the media write about? War and violence make money on so many fronts. We’re addicted, and peace under rational equality and freedom would take all the fun and adventure out of life.
Let’s take a look at a few terms that get confused often. I will reference men and privileged people, but my end goal is to ask a question about religious goombas of all flavours.
Naiveté is a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment. It implies innocence or a lack of sophistication about how the world works. It is a word that can usually be applied to children that have been fortunate enough to miss out on serious abuses of one sort or another.
Naiveté is neither good nor bad – it is just a typical stage people who have not yet had exposure to a wide range of experiences go through. But it often implies a value judgement when it is applied to girls and women. In this case, it blames or insults the person in question regardless of whether she is naive or she is not (i.e., a naive girl is a stupid girl, and a girl who is not naive is a slut or seductress). Girls and women, can never win in this world, and this is just one of many examples that show the damned if you do, damned if you don’t rule of ladyhood.
Nevertheless, with age and life experience, most people lose their naiveté and find themselves in another state of being.
Unfortunately for some, naiveté can morph into willful ignorance with age either as a coping mechanism (for women) or as a maintainer of privilege (with men). For example, regarding the latter, a good friend of mine is a 47-year-old man who was shocked to find out from some recent news story that a huge number of men use online dating sites advertising hot women in order to cheat on their wives. What appeared to be naiveté was really a willful ignorance (see below). How can a middle-aged American man not know that men are shitheads? Because he isn’t on the receiving end of misogynistic abuse every day of his life, and he has no reason to give a shit about what women experience. Because he hasn’t been forced to open his eyes, he is not responsible for anything. And that’s how men can look innocent/naive with looks of horror on their faces when really they just can’t be bothered to notice how they’re lives are better than women’s. Note that men, once eyes are opened (honestly, I do believe they know exactly what is going on in the world, but just feign innocence), still don’t do anything to end the hurt done to women.
Ignorance is simply a lack of knowledge or information. Every single one of us is ignorant about many things. It is impossible to know everything even if we devoted every waking moment to learning. Thus is cannot be a blameworthy state on its own. In certain contexts, however, it might be suspect. For example, it can be sometimes surprising when a young, supposedly educated adult or group of adults appears to lack basic information in a number of rather important and basic areas of knowledge. We’ve heard this said frequently of the current, young, American population – most university students can barely deal with a map of their own country, never mind a world map. The comment on their ignorance is one of blame, although how much of it is the fault of the young people rather than their parents, the government, and the education system that they are so woefully ignorant of what is going on around them?
Stupidity is a lack of intelligence, understanding, or ability to reason. Some believe that stupidity is a biological limitation of the brain, much like height is a limitation of physical stature, that one is born with, and that cannot be overcome, even with great effort to learn or improve. Like with height, some believe that there is a range one is limited to at birth and that the conditions one lives in determine the point within that range that one will achieve.
While limited intelligence in and of itself is not blameworthy, when coupled with privilege and especially willful ignorance, it can be very dangerous. It doesn’t take great intelligence to be able to understand basic human rights for all, you see.
Some people use the term stupid to refer to behaviour, especially harmful (to self and others) and cruel behaviour, which of course invokes blame. Whether stupid behaviour results from privilege or from biological stupidity, I’m not sure. But note that most behaviour that could be categorized as stupid is committed by boys and men. There are tons of movies and television programs devoted to celebrating stupid male behaviour.
Willful ignorance is the decision to ignore evidence and information that contradicts one’s beliefs. This kind of behaviour or way of thinking/being often results from and maintains a state of privilege (e.g., being male, being religious, being straight, being a breeder, etc.) or as a coping mechanism in women who might find themselves in danger if they allow themselves to fully absorb the reality of their slavery.
To admit one is wrong or deliberately ignorant requires one to be humble, to take responsibility for one’s behaviour, and to give up things no human should do or have (e.g., control or ownership of another human). For women, to admit reality can be very difficult and requires some serious decision-making regarding one’s slave state as a woman.
While one may understand the psychology of willful ignorance, it is still the most blameworthy and shameful of states to be in, and it is a state occupied by a lot of men and by religious people (especially religious men of all races). Note that I place much less blame on women who are willfully ignorant of their slavery. Some women have little choice to escape without risk of death, rape, beatings and/or stalking/harassment, and pretending all is well is sometimes a necessary way of surviving. Yet, at the same time, there are plenty of women who don’t risk death, but who just don’t want to deal with reality or making hard decisions. Unfortunately, these women’s choices affect ALL women negatively. As someone who has rejected happy-fun-lies and made some hard grounded-in-reality choices (out of the limited choices men allow me as a woman), I can tell you that while I have attained more freedom in my mind, there is a lot of pain and vulnerability associated with my choice to face reality and act on it. I blame the men and the shitty slavery system they have created and maintain. Women shouldn’t have to escape reality and tell themselves lies just to exist.
Final note: one can be willfully ignorant and very stupid at the same time. And those folks are dangerous.
A question that often gets batted around both online and in the meat world is: Are religious people stupid? My knee-jerk reaction is a resounding ‘YES!’ But let’s consider a little.
I think religious people fall into all of the categories discussed here. The children are naive. The fact that they are brainwashed into the major religious cults is child abuse. I wish Richard Dawkins wouldn’t back down when confronted by individual religious people when they ask him to stand by his comments on child abuse and indoctrination of children into religion. I guess it’s hard to tell people to their faces that they are in fact doing something horrible to their children.
Many religious people are ignorant. And I blame this on their families, idiocy on the parts of certain governments, and dreadful education systems that place religious teaching higher or on par with the teaching of science, philosophy and logic, for example.
Many religious people are biologically stupid, and I think early religious training limits how far people can push their brains within our given personal ranges of intelligence. But don’t take my word for it. People are researching the link between religion and intelligence. For example, a meta-analysis of 63 studies does indeed show a strong correlation between religious beliefs and intelligence. Lower intelligence is related to higher religiosity. And smart people just tend not to be religious. Nevertheless, it isn’t news to me. These are obvious correlations, although having data to back them up is necessary, of course.
Religion is just magical thinking that preys on fear and reinforces fear-based misogyny. Intelligence allows us to work logically though fear and adjust our world views accordingly to become better people. With low intelligence, easy, bullshit non-answers are appealing and soothing. Hate is justified and requires no personal responsibility. No effort required.
Lastly, I think most, if not all, religious people are willfully ignorant. To see reality would be to reject religion for the hateful, backwards, dangerous nonsense that it is. Clear-thinking and humility are incompatible with religion. To be willfully ignorant, one has to feel that there is something to lose in accepting reality. Like men with their privilege over women, so too do the religious have the same things to lose – comfort, political power, money, sanctioned violence, and that smug sense of superiority that you see in most religious people. Give up the privilege and you just have to accept being… human.
As is well understood by women, the history of humankind is the story of men. And it is a boring story of repetition: rape; war; rape; the stealing of women’s ideas; rape; denying education to women; rape; the development of various economic/religious/political systems of dominance favouring men; rape; war; more rape, ad infinitum. Boring. And the story is pretty much the same no matter which culture or part of the world you drill down into. And there is no end in sight. History is written by the victors, and men are always the victors. History is written to get men off, not to regret, not to learn, not to become better beings. It’s just the stuff of boners.
I’ll provide one teeny tiny example.
A few years ago, I lived and worked in Nanjing, China. For those who know little to nothing about China, Nanjing is famous for a few things. For one, it is a former capital of China, and secondly, it was the site of one of the most brutal mass rapes and mass murders in history. Over a period straddling December 1937 – January 1938, Japanese troops occupied Nanjing and rained atrocity down on the women and other citizens of Nanjing. I’m not going to recount the whole history here – you can check out Iris Chang’s book, “The Rape of Nanking”, to avoid being forced to swallow a male point-of-view. Men tend to focus on how off-duty Chinese soldiers were executed – as if that was the highlight and greatest tragedy of the whole disgusting mess.
Anyhow, modern-day Japan poured money into the building of a memorial/museum in Nanjing. And I went. It is a spectacular building.
I did, however, feel there was a cock-centric over-focus on soldiers being killed. Personally, I couldn’t give a shit about soldiers. They sign up to kill and be killed. Many of them rape local women/girls and/or use prostitutes, which demotes them to non-human status for me. So fuck ’em. War is a man’s invention. Not women’s. You make your bed, you sleep in the damn thing, men. I just wish women could be left out of the whole business since it has nothing to do with us.
Now, out of the whole museum, there was one wall that also included a corner, detailing the whole rape business, which for me was the centre of the whole multi-week siege. I think it would have been over sooner had there been no women there. The display consisted of all sorts of large photos and text describing what had happened.
But I couldn’t read any of it. Why?
Because I couldn’t get close to it at all. There were 200+ Chinese men all pushing and shoving each other, including me, trying to get close enough to see the naked photos of the Chinese women. Unfortunately, for the men, there were no actual mid-action rape photos – just dead women with bayonets sticking out of their vaginas, and naked, devastated, brutalized women lined up for viewing, crouching, cowering, crying. Still, titillating stuff for China (where porn is illegal). These fucking turds were excited by the idea of what had happened. No learning going on. No tears shed (except mine). Just excitement. And hatred for the Japanese, but also excitement.
Naked, brutalized women. Very, very cool stuff.
By the way, there was no pushing or over-crowding or excitement at any of the other displays. And there were no women pushing or shoving to get close to the rape display. Actually, the Chinese women visiting the museum avoided that whole corner for the most part.
But this whole phenomenon is not unique to China. Men all over the world love depictions of rape. Love seeing women degraded, hurt, brutalized. Even if they don’t consider themselves rapists (ahem…), they can live vicariously through those who do.
And women don’t fantasize about rape (please read that again American porn-dogs). Women who claim they do have been socialized/trained/brainwashed by the Patriarchal ‘romance narrative’ into believing that seduction and sexayness need to be violent. There is nothing healthy or ‘natural’ about getting hot about the idea of rape. Sorry.
I appreciated the memorial and museum very much, but I was disgusted. Nothing ever changes no matter how much time goes by. Men still love to hate women. And we still accept it.
I’ve watched many a debate between staunch atheists and rabid godfuckers of various flavours over the years. The debates are in and of themselves pointless in that there is no common starting point. When the two parties don’t exist on the same planes of reality – atheists base arguments (mostly) on facts and evidence, while godfuckers rely upon nonsense and use an incorrect definition of ‘evidence’ as argument support – you can’t proceed in a productive way. To even consider the positions equal is crazy because of this.
But I suppose the debates serve a few purposes. Myself? I wouldn’t bother. I don’t enjoy public speaking. But for those skilled in oratory, with hidden depths of patience, and who enjoy the process of debate as an intellectual exercise, a few things can be achieved. First, those on the fence about their religious stance may be convinced by the logic, goals, sanity, and evidence supporting the atheist position. Second, neophyte-atheists can become familiar with the sad, tired non-arguments of the religious and learn how to defend themselves properly when under (sometimes literal) attack. Third, we can publicly remind the world of the evils that have been perpetuated and defended by the religious. And finally, the debates can be pure entertainment of the dark sort. There is amusement to be found (usually coupled with sadness, pity, and/or anger) in watching the religious defend bullshit. So while, for many, it is mostly a waste of time to bother arguing with idiots, the ignorant, bullies, and the fear- and hate-filled, there can be benefits in the exercise to the public.
The very same can be said for debates between radical feminists and dangerous misogynists (e.g., MRA’s, NiceGuys, Right Wing Religious Nutjobs, Porn Sick Left Wing Men, and Fun/Choice/Third Wave Feminists). The former argue from a position of human rights, freedom, and benefit to ALL women and men. The latter argue irrationally from a position of domination/submission, human rights abuse, privilege, individualism, and selective censorship. Like with the atheist/godfucker debates, there is no real common ground from which to begin the debate. It is a logic vs nonsense war. But I applaud those feminists with the bottomless patience an oratory skills to take on what are truly dangerous opponents. The debates are ultimately pointless and unwinnable, but they can indeed a) convince those on the fence about women’s status as human beings to join the side of logic and empathy and human rights for ALL, b) arm neophyte-feminists with the tools to defend themselves against dangerous and aggressive anti-woman, rape-supporting proponents, c) give misogynists a platform upon which to display the full extent of their ill intentions and past crimes, and d) give us something to laugh at cynically.
Those courageous, rational people (especially women) who stand up to and openly debate proponents of cultures of hate and oppression, whether they be Religion or Misogyny/Patriarchy, and who have won freedoms for us all, are brave souls who put themselves in danger for the benefit of the world. They (especially women) are on the receiving end of death threats, rape threats, censorship, and hate speech accusations, simply for speaking truth and calling upon criminals to defend themselves in public. The saddest realization for me is that so many people currently benefiting from the bravery of those who have stood up to religion and misogyny, have turned around to castigate these same crusaders.
Is it human nature to kill the person who unlocks the cage and extends a hand in friendship and compassion?
Do you love online quizzes? Do you like the idea of contributing to academic research? Are you into social justice and personal bias? Well, head on over to Project Implicit, a collaboration designed to investigate “thoughts and feelings outside of conscious awareness and control”. They administer tests on race, religion, gender, age and more.
It’s pretty interesting. I’ve taken a couple of the tests. They seem to rely upon timed keyboard response to word pairings and categorizing, and dependent variables are the time you take to respond and the mistakes you make. The idea is that how we respond is not just a factor of our conscious processing – after all some people are good at consciously self-monitoring their behaviour. We have hidden biases that can come through despite being politically correct.
There were some follow-up questions after the quizzes I took that attempt to examine what I believe influences the way I think, but likely, most people have no idea why they unconsciously behave the way they do. Only when you make a true effort to examine your privileges and biases (through reading, listening, interacting, adopting humility, etc) can you even begin to understand what is going on inside you.
Anyhow, I took a test on views on religion, as well as one on gender stereotypes with regard to science and liberal arts. With the latter, I scored in (the top – my interpretation, haha) 1% of people who overwhelmingly associated science with women and liberal arts with men. I wasn’t surprised at either the misogyny of the rest of the population or with my atypical response. They asked me at the end for possible explanations for my results. In all honesty, having worked in both science and liberal arts, all the best scientists I’ve worked with have been women. Men tend to suffer from arrogance, inflated sense of importance, misogyny, and the need to confirm their own, often strange, beliefs. Women, I’ve observed, are more humble, less biased, and thus truer to the spirit of science. Good role models, in other words. So in my mind, I always associate scientists and properly done science with women. In all honesty, I also tend to associate women with liberal arts and anything intellectual, creative, interpretive, and artistic, as well. Men? I am more and more frequently associating men with porn and violent oppression than noble endeavours, creativity or rational thinking… Hey, once the scales fall from the eyes and you decide you aren’t going to suck the Patriarchal cock anymore, you begin to see things for what they really are. But there was no text input or radio button option to explain my thinking on that, alas. I’m sure the mostly male research team will just pass me off as an anomaly or as we research types tend to say, “an outlier”.
Regarding the test on religion, that one was more interesting and surprising to me. I hate all religions, for obvious reasons (misogyny, ignorance, magical thinking, control, violence, hatred, homophobia, anti-progress, and I’ll say it again, misogyny). The test looked at the four major religions: Hinduism, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. They had two lists of words. One consisted of ‘positive’ words (excellent, good, etc) and the other of ‘negative’ words (bad, terrible, etc). There was a series of groupings. In each, you were told to press one key if you saw a word from one of the religions OR a positive word, and to press a different key for all the other religions or a negative word. The test purported to tap your subconscious attitudes toward each religion.
At the end, I was given a relative placement of my negative attitude towards each of the religions, and as you can see from my outcome above, Christianity fell to the negative bottom of my personal religious shit-pile. Keep in mind that I believe that ALL religions are evil, which is my conscious attitude, but subconsciously, I suppose, I associate the most negative qualities with Christianity. I thought I was an equal-opportunity hater. I’m kind of disappointed.
* note for all dudes discovering their knickers suddenly in a twist at my audacity to associate science and competence with women, I am explaining my personal experience and thinking, not reporting on a scientific study I’ve done or treating my experience as a study. Chill out and stop getting so bloody sensitive and emotional, for fuck’s sake! Note also that women have tolerated this kind of bias from you for millennia. And you’ve been rewarded for it! At least I don’t rape or deny you employment!!!
You get to a point in your life where you realize you’ve heard it all before. Some women get wise earlier in their lives than others, and they are both safer and more heavily burdened for it. Cutting through the crap can save you time and peril at the hands of men, but it can also sand the fuzzy edging off what might be your positive outlook on life.
I’m referring, in this case, to the uber-dangerous Faux Male Feminist. Some feminists will tell you that ‘faux’ is implied and therefore unneeded in the title – that there is no such thing as a male feminist to begin with.
Male Feminists (or perhaps Feminism Supporter might be better) are those men who claim they believe that women are human and deserve to be treated as such. They acknowledge their male privilege and claim they make efforts to fight the Patriarchy!
But if you scratch the shiny surface of most of these male feminists, you’ll quickly realize that the shininess covers a hard turd of misogyny. And what has motivated the joining of the movement is usually just a simple desire to git laid and/or feed off of women’s bottomless capacity to praise men for ordinary things that one should expect from all humans and to give people (especially men) the benefit of the doubt. Simply stated, men often take on the appearance of supporting women because the benefits of doing so are many. Many men have a hard time doing things that don’t have immediate or apparent benefit to them (although feminism actually does benefit everyone). To men, there must always be pay-off. Nothing is for free, goddammit, unless it applies to a woman giving freely of herself (volunteer work, blow jobs, housework, childcare, etc.)
How can you reveal the misogynist turd that is at the heart of the majority of male feminists? It’s quite easy, actually. There are many techniques, but I’ve listed a few that will save you a lot of hurt, verbal attacks/threats, and sometimes even sexual/physical attacks by so-called male feminists. It’s probably best to have back-up around so that you stay safe during the unveiling.
- Don’t give cookies, ever
- Don’t allow mansplaining
- Refuse sex / rebuff the inevitable sexual advances
- Launch a verbal test attack calling out misogyny of the dude in question
- Make a sweeping statement about how shite men are
- Ask men to demonstrate how they help women they’re not sexually attracted to
Faux male feminists will get offended by lack of attention and acknowledgement, rejection of their advances, and the calling out of their personal behaviour or male bullshit in general. The majority of men will get defensive, then angry, and then lash out using the standard slurs (bitch, cunt, feminazi, etc) and then say something like “That’s exactly how you lose male supporters in your cause!” or something equally passive-aggressive, huffy and petulant.
It will hurt. This turn-about. Mostly, the hurt will come from realizing that you gave trust, possibly against your judgment, to someone from the class that traditionally hurts women, and who lied to you about their motivations and used you.
If you fail to unveil the turd, there may be hope. Myself, I still haven’t met a dude who is a feminist and who doesn’t have an underlying agenda for claiming that ‘women are people too, dammit!” I have met one man who claims to put himself in serious harm’s way to help oppressed women escape and recover from really, really evil male shit, but I only met him in passing and can’t confirm whether what he told me is true. The rest of the dudes I know and tolerate claim to be Nice Guys, but don’t actively do anything to help women, educate men, or smash Patriarchy in general. Their accomplishments amount to not being total shitheads. That’s it. Nope, after 43 years, I’ve still not met a male feminist. But I’ve outed several faux male feminists.
And by the way, real male feminist-supporters don’t spend all their time with women. They’re out there teaching men the errors of their ways and smashing Patriarchy. And when they are with women, they aren’t doing the talking. They’re listening and supporting.
Oh and as another by the way, I am practically hearing women reading this spouting knee-jerk, “but that’s not fair to the menz” arguments against what I’ve proposed. And I get it. As mentioned above, women are trained from birth to be nice and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, even when their spidey-sense is tingling and they are at the risk of being harmed. It takes years of practice to get over this conditioned response, and to learn to respect yourself and not take shit from those who have been trained from birth to deceive and oppress.
Yeah, there’s cussing in this one, too. Delicate flowers, beware.
As American television and film degrades further and further into a moronucopia of misogyny, sensationalism, sexual violence, and self-centredness, I sigh.
Racism, homophobia and the disgusting slurs that go along with them are getting the attention and derision they deserve, and we’re removing them from media. That’s good shit! Still a ways to go, but it’s on the agenda.
But for women, the misogyny and the slurs that go along with that are getting worse. I can’t watch a mainstream American tv program without hearing someone call someone else a ‘woman’ as an insult. This isn’t 1950’s “girls can’t do math” bullshit. This is a constant stream of insults and ‘jokes’ that have at their heart a deep hatred of women. Yes, today we have a disgusting, disturbing, demeaning downward spiral of woman-hate normalized through popular media that the entire goddamn world watches (trust me – I live in China and people are learning the ways of English communication, and how!), internalizes and regurgitates. And women are signing on enthusiastically in order to get jobs and keep roofs over their heads. I sigh.
Anyhow, today, I’m talking about motherfuckers. Or rather, the term ‘motherfucker’ and how to replace it with something that makes more sense. You see, like most other overeducated Canucks raised by filthy-mouthed parents, I love a good cuss. Stalking off and swearing my head off has probably saved a number of people a good, well-deserved beating or murdering. But as part of my aggressive self-removal from as much Patriarchy as I can manage on my own, I’m analyzing the language I use. We’re all guilty of throwing hate around without thinking about it. Lifelong self-reflection is a good, good thing. And as I tell my students, language is at the root of everything.
Anyhow, I’ve never understood what ‘motherfucker’ actually means. The English language is filled with slurs designed to insult people, and the majority of them are based on the universal hatred of women. Want to insult someone? As I mentioned above, these days, all you need to do is call them a woman. Voila! It’s so simple, even a moron can do it.
And so, we have delightful terms such as ‘motherfucker’. I’m not going to get into all the origins of this shitty word – there is a nice little mansplainer over at Stack Exchange who does a fine job and I recommend taking a gander at his needlessly long explanation that begins deliciously with the mansplainy: “Most fortuitously for you”. Dinkus. But at least, if you are patient enough to wade through it, you’ll get the gist and I don’t have to do it here.
I don’t use the term anymore. Consciously. As I said, we’ve all internalized misogyny. And I don’t use it despite the fact that I despise my own mother as an individual for the constant abuse she heaped on me as a child, for teaching me to absolutely hate myself, distrust acts of kindness in others, and for her rabid misogyny, racism and homophobia. (Don’t worry, Dad’s a fucking asshole, too, but that’s a separate post). I don’t hate women or the general concept of mothers. So I’m not going to insult someone by using such a stupid fucking slur against women.
As I love wordsmithery and neologisms of the non-internet-meme sort, I’m test driving the word ‘otherfucker’. Lemme explain.
First, I love the word ‘fuck’. I won’t explain my whole rationale here – that post is coming. A lot of feminists oppose use of the word, but I have to admit, I think it sums things up just about right. And for the most part, I use it to mean exactly what I think it means (fuck off, Princess Bride-quote fappers! What’s with you fuck-nozzles!?!) I use fuck to mean: to do something self-serving to another person and often without their enthusiastic acquiescence. It started in the realm of het-sex (“Did you fuck that bitch last night?”), but it’s pretty spot on for many other arenas where someone exerts dominance over another and the other can’t avoid it. And of course, it has plenty of other uses that derive from this.
Which comes to ‘other’. I assert that it is pretty hard to fuck someone you don’t consider them an ‘other’. If you hold someone in esteem as an equal or better, it is usually someone you relate to and don’t consider to be ‘other’. And the idea of ‘fucking’ them whether in the sexual sense or not, is not within the realm of consideration.
Hence ‘otherfucker’. So if I call you an otherfucker, I’m saying that you are exerting unrequested dominance over a person you don’t hold in esteem and they can’t get out of it. And that’s not something you should be proud of, you otherfucker!
Damn! That felt good to get off my chest. No murders today!
On or around the onset of my 40’s, something wonderful and magical happened.
My ability to hear male voices declined.
All of a sudden, my auditory world became more peaceful and what I could hear increased in quality. I had hours and hours of extra time to devote to me and other people capable of listening and performing intelligent conversation. And I was dealing much less often with lies, narcissism, information NOT based on fact, misogyny, jokes that aren’t funny, mansplaining and endless, self-flattering, personal anecdotes.
All from being suddenly much less capable of hearing the male voice.
Men have often experienced a similar, but more nefarious, effects with the female voice. Many men claim that they don’t ‘hear’ when women talk. In fact, it has nothing to do with ability or physical failings. Men don’t WANT to hear women due to widespread socialized misogyny. It is completely self-serving and Patriarchy-sustaining. Magically, men can hear women if the latter whisper from miles away, “Who wants a blow job without having to reciprocate?” Magic, I say!
Similar to this male disability, my new-found inability to hear men when they yap isn’t neurological or tied to malfunctioning ear apparatus, but unlike the male situation, I do suspect it is related to age. With many women, with age comes wisdom, confidence, less energy, and an ‘elevator-pitch’ relationship to tolerance of bullshit. Frankly speaking, I just can’t bear to listen to most men spout off about nothing – aka ‘themselves’ – anymore. They’re just not interesting. What they say doesn’t enhance my world or my understanding of the world in any way, shape or form. Their privileged experiences are boring. Their blindness and inability to truly see the world and empathize with anyone other than men in their socio-economic bracket make me want to puke all over them. And as truly funny as puking all over them would be, I find it safer (for me) to just avoid them or cut them off once they start loudly and obliviously telling me how awesome they are.
I love gittin’ older!
Years ago, Colleen Jameson came up with an appropriate response to the bullshit advice girls and women frequently receive on how not to get raped. Other versions have been done by others, including this example over at IBTP.
This advice is ALWAYS patronizing, instills guilt/shame/fear in the readers (especially after they follow the advice and STILL get raped), and even worse, heaps the responsibility for not getting raped onto the women themselves.
Women are 0% responsible for the violence men do to them. There is nothing that women can say or do that causes rape. Nothing. Nada. (Well, existing – that’ll do it.) Men, on the other hand, are 100% responsible. FOR THEIR OWN SHITTY, RAPEY BEHAVIOUR. It’s a no-brainer. Sex crimes comprise the only set of crimes in the world where the victim is routinely blamed and shamed for what has been done to her, and where frequently the perpetrator is given the benefit of the doubt and absolved of all guilt. This can only happen in a system designed by and for those who routinely commit sex crimes. Sweet, huh?
I did my own little modifications on wording, plus I’m not tied to the idea of a top-10 list. Top-13 lists are fuckin’-A in my world. To some, the list may sound strange at first as a) it puts responsibility for rape squarely where it belongs: on men’s shoulders, and b) we have been conditioned for millennia to see women as moral gatekeepers in charge of behaviour that isn’t even our own.
Believe it or not, this list, unlike the ones that are routinely sent out to women, when followed to the letter, works 100% of the time. Forward to all your male (and female) friends.
Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work
- Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.
- When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.
- If you pull over to help a woman with car problems, remember not to assault her.
- Never open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
- If you are in an elevator, don’t assault her. Don’t look at her. Don’t get in her personal space. Don’t make suggestive comments.
- If you find yourself in a laundry room where a woman is doing laundry alone, don’t assault her.
- When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not assault her.
- Don’t hang out in dark, lonely places – especially alleys or parking lots – and assault women who might pass through.
- USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting women, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
- Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with a woman unless she is awake!
- Carry a rape whistle! If you are worried you might assault a women “by accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.
- Always be honest with your female acquaintances and female strangers! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
- Also be honest with your date. If your policy is that if you pay for dinner/drinks/movie, you get to rape your date, let the woman know it ahead of time. Again, if you don’t communicate your intentions to assault her later, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.
I constantly lament the downward spiral our world seems to be taking with regard to female status and treatment. I really, truly don’t believe women are better off now than they were at any time in the past. In many arenas, women are much worse off.
What’s the problem?
We are still missing a proportional number of women at the helm in every single area of life. When women aren’t the decision-makers, women suffer. It is very simple, very obvious, and actually very easy to solve. But only if you are working on a rational playing field with rational people. With men, it is never rational. It is privilege. Entitlement. Not rationality or fairness. And therein lies the problem.
I’m not a tabloid or magazine reader, and I’m generally not ‘up’ on entertainment, but I ran across an article on one of the more fabulous female actors of our time: Emma Thompson. Talented, versatile and funny, Emma was an actor I grew up watching. Perhaps it was because she is British, but she didn’t bring to the table the pornulation that Americans force upon their female actors. She was just a pleasure to watch
And very recently, she has spoken out about misogyny in her line of work. Specifically, she talks about how things have gotten worse for women in Hollywood. She thought things were better and were moving in the right direction when she was starting out.
When I look at it now, it is in a worse state than I have known it, particularly for women, and I find that very disturbing and sad.
I’d been thinking the same thing – there is so little that is watchable these days – but it’s nice to hear confirmation from inside the penis, I mean, the industry.
Emma, who at 56, despite her great experience and talent, recently landed a part as a 77-year-old prostitute in a film. [Readers: don’t get sidetracked with knee-jerk defenses of prostitution and how I’m denigrating women everywhere – this is not what is at issue here, so grow up.] Why can’t a 77-year-old actress take that part? Why isn’t Emma landing spectacular leading roles?
Oh yes, the old intersection of misogyny and ageism. Actors who are 56-year-old women aren’t watchable (what???) despite being seasoned actors, experts in their craft.
Entertainment is a brutal industry. It’s very much a sausage club. Men’s voices show up in the writing (even women writers must conform to male points-of-view to get a job) and men control what gets produced. Not having women at the decision-making levels ensures that misogyny is only going to get worse and worse as porn-addled, privileged male viewers get bored with the current level of rape and violence they consume. The actresses get younger, more pornulated, and more violated both on- and off-screen. And the more violence and degradation there is, there is corresponding decrease in respect and humanization of women in the real world. Women are losing their voices more than ever before. And worse, they internalize the message and don’t question it (unless they don’t care about working anymore!)
My question is: where are all the viewers who have had enough and actually want to watch talent and have had enough of stifling misogyny? Misogyny makes life boring for everyone, and hurtful to women.
I teach university in China, and I’m getting an increasing number of questions and comments from undergrads to PhD students about the American obsession with sex. I tell my students that hatred of women exists in all countries/societies, and that men express their hatred in different ways. In the US, the current way for men to hate women is through hyper-sexualizing and degrading them. And further, American men give special pats on the head to women who have turned their subjugation into a fun, feminist choice. Basic psychological conditioning – it works!
In China, they show their hatred in other ways. It’s still all about sex, but it manifests in different ways. Hatred of women is universal – not just at Universal.
“He’s a nice guy, but…”
If I had a dollar for every time I heard this… I’d be rich!!!
Girls (and boys, of course) are trained from birth to excuse every single shitty thing a creature with a penis does. It can be anything from lying, to stealing, to fighting, to some pretty heinous stuff. But boys will be boys, so it’s all good. And conversely, girls and boys are trained to criticize and mete punishment out for everything that girls and women do, innocuous or not.
As girls turn into women, they adopt a convenient little survival mechanism that a) helps them rationalize poor decisions they make about men, b) keeps them in the good books of compliance with men and handmaidens, and c) just makes life marginally easier on the surface and in the short-run.
This little mechanism is, “He did/does xyz, but he’s a nice guy.” In that single sentence, you immediately know the guy isn’t nice.
‘But’ is a contrast word. Sometimes, contrasts can exist harmoniously:
He is tall, but fat.
In this case, it is possible to be both tall and fat without being a freak of nature or a paradox.
However, when women start talking about men’s behaviour and personalities using ‘but’ in an effort to defend an asshole, excuse something that has just happened to her at the hands of an asshole, or to placate or dismiss someone who has witnessed or suffered at the hands of a Super Nice Guy TM, the contrast can’t possibly exist.
Nice people don’t do shitty things to others. Or conversely, people who do shitty things to others are definitely not nice folks.
So next time you hear a girlfriend, mother, sister, daughter, coworker or other woman tell you how the boyfriend who calls her a ‘fat bitch’ is actually a nice guy except for when he drinks and trundles out the misogyny that lies beneath his sober exterior, you know she is just trying to survive in a world where men hate her.
Oh how I’d love to say, “I’m a nice lady, but I use weaponry on violators of women” and be excused just like men are. Actually, I’d probably use ‘and’ rather than ‘but’, because I think nice women have a duty to carry out public service acts of niceness such as eliminating those who commit crimes against them and their sisters.
I’ve never understood the male mantra, often spouted by Patriarchy-serving women, as well, that ‘men are logical and women are emotional’. It just doesn’t make sense in the face of reality.
Every time I see a man:
- freak out about nothing, especially imagined slights,
- verbally abuse people, especially women,
- act out physically because of frustration, jealousy, pride, fear, helplessness, etc,
- whine because of some minor illness,
- get distracted by lust in the workplace or other otherwise professional situation,
- or get pissy when he doesn’t get his way or has his privilege pointed out,
I see emotion. High emotionality. And more importantly, an inability to control his emotions. Exactly the opposite of the qualities I want to see in a leader or person in a position of power. There are men who can deal with emotion sensibly, of course. But to say that men aren’t emotional is a load of crap.
Every time I see a woman:
- negotiate her way out of a violent situation at the hands of an emotional male or Patriarchy-compliant female,
- diffuse a situation, professional or otherwise, where men are getting emotionally out of control,
- ensure that everyone’s needs are heard and met in a group situation,
- look for the least violent, most peaceful and satisfying answer to a problem,
- or sensibly evaluate an unpredictable or escalating situation as one from which she should extricate herself and then do so,
I see logic. Objective, fair logic, and more importantly, a sense of control and consideration. Exactly the qualities I want to see in a leader or person in a position of power. There are women who do things that don’t seem sensible, of course – and most of these instances have to do with complying with Patriarchy and the impossible-to-deal-with pressure that such a system places on women. Patriarchy isn’t logical, you see.
So why the gender-based stereotypes?
First, the positing. I posit that once upon a time, long long ago, a man noticed a woman being emotional about some human rights abuse or other – possibly her own abuse and slavery administered by said man – and thought to himself, “This won’t do. She is distracting me from my self-serving plan with her plea that I consider other people’s/her feelings. I must put a stop to this!” And from then on, emotionality became a bad thing. Calling out a woman for a display of emotion – regardless of whether there is actual emotion being displayed and regardless of whether it is ‘appropriate’ for the situation, would immediately discredit a woman’s valid words, and form grounds for preventing women from seriously participating in anything. This tactic has worked for millennia.
Okay, so the particular catalyst for this very misogynistic derailing tactic may not have happened in exactly the way I posited (although, I’d be tempted to bet money on a scenario such as that). But the point is that somewhere along the way, men defined their emotional displays as good and women’s emotional displays as bad. Further, they failed to understand what ‘logic’ actually is, and became adept at selectively noticing and ignoring behaviour to support their own emotion-driven illogic. And then called it logical to carry on this abusive way!!! Fucked up or what?
First and foremost, Logic is a branch of mathematics. Very few people in the world have a strong grasp of it and can use it correctly. I knew a couple of guys in college who took Logic with a female professor (holy shit!), had their asses kicked, failed, and had to take the whole course again. What I’m saying is that Logic isn’t a male thing or a female thing. It is just a thing. A tool. A field of study. And both women and men are capable of understanding and using it if they study hard.
The term ‘logic’, on the other hand, is more loosely defined, and very often used incorrectly by men to define ways of acting or not acting that are acceptable to them. Logic, as men define it, is more about socialized male behaviour, primarily: expressing negative emotions, suppressing positive emotions and empathy, and engaging in violence and oppression. ‘Logic’ actually has little to do with logical thinking processes, as men define the term. But in reality, logic is about thinking and reasoning, and has nothing to do with sex or gender. Further, logical thinking and emotion are not mutually exclusive. One can have an emotional response to a moral issue that complements one’s logical thinking on the subject, for example.
Bottom line. Tools, such as logic, are gender-neutral. They have no agenda. They don’t target groups of people for harm or help. The users of these tools, however, can be very gender-biased and agenda-driven. In the hands of a well-meaning user, any tool can be efficient and helpful and elevate our species. In the hands of an idiot with nasty, self-serving intentions, the tool can appear to take on the power of that bad person and be used to hurt others and take society several steps backwards in its evolution.
So, even if just using the term to apply to a way of thinking, rather than referring to the branch of mathematics, logic is still gender-neutral. Only when you use it in a negative emotional way (as men tend to do) to stereotype and hurt groups of people, are you moving away from ‘logical’ usage. Nothing affects one’s ability to think logically or misuse a tool than having a fear- or hate-based agenda. Right, dudes?
“Hasn’t it all been said before? I mean, we’ve heard all of this feminist crap before. It’s like a broken record…”
Okay, let me answer that initial question with a question (or five).
If it has all been said before, then why are women still the sex class, given value only for our level of fuckability? Why haven’t we achieved liberty anywhere, let alone worldwide, yet? Why is violence against women escalating? Why have MRA (Moron’s Rights Activists) groups sprung up all over the place? Why does rape still exist? And, and, and…?
If women were free and safe and thriving, we wouldn’t need to have the word feminism. Women’s liberation wouldn’t need to be a topic of discussion if we had the freedom that men have. This blog wouldn’t need to exist if I didn’t breathe in the toxic fumes of misogyny every single day of my life.
Here’s where I’m going. I’ve spent 23 years of my life in full-time study. And many more part-time years studying formally and informally, as well. I’ve been teaching on and off for the past 20 years. As a result of all of this education, regardless of where I stand on the giving-receiving spectrum, I’ve discovered a few things.
The more information is repeated, the easier it is to remember and the deeper and more long-lasting the learning is.
The most effective learning occurs when information is repeated in a consistent way, in different situations, by different people, frequently over time.
These principles apply not only to the classroom in any subject one might be studying formally, but also to human rights issues, such as female oppression. In short, more women need to speak up and out. And they need to repeat the message in a consistent way in different contexts, on a frequent basis.
The densest of people tend to be those in positions of power and those with the most egregious of abuses, so the message needs to repeated enough for even them to get it.
Ladies, if you feel like a broken record, brush it off. We aren’t speaking up nearly enough to be heard on the level we need to be in order to effect change. We don’t have a movement anymore. But unlike the 60’s and 70’s, we now have the internet. It is not used effectively, though. There is this idea that you shouldn’t bother blogging/writing online unless your goal is to become ‘famous’. Wrong. In my mind, it is better to have thousands of small, radical feminist blogs than one or two watered down ‘acceptable’ feminist sites. The more ways you can reach truth, and the more often it is repeated, the better. I don’t think I’ve read a single mainstream pseudo-feminist blog in my life, but I happen across smaller, more raw, feminist sites, and that reinforces my thinking and urges me to write. Again, it is all about repetition – different words, with a coherent truth – coming at us from all directions.
And men, if you truly support women – those in your life and women, in general – you need to speak up too. Not to women. We don’t need you to tell us what we should and shouldn’t do. We’ve had men talking at us all our lives. We KNOW what we need and want. Rather, speak up amongst your neanderthal buddies when they engage in verbal misogyny, pay for and/or support rape (aka hire prostitutes; watch porn; tell rape jokes), or otherwise hurt women. Staying silent is aiding and abetting. Luxuriating in your male privilege by remaining willfully ignorant of what women go through is unforgivable. Speak out the following truth: “Women are human and they owe us nothing.”
Wash, rinse, repeat.