I Can’t Report it in a Place That Matters

I’m in the middle of spending money I don’t have trying to change my shitty life. I’ve never really had the resources to change my life for the better, but I have depression and cPTSD from living in constant exposure to racism and sexism and the violence and threat that accompanies that. I see myself sinking, so I’m getting desperate, and I know, as a single, childless woman, things get much, much worse for me with each passing year. Further, I belong to a silenced segment of the population who has no voice when it comes to violence. Female, middle-aged, non-man-fucking, white, childless, and unfeminizing. In other words. I’m not human, and most of the world, sadly including liberal, white faux-feminists, wants me dead or disappeared or just plain old silenced. My reality is not a story the world wants to hear. Because it destroys the narrative of the ‘evil white male’ as the sole problem on earth and the ‘rich white bitch’ as the most powerful creature imaginable. The former isn’t true any longer, and the latter never existed. But they are convenient caricatures.

We’ve entered a new, very fucked up age where oppressed women are being told they are privileged and should therefore shut up and that the very people who are oppressing them and threatening them most are somehow the most in need and should therefore be supported above anyone else. It’s ass-backwards in a way we’ve not quite seen before. Yes, the world is actually quite different than what we read in the papers. And you’d know this if you listened to real people’s experiences in an unbiased, unselective way or lived as an unprotected (unpartnered, childless, white) woman yourself.

I have also noticed something else, and it is happening in tandem with or possibly even as a result of this brave-new-world turn of events. Inter-racial, sex-based crime is on the rise. And we are pretending it doesn’t exist. You see, it’s not white guys doing it, so of course, no one wants to focus on it.

I experience a lot of violence and general racist sexism in China. Not just from the Chinese, but from those I encounter from other places too. I can only remember one verbal assault by a white male while living in Taiwan 14 years years ago. That’s it. White guys are douchebags, and they talk too much (like all men), but they are not the biggest problems on the violent crime front. In multiple countries over the years, I can’t begin to count the assaults and threats committed by non-whites against me. It’s not just men who hurt me, but they are the more threatening group, obviously.

As recent as two weeks ago, I was assaulted by three black male immigrants on a subway in Paris, very early one morning. They weren’t ‘young ruffians’, just in case you automatically started to make excuses for them, but closer to my age. Presumably, they had wives and families. And they saw me, and physically assaulted me, and tried to prevent me from escaping. I had to yell and get physical to defend myself. The train wasn’t full, but all other passengers were black or Arab, so of course, no one helped me. (I’ve experienced this phenomenon in L.A. as well. Let the white bitch die, kind of thing.) So I couldn’t report it either for obvious reasons. White. Middle-aged. Female. Poor. Dressed very shabbily.  Resourceless. Foreigner. And the perps – protected black male immigrants. They won. They always do, I’ve discovered this universal truth through all my years of victimization by non-white men. And this is the new running theme, especially in Europe, but increasingly elsewhere. White men used to be the problem. They aren’t any longer. Not in the way that non-white men are now. The latter have a get out of jail free card. They are ‘oppressed’. And the targets are increasingly, lone white women. We all know that women always have to pay for what men have done or are perceived to have done. Am I targeted because I am white and female? Black women have always told white women that they aren’t ‘women’ but ‘black women’. White women have always protested because if they said ‘we are white women’, it would be racist or elitist, but finally, after considering black women’s words very seriously, I think they are 100% right. White women need to start seeing themselves in the same way, especially in light of our reality. We are being targeted for our race AND sex, they can’t be separated, and mark my words, the violence is going to escalate, especially for those of us who are not of the protected class (I.e., women who are usually in the company of another person, such as male owner, lesbian partner, children, or who have enough money to remove themselves from the racist violent hordes). Solitary women are in danger. And we can’t always choose to be unsolitary. Some of us just end up that way, sometimes simply because we’ve been the sole minority in a racist, sexist culture and community and work environment for years on end.

Although not superstitious, I’ve been terrified that this year that I’ll be raped. I was violently raped by a Muslim Arab when I was 35, and gang-raped when I was 25. I’m 45 now. It’s a decade rapeversary that I had started dreading an entire year before I turned 45. So far this year, I’ve been assaulted sexually and physically several times  by Chinese, Arabs and blacks, but I’ve managed to escape rape. Not going out much has likely helped. But the time spent in Europe, especially in France and Germany, has been terrifying. And violent. The sheer number of traditional, uneducated, violent, non-white males let into those countries without a criminal record check has been a recipe for trouble. (Although, really, what they do would never show up were record check ever done…) The women aren’t really a problem except for the religious bullshit, but the MEN are. In whose mind is letting in masses of pro-rape, anti-Western-female, uneducated, religious fanatics a good idea? It doesn’t hurt local  men, but it is a massive threat to women. Telling women they have to accept and respect yet another anti-woman culture, and to shut the hell up if something bad happens to them since they probably deserve whatever comes is  just no good. I find it is protected, liberal white women who scream the loudest about foreign rapists’ and anti-woman-terrorists’ rights. It is shameful to shame the true victims, the unprotected women who aren’t fucking men in exchange for improved lifestyle and resources and relative safety.

I don’t participate in the whole ‘MeToo’ thing mostly because I don’t think any heterosexual endeavour can ever make a difference to women as a class because mixed messages don’t work, but I wonder if any women have been brave enough to speak out against non-white assault of white women. It isn’t just me going through this. That I know from the hushed conversations with confused, self-hating, but angry, white females I’ve talked to.

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Posted on February 14, 2018, in Feminism, Human Rights, Male Privilege, Violence, White Women and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on I Can’t Report it in a Place That Matters.

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